Page 34 of Replay (Toronto Blaze #3)

One Step Closer to Leaving

Katie

I told Josh I needed to clean up and escaped to the bathroom. Before starting the water, I stared at the woman in the mirror.

Who was she?

I never had sex without a condom. Not since Josh.

Nora had sworn they used protection when she got pregnant. I couldn’t swear my parents had, because that was not a discussion we had, but in case I inherited some super eggs which could get pregnant at will, I was careful. Very careful.

Josh was the only one I’d gone bare with before, and tonight I hadn’t considered STIs or pregnancy or anything rational. It had been like high school, when we’d gambled with stakes we couldn’t afford. We’d been lucky then.

Or maybe not lucky. Maybe the super-egg genes had passed me by, and we were fine. I was on the pill. I trusted him enough to not worry about STIs if he told me he was negative.

I turned on the tap and wet a washcloth.

Things were moving fast. Not just the sex, but the feelings. All the pain from high school, all those vows I’d made to never let him hurt me again had been wiped away and the good feelings rushed back. I wasn’t going to say I loved him, not this soon, but I could see it happening.

Josh was right there with me. Neither of us were putting on the brakes.

I went back to the bedroom with the cloth, still not sure if I was doing the right thing with him. Josh was lying on the bed, hands crossed behind his head, incredible body displayed on my duvet. He smiled at me as I came to the bed and leaned down to clean him up.

“Thanks.” His voice was soft, and his eyes watched me closely.

I threw the cloth into my laundry basket.

“You okay?” he asked.

I stretched out beside him and he wrapped his arm around me. “I think so.”

“I thought you might be freaking out. I really am sorry about the condom.”

I shook my head against his chest. “That was on me. And yeah, freaking out a bit, but not about the condom. It’s just…we’re going fast.”

I felt him nod. “I know we are, and honestly, I’m good with that.

It feels to me more like we’re just starting from where we left off, you know?

But if you need some time to figure out if this is what you want, I’ll try to pull back.

Just don’t ghost me, okay?” He swallowed, and I knew I could hurt him. Badly.

I pressed a kiss to his chest. “I probably should think it over a bit. I forgot how you dive into things, no waiting.”

“Do you want me to go now?”

I shook my head. Right now, I wanted to enjoy the hormones rushing through my body. Tomorrow was enough time to worry. “We should get under the duvet though. It’s cold.”

Josh threw his arm back and found the edge of the covers. He pulled them down and rolled us over. With some twisting and laughing we found ourselves snuggled up under the duvet. His body was warm, wrapped around mine. He pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“Even if you decide we have to go back to friends, this has been everything, Katie.”

He might not be book smart, but he knew exactly how to get to me. It wasn’t manipulative, just honest.

I was in so much trouble.

I floated into sleep, deep and uninterrupted.

Josh woke up before me. He kissed my head, said something about practice and used his phone light to find his clothes. I tried to remember where I’d thrown them, but sleep pulled me back under and when I woke up, I was alone. I checked the time on my phone and found a text from Josh.

Hope you have a great day! XXOO

I grinned. I sent a You too back to him and pulled on a robe to go out and find coffee. I needed to get to school.

* * *

Josh

I didn’t want to leave Katie, not when we were finally on the same page about a relationship. I’d offered to back off, but she hadn’t asked me to. I wanted to spend every minute with her that I could.

So heading out on the road was suckier than usual.

We all got tired of hotels and airplanes.

Crowds in the arenas who booed us. Playing at home was better.

On the other hand, that cloud that had been hanging over our heads was gone and we were finally playing the way we should.

We’d gotten the Minnesota monkey off our back and won four of five games on the road.

I had an additional monkey off my back, because with the team playing like this we still had a good chance of making the playoffs, so there was no need for management to shake things up with a trade.

We’d gotten back late last night and then had to come in for practice without a chance for me to see Katie.

As we stripped down in the locker room, there was a lot of talk about Christmas, just a couple of weeks away.

What people were doing, what they were getting their friends and family for Christmas.

I had to get Katie something, but I didn’t know what.

We were new enough with this replay on our relationship that I should probably show some restraint.

I wanted to get her a car, so she could get around, but I shut that idea down.

Maintaining a car was expensive, and I didn’t know if there was parking available in her building.

Not something I could slip into a conversation without her noticing.

Plus, a car itself was expensive, and even though I’d be happy to pay for the insurance and gas, I didn’t want to spook her.

She might consider that going too far, but damn, gifts were hard. You couldn’t ask about them in advance.

I’d love to get her a ring, but that would be even spookier. I was going to do that, I had no doubts, but I’d wait. Maybe till she was done with school, or at least done with her master’s, so her parents didn’t think she was giving up her dream.

What else? Prepaid transit here in Toronto? That wasn’t very romantic. A flight to Nova Scotia so she could see her family? But I’d miss her, and she had classes to work a trip around.

A new phone or laptop? Maybe?

My phone buzzed and I jerked to grab it. It wasn’t Katie though. Allen. Probably just calling to tell me the trade was off. I answered and told him I’d take a minute to find a quiet spot.

Around the corner, I didn’t see or hear anyone. “Allen.”

“Josh. Ready to pack your bags?”

For a moment, the hallway swirled around me and I heard nothing but my blood pounding in my ears. I braced my free hand on the wall so I didn’t fall over.

“Josh?”

“What are you talking about?”

“They’ve worked out the details of the trade. You’re going to Seattle.”

I dragged in some air. “No! We turned the corner. We beat Minnesota, we went on a winning streak. We can still make the playoffs.”

“It’s a business, kid. They’re switching things up. Don’t tell anyone yet, since they won’t announce for a day or two, but you and Mitchell are heading west. It’s a good team, young, currently in playoff position, and you’ll still be on the top line.”

I wanted to argue, or yell, do something to convince Allen this wasn’t the right move.

But it wasn’t his decision. It was a team decision, and Mitchell and I had no power to say no.

Not unless we gave up on hockey. I couldn’t even tell Mitchell he was going, and this would have a big impact on him and Jayna.

Katie. What the hell would happen with Katie? Did they have a math program in Seattle? Would she be willing to transfer? Could she now, when it was a few months into her first year? I doubted it.

“The teams are arguing draft picks to round out the deal, so they’re saying it’s just in theory, but it would take something drastic to derail it now. They want it done before the Christmas freeze, so it won’t be long.”

My breathing was too fast, and I concentrated on slowing that down so I didn’t pass out. My fists had clenched and I had to deliberately relax my fingers.

“I get that you don’t want to move, but this is what hockey is. Seattle is eager to have you.”

“Yeah.” I couldn’t conjure up more words. None that weren’t curses.

“I shouldn’t really have told you, but December is a tough time to move, and I wanted you to have some notice. I’ll send you living options. You’re from Halifax, so you can be by an ocean again.”

I didn’t give a fuck about the ocean. Not when it would cost me Katie.

He hung up, but I stood there, coming to terms with my new future. I wanted to go out tonight and play badly. So badly that no team would want me. So that Seattle would retract their deal, or ask for someone else.

But I couldn’t do that to my team, not when things were finally turning around and they had a chance to make the playoffs, go all the way this year. Fuck. They’d be doing it without me. That was…not possible. We were really tight. I wanted to win the Cup with these guys.

I wasn’t sure how long I stood there, but when I finally was in control of my body, I headed back to the locker room.

I couldn’t let anyone know there was a problem, since I couldn’t explain what was going on.

Thankfully, most of the guys were gone by then—heading for lunch or a nap.

I was glad Fitch had brought his own vehicle today.

I didn’t want to pretend to be happy with anyone right now.

When I got out of the shower, there was finally a text from Katie. She had a class tonight, but wished me luck and asked if I wanted her to come over after.

I hesitated. I wasn’t going to be good company.

But I needed to talk to her. Trades were sometimes leaked, and I didn’t want her to hear I was leaving from anyone else.

I’d learned my lesson. We would talk about this.

I didn’t think we were at a relationship level where she’d go with me, but maybe I could convince her to do long-distance.