Page 22 of Reluctant to Love

When our flight arrives, we make our way through the airport and pick up a rental car.

“Where are you staying,” she asks.

“With you.”

“No, you’re not. We talked about this on the plane. I need space.”

I place our luggage in the trunk and shut it firmly before stalking my way around the car toward her. My hands slip around her waist and pull her forward. “I’ll give you plenty of space,” I growl. “But you don’t need to be so difficult. We just got here. Let’s go to the hospital—”

“No, you’re absolutely not coming to the hospital.”

“Eleanor.”

She shakes her head. “It’ll be too awkward for me to explain.”

This time I put my foot down. “No. I want to see Izzy. I can stand outside her room or something but I’m coming with you. You hid her from me for too long.”

She reels back, slipping out of my grip and I knew I said the wrong thing.

“Shit,” I hiss. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You have a right to be angry,” she says flatly. “But I have a right to protect Izzy.”

“Please let me see her. I won’t go in her room or even talk to her unless you say so.”

She looks away from me. “Fine, but you’re staying in a hotel.”

“Deal.”

When we’re finally in the car, she tells me the name of the hospital and I plug it into the GPS on my phone. Just knowing I’m finally going to see my daughter makes the drive seem like an eternity.

The moment we pull into the parking lot of the children’s hospital, I start to feel nervous. What will Izzy look like? Will she have my green eyes or Eleanor’s piercing blue ones? What will she be like? Stubborn like her mother, I hope.

Before we enter the hospital lobby, I stop Eleanor. “I just want to say, ‘thank you’ for letting me come.”

“I can’t keep her from you forever,” she says quietly and then unexpectedly, she slips her hand into mine but says nothing else.

The minute we step off the elevator onto Izzy’s floor, my heart starts beating rapidly and sweat forms along my brow. I’ve never been this nervous before in my life. Not even when I pitched my book to agents and publishers. The closer we get to her room, the heavier my steps feel until finally, we’re standing just outside the door.

“Wait here,” Eleanor says quietly.

She pushes open the door of Izzy’s room and disappears. I wait for long minutes, pacing the floor, until at last, the door opens back up and Eleanor appears.

“She’s asleep. I don’t see any harm in coming inside for a minute.”

“Are you sure?” I try to look past Eleanor because I don’t want to ask for more than she’s already given.

She nods and then steps aside.

I gasp at the first sight of my daughter. My heart beats thunderously and proudly in my chest. Izzy is the most beautiful little girl I’ve ever seen. Her hair is a pale strawberry blonde fanned out around her and there’s a slight smile on her lips even though she’s hooked up to all kinds of monitors.

My hand covers my mouth briefly. This tiny human is mine. Tears stream down my cheeks and I brush them away.

When she starts to stir, I freeze. Her eyes briefly flutter open before she curls back up under the covers and drifts off to sleep.

I can’t risk pushing any more boundaries and I retreat, wondering if she saw me.

“Are you okay,” Eleanor asks as she shuts the door to Izzy’s room.

“She’s gorgeous,” I breathe out. “Just like you.”

Eleanor smirks. “She’s your spitting image. Little wild child.”

I can’t help myself. I reach out and gather her toward me, fisting my hands in her t-shirt and pressing my forehead to hers. “I know you don’t believe me, but I love you so damn much, Eleanor. You’ve given me a gift I never thought I’d receive. I know you think I’m unworthy, but I promise you, I’ll never break your heart again.”

“What about her heart?”

“Never, Eleanor. I’d die before I let that happen.”