Page 29

Siobhan

I wake up in waves. The warmth of Nox’s bed. The press of Bastian behind me, one arm thrown over my waist. The scent of sex. My body is loose and lethargic, my eyes heavier than they’ve ever been. I shift, and Bastian’s arm tenses.

“You’re awake,” I murmur.

“I am.” He sighs. “I don’t want to be. It feels like last night was a dream that I never want to end.”

A dream is a good way to put it. There was the furious and fearful trip from Kanghri, sure every moment that we’d be cut down by my sister. Then coming into this cabin and things changing forever…At least I want them to have changed forever.

But I’m not the only person in this equation, and my singular desires don’t outweigh the needs and desires of Bastian and Nox. Nox, whose absence feels very pointed. There’s no reason for that feeling. They’re the captain. They can’t laze about in their cabin for days on end, no matter how profound last night felt. At least for me.

I sit up slowly and push my hair back from my face. “Nox is going to run again.”

Bastian stretches, his muscles flexing beneath his skin and the sheet sliding low on his hips. “Nox was always going to run. They’re afraid to want too desperately.”

I start to argue, but stop. I may have known Nox a long time, but Bastian knew Nox. “Life is too short not to want things desperately.”

“I agree.” He sits up and presses a light kiss to my lips. “Give them time. They wouldn’t have let last night happen if they didn’t want this. We just need to stay very still and lull them into a sense of security. Like a wolf and a bunny.” His dark eyes twinkle. “Or, more accurately, a hound.”

I snort. “Nox is no bunny.”

“Of course not,” Bastian says gently. “They’re a human who can make their own decisions. Just give them time.”

Normally, I’m the one who is reasonable and thoughtful, and Bastian leads with his heart. It’s uncomfortable for that situation to be reversed…but also comforting at the same time. At least someone is thinking clearly. “I can give them time.” What we have of it. Either we die in this mission, or we change the face of Threshold forever.

I’m not foolish enough to think the work stops there, even if we’re successful. Nature abhors a power vacuum, and the cesspool in Lyari even more so. We have to hamstring the C?n Annwn and offer a better way forward.

I hate that the way forward likely means me as leader, or at least part of a new Council, one that is meant to represent all of Threshold, not just the nobles in Lyari. We should have a representative from each island, voted in from their own people. It’s sure to be messy and complicated, but it’s still preferable to what we have now.

Bastian gives me one last kiss and slips out of bed. “I’m going to shower and then see what tasks Poet has for us to complete today.”

I wait for him to disappear into the bathroom before I stand and stretch, my hands easily reaching the ceiling. I came in here without a single piece of clothing, but I catch sight of the bag I brought from the safe house on the dresser. I hadn’t noticed either Bastian or Nox bringing it in here, but Nox obviously used their magic to clean the salt water from the fabric and my boots, because the neatly folded clothes smell faintly of Nox and nothing else.

Putting them on feels like a declaration of something, but it’s no more than I already decided on previously. I want Bastian. I want Nox, too. No matter what that looks like.

I dress quickly and head outside, mostly to give my restless energy a place to go. I only make it three steps before I have to pull up short to avoid trampling Dia.

She peers up at me. “We need to speak. Privately.”

Curiosity rises. In the short time I’ve known her, she reminds me a lot of Nox. She’s clever and has a wicked sense of humor and doesn’t bother to dance around uncomfortable subjects. I have no idea what she’s after, but I know better than to brush her off, no matter how much I want to see Nox and reassure myself that we didn’t damage something irreparable last night. “My cabin is empty at the moment.”

“That will do.”

I lead the way belowdecks and to the cabin Bastian and I are sharing. Dia looks around politely and then perches on the edge of Bastian’s bed. “I wasn’t entirely honest in Kanghri.”

I blink. “Excuse me?”

“The information I conveyed. It wasn’t complete.” Her ancient face is uncharacteristically serious as she contemplates me. “You’re C?n Annwn, but not the crimson-sailed bastards who have perverted the reputation of the originals. Truly C?n Annwn.”

I nod slowly. “More or less. There are many generations that separate me and whatever ancestor who held that bloodline. But you knew that already.”

“Yes,” she says simply. “Just like I’ve seen how Nox watches you. If I told them what I’m about to tell you, they’d move every realm in existence to change things.”

A trail of pure ice drips down my spine. I go still. “What are you going to tell me, Dia?”

She holds my gaze. I can appreciate that, even as her words rip into me with the gentle caress of a too-sharp knife. “The horn will work, but there is a price.”

A price.

She continues slowly, but not so slowly that I have a chance to steady the ground beneath my feet. “Do you truly think that horn has just sat there and no one has been foolish enough to attempt it over the years, even if they didn’t know the entirety of what it can do? It only works if one of the true descendants of the C?n Annwn blows it.”

The words make sense, but she’s leaving something out. “The price?”

“To summon is to join.” She smiles sadly. “The Wild Hunt never stopped riding, Siobhan. They merely retreated to realms beyond our reach, as is good and right for gods to do after a time. They will answer the call of one of their own, but they will sweep the caller up in the process. Your will becomes theirs, and theirs yours. They will hunt your enemies, but only with you in their midst.”

The words worm deep inside me. “That’s not what my parents told me. They said we can issue a request, a boon.”

“You’re not so naive as that.” She speaks gently, but the tone matters less than the violence of the words. “There is always a price when it comes to bargains.”

I sit down heavily across from her. “So that’s it. My life for Threshold.” I don’t want to believe her, but it feels correct . She has no reason to lie to me. Not about something so vital that could save us all.

Or at least save the rest of Threshold.

“I’m sorry.” She actually sounds like she means it. “It’s not too late to find another way.”

All this time, I’ve been looking for another way—one that wouldn’t cost the lives of all the people I’ve fought so hard to save. “I can’t ask the people I want to protect to make a sacrifice I’m too cowardly to make myself.”

She smiles slightly, but not like she’s happy. “You could. Lots of leaders do.”

“But not good ones.” I sigh and close my eyes, the weight of the air on my skin too much to bear. “You’re sure? This isn’t legend and supposition?”

“I’m the last of my family. We’ve been in Threshold longer than your people, and certainly longer than the colonizers in Lyari. We aren’t the only ones who kept records, I’m sure, but we did keep records.”

I open my eyes to face her devastating compassion. It would be so much easier to reject her words if she didn’t seem to understand exactly what she’s telling me and appear to be mourning the loss of a future alongside me. “You’re sure.”

“I’m sure. The summoner must lead the Hunt.”

I force myself to sit with that…and then to sit with the possibility of Morrigan summoning them before I can. There’s no reason to think she has more information about it than I do…but I can’t bet our lives and the future of Threshold on it. Dia just said hers isn’t the only family who kept histories. We can’t afford to assume the Council hasn’t kept its own records, incomplete though they may be.

I exhale forcefully. “Okay. Thank you for telling me.”

“You’re a good girl, Siobhan.” She stands and clasps my shoulder. “A good leader. A good person. I’m sorry that the cost of being good is so high.” She walks out of the room before I can dredge up a response.

It’s just as well. I don’t have words. No matter what other options there are, they aren’t valid choices. But gods, I didn’t expect the cost to be so high.

I drop my head into my hands and laugh hoarsely. That’s a lie. I knew there would be a cost and it would be paid in blood. I just didn’t expect it to be so…eternal.

If the Wild Hunt still rides, just in realms out of reach, then that means I’ll run with them until time ends or my life does, whichever comes first. I’m no god, long-lived to the point of being eternal. Maybe the magic of the Hunt will sustain me, but I honestly hope it doesn’t.

I suppose it’s a good thing I didn’t know about this possibility ten years ago. As difficult as it’s going to be to leave behind the ones I love, at least I’ve had a chance to love them. A small comfort, but still a comfort.

“My life was supposed to end in the fire,” I finally say to the empty room. “I’ve been living on borrowed time since then.” My throat tries to close, but it feels important to speak this aloud, even if there’s no one to witness. Especially because there’s no one to witness. “This is a way to balance the scales, to do everything I’ve been fighting so damn hard for.”

Will I even miss Bastian? Nox? The friends I’ve made in my time wandering Threshold? Will I remember what I’ve lost? Or will my world narrow down to the earth beneath my paws, the taste of blood on my tongue, the flesh of my enemies between my teeth? Will I stop being Siobhan and turn into C?n Annwn and only C?n Annwn?

I hope so. To be trapped in a hunt and know I’m trapped sounds like an agony that would drive me mad. Better to lose myself completely.

I can’t tell Bastian and Nox. They’ll try to stop me, to find a different solution. I’ll be tempted to allow them to find another way, even though there is no other way. Haven’t I played out the alternate scenarios until I’m drowning in the theoretical blood that would be shed? There’s a reason the rebellion existed in the shadows for as long as possible. There is no viable alternate scenario.

What’s one life against thousands?

Because the C?n Annwn violence won’t stop with those actively rebelling. They’ll see the faces of people from so many islands in Threshold and they’ll fear that the unrest extends wider than they could imagine. So they’ll go on a campaign of terror to break the spirits of everyone under their jurisdiction, to squash any hope of freedom, any semblance of the fallacy that they protect instead of dominate.

I inhale slowly and exhale just as slowly. So be it. I knew my life might be payment for a better future. This bargain is just more explicit than I realized. I’m not even dying, not truly. Yes, Siobhan will cease to exist, but my body will go on.

There’s no point in worrying about it now. If I dwell on it too forcibly, then I’ll panic and try to find another way. There isn’t another way. There likely never has been.

This means I won’t be around to help Threshold get back on its feet, but Bastian is cleverer than he gives himself credit for. He’ll step up once he finally stops believing the fiction that he’s merely a worthless second son. And Nox will be there, one way or another. They might pretend their allegiance is only to their crew, but if that were true, they never would have joined the rebellion in the first place. They believe in the mission.

More, last night proved that things aren’t finished between them and Bastian. They’ll take care of him, and he’ll take care of them. They don’t need me to have a happy life. If Bastian had left Lyari with them fourteen years ago, they would have been together this entire time. The two of them never would have needed me.

That knowledge stings, but it’s comforting at the same time. They’ll be okay. Nox and Bastian have a community around them that firmly believes in their cause and has the power to back up that belief and make it into reality.

They simply need the threat of the Council and all their followers gone.

I shiver, and not even I can tell if it’s in anticipation or fear. No matter how little I’ve shifted fully previously, I’m a hound down to my very soul. Tearing out the rot in Threshold with my teeth is appealing.

I just have to live long enough to make it happen.

And lie to the two people I care most about in this world in the process.