Page 13

Siobhan

It’s been a very long time since I’ve sailed on a ship this size. Bastian and I spent time on a smuggler ship for about a year after leaving Mairi. It was in those months that the realization of how poorly things work in Threshold became clear. Because the Brune didn’t trade in alcohol or treasure or anything of that nature. They traded in freedom .

There are no laws prohibiting travel between the islands of Threshold. Each island is—theoretically—left to govern themselves. But while that might be technically true, the fact remains that the C?n Annwn have a tendency to bend the laws to suit themselves. Being caught out on open water with crimson sails in the distance is the stuff of nightmares for most citizens of Threshold.

And so we helped people—for a price. We would run circuits north and south, then east and west, through Threshold, transferring people to their destinations while under the relative safety of sailing on a Lyarian ship. Strange how the C?n Annwn never plunder the capital city to bolster their numbers.

In that year, the rebellion was born. I could see so clearly how much good we could do if there were more than one ship doing the work, if there were a network of safe people and safe houses to take refuge in.

During the first few years after leaving the Brune , Bastian and I spent a lot of time apart, carefully courting people to our cause. It was in that time that I met Nox and so many others. But as the years passed, it became clear how vital secrecy was in order to keep people safe.

That secrecy demanded Bastian and I isolate ourselves. Me more than him, honestly. Up until his arrest, he kept up the fiction of being the feckless second Dacre son. Publicly he oversaw his father’s interests in Three Sisters. Privately he used his connections to secure funding and all manner of support for the rebellion.

And all the while, I kept to the shadows. I got used to it over the years. Which means that, as nice as it is to be among Nox’s crew, helping switch over the sails to a mundane white, it’s a bit overwhelming. Everyone moves in a seamless rhythm that I’m a half step behind on no matter how hard I try.

The crimson sails are rolled up and deposited into a subsection of the deck that’s been magicked open. Not standing in the bloody shadow of the C?n Annwn sails helps the pressure in my chest, but I’m achingly aware of the fact that my sister catching us will result in the deaths of many of these people—if not all of them.

Morrigan isn’t the type to leave survivors to spread the tale of rebellion. Our parents taught her that lesson well; better to leave no witnesses than to risk exposure. It’s a lesson I internalized alongside her, but instead of killing anyone who witnesses me in my hound form, I simply…don’t shift. Not all the way.

My sister may be violent to the extreme, but she’s no fool. She doesn’t shift fully, either. All of Threshold would have heard about it if she did. A partial shift could be attributed to any powerful shifter, but our hound forms are not normal by any stretch of the imagination. We’re too large, too fluid, too uncanny. No one looking at us would mistake us for a normal shifter.

And the Council and C?n Annwn would never allow a symbol like that to exist, even within their control. They’d kill Morrigan, Council member, noble, or no. They’d certainly kill me .

A soft grunt has me looking over my shoulder. I immediately wish I hadn’t. Bastian is in the middle of the deck, helping Evelyn do something to the warding circle drawn there. In the heat of the afternoon, he’s removed his shirt and…

Longing hits me so hard, it roots my feet to the deck. His light brown skin gleams in the sunlight, practically begging to be touched. I know what the lines of his muscles feel like beneath my fingertips, how they flex when…

He grins at something Evelyn says and then laughs aloud, the sound reaching me even over the length of the ship. My hearing is better than most, and gods, I want nothing more than to move closer, to catch whatever they’re talking about that’s so amusing, to soak up some of the sunlight Bastian seems to carry with him wherever he goes. No matter what happens, he bounces back so fast .

“You should talk to him.”

I heard Nox approach, but can’t seem to tear my gaze from Bastian. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Siobhan.” There’s amusement in Nox’s tone, but beneath it something infinitely more complicated. “You clearly love him as much as he loves you.”

“Love is the least of the elements that keep people like us apart.”

This time, Nox does laugh. It’s got a bitter edge, so unlike them that I finally manage to tear my attention from Bastian. They hold a hand up to shield their gray eyes, and if Bastian seems to be finding his feet quickly, Nox has recovered even faster. Their skin is as warm as the light flickering over the waves, their short blond hair ruffling in the wind of our passing.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing.” They shrug, a small smile still playing at their lips. “Just that we’re likely on a suicide mission. It’s incredibly silly to let a little argument get in the way of whatever happiness you can claim before Morrigan rips out all our throats.”

Despite my best intentions, my hand goes to my throat. What Nox describes isn’t enough to kill me . My sister already tried it, when we were barely more than children, years before the fire. A sparring accident, according to her. My parents believed her, despite my fear over her ferocity. I don’t know if things would have been different if they’d realized how much she wanted to be heir, no matter the cost.

The scars are all but gone, courtesy of my healing ability, but the memory remains unblemished no matter how many years pass in the meantime. “We’re not going to die.”

“Sure we are, darling.” They’re doing a damn good job at playing the careless captain, but they can’t quite manage to banish the strain lingering beneath every word. “Everyone dies eventually. Even gods.”

I cross my arms over my chest. “If what you say is true, why not rekindle your romance with Bastian?”

That gets a reaction. They flinch. “Excuse me?”

“It’s only a conversation gone wrong, a single fight, right?” I’m being cruel, but no less cruel than they were. “More time may have passed, but don’t lie and tell me you feel nothing for him. I see the way you watch him when you think no one is paying attention.” I know exactly how much Bastian still cares for Nox. He knows he did them wrong, so he’s respected their very clear boundary of not wanting to see him, but his feelings are clear in the rare times when he speaks of them.

Maybe those short conversations are when I started to see Nox. The charming pirate, yes, always, but they care so bloody deeply. More than they want the world to know.

“Oh, sure.” They wave a careless hand. “I’ll just take him to my cabin and fuck him right now. That’s what you want, correct?” The edge in their words is even more pronounced. Nox shakes their head. “I might as well fuck you instead. At least we don’t have the messy history.”

I turn fully to face them. I’ve never been able to afford to tread carelessly with my lovers. My strength can bring more pain than pleasure if I lose control—and there’s always the risk of losing control. Bastian and I found ways around it, and while we never spent much time in the beds of others, the specter of Nox was there often enough that I laugh in their face. “We don’t have a messy history? Come now, Nox, I never took you for a liar.”

“Compared to Bastian, we don’t.”

I lean closer and lower my voice. “We have a messy history because of Bastian.”

Nox raises a brow. “Are you propositioning me?”

I can’t help the bolt of pure need that sears me at the thought of doing just that. But I’m not ruled by my desires. I can’t afford to be when so much hangs in the balance. “Nox, I swear to the gods.” I look up at the clear sky as if it might offer me some advice. Even if it did, I wouldn’t take it. “Sleeping with you while Bastian is among the crew would be the height of cruelty. You have too much unfinished business.”

“Hmm.”

I lower my gaze and freeze. No one can sneak up on me, but Nox has shifted to stand directly before me. It’s only when I note that they’re taller than normal that I realize they’re using air to raise themself above the deck. Truly, their control is staggering. It leaves me breathless. “Nox,” I finally manage, voice choked.

“Do you think about sleeping with me, Siobhan?” Their voice has gone low, sultry with just a hint of growl. “Or more accurately, not sleeping? If I had you in my bed, I wouldn’t waste time being unconscious.”

My jaw works, but it’s as if I haven’t spoken a single word in my life. “Wha—”

“I have thought about it, you know—you and I. How could I not? But you’re right,” they say softly. “It would be cruel. And while I may be accused of many things, I’m not unfair with my bed partners. Not even him. Certainly not you.”

They pivoted too quickly. I’m still scrambling to keep up. “You don’t even like me that much.”

“Darling, sex has little to do with liking as long as there’s some mutual respect and a dash of trust.” Their smile is so wicked, it makes my knees shake. “You’re a big, strong woman with muscles I’d like to sink my teeth into. You’re also honorable enough to make me want to strangle you on a regular basis. Of course I want you.”

I am no blushing maiden, unused to frank propositions, but this isn’t…right. Nox and I have spent a lot of time together over the years, and they’ve never come on to me, let alone come on this strong. I reluctantly take a step back, and then another. “You’d use me to hurt him.”

Their smile falls away slowly enough that I suspect it was real, rather than a mask. “I’d use you—if you want to call it that—for pleasure through my last days in this realm. If it stung him in the process, it makes no difference to me.”

Instead of reassuring me, their words just prove my suspicion correct. “That’s the first time you’ve lied to me.”

Nox turns away, changing the subject. “We’ll barely make it to First Sister with our current supplies. Before you came aboard, we hadn’t planned on a prolonged escape, and my crew is running through resources faster than anticipated. It’s vital that Morrigan has no idea where we’re headed.”

I don’t argue that we don’t have time to resupply. Magic has a cost. Burnout is a risk for anyone with even a drop of magic in their blood, but there are different risks depending on the flavor of magic. Elemental users, in particular, are prone to magical burnout. There’s something about the way they wrestle the very elements into submission that burns their physical resources first. It’s incredibly dangerous, but once an elemental user is experienced, there are ways to prolong their usage and hold off burnout by ingesting food and water in increased quantities. “I’ll find Dia when we arrive, and the crew can resupply.”

“I don’t need your permission to do so.”

I sigh. “Nox, you’re swinging wildly from one thing to another. I realize having Bastian on board isn’t ideal because of your history, but you know damn well that I value your crew and want them taken care of as well.” I step into them, close enough that they have to crane their neck to meet my gaze. “And if I come to your bed, it will be because you want me . Not because you want to hurt him .”

They lick their lips. “Why not both?”

“That’s not good enough for me.” I hadn’t realized I’d draw this line in the sand until I said it. Bastian and I tend to be monogamous as such things go. Even when we’re fighting, it’s always been us against the world. I won’t touch Nox without talking about it with Bastian first, and probably not even then. Not when doing so would hurt him. It feels cruel, and while I know Nox can be cruel, this is their pain talking. “I don’t do things halfway, Nox. It’s all or nothing.” I don’t know how to hold things—or people—lightly. I never have.

They study my face for several beats and finally nod. “Then it’s nothing. Now go. I have things to do.”

Disappointment sours on my tongue, but did I really expect anything different? I refuse to think too closely about it as I turn and walk away. We have bigger things to deal with than my confused heart.

I just…I didn’t expect any of this.