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Shine had arranged for Apple and Griz to get his car home. They would get Rowan’s car in the morning. Tonight was about making sure she was safe and warm.

After getting her inside and into the shower, he texted her receptionist to tell her that Rowan was safe.

There was no way he would be able to repay the guys. They'd really shown up for him. He had been off since Rowan had been taken. He wasn't being fair to them. He had to get his shit together. That meant he really needed to help Rowan. She needed more than just general counseling. She needed something intense.

When she got out of the shower, he made her some tea. She came into the kitchen wearing an oversized hoodie. She sat at the table, tucking her feet under her legs as she sipped the tea. He wanted her to get better but expected nothing from her tonight. She'd obviously been through hell. Her gaze lifted and met his. He noticed her lips were down in a deep frown.

“I really fucked up. ”

He shook his head. “No. I screwed up. I didn’t take the PTSD symptoms you were showing seriously. I should have gotten you into an intense program.”

She shook her head. “I should have paid attention to the signs. It’s my responsibility. I knew I needed help, but I thought I could handle it. Then it got too much.”

“How can I help?” He would do anything for her. They hadn’t been together long, but he knew her from way back when, and what they’d gone through on that plane had been intense. She was more mature now because she’d lived more life, but Rowan was still the same person he would do anything for. He felt things for her that he’d never felt for another. Maybe they wouldn’t last, but he would make damn sure this situation didn’t drown her with the trauma.

Rowan sighed. "I think I need to do this on my own." His face fell, and she hated that he didn't understand. "Not really on my own, like I think I need to go to an intensive retreat. There is one I know about. It's north of San Francisco, and it's for people who suffered something like I have."

Shine nodded. “That would be good.”

"I think so. I'd looked into it but didn't act on it. I think it would be healing for me to spend two weeks really working on myself. It deals specifically with women dealing with trauma."

“I like the idea of this place. Do you want me to drive you up there?”

She shook her head. “No, I’ll fly. They’ll have someone at the airport to pick me up. I’ll make arrangements later today. ”

Shine sighed, the skin around his eyes smoothing out. “I’m glad you’ll be getting the help you need.”

“I want to be better. I don’t want to freak out when we try to have sex.”

“I feel responsible for that.”

She shook her head, horrified that he felt responsible. “Why would you feel that way? It’s me.”

“Because I pushed.”

"No, you didn't. You were acting normal. I'm the one who had an overreaction. You were just on top of me, and I couldn't handle it. I'm the one who messed up."

He went down on his knees beside her chair. His brown gaze stared up at her so earnestly it made tears burn in her eyes. He held her hands and she couldn’t look away.

“You didn’t mess up. I know plenty of guys who have PTSD and a few women. It’s not your fault. It is just something that happens. You know that from your training. No one is to blame, and you aren’t to blame at all.”

She leaned down and rested her forehead against his. “It’s selfish of me, and you don’t have to, but will you wait for me?”

He made a noise in the back of his throat, and when she leaned back, she saw tears in his eyes. "Yes. I'll wait for you."

She leaned in, brushing a gentle kiss over his lips. “Thank you. I swear I’m going to work hard to recover.”

“I’ll be here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”

She held him, and he stood, pulling her up before settling on the chair she'd been in. Then she was on his lap and felt loved and protected in his arms. Maybe she would have to change her work. She didn't want to. She wanted to face this head on, but she couldn't on her own. The terror she'd faced had gotten to her. Doing it on her own, without intense therapeutic help, wasn't working .

The retreat would help her. It had to. She didn’t want to put too much pressure on herself, but the pressure was there. If this didn’t work, she wasn’t sure what her life would be like, but she wasn’t prepared to give up.