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Rowan almost felt ready to return to work. She had been working with her therapist to get a handle on the fear. She had three appointments scheduled for clients on Tuesday morning. Enough time had passed that someone should have heard from Charles if he was in the area.

She knew the man could be in hiding, but would he stay in hiding for this long or would he take off? He probably wasn’t anywhere near San Diego. Maybe he’d crashed his car and died somewhere out in the wilderness.

She threw her hands up in the air and shook her head. “Ugh, I can’t go there. I need to get myself in order.” She chuckled derisively. “Talking to myself. I’d never see another patient if they knew.”

She dropped to the couch, putting her head in her hands. She was a mess, that much she knew for sure. She had to be able to keep herself together at work. She could do it because she had to. Her livelihood depended on it.

Maybe she should change specialties. But working closer with victims would probably set her off. She needed work that didn't pull at her emotions. Qualifying people for working in aviation was important, but few of the people who wanted to work in aviation had experienced anything terrifying like abduction or facing terrorists. The only exception to that was when she saw special forces operators. But they weren't her typical clients. The people who came to see her had normal lives with little trauma in their pasts. She wasn't sure she wanted to change who she worked with.

Shine would be home soon. She drew in a deep breath, wondering if they should be moving forward at a faster pace. She still couldn’t get past what had happened to her. Maybe it would be better for Shine to be with someone else. She was holding him back. He deserved so much more than she could give now.

She heard his car pull into the drive and pushed away the sadness, trying to focus on moving forward. Shine was a great man, and that was part of the problem. She wasn’t good enough for him.

After dinner, they were on the couch watching some comedy. He put his arm around her, pulling her close. A part of her wanted to do more than just sit beside him, but when she thought of them naked together, she couldn't help but feel immense pressure. Getting to the point she was willing to have sex would take a while. Shine wouldn't want to wait that long, but she wasn't ready to walk away from him.

She wasn’t strong enough to leave. No question, she needed him to keep standing upright. If he left, the fragile shell of herself she was holding together would shatter.

The talk with Danika and Nichole was still there, but fear and worry had pushed it to the background. She needed more reminding. Everything felt like too much, and she needed to get her head on straight.

Another night passed without sex. After Shine left for work, she sat in the den, crying. She wasn't being fair to him. He needed more, and she couldn't give it to him. Maybe a chat with her therapist would help. Today wasn't the day, though, because this was her first time back at work, and she needed to focus on her clients, not herself.

By three that afternoon, she was ready for home and maybe a nap. Exhaustion hit over an hour ago, but somehow, she'd held it together. The day hadn't been bad, but listening to other people had worn her out. At least the people she'd seen today had been easy. No one had any real issues that required her full attention. Her schedule this week was with people who weren’t at risk of losing their jobs, just pilots who’d been working long enough they needed a recheck.

The days progressed like she expected. Work wasn't hard, and nothing special happened with Shine. On Saturday, when she woke, she was a little disappointed that they didn't seem to be closer to having sex. Was it him holding back or her fault because she couldn't get it together?

She stepped into the kitchen, sighing as she saw Shine sitting at the table with a mug of coffee. His biceps flexed when he lifted his mug, making her feel a little weak in the knees. She knew how good those arms felt around her. The thought of him holding her close, his attention only on her, sent a shiver straight through her.

He glanced up, his lips curving into a smile. “Oh, you’re awake.”

“I guess I slept late.”

Shine moved to her, kissing her lightly on the lips. She held on, not willing to let go. He paused, his eyes narrowing and then going wide.

She placed her hand on his chest, soaking in his warmth. He seemed to stiffen, and she wrapped her free arm around his waist. That made his eyes grow wider .

"I was wondering…" She slid her hand down the front of his body, not quite to the waistband of his pants.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

He cupped her face, kissing her gently. “We don’t have to.”

“I want you.”

This time, his kiss was more demanding. She leaned into it, needing the closeness. Excitement skittered through her.

Shine ran his hands over her back and down to her butt. She needed to feel more and wiggled closer. Being up against Shine was amazing. What they’d had before he’d left for his mission and she’d been abducted was back, or she thought it was.

She ran her hands over Shine’s chest to his back and then down to his butt. He felt so good in her arms. Soon, they were both pulling each other closer. Desperation sizzled between them. She needed to have Shine naked up against her.

Shine picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist. If only they were naked. He adjusted her so her pussy was up against him. The friction was almost enough to push her over the edge.

He carried her to the bed, laid her in the center, and then stretched out beside her. His weight on her felt good for a second, maybe more. Then, a whisper of panic slid down her spine. Her lungs didn't seem to want to work. She tried taking in a breath, but it was too difficult.

Suddenly, she wasn't in Shine's bed. It was dark, and her arms were tied down. Then, the jerk was on top of her. The whisper of panic wasn't a whisper any longer. It was a full-blown rage inside that threatened to overwhelm her.

She sat up, gasping for breath, pushing away the grabbing arms, trying to get free. Her mind twisted the situation, forcing her back into that place. He was coming for her. He would attack her again, and she would never escape.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Shine’s voice sounded like he was far away, on the outside of the walls she built to protect herself.

She pushed, trying to free herself, but nothing was holding her back, so when she pushed, she ended up on the floor. Shine was right there. She turned to face him, horror filling her.

“Oh God. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to?—”

“It’s okay. We should have taken things slower.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know if slower would have made a difference.”

“It’s okay.”

“How can you say that? What if I can’t ever—what if I’m never able…”

He leaned his forehead against hers. “We can get help. I’m here for you.”

“You shouldn’t be. You don’t deserve this.”

He pulled back enough to meet her gaze but was still close enough she had to blink to focus. This close, she could see the brown flecks in his eyes mixed with a little green. They were beautiful eyes, and a part of her wanted to study them, but she couldn't bring herself to open that much for him.

Hiding the shame and fear seemed more important than opening for Shine. They couldn’t live like this. She wanted to run, but running wouldn’t solve anything.

“I want us to find someone to talk to. Like together. I think it’s time for both of us to go in and talk.”

She shook her head. “No. It’s just me. Not you.”

“We’re trying to build something, right? ”

She couldn't deny him that truth, though her answer sounded hesitant. "Yes."

He nodded. “Then that settles it. We need to find someone who can help us overcome this.”

Worry pelted her, making her shoulders dip in. “What if I can’t?”

“Can’t what?”

“Can’t recover. What if I’m like this forever? I don’t know that I can get past this.”

“Then we’ll find a way to go around.”

She narrowed her eyes. “What?”

“Something was wrong when I was on top of you. I could feel it. We can find a way to do this without you feeling like something is wrong.”

She bit her lower lip. “I don’t know.”

“Neither do I, but I want to see if we can figure it out. And sometimes, it takes time to figure things out. We can work on this together.”

His words were like a jagged knife poking at the walls she'd set up to protect herself. But the walls weren't protecting. Instead, they were trapping her inside a horror show, and she wanted out. If she could poke from the inside, maybe his efforts to tear down the walls would work. Could they get through this?

“We can do anything together. Have faith.”

She wasn’t convinced that her faith was worth anything, but maybe his was. “Okay. We can find someone to see together.” She wasn’t convinced it would help, but she would put forth the effort. Worry twisted through her. Maybe she was so broken that she would never recover. What if she was stuck this way until she died? She didn’t want that. She wanted to be with her man. For Shine, she would try.