Page 32

Rowan was trying to be normal, but she felt a heavy weight pressing down. Shine was trying to be nice, but she wasn't sure nice would make any impact. She needed to move forward but knew it was too early. She'd been through hell, and there wasn't any way she could move on. The healing process wasn't instantaneous, even if she wanted it to be. There were things she knew from working in psychology, but also she'd been hurt, and that pain called for irrationality.

The drive over to Thario's place wasn't too awkward. There was still the little voice in the back of her head reminding her that she was damaged now. Logically, she knew that wasn't the truth, but she'd grown up in the USA, and all the misogynistic messages about women had been cycled through her upbringing, and she couldn't totally ignore those thoughts pelting her. It was almost like she was being physically hit when her thoughts turned to what had happened.

“We’re here.”

Shine's statement caused her to jump. She should have been paying better attention, but she'd been lost in her mind. Frog came bounding out to greet them. She opened the door, and Frog patiently waited for her to get out of the car. When she did. He moved to her side and sat, staring up at her like he'd been waiting all day for her to get there.

She reached out and scratched his head, thinking he would run back to Thario, but he stayed at her side, even after she was inside and seated on the couch.

“Your dog isn’t leaving my side.”

Thario nodded. "He's not a therapy dog, but he knows. He's a good boy, and on days I'm not at my best, he stays by my side like Velcro. I appreciate his concern."

Rowan placed her hand on the dog, who leaned against her. He was trying hard to give her comfort. It was easy to lean into the dog and let him take the fear and upset. Neither Thario nor Shine said anything, but the silence wasn't stilted, instead it was comfortable.

"Do you think they'll catch him?" She couldn't look at either of them, so she kept her eyes on Frog.

“They are looking,” Thario said.

"His house is being watched, and they have an APB out on him. Also, one of the officers said they were watching his credit cards. They will find him."

“I worry about going back to work.”

Thario cleared his throat. "There's a network of retired military. Not all of them are SEALs. There are a few women in the group, too. They do things from time to time to help out. If you want, I could ask if any of them could give some time to watch."

“Oh, I don’t want to bother anyone.”

"They would love to help out. We've done it for another case with a Marine. She'd retired, and someone came after her. The men and women in the network set up twenty-four-hour surveillance on her. The guy was caught four days after they started watching."

She shook her head. “That sounds very involved.”

"It is, but with everyone giving a few hours a week, it's not hard to fill the hours. And that's for a twenty-four-hour watch. A few hours of you at work would be easy to fill. Guys like sitting around drinking coffee. Some of them shoot the shit for a bit when they change watch. I could set it up."

“Can I think about it?”

"Sure. Just know these guys love this, and they love helping. Retirement isn't kind to everyone, and having a purpose wakes some of them back up."

She held his gaze. “I’ll consider it.”

Frog sighed and laid his head on her leg, looking up at her like she was his. She rolled her eyes. “Okay, Frog. So you think I should do it?”

Frog wagged his tail and gave a short yap. The dog was very communicative. He was getting his point across, and she was starting to feel better.

Thario stood, and Frog's ears rose. "Do you want anything to drink? You can stay there, Frog, I'm good." The dog huffed and snuggled closer to her.

“Water would be good.”

Shine stood, too. "I'll take some water."

“Cool. I also have some cookies someone brought me. I can’t eat them all. You two need to have some.”

Laughter escaped her lips. “You’re offering because I lost so much weight, right?”

“Not true. I would have offered even if you hadn’t lost any weight. If you’re hungry, you should eat. Weight doesn’t matter.”

“Wow, that’s a mature take,” Shine said .

Thario scoffed. “What? I’ve matured. Trauma makes you grow.”

The words made her want to laugh. "That's only partly right. Sometimes, the opposite happens. You're lucky you got growth from it."

Thario snorted. "Yeah. I mean, I had to shrink to grow."

Shine shook his head. “Ouch. That’s being harsh, man.”

"It's the truth. Even with these legs on, I'm not as tall as I used to be. When I don't have them on, I'm positively short. It's okay. I've come to terms with the fact I don't have the lower part of my legs. It just is."

Rowan stood and moved to the kitchen, grabbing a cookie off the plate. “Your reaction is very mature.”

Thario met her gaze. "It took me a long time to get here. Before all this, I was very immature. I mean, I became a SEAL, but I was a punk. I wasn't a good guy. Not that I did anything abusive or really bad, I just didn't care about other people. Not like I should have cared. I took advantage of women, having sex and walking away without a backward glance. It wasn't good for me or for them."

"What about now?" She thought her question was reasonable, but Thario threw his head back, and laughter boomed around the room.

He wiped his face and shook his head. “That’s sweet of you to think that I have women wanting me. No one wants to have sex with me now. Not even pity fucks. Women aren’t attracted to men with wheels.”

Her heart hurt for him. Based on what he’d said about his past, women threw themselves at him. “So no one wants to date you now? ”

“Nope. After a few harsh encounters, I gave up. It’s not worth being shot down when most of them get mean.”

“I’m sorry. That’s sad.”

“It’s okay. I’m happier now. Before, I’d wake up disgusted at myself. It wasn’t good at all.”

"And no one has set you up with a friend?" She didn't think setting people up was really a good idea. Too many friendships were ruined by playing matchmaker.

Thario shook his head. “No. I don’t want them to. It would make me feel weird.”

“I get that.”

Shine's body shook with a shiver. "Bad things happen when you're the one who sets up a couple, and things don't work out."

Thario made a face. “I remember Jack and Chrissy.”

“Ugh. That turned nasty.” Shine turned to Rowan. “Chrissy was set up with Jack. She stole some things from Jack and emptied one of his savings accounts. He got pissed and blamed the guy who set them up. Ended up fighting on base. The guy who set them up ended up at Jack’s house and shot out his front window.”

Rowan gasped. “Damn.”

Thario snorted. “Yeah, no kidding. It was very bad. Military guys have weapons. The dude ended up shot. Jack wasn’t in military housing, and the police were called out. It was terrible.”

“Wow, that’s…”

Shine shrugged. "Not all of those relationships end badly, but when they do, it's shockingly bad."

"Yeah, but not all end well, even when it's not so flashy. I'm happy not dating. I don't need anyone else in my life to be happy."

"That's good." Rowan tried to stifle her yawn, but exhaustion was getting her. Nothing in her life was normal, not her sleep schedule or her exhaustion level.

“We should go,” Shine said.

Rowan shook her head. “No, I’m fine.”

Thario chuckled. “Just admit you’re tired. It’s okay. You don’t have to go, but being tired after something so traumatic is normal.”

She rolled her eyes. “I know. I just don’t want to admit I’m human, I guess.”

Shine squeezed her leg. "You're the one who tells people how to take care of themselves. It's time you take care of yourself."

“You’re right. I’m being an asshole. I shouldn’t be a jerk about this. I just want life to go back to normal. This isn’t fair.”

Shine pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. "No, it isn't fair. But life isn't fair. We like to think that if you try to be good, only good things will happen to you. It's not always the case."

She shrugged. “I know. I guess I’m tired and agitated. I need to get over what happened.”

Shine cupped her chin, so she had to look at him. “You know it’s not that easy. You wouldn’t tell your patients to get over it. Give it time.”

“You’re right. I would be mad at someone who was being so harsh to one of my clients.”

“You need to give yourself a break,” Shine said.

Thario sighed. “Yeah, give yourself a break. Trust me, you need one.”

"Thank you for having us over. It was nice to sit with Frog. He made me feel better."

Thario shook her hand and then pulled her into a hug. "Come back any time. I know Frog would love to see you."

“Thank you. ”

Shine took her arm and led her outside. Visiting with Thario and especially Frog had been just what she needed. The dog was very intuitive, and Thario was a good person. Maybe he’d had some rough spots before the event that changed his life, but he’d smoothed out rather nicely. She wished women would see him for who he was, but he was happy for now. She just hoped he stayed that way. Bitterness could creep up and make life difficult.

She needed to move forward with her life. She’d had something terrible happen, but she couldn’t get lost in the weeds. She had to recover from what had happened. Otherwise, she might just lose herself.