Page 33

Shine didn't want to go back to work, but he had to leave. Worry for Rowan ate at him. He woke way too early and was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping coffee and trying to figure out what was going on, when the door from the bedroom opened.

“Oh, hey. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

"No, I'm up. It's okay." Rowan blinked and then narrowed her eyes. "Is something wrong?"

He shook his head. Putting this on Rowan would be wrong. She had enough to worry about without his worries multiplying her real problems. “It’s nothing.”

Her lips thinned. “No, be truthful with me. That’s how this works.”

He blew out a breath and stood. “I don’t want to leave you.”

She moved to him and cupped his face. "That bastard doesn't know about you. I'm not scared here, just distracted. I'll be okay. You're letting me use your computer, and I have a session set up with someone I know. "

“Oh, I didn’t know.”

“I woke up in the middle of the night and contacted them. They were awake and set up an emergency session with me. I know I’ll be fine as long as I stay here. I’m not going back to my place for clothes or anything else. If I need something, I’ll order it and have it shipped here.”

Shine felt better but still worried. His past hadn’t prepared him for how deeply he felt for Rowan. He pulled her into a hug, breathing her in. This woman was his future. He just had to get there without frightening her.

She seemed stable enough that he felt she wasn’t hiding anything from him. He would have to trust her to tell him if she felt afraid. He also would make sure she knew he was there for her.

“I need to shower.”

“Really, Shine, I’m good. Don’t worry about me.”

He pulled her into a hug. "Of course, I'm going to worry about you. I wouldn't be human if I didn't."

“Okay, but don’t obsess about it. I’ll be fine. I know I’m safe here. There isn’t anything that would lead him here. He doesn’t know about you, and he won’t come looking here.”

Shine heard her, but worry still filled him. She would be okay because she had to be.

Distraction held him throughout the morning. The guys weren't too hard on him, but by lunch, he could tell they were tired of his shit. He headed outside and set up a barbell with weights, intent on lifting heavy. He was about five minutes into his first set when Sharp joined him.

“You need some distraction?”

“God, my mind is turning over everything that could go wrong. This could really fuck up her life. I could lose her. ”

“That guy, Charles, he has no idea where you live, right?”

Shine shook his head. “No, he doesn’t know about me as far as I know.”

Sharp shrugged. “Then there is no way he can find her. I mean, how could he? You have that alarm, right?”

Shine wiped his hand over his face. “Yes.”

“And she knows to use it?”

“Yes, it’s on. I checked earlier.”

“Okay, she’s safe, and you don’t need to worry.”

Shine threw back his head, and laughter spilled out. "I'm going to worry. That's ingrained."

“I know, but I think this time, you should let it go.”

He scrubbed his hand over his hair, pulling the strands before he dropped his hands to his sides. He blew out a breath, trying to regulate. "How can I let it go?"

“It’s tough. You know, I was out of my mind worried about Danika, but it didn’t help. You know you have to plan and do things to make sure the plan works. She will be okay if you prepare for her to be safe.”

Sharp’s words sank in, twisting through his mind. He was right. Worrying about Rowan wouldn’t help. But he needed to know she was okay, so he guessed he had to prepare better. “I know, I know. But I still blame myself for being gone when that bastard came and took her.”

“It wasn’t your fault. That guy was going to attack, anyway. Now we know about him, and you can make arrangements. Having her stay at your house will help keep her safe. Having the alarm helps. I know alarms don’t keep assholes from breaking in, but it will make them think twice before they make a move.”

Shine blew out a heavy breath. “I just wonder if it is enough. Did I miss anything?”

Sharp shrugged. "I don't know, but how about we go over everything this afternoon? We'll make sure you've done as much as you can. You've got to keep your head on straight because being distracted won't work with this job."

Shine knew this job required a lot. He had to be tuned in to what was going on. Should he even stay in the Navy? Retiring from the Navy was his plan, but could he keep Rowan safe if he was deployed thousands of miles away? Another job might take him away from her just as much as this one. He had a lot to think about on his own time. For now, he would focus on work and doing right by his team.

“Thanks, man. Going over a plan will help me feel better.”

“Any time.”

Shine appreciated his buddies. They kept him level. Being a SEAL was not just physically taxing, but mentally, too. There was so much they took on just doing this job. He appreciated that his team was there for him. With all that Sharp had been through, the guy could be a raging asshole. But Sharp was one of the best people he knew.

When Shine got home, Rowan rushed forward and jumped into his arms. He caught her, laughter spilling out as she rubbed her face against his neck. He was glad that she seemed happy to see him. She wasn’t crying and didn’t seem upset. That had to be a good sign.

“How was your day?”

She met his gaze. “Good. How was yours?”

“It was okay. I was worried about you.”

He saw her eyes go sad, and her smile fell for just a half second. He didn't want to focus on his concern for her. It always felt weird when people showed a large amount of concern for him after a mission. He didn't mind them thinking about him, but sometimes, it made him feel awkward when people focused on the danger he was in as a SEAL .

He would need to make sure he didn’t express too much concern but also he couldn’t make it seem like he didn’t care about her wellbeing. Caring was a part of a healthy relationship, and he wanted them to be healthy. It would take time. She'd been through too much, and she needed peace.

Maybe they should do counseling. He could bring it up to her later. For now, he would just show her how excited he was to have her here.

“So dinner, I was thinking about grilling.”

Her lips pressed together. “I made pasta.”

“That sounds great, too.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m positive. It sounds wonderful. Pasta is great. I can heat up some chicken.”

“Oh crap, you need meat, don’t you? I didn’t make the right food for you. I screwed up.”

“No. What you made is perfect.”

She shook her head. "But?—"

“No, it really is good. Most days, I need extra food. We worked out hard, so I need a lot today. I didn’t tell you what my workout schedule was today, so how could you have known?”

“Oh.”

Her face fell, and he pulled her close. “You know we aren’t used to each other, and we need to give it some time. You couldn’t have known I needed more food.”

She shook her head. “I just don’t want to mess up. I’m usually more put together than this, but everything is off. I feel like a car rolling only on three wheels.”

Her words made him want to laugh out loud, but he didn't want to upset her, so he held back. He put his hands on her shoulders, hoping he could show her how he felt. "You aren't messing up. You didn't know. "

She shook her head. "I just feel so off. And I don't know how much you eat. And I don't know what's going on. And I want to get to know you better, but I need more time. I don't feel that I have—I'm sorry. I'm going off, and you just got home."

He cupped her cheeks and then kissed her forehead. “It’s understandable that things are hard. We both need to give each other grace. That’s the only way this will work.”

“I didn’t think about how much food you would need for dinner. I should have understood.”

He didn't like how much she was beating herself up. She'd been through a lot, much more than most. It was understandable that her reactions would be off. "Really, it's okay."

He grabbed a container of frozen chicken and popped the lid off before putting it into the microwave to thaw. He knew they would have growing pains coming together. Her moving in after such a traumatic event had to be weird for her. She was going through leaving the safety of her home, which now wasn't safe, and living with him. That had to be a total mind fuck for her.

“What are you thinking about?”

He turned to face her. “That you’re a very strong person.”

She scoffed. “I’m not.”

"You are. You went through something traumatic, and you're still standing."

"I don't feel like I'm doing great. I feel like I'm failing. There's so much going on, and I'm struggling."

“Did you talk to your therapist?”

She shrugged. “I did. But she had an emergency, so we had to end the session early.”

“Were you okay with that?”

She nodded, but he wasn't convinced that she really was okay with ending the session early. She needed more time to process everything that happened. He wasn't going to push her, so he turned the conversation to the beach. He told her about a few of the things he'd done during the day and about some of their workouts. After dinner, he could see that she was exhausted, so he suggested a shower and bed. She reluctantly agreed.