Page 34

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

“It happened in October. October 6 th .”

And there’s the look. Shock and sadness cross Garret’s face, mixed with a good helping of pity.

“October 6 th ? That’s just a couple days before your birthday.”

“Yeah, I know when my birthday is.” I pick a rock off the ground and run it along the grooves in the wooden picnic table. “Sometimes I think she planned it that way. The morning it happened she came in my room and told me she was going to order pizza on Thursday for my birthday, which was weird because she never did anything for my birthday. But whatever. She broke her promise, just like she always did.”

Even though I know now that my mom was drugged and didn’t mean to be that way, I still haven’t fully accepted it. And because of that, I still hate her. I feel guilty about that, but it hasn’t changed how I feel about her. I think it’ll just take time.

Garret’s quiet and I can’t stand the look he’s giving me. Like I’m broken because of this one day in my past. Like he has to try and fix me now. Make me whole again.

“Well, this is depressing.” I laugh a little to lighten the mood. “Do you want to just leave?”

“No.” He’s still staring at me with that same look.

I focus back on the table, digging the rock into a knot in the wood. “I shouldn’t have told you that story. It was 4 years ago, and I hated her so it really wasn’t as traumatic as it sounds. Your story is way more sad. You actually loved your mom and then she died in a plane crash.”

“But I had people around me, helping me get through it. You were all alone.”

“I wasn’t alone. I moved in with Frank and Ryan the next day.”

He takes the rock from my hand and waits for me to look at him. “Is that why you don’t celebrate your birthday?”

“No. I don’t celebrate it because I didn’t grow up celebrating it. It was just another day.” My tone is harsh and I don’t care, because I really don’t like where this conversation is going. I wasn’t prepared to tell him that story and I’m kind of mad at him for even asking. “Are we done? Because I really don’t want to talk about this anymore. What else do you want to know about me?”

“Okay. Here’s an easy question.” His face brightens as he thankfully moves on. “If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?”

“I never thought about it. I never thought I’d leave Iowa. But I guess if I had to pick, I’d probably pick some country in Europe. I’ve always wanted to go to England and see a real castle. Have you ever been to a castle?”

“Yeah. Several. I lived in England for a few months.”

“That’s right. Boarding school. I did know that about you.”

Some clouds cover the sun making it feel chillier. Garret takes his coat off and drapes it over me.

“I’m not that cold.” I hand it back to him. “You can wear it.”

“You’re sick.” He wraps it around me again and kisses my cheek. “I’m taking care of my patient.”

“For the last time, I’m not sick. I’m injured.”

“Yeah, so let me take care of you. I like taking care of you.”

“That’s sweet, but I don’t need to be taken care of. When I got sick as a kid I used to—never mind.”

“Tell me, Jade.”

“No. You’ll give me that look again.”

“When you were sick you used to what?”

“I just took care of myself. That’s it. My point is that I don’t need someone getting me grilled cheese sandwiches or sitting by my bed all day.”

“You may not need it, but I want to do those things. So go ahead and yell at me, but I’m still taking care of you.”

“So tell me where you’d want to go if you could pick any place in the world.”

“I’ve actually already been to all the places I wanted to go. I’ve been to almost every country in Europe. I’ve been to so many tropical islands I can’t remember them all. I went to Australia a couple years ago. You already know all this. You’ll have to ask me a different question.”

“Do you think you’ll go back to any of those places?”

“I’m going back to all of them,” he says, confidently. “But next time I’m taking you with me.”

The idea of that causes a smile to instantly form on my face. I’ve always wanted to travel to far off places and there’s no other person in the world I’d rather go with than Garret. Thinking of traveling reminds me about spring break.

“Garret what are we going to do for spring break? Your dad said you shouldn’t leave Connecticut.”

“I know. And he’s probably right. I should hide out at home so the photographers can’t get to me. It pisses me off that we can’t fight this, but like my dad said, fighting it will just bring more attention to it. More photos. More articles. More online gossip.”

“Well, I can’t stay here. I need to go home and see Frank and Ryan since I won’t be there this summer.”

“I didn’t expect you to stay here. You should go. You already have your plane ticket.”

“I know, but I really wanted you to come home with me.”

“I’ll go home with you some other time. I can’t have photographers following me around at the airport or showing up at Frank’s house. They’re too aggressive and I don’t want you around that. It’s just a week, which I know will seem like a month, but you fly back on Friday, so we can spend the entire weekend doing whatever you want.” His smile implies he already knows what I’ll want. “Cards. Board games. Movies.”

“After a week apart, I guarantee we won’t be playing board games.” I kiss him. “We should get back. I think it’s time for you to give me another one of your treatments.”

We drop the car off at his house and drive his black BMW back to campus. We eat dinner in the dining hall with Harper, then watch my new TV before going to bed.

Garret stays with me again and I realize that I’m starting to get used to having him beside me every night.

“I like this,” I say softly to him as he tugs my back closer to his chest.

“I like it, too.” He moves my hair aside and kisses the back of my neck.

“I mean, I like it so much that I want to do this every night.”

“What are you saying, Jade?”

He sits up and I turn over on my back to look at him.

“I’m saying I want to live with you next year. I want to get an apartment together in the fall.”

“Really?” I can barely see his face in the dark room but I can hear the happiness in his voice. “But you said you wanted to test out living together this summer first.”

“I don’t need to test it out. I love you and I love being with you and sleeping next to you like this.” I flip on my side to face him. “When we were at Frank’s house and you asked me to move in with you, I really wanted to say yes. I was just afraid to because I wasn’t sure where this was going. But I’ve decided to stop listening to that part of me that keeps telling me this will never work and that I can’t count on anyone, even you.”

“You can count on me, Jade. I promise. I know I screwed up in the past and you didn’t trust me, and I didn’t deserve your trust back then. But I hope I’ve earned it back now. I promise you. I’m a hundred percent committed to this and I’m not going anywhere.”

“I think I’m finally starting to believe that.”

“So we’re really doing this? After this semester we’ll be done living in these shitty dorms?”

“Yes. And in the meantime, maybe we could do these sleepovers more than once or twice a week?”

“We could definitely do that.” He gives me a kiss, then lays his head back down on the pillow.

“And Garret?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you for taking care of me. I know I said I didn’t need it but—I do.”

“I know you do. Goodnight, Jade.”

It’s true. He knows exactly what I need even when I don’t. I’m not sure how he knows me so well, but he does. He knows that when I try to push him away, it means I need him even more. And when I say I don’t want to talk, it means I really need to. I’m crazy that way and other guys would’ve given up on me months ago. But Garret’s still here and he isn’t going anywhere. Just thinking about that makes me feel like the luckiest girl alive.

* * *

Thursday morning I go back to class. I haven’t had any dizzy spells or headaches, so taking a few days to rest was probably a good idea. My knee is feeling better and the doctor said I’ll get the stitches out next Tuesday. Spring break starts a few days later on Friday and I fly out that afternoon for Des Moines.

“You’re finally back,” Carson says when he sees me in chemistry class. He takes my crutches and helps me into my seat even though I don’t want or need his help.

“Yeah, I’m better now. And I’m a lot better with the crutches.” It’s my hint for him to stop helping me, but I’m sure it won’t stop him. I haven’t talked to Carson since he came by my room the other day, but he’s been texting and emailing me.

“Did you get the notes I sent you? You should have some from physics yesterday and the chem notes from Tuesday.”

“Yeah. I got them. Thanks for doing that.”

“What are your plans for spring break? Are you staying here with Garret?”

“No. I’m flying home on Friday. Garret’s staying here.”

“Why isn’t he going home with you?” Whenever he mentions Garret, Carson’s tone always makes it sound like he’s making an accusation or a judgment.

“He’s having some problems with that reality show and all the publicity around it, so he needs to hide out at his house.”

“I’ve seen the promos for that show. The way they promote it, you’d think Garret’s the star of it. And his face is all over the Internet. Well, not just his face. Where do they get all those photos anyway?”

I assume he’s talking about the photos that show Garret shirtless or only wearing swim trunks. They have a ton of them on the website for the reality show. “I don’t know where they get the photos, but they shouldn’t be on the Internet without his consent.”

“Why isn’t Garret’s dad suing the producers? I’m sure he has a whole team of lawyers.”

“He does, but they advised him to ignore it and keep quiet until the show is over.” My laptop’s low battery signal is flashing and I search my bag for the power cord. “So what are your plans for spring break?”

“I’m going home. But I decided to drive instead of fly because I wasn’t sure when I was coming back. None of my friends will be home and I’m not sure I want to sit around with my parents for a week.”

“That’s a long drive.” I reach down and plug in the power cord.

“I don’t mind. It’s not like when you’re a kid stuck in the back seat. I actually had a good time driving out here.”

Class begins, and I spend the next hour trying to catch up from what I missed. I feel so behind from missing just a couple days.

The same thing happens at my classes on Friday. The professors have moved on to new material that builds on what I missed when I was out. It’s like I missed two weeks of class.

By Friday afternoon I don’t feel so good walking back to my dorm. My dizziness is back and my head hurts. When I get to my room, Garret’s there, swiping through his phone.

“Hey, how was class?” He kisses me as he takes my backpack and sets it on the desk.

I collapse on the bed. “I’m exhausted. I think I’ll skip dinner and just go to sleep.”

“You’re not skipping dinner.” He comes over and sits beside me. “What’s wrong? Did you overdo it the past couple days?”

“Yeah. I think I did.” I rub my head, trying to make the aching go away.

“Then we’ll have a quiet weekend. What do you want to do?”

I groan. “Study. Write a paper.”

“When’s the paper due? Can it wait?”

“It’s not really a paper. It’s a lab summary for chem. It’s due on Tuesday, but I have to do it this weekend or I won’t get it done on time.”

“Make Carson do it.”

“He did the last one. I can’t make him do this one, too.”

“I’m sure he’d do it, Jade. Just let him write this one and you can write the next two. You need to rest up so you’ll feel better when you go home over break.”

“Yeah, that’s true. I’ll call him quick. Could you grab my phone?”

He brings it over to me and I call Carson. He agrees to do the paper and even seems happy about it.

I set the phone down. “Well, that’s one thing I don’t have to worry about.”

“Come on.” Garret tugs on my arms until I sit up. “Let’s go upstairs and watch a movie. And later I’ll order something for dinner.”

I yawn. “I’ll probably fall asleep.”

“That’s okay.” He kisses my forehead. “You sleep and I’ll watch a movie.”

“That’s a really boring Friday night. You should go out and do something. Call Decker and see what he’s doing.” My head slumps down on Garret’s shoulder.

“You’re not getting rid of me, sleepy girl. Do I need to carry you upstairs?”

“No, I can make it. But could you grab my pajamas so I don’t have to come down here later?”

He goes to my drawer and pulls out some pajamas, then we head upstairs to his room. I fall asleep right away and stay asleep the rest of the night.

We stay in the dorm all weekend so I can rest and Garret can avoid any photographers. The reality show airs Thursday night so he’s a wanted man. I’ve tried to avoid the Internet, but I have to use it for class and when I do I keep seeing ads for the show. Everyone else on campus has as well, and now the girls at Moorhurst are showing interest in Garret. They did even before all this happened because he’s extremely hot, but now they’re more aggressive. It’s another reason why we need to hide out in his room.

On Tuesday afternoon, Garret takes me to a medical clinic in town to get my stitches out. Dr. Cunningham doesn’t work there, but for some reason he’s allowed to temporarily use their facilities. I don’t ask questions about it because I know I won’t get answers.

“Your knee is healing nicely,” Cunningham says as he removes the stitches.

Garret’s standing there holding my hand like I’m five, but it’s sweet so I let him.

“When do you think I can ditch the crutches?” I ask the doctor.

“Let’s go another few days and then you can try walking without them.”

“I’m dying to run again.”

“No running, Jade. You’ll just do more damage. Wait another month.”

“I’ll have to hide her running shoes,” Garret says. “Otherwise there’s no way she’ll wait a month.”

“It’s true.” I look down at my now stitch-free knee. “I can’t wait that long.”

“Hide her running shoes,” Cunningham whispers to Garret, knowing I can hear.

Garret laughs as he helps me off the table.

Cunningham goes to the sink to wash his hands. “Any spring break plans for you two?”

“I’m staying here and Jade’s going home,” Garret says.

“Back to Des Moines?” Cunningham asks me. I nod as I put my coat on. “I’ll be there as well. I’m checking in on Frank next week. That’s good. I can check in on you, too, and make sure you’re not running on that knee.”

“Great,” I mumble, annoyed but smiling.

He swipes through his tablet, stopping briefly to type in some notes. “Who’s driving you to Iowa? You don’t plan to drive yourself do you? Because I don’t want you driving until you go a full week without any dizziness.”

“I’m not driving. I’m flying.”

He looks up from his tablet. “You can’t fly with your concussion. If you weren’t still having the headaches I’d say yes, but since you are, air travel is out.”

“But I have to fly. I have no other way to get there. And I have to get home. I won’t be there this summer.” I’m talking really fast as if doing so will somehow change his mind.

Garret puts his arm around me. “Jade. Relax. I’ll just drive you.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Cunningham asks him. “I don’t want Jade to be knocked around by a photographer or one of your fans. You know what happened last time.”

“Yeah, I know. We’ll figure something out. Is she done here?”

“Yes. You’re all set, Jade. I guess I may or may not see you in Des Moines next week. Either way, have a nice break. You, too, Garret.”

We leave and I find myself getting really angry on the drive back to campus. “Who does he think he is telling me I can’t fly?”

“He’s your doctor, Jade. And you need to listen to him.”

“Why? What’s so dangerous about flying? I just have to sit there for a few hours.”

“It probably has something to do with the air pressure. Look it up if you don’t believe him.”

“Maybe I should get a second opinion.”

“That guy is one of the best doctors in the country. I guarantee he’s better than any doctor you’ll find around here.”

“Then what am I gonna do? Frank and Ryan are all excited about having me home and I really want to see them. And Ryan already rearranged his work schedule so he could get some time off while I’m there.”

It makes me hate Ava even more. If it weren’t for her, Garret could just drive me home and this airplane ban wouldn’t even be a problem.