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CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

I drop the sheet of paper on my desk. “That’s a lot.”

“You feel better now?” Garret’s tone is a mix of anger and annoyance but mostly anger.

“No. You were right. I feel worse.”

He walks past me to the door. “Let me know when this is over, Jade.” He leaves, shutting the door behind him.

I’m not sure what just happened. Or what Garret meant just now. Let him know when it’s over? When what’s over? Our fight? Or us?

Shit! What did I just do? Did I just destroy our relationship? Over Ava? Over that list? Why did I even ask for it? Why does it matter? Harper was right. It’s the past. Garret’s with me now, not Ava. Not any of the girls on that list.

I pick up the piece of paper and notice that some of the girls don’t have last names. Garret was probably too drunk to even remember their last names. Like he said, he was a different person back then. So why am I so obsessed with the Garret I never knew when the Garret I know and love is right here?

My eyes stop and stare at the last name on the list. Sadie Sinclair. I assumed he had sex with her, but this just confirms it. Did I really need to know that? What Garret said is true. Knowing this doesn’t help. It hurts. He’s mine now and it hurts knowing that he’s been with these other girls. So why the hell did I demand to know about them?

* * *

The next couple days go by and I don’t hear anything from Garret. Not a phone call. Not a text. I don’t even see him in the dining hall. The ball is in my court now and he’s waiting for me to do something, but for some reason I don’t.

The longer we go without talking the more stubborn I get. He’s the one who walked out on me and left me wondering what he meant with those cryptic last words. So the ball should be in his court. He should be coming to me.

Harper disagrees and lectures me at dinner Thursday night. “Jade, you’ve gotta end this. Just go up to his room and talk it out.”

“I can’t. I don’t know what to say. And why should I have to apologize for making him tell the truth? He should trust me enough to be honest with me.”

“Yeah, and he was honest and look what happened. You’re miserable.”

“But what if this is a pattern? Think about all that stuff last semester that he didn’t tell me.”

“So you’ve never kept things from him? You’ve told him everything about your past?”

“Well, no. Not everything.” Actually I’ve told him very little about my past, mainly because I don’t want him feeling sorry for me.

“Then you’re not being fair. You can’t expect him to do things you aren’t willing to do yourself. That’s selfish. And immature.”

“What the hell, Harper? Why are you sticking up for him instead of me?”

“I’m just calling you on your shit because you’re obviously too stubborn to admit when you’re wrong. You never should’ve asked for that list. And you shouldn’t be punishing him for stuff he did years ago, before he even met you. Garret’s done a lot for you, Jade, and I don’t think you’re treating him very well.”

“He lied to me about Ava! All those times he could’ve told me—”

“And if he’d told you, what would’ve changed? Nothing! He’d still be with you, not her. He didn’t tell you about Ava, or any of those other girls, because he didn’t want you to feel the way you feel right now. And I respect him for that.”

I stand up from the table and grab my tray. “I don’t need a lecture. You’re my friend and you’re supposed to take my side, not his.”

It’s our first official friend fight. Now I’m fighting with Garret and Harper, my two closest friends and it all started with Ava and that stupid reality show.

As much as I hate to admit it, I know Harper’s right. Everything she said is true. And knowing that makes me even more angry—not at Garret, or Harper, but at myself. I ruined something great, something beyond great, something I never thought I’d have, and now I don’t know if I’ll get it back.

Even if Garret and I get past this, I’ll still have that list in my head. I’ll still know he slept with all those girls. I’ll see their names in my head. I’ll think of him with Ava. And Sadie. I can’t go back and erase all that. It’ll be stuck in my brain forever. I guess that’s my punishment for asking for that stupid list.

It’s 6:30, and even though it’s the last thing I feel like doing, I have to meet Carson again to review the comments we got back on our outline. Tonight I’m meeting him in a study room that was open in his dorm.

“Hey, Jade. Did you have a chance to look at the comments yet? I was just reading through—”

“Let’s get out of here.” I wait at the door with my coat on.

“And go where? The library? We didn’t reserve a room.”

“Let’s just go to a coffee shop or some other place in town.”

He gets up, surprised. “Yeah, okay. There’s that coffee shop just a couple miles from here that has tables to plug in the laptops. We can go there.”

“That’s fine. I don’t really care where we go.”

He stuffs his laptop in his messenger bag and we walk out to the parking lot. “What’s wrong? You seem upset.”

“Nothing’s wrong. I just need to get off campus. It really sucks not having a car.”

“I’m sure Garret would you let you borrow his. Unless he’s one of those guys who doesn’t like other people driving his car. If he is, then you can borrow mine.”

Carson has a red Jeep that looks brand new, just like every other car on this campus. He opens the door for me. Yep, it’s new. The new car smell hits me as soon as I step inside.

When we get to the coffee shop, I find us a seat at one of the long tables with outlets.

Carson gets in line. “Jade, what do you want?” He yells it back at me.

“Just a glass of water.” Has he not heard that I’m poor? Surely someone at this school has told him about my background by now.

“Come on. It’s on me. Do you like lattes?”

“I’ve never had one. I usually just get coffee.” By “usually” I mean the one and only time I’ve ever ordered something at this place. Harper goes here all the time and sometimes I go with her but I don’t order anything. Two bucks for a small coffee? I don’t think so.

Carson comes back with two large cups. “Here. Try it. It’s a caramel latte. Kerry loves these. I think they’re too sweet, but see what you think.”

I take a sip. “I like it. It’s almost like dessert.”

“Yeah. Way too sweet for me.” Carson gets his laptop out, smiling like he’s thrilled that I agreed to go somewhere with him. Maybe I shouldn’t have suggested this. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. Even though he’s dating Kerry, sometimes he says things that make it seem like he’s interested in me.

“So are you still okay with writing the first draft of the paper?” I ask as I turn my laptop on.

“Yeah. I’ll probably start it tomorrow so you can review it on Saturday.”

“Sounds good.”

We go over the comments we got back on our outline. A half hour into our discussion, my phone rings and I check to see who’s calling. It’s Garret. I actually feel nervous seeing his name pop up on the screen. Nervous but also ecstatic that he’s calling me again. This silent treatment has only lasted a few days, but I miss him so much I haven’t been able to think about anything else. Now I totally regret letting this go on for so long. I should’ve talked to him days ago and ended this fight that never should’ve started.

“I need to get this,” I tell Carson. I take my coat and walk outside.

“Garret, I—”

“Jade, where are you?” He’s talking fast, almost frantic.

“I’m at a coffee shop. Why?”

“Lilly’s missing. Katherine can’t find her and I’m going over there to help. Can you come with me and look for her?”

“What do you mean she’s missing?”

“She was in her room and when Katherine went to get her for dinner she was gone. There were some maintenance guys there around that same time and Katherine is freaking out. She can’t find Lilly anywhere and she thinks they might’ve taken her.”

“Did she call the police?”

“You know we don’t involve them in stuff like this. Anyway I told Katherine I’d search the back woods. I don’t think Lilly would go out there by herself, but I have to at least look. Can you help?”

“Of course. Whatever you need.”

“Which coffee shop? I’m in the car on Fifth and Main.”

“I’m at Last Cup. It’s right after the gas station.”

“Yeah, I know where it is.”

We hang up and I hurry back inside. “Sorry, Carson, but I have to go. Garret’s sister, Lilly, is miss—” I cut myself off, shoving my laptop in my backpack and hoping he didn’t hear what I said.

“His sister is what? Missing?”

I smile. “She’s missing her favorite stuffed bear. She won’t sleep without it. I told Garret I’d go help him find it.”

Carson gives me a strange look. I know he doesn’t believe me. “Can’t his parents find her bear?”

“His dad’s out of town and his stepmom said she searched everywhere and couldn’t find it. Anyway, we can talk at class tomorrow. I’ll try to get there early.”

I hoist my backpack over my shoulder and turn to see Garret walking in. I was hoping to meet him out front.

“Jade, are you ready?” His eyes fix on Carson and I can tell he’s surprised to see him there. He probably thought I was here with Harper.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” I tug on his coat sleeve.

“Hey, Garret,” Carson says, a smug grin on his face. “Good luck finding that bear.”

On the drive to his house, Garret doesn’t mention Carson. He doesn’t mention our fight either. It’s not the time for that. We need to focus on Lilly.

“How long has she been missing?” I ask him.

“Katherine doesn’t know. After the maintenance guys left she went to Lilly’s room and saw she wasn’t there. She started looking for her and when she couldn’t find her she called me.”

“Maybe Lilly’s just in a different room. Has she checked the whole house?”

“Yes. The maid looked. Charles looked. Katherine. Everyone’s been searching the house and they can’t find her.”

“Is anyone tracking down the maintenance guys?”

“Our security people are trying to find the van they were driving.” Garret slams on the brakes as we approach a red light. “Katherine should’ve stayed with Lilly the entire time those guys were there.” He bangs his hand on the steering wheel. “What the hell was she thinking leaving her alone like that?”

He picks his phone up from the area between our seats and checks it quick, then sets it back down. I reach over and put my hand around his, seeing if he’ll let me. He does, so I hold it tighter, realizing how much I’ve missed the simple act of just holding his hand.

“I’m sorry, Garret. I’m sorry this is happening.” I pause. “I’m sorry about everything.”

“Forget it. We don’t need to talk about it.”

“Yeah, we do. Just not now.”

We get to the house and run inside. “Did you call my dad?” Garret yells it at Katherine who is practically in a trance, standing like a statue in the middle of the foyer. Garret goes up and puts his hands on her shoulders, shaking her. “Katherine. Did you call my dad?”

She snaps to. “What? No. I can’t call Pearce. He’ll kill me for losing her. I can’t—”

“Call him!” He screams at her.

She takes her phone from her pants pocket, but holds it at her side.

“You searched the whole house?” he asks. “You’re sure she’s not in here?”

She nods. “Yes. We’ve searched it several times.”

“How much of the outside have you searched?”

“Charles is looking out front with Paul. Our security men left to follow the van.” Katherine is talking robotically, like she’s completely shut down.

“Katherine.” Garret shakes her again to make her pay attention. “Jade and I will be out back searching the woods. If you find out anything, call my cell. And you need to call my dad. I’m not calling him for you. You did this, and you need to tell him yourself.”

“He’s staying in New York tonight. We had a fight and he left. I can’t tell him about this. He’ll—”

Garret grabs her phone and shoves it in her face. “His daughter is missing! You’re fucking calling him! Right now!”

She takes the phone from him and swipes her fingers across the screen.

“Come on, Jade.” Garret takes off down the back hallway. He stops at a door that opens to a large closet full of brooms, mops, and other cleaning supplies. He pulls out two large flashlights, testing them quick to make sure they work, and hands me one.

As we walk back down the hall, we hear loud voices echoing in the foyer. Garret holds me back and we wait off to the side. Mr. Kensington is home and in an all-out screaming match with his wife. I guess he decided not to stay in New York after all.

“What the hell were you doing that was so important you couldn’t watch her?” Mr. Kensington stands in front of Katherine, towering over her tiny frame.

She quickly tries to explain. “I was on the phone, but I went to check on her as soon as I hung up.”

“On the phone with who?” he demands.

She looks away. “Just a friend. Nobody you know.”

He grabs her cell phone from her hand and swipes through it. “Unknown caller?” He swipes the phone again. “This unknown caller seems to call a lot, especially late at night.” He glares at her. “Who is it, Katherine?”

“Stop it! Give me the phone!” She reaches for it, but he keeps it high above her head.

He walks away, tapping on the phone. I’m guessing he’s calling this unknown person. He holds the phone to his ear and listens, then turns toward Katherine again, his face bright red like he’s about to explode. “No, Stephen! It’s not your sweetheart! It’s not Katherine! It’s your fucking boss! And you’re fired!”

Mr. Kensington slams the phone on the floor, then takes his own phone from his pocket. Garret races up to his dad. “Who are you calling?”

“Garret, what are you doing here?”

“Katherine called me to help look for Lilly. I’m going out back to search the woods with Jade.”

Mr. Kensington glances at me, then back at his phone. “I doubt she’d be out there, but go ahead and look. I need to make some calls and get my people working on this.”

His people? What people? Their security guys? Somehow I think he means other people. People I shouldn’t know about.

Katherine has returned to her comatose state, frozen in place in the middle of the foyer, her phone shattered on the shiny, white tile floor.

Garret and I race outside past the pool to the edge of the woods. “I’ll go right and you take the left,” he says. “If you get lost or need me for anything, just call my cell.”

“Yeah, okay.” I turn the flashlight on and run down the trail that leads into the woods. It’s so dark that I can’t imagine Lilly coming back here. She’d be way too scared.

My heart is breaking just thinking of something bad happening to her. It makes me think of Garret’s comment about kids. If he ever had kids, is this how it would be? Always having to worry they might be kidnapped? Always having to watch over them, even in their own house?

“Lilly!” I continue to yell her name as I zigzag through the trees. I hear rustling in the leaves and stop briefly to check it out, but it’s just a squirrel. I wonder what other wildlife is out here. Crap! I forgot all about that. What if I run into a skunk? Or a raccoon? Or step on a snake? The thought makes me shudder. I take a deep breath and refocus on the task at hand. To find Lilly.

As I continue to search, images flash in my mind of her trapped in the back of a van, scared to death, wondering who has her and where they’re taking her. I quickly wipe the images from my brain. I’m not going to believe that. She has to be here on the property. That’s all I want to believe.