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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

“Hey, shithead!”

It’s him.

I know that voice all too well. I still hear it in my head when I remember what he did to me.

The smell of him surrounds me now. I seriously think I might throw up. Right here. Right now. Stuck in a crowd of people.

I try to call Garret’s name but I can’t. My throat is so dry I can’t swallow, so I definitely can’t scream. And the music is so loud Garret would never hear me anyway.

“Kensington! I’m talking to you!”

The voice is getting closer. It’s like it’s right next to me. Shit, I think it is!

“Hey. What’s up, Ohio?” I feel his long fingers on my shoulder and jerk away from him, banging hard into the girl next to me.

“Watch it, bitch!” she yells at me.

I spin around and see Blake right in front of me, leering at me with that sick grin. The same one he gave me that night.

Someone yanks me back. It’s Garret and I can feel his anger as he shoves himself in front of me.

“Get the fuck away from her!” Garret screams it so loud that everyone around us stops and stares, their chattering quieted to a low murmur while the music continues to blare from the speakers.

“What? You’re not happy to see me?” Blake yells out, his voice rich with sarcasm. “I thought we were friends.”

Blake and Garret are now face to face. This is not good. It’s really, really not good. Garret ended up in jail last time he fought with Blake. He got out thanks to blackmail and backroom deals, but if he beats Blake up again Garret will serve time. Blake’s dad will make sure of it. He’s attorney general for the state of Connecticut and I’m sure by now he’s figured out a way to avoid being blackmailed again.

“Come on, Garret. So I slept with Ohio. The bitch asked for it.”

Shit! That’s the absolute worst thing Blake could’ve said. One, it’s a complete lie. Two, he’s implying I’m a slut. Three, he called me Ohio, which Garret knows I hate. And four, he called me a bitch, which makes Garret even more enraged than it makes me. He’s told Blake repeatedly to never call me that again.

Blake isn’t as dumb as he looks. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

“Garret, stop!” I yell it as I watch him take a swing at Blake who steps back to avoid being hit.

Decker suddenly appears, putting his short, stocky body between Blake and Garret, his arms stretched out on each side. “You know you can’t do this, Garret. Just stop before you do something you’ll regret.”

Blake shoves Decker aside like he’s swatting a fly. “Get the fuck out of the way, Dek!”

Garret’s fist goes up again. Then out of nowhere, Carson appears behind Garret, grabbing hold of his arms as two other guys work to hold back Blake.

I move in front of Garret and talk directly into his ear. “Just calm down. Don’t do this. You’ll go to jail. You won’t get out this time. Please don’t do that to me. To us.”

Garret relaxes his arms, then yanks them from Carson, his eyes still locked on Blake. He grabs my hand and heads toward the door, his shoulder colliding with Carson’s as we leave.

I hear Blake laughing above the music. The crowd noise returns to a low roar.

When we get to the car, Garret opens my door and slams it shut. Then he gets in the driver’s side, slamming that door shut. He says nothing, his jaw clenched, his breathing heavy.

There’s a tapping sound on my window and I look out to see Carson standing there. The car’s not turned on, so I can’t get the window down.

I crack open the door and Carson takes hold of it, opening it more as he leans down to talk to me. “Are you okay? Do you need a ride?”

“No, she doesn’t need a fucking ride,” Garret says. He’s now gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles are white.

Carson pokes his head into the car. “Hey, man. You seem a little out of control. I’m just trying to make sure Jade is safe.”

Garret glares at him. “Are you serious? You think she’s not safe with me? You don’t even know me. AlI I do is worry about her safety.”

“I’m fine, Carson,” I reassure him. “You can go back inside.”

He doesn’t. He just continues to stand there.

I turn back toward Garret, who’s shaking his head side to side. He notices me watching him and looks at me. “You’re not even gonna explain what happened? You just want this guy accusing me of being some psychopath? Like I get in fights every day?”

“It doesn’t matter. Let’s just go.”

Carson opens my door even farther. “I don’t think you should ride with him.”

Garret jumps out of the car, slamming the door again. He storms over to Carson, getting up in his face. “Maybe you should get your fucking facts straight before you go accusing me of shit.” He points to the house. “A few weeks ago, that guy in there almost raped my girlfriend. Did you hear me asshole? He almost raped her. And just now, he had his hands all over her again. How the fuck is a guy supposed to react to that? Just stand there and do nothing?”

Carson backs away. “Um, yeah, man. I get it. I didn’t know.”

I’m so embarrassed. The attempted rape is not something I want people to know about, especially my chem lab partner. Now every encounter I have with Carson is going to be awkward. He’ll always be thinking about this. About me. With Blake.

“You can leave now.” Garret goes back around the car to the driver’s side. He gets in and starts the engine. Carson stands there, still looking concerned for my safety. I close the door and we drive off.

“I fucking hate that guy,” Garret says as he turns onto the main road.

“I hate Blake, too, but you can’t beat him up again.”

“I wasn’t talking about Blake.”

“You mean Carson? Why do you hate Carson? He just stopped you from going to jail.”

“He shouldn’t have interfered like that. It was none of his fucking business.”

We drive past the college and continue down the winding road.

“Where are we going?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to go back to Moorhurst right now. Let’s just drive. Unless you have a place you want to go.”

“Can we just sit and talk for a minute? I think you’re too angry to drive.”

“So now you’re agreeing with Carson?” Garret shakes his head. “That’s just fucking great.”

“Why are so jealous of him? We’re lab partners. That’s it.”

Garret pulls into an empty parking lot and stops the car, leaving the engine running. “He wants you, Jade. It’s so damn obvious. He’s been trying to make me look bad since I met him. And then tonight he tries to come in and rescue you, like he’s some fucking superhero saving you from the evil villain. How are you not seeing this?”

“It doesn’t matter. He can do a million things to try to impress me, but I’ll still end up with you. Don’t you get that? You don’t need to be jealous. I want to be with you and only you. Nothing is going to change that.”

“Yeah, right,” he mumbles.

“What’s that supposed to mean? You don’t think I’m committed to this? Is that what this is about?”

He looks straight ahead into the darkness. “You’re always telling me this won’t last. That something or someone will break us apart. And as much as I tell you that’s not true, you continue to think it.”

“I used to. But not anymore. I’m the one who suggested we move in together. That’s a huge commitment.”

“I suggested it first. And you turned me down. You suggested the summer rental because it’s temporary. You said if it doesn’t work out, we’ll still have our dorm rooms in the fall. Like you’re already planning on it not working.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

He turns to me. “Then why say it, Jade? Why do you have to put all this negative shit out there like that? Why can’t you just leave it at ‘I want to get an apartment with you, Garret’ and forget whatever thoughts you have about it not working?”

“I don’t know. I just say that stuff without even thinking.”

We sit quietly for a moment.

Garret turns the car off and lets out a long sigh. “I’m sorry about tonight. Things got out of hand. It started when I saw Carson looking at you that way.”

“He wasn’t—”

“Let’s just agree to disagree on that, okay? And then Sierra had to start bringing up all that high school shit again.”

“About that. Did you really play football?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“And you were the freaking quarterback?”

“Yeah.” His tone softens and he smiles just a tiny bit.

“That’s really hot. Why didn’t you tell me I was the dating the high school quarterback?”

“I went to a small private school. It’s not like we had a good team.”

“I still think it’s hot. And you were homecoming king?”

“That’s just embarrassing. I can’t believe Sierra brought that up.”

“Garret, you’re like a movie cliché. The quarterback who wins homecoming king and is also rich and super hot. I’m dating a teen movie cliché.”

It makes us both laugh.

“I never thought about it that way. I played football because I liked it, not to be popular or get girls. And I wasn’t trying to be homecoming king.” He gets serious again and reaches over for my hand. “Jade, did Blake do anything to you tonight? Did he say anything?”

“Not really. He put his hand on my shoulder. That’s about it.”

“He never should’ve touched you. We had a deal. He’s not allowed to come near you.”

“Well, you knew he wouldn’t listen.”

“So are you okay?”

I shift in my seat and gaze out the side window at the dark woods that line the parking lot. “I guess.”

“Jade. Are you okay?” He asks again, more forcefully this time.

I turn back to him and shake my head no. A tear runs down my face as I think about Blake and what he did to me that night. Dammit! I will not let that bastard make me cry. He’s not worth it.

Garret places his hand on the side of my face. “Talk to me, Jade.”

I take a deep breath, trying to get control over my watery eyes and shaky voice. “I could smell him. And then I heard him. And that’s all it took. It was like I was back in my room, reliving the whole thing all over again. I could feel him on top of me. I could feel the weight of him pushing me down. And I couldn’t move. I tried. I did everything Ryan taught me, but I couldn’t get Blake off me.”

Now I’m full blown crying, which doesn’t make sense. I’m angry, not sad. So why the hell am I crying?

Garret gets out of the car and comes around to open my door. “Back seat.”

We both sit in the back, just like we did at the hospital when I broke down after seeing Frank in the ICU. Garret holds me against him and my body finally starts to relax.

“I’m fine.” I wipe the tears from my face. “We don’t need to do this.”

“You’ve never talked about it. You haven’t said a word about it since you talked to my lawyers. And even then, you described it like it happened to someone else.”

“It doesn’t matter now. I’m over it.”

“If that were true you wouldn’t have felt that way when he approached you tonight. And you wouldn’t be reacting like you are now.”

He’s right. I’m not over it. I still have nightmares about it. I just don’t want to admit it. If I do, people will think I’m weak. And I’ll be giving Blake too much power.

Garret holds me closer and threads his hand with mine. “Jade. Just talk to me.”

There’s something about this moment, just the two of us sitting in the back seat of the car, that makes me want to tell Garret everything. So I do. I tell him how scared I was that night. How helpless I felt. How I felt like it was somehow my fault. And how I keep reliving the whole thing, thinking I could have done something different.

“Jade, you should’ve told me this sooner. Why were you keeping all this to yourself?”

“Because I don’t like feeling shit. And I especially don’t like talking about feeling shit. And now you’ve got me doing both, you big idiot.”

The way I say it makes him laugh which makes me laugh. “Sometimes you’re really funny when you’re yelling at me.”

“I wasn’t yelling. I’m just annoyed that you’ve turned me into this crying, feeling, hugging mess.”

“I’m sorry.” He lifts my head off his chest. “Forgive me?”

“I guess. I do feel better finally saying all that.”

“So don’t keep stuff to yourself anymore. If I made you this way, the least I can do is always be here to listen. And give you one of those hugs I taught you.” His arms tighten around me.

“Can we go home now? It’s starting to get cold in here.”

“Yes, we can go.”

When we get back to campus, he walks me to my room as he always does.

“I know it’s not sleepover Saturday, but can I stay with you tonight?”

He leans down and kisses my forehead. “You never have to ask me that. You can stay with me every night if you want.”

“I think I’ll just add Fridays for now.”

When we get in bed we kiss, but he doesn’t take it any farther. He knows I don’t want that tonight. I just want to be near him, tucked inside his warm, safe arms.

Leave it to Blake to ruin yet another evening. But as awful as it was, the night ended with Garret and me having a really good talk in the car. A talk which took our relationship to an even deeper level. That happens a lot with us. Bad stuff happens and each time it does, we seem to grow closer, not farther apart. It’s another thing I love about us.