Page 73 of Please Don’t Go (The Midnight Strike #1)

JOSEFINE

I anxiously fidget with my ring, staring at my spotless living room. “Seriously, why are you here?”

Vi had to step outside to answer a phone call, leaving Angel and me alone. We’re both standing in my living room that he cleaned up all by himself. I still can’t fathom that he did it or why.

He levels me with a stare as if he were assessing me. It’s the same look he wears when he’s going to pitch. It’s a bit unnerving and I hate it.

I think he senses what I’m feeling because his gaze softens as if he didn’t realize he was looking at me like that.

“To see how you were doing.”

“Why?” I sound defensive but other than when Daniel’s been around and the occasional seeing him on campus, we’ve never spoken to each other. “If you’re here to call me a bitch or whatever, go ahead. Get it out and leave.”

He smiles, amused. “Why would I clean your living room and then call you names?”

I shrug. My question sounds ridiculous to me too, but there’s no telling what could happen. After all, he’s Daniel’s best friend and I broke up with him. When I broke up with Bryson, despite his friends knowing what he did to me, they all called me names.

“I broke up with him. I kicked him out. He probably hates me. I figured all of you do too.” The words leave my mouth, tasting like bile.

He shakes his head, staring at me, puzzled.

“Danny’s not like that. He’s too kind for his own good.

I don’t think he could hate somebody even if he tried, especially you of all people.

He cares about you a lot, more than he’s probably ever cared about anyone.

Which is really fucking rude because I’m his best friend. ”

My lips twitch but his other words settle like a hot iron to my chest. “You heard what he said. Let’s not pretend like that didn’t happen.

Drunk or not, you know there’s some truth behind it.

” I pause to gather my thoughts because they’re starting to scatter.

I feel myself tipping over the abysmal edge at the reminder of his words.

“Yeah, he was drunk but despite what he said, I know it wasn’t directed at you.

You just happened to be there.” He winces.

“This time of year is hard for him, for all his family, and then Bryson pushed him in the pool and it triggered him.” He pauses.

“And I know that’s why you’re not upset at what he said.

You’re mad you missed the signs because I’m mad.

Do you have any idea how much of my life I’ve spent with him?

We practically grew up together. I know—well, I thought I knew everything about him, but I didn’t.

I didn’t know he was struggling. He was always smiling, always laughing, always trying to make someone feel good.

Even Bryson, who didn’t deserve it—Danny was there for him when he had bad games.

” He rolls his eyes. “I should’ve seen the signs, and I’ll always hate myself for missing them. ”

I scrunch my nose, hating how it stings. I’m not going to cry in front of him , is what I tell myself, but a stubborn tear spills because he’s not wrong.

I furiously wipe it away. “I didn’t want to break up with him, but I needed to do it. I don’t know how to emotionally help him. I’m so?—”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“What?”

“I may have missed the signs, but he was different with you. Call it love or whatever people in relationships feel, but he just looked lighter with you.”

I scoff incredulously. “Lighter?”

“Yeah, you had him giggling in the locker room. You don’t strike me as a funny person.”

“Hey.” I’m taken aback.

“Did I lie?”

“Well, no, but I could be funny.”

“Right,” he sardonically muses.

“Is this your way of making me feel better? Because you’re doing a really shitty job at it.”

“My bad. Let me tell you, Danny was… is Feral. Obsessed. A little unhinged when it comes to you. Never seen him like that.” He flashes me a haughty grin.

My stomach flutters. “What’s your point with all of this?”

“I just want you to know that I get it. You struggle with your emotions or whatever, but if you think about it, we’re all a little fucked up.”

“Is this your way of making me feel better?” I ask again.

“Yes, no. I knew I should’ve brought Kai with me. He’s good at this stuff.” He ponders over it, like he’s regretting not having brought him. “I’m trying to be inspiring.”

“Inspiring?”

“That’s probably not the word.” He scratches the back of his head.

“Oh, fuck it. Look, I’m not good with these kinds of things.

I’m so out of my depth here if I’m being honest with you.

I don’t know anything about relationships, but I do know my best friend.

I know Daniel enough to know that whatever he feels for you isn’t fake or something he felt he needed to feel to make you happy or better.

I get what he said was shitty, but he was drunk, and you were there.

I can’t make sense of it, and I’m not going to try either because it’s a little confusing for me.

I just know Danny would do anything for you.

You could kill someone and he wouldn’t question it; he’d probably grab a shovel.

That’s the kind of bullshit he’d do for you. ”

My lips slightly curl upward as I think about the night he came with me to slash Bryson’s tires.

He pushes off the wall and grips the sectional.

“I get why you’re put off by me. I mean, I randomly showed up and broke your window, which I intend to fix, by the way.

I know before this, we didn’t really speak.

I should’ve made an effort, but I never knew how.

What the hell would we even talk about? But then I thought about Danny, how he’s so extroverted and somehow finds a way to make conversation.

I bet he could somehow make the wall talk.

I don’t know how, but he would find a way. ”

A laugh tickles my throat, but I swallow it back. “Yeah, he would.”

“What I’m trying to say with all of this is that I get it.

You’re emotionally fucked, but aren’t we all?

I know you feel guilty and think that you could’ve done more for him, but you did what you could, and I can guarantee it was enough for him.

” He pins me with a look of empathy. “Don’t take this out on yourself or him.

You don’t need that, and neither does he.

Maybe sleep on it, think about it, I don’t know.

Do what you gotta do, but don’t give up on him. ”

The desperation in his voice chokes me, making it hard to speak.

“And also, I’m here too. As you can see, I’m not good with motivational speeches or heartwarming words of affirmation, but if you need to talk, I’m here.

I’m good at listening. Or if you want to break shit, there’s a rage room not too far from here.

I could take you to it if you want. I can swim, but I don’t think I’ll be able to keep up with you.

I’m not opposed to painting my nails if you’re into that kind of thing.

Or getting piercings, I don’t mind those.

But I won’t wax my body, so don’t even think about it.

And I draw the line at watching rom-coms. I’ve tried but I just can’t. ”

I try to stop it but a laugh bubbles out of me. He smiles at that. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

He stares at me for a beat. “Because someone has to be. You won’t; you’re too hard on yourself.”

“You sound like him.” The words leave my mouth in a hushed whisper.

“I learned a lot from him.”

“How’s he doing?” My heart races and my palms sweat.

There’s a distant look in his eyes. “Uh, not good, but I don’t want you to think I’m here because I want you to go see him. Don’t show up because you feel like you need to. Don’t do that to him. Show up because you really want to. Show up only if you know you’re not going to walk away.”

“What if I show up and you’re wrong? What if he realizes I’m not what he wants?” My insecurities eat me alive, and voicing this out loud paralyzes me with fear.

“I guess the only way to find out is to show up.”

April 17th

My muscles are frozen. I struggle to lift my hand to knock on the door. But once I do, my body uncomfortably prickles and I break out into a sweat.

It took me two days to build up the courage to come to Daniel’s house. It shouldn’t have been hard to make that decision, but there was an infestation of trepidation swarming my body.

The overconsuming negative questions took over my brain, preventing me from thinking straight. It wasn’t until Vienna forced me out the house and into her car, that I had no choice but to come see him.

Since she found me in Mom’s office, she’s been staying over. I didn’t want her to, but she didn’t really give me a choice. She hasn’t been overbearing; she’s just been there, and I appreciate that more than she’ll ever understand.

I look over my shoulder, peering through the window of her car. She gives me a thumbs-up and flashes me an encouraging smile.

The team will be gone for an away series this weekend. Angel said if I wanted to come, it should be now because they leave in a few hours and won’t be back until Monday.

I’m both dreading and excited to see Daniel. I keep trying to think of what I should and shouldn’t say, but every thought in my head is a jumbled, anxious mess.

Everything comes to an abrupt stop when the door swings open. My heart feels like it’s in my throat, and my stomach tangles into nervous knots.

“Josie, hey?” Kai’s brows shoot up but then they furrow. “You’re not here to see Danny, are you?”

I stand straighter, fighting the urge to walk away. “Yeah, I am.”

He winces. “He’s not here. He actually just left.”

“Oh…where is he? I really need to talk to him.”

Angel stands next to him, smiling at me apologetically. “Hey, did you not see my message?”

“No, my phone died. I didn’t have time to charge it.” I hadn’t planned to come now. Vienna literally pushed me out the house. I barely got my shoes on.

“Is that Vi?” Kai looks over my head.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll give you two a moment.” He walks around and past me. “It’s good to see you, Josie.”

The sincerity in his voice shocks me, although it shouldn’t; Kai’s always been nice.

“I, uh, I know I should’ve come sooner, but…I’m here now and I really need to talk to him. I promise I’m not going to walk away.”

A pained sigh leaves his lips. “He went back home.”

“Back home?”

“His parents showed up a few hours ago. He wasn’t doing good?—”

“What do you mean he wasn’t doing good?”

“Come in.” He opens the door wider and motions for me to come inside.

I stand in the middle of the living room, staring at the full duffles laying on the couch. He goes to move them, but I stop him. “Don’t worry about it. What did you mean he wasn’t doing good?”

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to feel obligated and I didn’t want to guilt trip you into coming. But he had two panic attacks and didn’t want to get out of bed. Since the beginning of this month, he’s been on a leave of absence.”

My lungs shrivel up, and I stare at him, unblinking. “What?” I shake my head thinking back to what Professor Carleson said: baseball commitments . “But he’s not been in class because of baseball.”

“They’re not disclosing what’s going on to give him privacy. He’s going through a lot, and the media is shit. People will use what he’s going through to taunt him. I’m sure you know as an athlete how brutal people are.”

“He wouldn’t get out of bed?” My eyes water, and I struggle to breathe.

I should’ve done more. I should’ve been here for him like he was for me.

“No, but he’s okay now. I promise, he’s where he needs to be. Whatever you do, don’t blame yourself. This isn’t just about the two of you. This is more than that. When he’s ready, he’ll be back.”

I want to nod, but I can’t move. “Will you let me know when he’s back?”

His eyes go taut around the corners, lips pinched in a tight line. “That’s why I had also texted you.”

“What is it?” I dig my nails into the heel of my palms.

He shifts his grief-stricken gaze away from mine, like he can’t find the strength to say it while looking at me.

“Before he left, he told me…it was for the best that you guys didn’t see each other.

” He pauses and steadies his pitying eyes on me.

“I don’t know why he said it, but just give him some time and space to get everything sorted out, okay?

He’s not in the right headspace. I’m sure it has nothing to do with you. ”

My body hollows out, and the last bit of hope I was hanging onto dies. I mean, what did I expect to happen?

“Right. I’ll see you around,” I reply listlessly.