Page 67 of Please Don’t Go (The Midnight Strike #1)

“I need my chain.” He tries to walk, but then his eyes glaze over and he falls back on the bed. “I need…” he sluggishly chuckles, bracing his elbows on his legs and covers his face with his palms. “Really need my chain. That’s the only thing keeping me alive.”

I look at Angel and Noah, but they look as confused as I feel.

“Hey.” I kneel in between his parted legs, peering up at him.

He drops one hand and uses the other to hold his head. His eyes are half open, and a dazed smile blooms on his face.

“I have to tell you another secret,” he whispers.

“Yeah, tell me,” I whisper back.

“Sometimes…I wish I was dead.” My heart drops and I rear back, looking up at the guys because he said that loud enough, I know they heard.

A knot grows in my throat, making it hard to speak, but before I get the chance, he’s mumbling and slurring words that make my throat and heart constrict.

“I thought I could distract myself. I thought I could be happy. But I’m not.” He laughs, shaking his head. “I’m not happy, Josefine.” He looks directly at me, eyes red and rimmed with unshed tears. “This distraction isn’t working.”

“Wh-what distraction?” I hold my breath and his hand. No matter what he says, I can take it. He’s hurting; I can be here for him. I know he needs to talk. I know he needs to feel. I can be strong enough for us. I can.

“Us.” He shrugs, removing his hand from mine and points between us.

“I knew I didn’t deserve you, but I wanted you anyway.

” He cups my cheek. “But it’s all pointless.

I should just die, like Adrian did. He won’t get to experience this, so why should I?

I lied to you and to me. This was never going to work. ”

My bottom lip quivers. “No, I don’t want you to die. You have so many people who love you. So many people who want you here. None of this is pointless and you deserve all good things. You do.”

“You say that, but you’re no different. Your mom died and you don’t think you deserve anything even though I know you do. Maybe we’re the same. We both want to die?—”

“Okay, Daniel, that’s enough.” Angel talks over him and from my periphery I see him approach, but I raise my hand, stopping him.

“It’s okay,” I say, directing my attention back to him. “No, I don’t want to die, and I don’t want you to die either.”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I can’t read you.

Sometimes I don’t know what you’re feeling,” he mumbles, some of his words heavily slurred, but I feel each one like a knife to my chest. “Sometimes I don’t know if I’m doing enough to make you happy.

I know you’ll never love me so what’s the point?

” He flicks his attention to the floor, lips curling up a bit.

“This distraction isn’t working anymore.

I can’t anymore. This, us, isn’t enough.

I don’t know how to be enough. I don’t know…

I don’t know, Josefine…I miss Adrian. I want to die.

I tried…a lot of times before, but I never could.

I wish I could be like you—easy to stop caring.

Maybe it would’ve made things easier. I’m sorry. ”

He tried? My stomach plummets, making me feel nauseous and dizzy.

“What are you sorry for?” My thick voice quavers.

“I thought I could hide what I felt to make you happy.”

I know he’s drunk, but I can’t do this.

It’s not his fault. I’m so emotionally fucked, he made himself miserable to make me happy.

Rising to my feet, I shove all my feelings away. “I’m going to help you get ready for bed, okay?”

“Not right now. I?—”

“Please.” My voice breaks and fingers tremble. “Please let me help you get ready for bed.”

He yawns loudly, rubbing his eyes. He looks like he’s in a trance. I’m sure the alcohol is taking more effect now. “Okay, I should go to bed.”

The guys remain by the door watching me help him get ready. Daniel’s still mumbling words under his breath, but not what he was saying a few minutes ago. It’s all random and jumbled, but he’s calm and that’s all I want, all I need before I leave.

As soon as I lift the comforter to his shoulder, he’s turning on his side and falling fast asleep.

I lean over and whisper against his temple, “You deserve good things, Daniel. You deserve to be happy. I’m sorry it couldn’t be with me.” Then I kiss the top of his head and walk away.

“Josie.” Angel stands in front of me, blocking my path. “I had no idea he felt this way, but I swear this doesn’t have anything to do with you. He likes you; he really does. I’ve never seen Danny so?—”

“Don’t.” I get choked up but clear my throat because I’m not going to break in front of him. I don’t need his pity. “It was never going to work out. Can you tell him?—”

“Let him sleep it off and then you guys can talk it out and?—”

“When he wakes up, tell him to come pick up his stuff and that I’m not going to kill myself.”

I dip under his arm and run down the stairs and out the door, but freeze in my tracks because I came with Daniel.

I look up at the night sky to stop myself from spiraling, but a tear still spills when I see the stars. The sky hasn’t looked like this since that night Daniel stopped me from ending it all.

“Come on. I’ll take you home.”

I startle, jumping back, and swiftly brush the tear away. “I don’t need a ride.”

“I will throw you in my car,” Noah threatens. “Don’t test me because I will.”

I give in because I can’t bring myself to fight him.

The ride back home is silent, and I expect it to stay that way when I get out, but he speaks up.

“Alcohol’s a bitch, but he didn’t mean it. At least about you. I’ll see you around.” He watches me go inside and then he drives off.

He made himself miserable to make me happy.

Once I shut the door behind me, I’m suffocated with the realization that I had forgotten what silence was until now.

Drowning with the reality that no one could ever truly want me.

It was only a matter of time before Daniel acknowledged that he couldn’t continue putting up with me.

If he said that drunk, I don’t want to imagine what he’d say sober.