Page 70 of Please Don’t Go (The Midnight Strike #1)

DANIEL

There’s a muted knock on my door and an indistinct voice; I think it’s Coach D’Angelo, but I’m not sure because my back is facing the door, and my foggy gaze is pinned to the wall.

I blink but otherwise I don’t move. I stay still, gripping my comforter close to my body, letting it shield me from everything.

“Danny…you…” His voice comes and goes. It sounds distant and there’s an echo to it. “Danny, how are you?” I think he asks again.

Why is he here? I just want to be alone. Is that too much to ask?

Closing my eyes, I murmur words, hoping they’re enough so he’ll leave me alone. “I’m fine. Just resting like Dr. Emerson suggested.”

There’s a heavy dip in my bed. I think he’s sitting, but I don’t turn to look. He heaves a heavy sigh, but he doesn’t speak. At least I think he doesn’t. I’m not sure, and my mind is floating again. Everything feels distorted, and the connection between my brain and body isn’t there.

“—leave of absence.”

“Hmm?” I blink again.

“After talking to Dr. Emerson, I think it’s best if you take a leave of absence. But I don’t want you to worry about a thing or the media. We want you to see Dr. Jarvis; she’s the psychologist for?—”

“I don’t need to talk to anyone. I’m fine. I just need to sleep.”

“This isn’t negotiable.” He places his hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay to ask for help and…”

I tune him out, knowing it won’t do me any good to argue.

I only hear half of what he says and mumble an, “okay,” knowing it’s what I need to say.

“We’re all here for you, Daniel.”

April 6th

“Hey,” Angel quietly says.

I hum, keeping my back to him.

“I didn’t wake you, did I?” I hear the soft pad of his footsteps get closer.

“No.”

“We missed you out there.” The dull ache in his voice squeezes my chest. I want to say something to fix that, but I physically can’t get out of the void.

I close my eyes, burrowing deeper in the comforter.

“We were close, but we lost again. It pains me to say this, but Cal Central is good. God, I fucking hate them and Miles’s stupid face. ”

My mouth opens, but as hard as I try, I can’t force the words out. They stay clinging to the back of my throat, refusing to let go.

“It’s okay though. We can’t win all the series.

” He fills the silence. “Are you hungry? Noah is cooking, although I’d be careful because Gray is trying to help.

I think he’s making one of the sides. I don’t know, but chew carefully.

If something tastes off, spit it out. The last thing I need is for you to get food poisoning.

” I hear the smile in his voice. “I want you to be on top of it when you come back.”

“I don’t know if I’ll go back.”

“You will. Don’t say that. Everything’s going to be okay, Danny. Just take it easy. We’re here for you, okay?”

April 9th

“We’re back. We went into overtime, but we won.” Kai enters my room. I feel him sit on the side of my bed, and for a while, he’s quiet. “How are you feeling?”

I shrug even though I know he can’t see my shoulders under the comforter.

“Coach is making us all do one-on-one meetings with him. I’m not a fan; I don’t like talking about that kind of stuff either, but I’m doing it.

Although it’s stupid because the worst I feel is homesick…

I shouldn’t be upset about—I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.

Talking about this is weird, but I want you to know that as much as I hate it, it’s good to open up.

I know it’s hard and I know you’re hurting, Danny, but you should do it. ”

My thoughts spiral, making my head pound.

“Don’t apologize.” My voice doesn’t sound like my own when I speak.

“We’re all here for you. The guys have been asking about you. Even Bryson. I know that sounds hard to believe…” He trails off. “We all love you. Don’t forget that. If you need anything, anything at all, we’ve got you. We can’t wait for you to come back whenever you’re ready. We’re here for you.”

April 11th

I’m sorry it couldn’t have been me, Adrian, I’m so fucking sorry.

“Hi, Danny.” Pen pads into my room and lies next to me. “I—” Her voice quivers, but she quickly clears her throat and lays her arm over my covered body. “I miss him.”

Today’s the anniversary of Adrian’s death. There would’ve been no anniversary if I had just been with him. Why didn’t I go? Why didn’t I check his life jacket? Why did I let him go?

“And I miss you. I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but I want to know. Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. I’m all ears. Please don’t keep shutting yourself out. Please,” she desolately begs and sniffles. “I love you, and I don’t want to lose you too.”

I clench my teeth, fighting back the tears. The hole in my chest has grown, but it still burns despite nothing being there. I don’t understand what the hell is going on with me.

“I’m going to be fine. I just need to be alone.”

“You keep saying that. You don’t need to be alone. You need?—”

“I need Adrian, but he’s dead. I need her , but she left me. That’s all I fucking need, and I can’t have either. So just leave me alone, that’s all I’m asking. Just fucking listen! I want to be alone! I need to be alone!”

I hear her cry behind me, but she doesn’t move her arm. “Whatever. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for whenever you’re ready to talk.”

I want to ask about her , but I don’t want to find out what she thinks about me and how fucked up my head is.

“I’m here for you.”

April 14th

“I think I made a mistake. I should’ve gone to NCU.

” Gray stumbles into my room. “Let me tell you, the girls there are hella fine, all of them. Oh, guess what,” he animatedly says as he plops down on my bed.

“I met Julianna and, unfortunately, Landon. I swear he could be a serial killer. He has this vibe—anyway, she’s just as hot as the pictures, and her friends?

” He hums in approval. “Yeah, I definitely came to the wrong school. If it hadn’t been for my parents, I’d be there, but you know…

I’m glad I didn’t go there. I’m happy I came here.

I’m glad there was a mix-up and I moved in here with you guys. ”

I draw out a fatigued breath, wishing he’d stop talking, wishing he and everyone else would leave me alone.

But as much as I want to yell that, I don’t, I can’t.

I stay hidden underneath my comforter, masking it all with a, “hmm,” to let him know I’m still breathing, that I’m hearing what he’s saying although I physically can’t grasp anything.

“I know you’re lost in your head right now. I know it feels like a fucking maze and it’s dark too, but you’ll get out. You’ll find the exit. I promise you will. You just need to keep going. Follow the damn light, Daniel. We’ll be at the end waiting for you. Love you, man. We’re here for you.”

April 16th

“I don’t have words or really anything to make you feel better. I just want you to know that I’m here. We all are.” Noah’s voice and his words continue to drone into my head until I close my eyes and fall asleep again.

April 17th

“Daniel?”

My eyes pop open but I go stock-still at the familiar voice. I want to move, to do something other than lie here, but I can’t. I’m afraid to hear the disappointment in his voice, to see it on his face too.

I wish he wasn’t here. I hope Mom isn’t either. I didn’t want them to worry. They texted and asked why I haven’t played. I told them I strained something; that’s what Coach told everyone else too.

“ Daniel, mijo. ”

I stay hidden inside the dark corner in my head, hoping this is all a dream or a figment of my imagination. But it’s not. I feel the weight of his body on my bed and the heat of his tentative palm on my back over the blanket.

“I’m sorry.” His voice sounds frail and cracked. “Penelope called and…” He releases a broken breath. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

My body painfully seizes at his agonizing words. “It’s not your fault. I just want to be alone.”

“No, you don’t need to be alone. I’m sorry if you…” He clears his throat. “You couldn’t talk to me or your mom. I had no idea. I didn’t know how to talk to you and?—”

“ No te preocupes. I’m fine. I’m seeing a therapist and?—”

“You are not?—”

I shove everything off me and sit up, shoving his hand away.

The sorrow on his face makes everything inside me crumble.

I hate that even though it’s been five years since Adrian, I’m still causing him pain, that I’m the reason for it.

The burden of knowing I’m hurting him burns me alive. I don’t know how not to do that.

“You shouldn’t have come! I’m fine! I’m fine! I’m—” My breath catches and tears blur my vision. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to worry you. I didn’t want to—” I suffocate on a breath and try to fight back the sob that rips out of my throat.

He wraps his arms around me in a crushing hold, shaking his head, repeating, “Don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry. I should’ve talked to you sooner. I’m sorry I failed you. Perdoname, Daniel .”

“It was my fault.” I bury my face against his chest, hating that the tears won’t stop falling out. “I shouldn’t have let him go. I’m sorry.” I let him hold me instead of pushing away, knowing I don’t have the strength in me to fight anymore.

Sobs wrack my body, making it shake uncontrollably against his, but he doesn’t pull away. He holds me like he did when I was a kid, when I’d get hurt or he hugged me just because, and for some reason, that makes me cry more.

I don’t know how long he holds me for, but it’s not until I’m hiccupping and breathing out harshly that I genuinely feel a tiny morsel of myself again.

He rubs my back, his chin resting on my head, as he whispers words that I don’t make out until my breathing evens out.