Page 43 of Playoff (Toronto Blaze #4)

I don’t have a crowbar

Alek

Game four. Home ice. We were down three games to none in this first round of the playoffs. And now, with five minutes to play, we hadn’t scored a goal. We’d have to score three in the next few minutes to get a tie and hope we could do something in overtime. That was just to get us to a game five.

Wasn’t going to happen.

We’d fought hard in the first game. We were tied at the end of regulation and went into overtime where we’d lost on a flukey goal.

Then Deek missed game two because of a stupid flu that started to work through the locker room.

We hadn’t been able to make up for missing three of our top players and we’d lost badly.

Game three, we were still missing Deek, and Crash was out too.

We’d come out determined and desperate this game. We all wanted to avoid the sweep. I especially wanted to prolong the playoffs as long as I could. Once they were over, I’d have to face my future and it wasn’t going to be with the Blaze.

But Oppy had gone out in the first period as the flu finally caught up with him, and the guys they’d brought up from the Inferno to make up for those gaps just weren’t the same.

A couple of them had real talent, but they didn’t know our systems. They were too often out of position, and we weren’t going to make it.

Still, I called Fitch and Royster over.

“We’ve got to put one up there,” I said, nodding my head at the Jumbotron above us. “Let’s give the fans something from this shit show.”

“If— when I win the face-off, who am I passing to?” Fitch asked.

“Royster, can you get it across the blue line?”

His jaw flexed. “I will.”

“I’ll follow you and give it my best.”

Fitch tapped my stick with his. “Let’s do this.”

We lined up for the puck drop with renewed determination. One goal. We could do that. Their goalie had been a wall, but no one was perfect.

It didn’t go according to plan. Fitch lost the face-off, but Royster managed to intercept the pass and got it to Fitch.

I waited till he’d crossed the blue line then shoved forward, just managing to get the puck on my stick when an opposing player tried to block me.

I headed straight for the goal, spinning away from a check just in time.

Their goalie knew what we were doing. He was laser focused on me, just the two of us in this duel. But out of the corner of my eye I saw Fitch clear his man and I passed, leaving Fitch to slip it into the net.

The arena exploded with applause, but with two minutes left we ran out of time. The final score was 3-1, and that was the end of our playoffs. We’d been swept.

It was a discouraged group that went through the handshake line, and we couldn’t escape to our locker room quickly enough.

There we slumped in our stalls, exhausted, dispirited and done.

Ducky burst through the doorway. “This is shitty. The hockey gods were against us.” He had a point. We’d had a lot of bad luck. “I’m back next year, and Coop and JJ and Deek. And this time we’ll get it. We’ve paid our dues.”

A game six overtime loss in the finals. The injuries to top players. I could see some of the guys lifting their heads, willing to accept karma working to finally turn things around for the team next season.

But I wouldn’t be here.

Fitch and Bongo marched over to Ducky on their skates, other guys watching him with hope, rubbing his hair and pulling him into the group. Ducky had a gift for that, bringing guys up when they were down. They’d need that next season.

I headed for the showers. Being swept in the first round meant there was a long stretch from April to July first before another team could sign me.

My agent would unofficially talk to teams, so I might know where I was going sooner.

Maybe there wouldn’t be an offer till later in the summer, or not at all. Fuck, the thought was depressing.

For a week and a half, I’d been dating Jess. Not that we’d seen that much of each other, what with it being the playoffs. But she came to every game, and we’d sat together at the Top Shelf after. Then she stayed the night at my place.

And we’d talked. That had been almost as good as the sex.

Now there was no reason for me to stay in Toronto, except her.

And since I had to face the reality that I was leaving, I didn’t want to make things worse when our time was up.

Jess wanted us to date and see where it led.

But I didn’t think she’d really considered what would happen when the Blaze didn’t sign me.

Maybe she hoped the other local team would.

They were at their salary cap limit and had a full slate of wingers, either very talented or with no-trade clauses. They needed a goalie and some defense.

It was time to talk to Jess and clear up what was happening in the future, before I was any more invested in her. I snorted. Like I was holding anything back. This was closer than I’d let anyone in since before my family left. She was buried deep inside me. It was already going to hurt like hell.

Jess was waiting in the friends-and-family section with some of the other WAGs she was friends with.

From what she’d told me, she’d been somewhat isolated, not making a lot of friends since she didn’t want to tell people who her brother was.

Now she had her PAC friends here. Women who didn’t care who she dated and didn’t need to use her connections since they had their own.

Just another reason for her to stay, not leave.

Still, I smiled when I spotted her. The way her face lit up each time she saw me hit me in my chest. I stored up the memories like treasure.

She flung herself into my arms, uncaring what the rest of the people around thought. “Nice assist.”

“Too little, too late.”

She shushed me with a kiss, and I’d let her do that any day.

When we finally pulled apart, I took her hand in mine and we headed to the parking lot together.

“Things are going to be very quiet at the Top Shelf tonight.” She assumed we were going to join everyone there, the way we had the last home game.

I held her door open and she climbed into the seat. “Would you mind if we drove a bit first?” After closing her door, I opened mine and slid behind the wheel.

She studied me. “Sure. I’ll let everyone know.” She grabbed her phone and texted.

I pulled out of the lot, the streets congested with people leaving the arena. I headed west, like we had the first time I drove with her.

Jess didn’t speak till we’d finally started moving along the Gardiner Expressway. “Do you want to talk, or just drive?”

I pulled out to overtake a slower-moving vehicle. “I think we need to talk.”

She stiffened in her seat. “What about?”

“About what happens now that my time in Toronto is over.”

She was quiet for a moment. “Aren’t you signed until the first of July?” She knew how contracts worked with hockey players.

“Technically.”

“And non-technically?”

“I’m not going to get an offer from the Blaze. Ducky is coming back, so there’s no position for me.”

She looked down. “That’s for sure?”

“My agent is talking to other teams. Unofficially.”

“And you’re not staying in Toronto? Until you know where you’re playing next year?”

“My stuff is still in California. I need to deal with it.”

She sat up and turned to face me. “Let’s approach this in a different way. What do you want to happen in the future?”

The important thing was what she wanted to happen. “You have roots in Toronto. Your job, your home, your brother, your friends.”

“That’s all true. But it doesn’t answer the question.”

“I’m being practical.”

Her eyes sparked. “Practical? Practical? When has anything about us been practical? Was hooking up that first night without exchanging names practical? Was booking that hotel room in Hamilton for two hours or having a quickie in the storage locker practical? We’ve never been practical.”

“But—”

She cut me off. “We don’t make sense, the two of us. We haven’t from the first day!”

“I know, damn it!”

“But we work. At least I thought we did.”

I wasn’t sure exactly what she was saying, but I had to assure her about this. “You’re right. We did. We do. But that doesn’t mean it can continue!”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not going to be here and you are!” Long-distance would be a bitch, and how could we possibly do that indefinitely?

“Is that what you want? For us to be in different cities?”

Frustration made my voice come out in a growl. “Hell no!”

She sat back in her seat. “Good. That was like pulling teeth. Now, what do you want?”

Traffic was clearing and I was able to make better speed. “I think you know. But your turn—what do you want?”

She huffed angrily. “This. Us.”

I drew in a long breath of air, the band around my chest releasing. “But how does that work?”

“I don’t know. I told you I was thinking about changing jobs. I’ve had my resignation letter drafted since I got back. I was going to spend the summer in BC to deal with Grandma’s house and find something after that. But I have savings. I can quit anytime. When do you have to go to LA?”

“Anytime.”

“LA isn’t far from Vancouver.”

But— “If we’re going to end this, I’d rather do it now. Waiting is just going to make it harder later.”

She made a frustrated sound. “I don’t want to end it, now or later.”

“Even if it’s going to be more painful?”

She threw her hands up. “I’d rather work on a way to avoid breaking up. Wouldn’t you?”

I turned my head for a quick look at her. She was serious. Did she have some idea how we could pull this off? “Long-distance?” That would be brutal, but for Jess…

“I don’t think I’d like long-distance.” That bit of hope faded. “But I could move.”

“Move?” I repeated the word like I didn’t know what it meant.

“I don’t want to rush you, but there are financial advisors everywhere. I’m not pushing to move in with you—we can take our time and I could get my own place. It would be a chance to have my own life, separate from Justin.”

It was difficult to focus on the road in front of me. Jess would move? Just to be with me? She’d pull up her whole life?

I had to swallow before I could speak. “Are you sure about that? If I’m playing, I’m on the road often. You’d be on your own a lot.”

She looked out the window. “If you don’t think it’s a good idea, just say so.”

If Jess could be bold, so could I. “I think it’s an incredible idea. I love it. But I’d hate for you to move and then regret it.” If she came with me and then left, I wasn’t sure I’d survive.

Her lips pursed. “I wouldn’t. Not unless you decided you weren’t interested. But if that’s too much for you?—”

“No! Not at all. But seriously, if you do that, move to where I am, don’t get a place of your own. Stay with me.”

She let out a breath. “That’s a big step. You might not like living with me.”

I was pretty sure I’d love it, but maybe too much enthusiasm would scare her. “We could try it.”

She stared at me. “And if you don’t like it?”

I gripped the steering wheel, eyes focused on the highway in front of me. “I would love it. But if you’re not sure…”

“If you let me move in with you, you’re going to have to evict me with a crowbar.”

I risked a glance at her. Her jaw was set but her eyes were warm. “I don’t have a crowbar.”

The corners of her mouth were twitching. “You’ve been warned.”

The night was dark, lit by headlights and the ambient light of the cities we were passing. But I saw a future, one with Jess. Something I never thought I’d have. I wanted that future more than I wanted the damn Cup.

She gripped my hand. “This is a little nuts, you know.”

I held on to her tightly, like it was anchoring me. “I don’t care.”

We kept driving through the night, heading west, before she finally asked, “When are we turning back?”

“I’m not ready.”

Her expression softened in the glow of the dash. “Then how far are we going?”

“Tonight? Hamilton.”

“Hamilton?”

“I have very fond memories of a hotel there. And I hear it’s one of the top-rated sex cities.”

Jess covered her face with her free hand. “I’m too embarrassed to show up there a second time with no luggage only to leave after a couple of hours.”

“Why can’t we stay the night this time? You’re not working tomorrow, right?”

A slow smile spread over her face. “I’m not. I’ll let Justin know I’m safe, and then I’m all yours.”

I liked the sound of that. And not just for the night.

While I checked in, Jess went to the gift shop and picked up what we needed—toothbrushes, deodorant, a couple of T-shirts to sleep in, and condoms. I waited for her by the elevator.

“Ready?”

She nodded, cheeks flushed. She looked beautiful, and I reminded myself to hold back my inner caveman till we got to the room. I kept my libido on a tight rein as we walked down the hallway and tapped the card on the door. When the light turned green, I stood back for Jess to go first.

I took a moment to admire her ass as she walked to the bedroom. No one had ever come back for me. But Jess had. I’d make sure she never left again.

“Coming?” Jess had pulled off her Blaze T-shirt, revealing a black lace push-up bra.

A jolt of lust pulsed straight to my dick. “You will be.”

She snorted. I unbuttoned my shirt as I stalked toward her. With a smirk on her face, she tapped her wrist. “Time’s a wasting.”

“Never.”

After I’d kept my promise and made her come, twice, I ordered room service. Jess was staring at me, a serious expression on her face. She’d pulled on my shirt, ignoring the tourist tee she’d bought in the gift shop. She looked good in it. I’d like her to be in my clothes all the time.

“I’m serious, you know. I’m ready to go all in,” she said.

There was a lump in my throat. “It kind of scares me. I haven’t done this, let someone in, in a long time.”

She ran a hand over my jaw. “I get it. But I’m not walking away. I’ve paid my obligations, and I’m going to give this my everything.”

It was too late to back out. I wasn’t ready to say the words out loud, but I loved this woman. I wouldn’t let her walk away.