Page 33 of Playoff (Toronto Blaze #4)

Be very sneaky

Jess

I dithered, staring at my phone.

I needed to talk to someone. After Alek and I agreed that hooking up again was stupid, dangerous and wrong, that should have been the end of it. He was right. I knew it was the thing to do, but damn it, I didn’t want to do it.

I’d passed on the next PAC get-together, making the excuse that I had to catch up on my book club reading in order to miss a game and the post-game hanging out with the players at the Top Shelf.

I was afraid my friends would figure out something was going on with me.

I needed time to shove all the intimate stuff out of my head before I was around Alek again.

Then Katie sent me a photo of the new cocktail one of the puck bunnies had ordered.

Looking down the table, I could see most of the team in the background. Fitch was there. Alek was not.

Without thinking, I messaged him to ask if he’d gone home instead of going out with his teammates. He’d responded that he thought it was better to avoid me.

I stormed down two flights of stairs and pounded on his door, ready to point out at length that my absence was mostly expected and wouldn’t be commented on but his would be, so he should go instead of me.

But he answered my knock in sweats with no shirt on, and well.

Sex. Which was great. But Fitch saw us before I left.

He threw his hands up. “What the hell?”

Alek and I looked at each other and hung our heads.

“Fine. Fuck it out of your systems if you have to. But when this blows up, I know nothing.”

I slunk back to my place, but Fitch might have a point. Alek and I had insane chemistry, but maybe just knowing the other person was forbidden was making it better. Maybe we could fuck it out. Maybe we should.

I did not trust myself. The orgasms were messing with my brain. I needed someone to talk to. Katie was the person I trusted most in the city. If Fitch knew, then Alek had someone to support him, and I desperately needed someone on my side to help me break my sex-with-Alek addiction.

I hit call and put the phone to my ear. Messing this up could impact so many people—I needed advice.

“Katie? I need to talk to you. In person, and in private.”

Katie had me come to her place on Saturday when I wasn’t working, she wasn’t in class, and Ducky was at the practice facility working out with the team.

“Want some coffee?” she asked as she led me to their kitchen.

“That would be great.” I hadn’t slept well last night, fretting over what I should tell her, and if I should tell her. I almost messaged Alek to ask if he thought it was a good idea, and that convinced me I needed some outside advice. “How was your trip back to Halifax for reading week?” I asked.

“Things were a little rocky to begin with, but Josh is a big supporter of my career. So I leaned on that angle and we were getting along pretty well by the end of the week. Josh was adorable with my nephew, so that helped too.”

“And his knee?”

“His recovery is a little ahead of schedule, but they keep warning him not to push it.”

“But it’s a good sign, right?”

She nodded, a smile lighting up her face. “Yeah. There’s a really good chance he’ll play next season.”

“I’m happy for you.” I was. Ducky returning meant Alek wouldn’t be re-signed. But there was no future with him anyway, so better he wasn’t around, tempting me.

She set down two mugs of coffee, mine already doctored the way I liked it.

“Thanks.”

She picked up her cup and took a sip. “So what’s up with you? You’ve been a little different lately.”

I tensed. “How so?”

“You’ve seemed…happier. No, not quite that but less worried, or stressed. Lighter.”

Had I?

“When everything came out about Den-Alek, I thought you’d be more wound up, but it’s been the opposite.”

I wasn’t sure being less worried was a good thing.

It was making me do stupid things. Maybe Katie could help me figure that out.

“Okay, so something’s been going on for the last six weeks or so.

” Had it been that long? Alek had been traded here at the end of January, and now it was March, the trade deadline just passed.

Alek was guaranteed to be here through the postseason, and this was the team the Blaze would end the season with.

“But you have to swear to me you won’t tell anyone, not even Josh. ”

“Josh won’t tell anyone. Really, you can trust him.”

I shook my head. “It’s not that I think he’ll say anything, but he’ll react, and I cannot have that happen.”

Katie took a moment to study me. “Can I tell him that there’s something I can’t tell him? I don’t want to keep secrets from him.”

I got that. But still— “Will he let it go if you tell him that or will he keep digging?”

“He’ll respect my promise.”

I sighed. “Okay, well, here’s what’s been going on.” I told her everything. The first night we hooked up, finding out who Alek was, and the continued sex encounters, till Fitch caught us again and said we should fuck it out.

Katie looked gobsmacked. “You and Alek?” I nodded. “I don’t know what to say. With everything that happened between your families?—”

“I know. Believe me, I know. If my parents ever found out, they’d pressure me to snoop through his phone and private things to get any information I could find to get his money. And Justin?—”

Justin and Alek had been getting along better, but my twin would consider this a betrayal. After all Justin had done, I couldn’t choose a Denbrowski over him. There were billions of people in the world—why did it have to be him?

“What would Justin do?”

“He’d be hurt. And angry. He gave up a lot to keep the family together when we lost basically everything. And Alek didn’t do it, but he’s part of that story. Choosing Alek would be like spitting on everything Justin did.”

“Choosing?”

I shrugged. “Being with Alek is a choice.”

“So why not just stop the whole thing?”

“We were supposed to stop after the first time once we found out who we were. But somehow we keep doing this.”

“And the sex is that good.”

I huffed a breath. “Unfortunately.”

“You haven’t been able to stop cold turkey”

“No.”

She shrugged. “Then maybe your best bet is to sex him up enough that you get tired of each other. Do you think you can do that without getting caught?”

“I don’t know. Justin knows I have a sex life and doesn’t want any details. If I’m out, and don’t bring the guy around, he’ll assume it’s a hockey fan. I told you what happened with that.”

She shook her head. “Still cannot believe a guy would do that. Though one of my students did want me to get his jersey signed when he heard I knew Ducky.”

“Once the season is over, Alek’s contract is up and he’ll be in California.”

“He doesn’t want to stay around?”

Did he? He’d seemed to be getting along in Toronto, but in Canada he was more likely to be recognized for his parents’ crime. “He doesn’t really have a home, but in LA he still has his place, and his car. And no one down there cares much about what his parents did.”

“He wouldn’t stay for you?”

I shook my head. That was… I hadn’t even thought of that.

But that wasn’t what we were. There had never been any chance that Alek and I had a future, and he’d never hinted that he wanted that.

We had a surprising amount in common and the sex was great, but I couldn’t abandon Justin.

Imagining how my parents would react to Alek?

Not pretty. So why did even thinking it make me feel so bad?

Katie took another sip of her coffee and I did the same.

She frowned, forehead furrowed. “What do you want to do? Avoid him, or enjoy what time you have?”

I froze, coffee cup in my hands, eyes wide. What did I want? I hadn’t dared to look at the question that way.

“Jess?”

I set the cup down carefully. Taking out the history between our families, and the debt I owed Justin… “I want all the orgasms I can get while I can get them.” I looked at her, wary of judgment.

“If JJ doesn’t find out, then will everything be okay?”

“JJ and my parents. Or anyone on the team. Other than Fitch.” There was no way this wasn’t getting out if we continued indefinitely. We weren’t careful enough. But…

Just a few more weeks. That was all I could have. With the team’s travel schedule, that meant like…three weeks tops of time we’d have together before the playoffs? And if the team didn’t make it, that would be the end.

I looked up at my friend. “I guess I need to be very sneaky.” Excitement fizzed through my body. This was what I wanted, and the risk added spice to my anticipation. After, I could be responsible, careful Jessica again. Just a few weeks of fun couldn’t hurt, could they?

Katie and I spent the rest of the visit discussing how her schooling was going, and what she and Josh wanted to do in the offseason.

Justin and I would spend what time we could with Grandma.

Maybe we’d finally get around to sorting through the things at her home.

We’d been putting it off, mostly because it was so final and we hated the thought of losing her.

After lunch, Josh came back and I made my way home. Justin was at the condo, and we went out for dinner with Cooper and Callie. Ordinary things I’d become used to doing.

But once we were at the condo again and I was in my room, I sent a message to Alek.

Me: Should we take Fitch’s advice?