Page 39 of Playoff (Toronto Blaze #4)

I want you to be happy

Jess

My mother was speechless. Dad spoke. “We’ve just been trying to get back what we had.”

“It’s gone,” Justin said flatly. “It’s gone and it’s never coming back. It’s time we all accepted that and moved on.” He stood up. “You should go. You know what you’re getting after probate. There’s nothing more for you here.”

For long moments, we sat stunned. Then Mom rose to her feet, and Dad followed her. They left without saying another word. Justin and I listened as the front door closed and the sound of their car faded away.

I swallowed. “Thank you.” I’d never been defended like that, especially to my parents.

He sat back down. “It was long overdue.”

“Are you okay?” Stupid question. He wasn’t. There’d been so much anger in his words, and he had a cast on his hand. And whenever I asked, he always claimed to be fine.

He let out a long breath. “No. No, I’m not.” He held up the injured hand. “I fought Alek at morning skate.”

“I know. And I’m sorry?—”

He cut me off. “No! What I did yesterday was not your fault.”

It wasn’t? “But I went behind your back.”

His smile was crooked. “If you want to see someone, it shouldn’t have to be a secret just to protect me. If you couldn’t tell me, that’s on me.”

“But he’s?—”

He interrupted again. “A teammate. And someone whose family cheated ours. But Alek didn’t do it. And my freaking out about his name? Is a me problem.”

“Mom and Dad?—”

“That’s a Mom and Dad problem. They have to let go of what they lost and deal with what they have now. We all do.”

He was right. Had any of us really moved on? “It’s easier said than done.”

He made a sound deep in his throat. “I know, if anyone does. I’ve been wallowing in my own misery for years. I have to stop.”

Was a twin thing going on, where we both processed something at the same time? I laid a hand on his arm. “What happened to you was bad. I don’t blame you for being changed by that.”

He gave me a sad, ghost of a smile. “But like I just told Mom and Dad, it’s been ten years. It’s time to move on.”

“Just like that?”

He shook his head. “No, it’s going to be hard. I probably should go talk to someone, a therapist or something. But I have to do that. That’s not on you.”

“I’m so glad to hear you say that. Yesterday I was thinking that maybe I wasn’t good for you.”

His unbroken hand gripped mine. “You’re always good for me.

And I appreciate that you gave up so much to come and support me.

But now it’s time for me to deal with this.

I don’t know exactly what I need to do, but it’s time.

I love you, Jess, always will. You should think about what’s best for you, independent of me, and I’ll do the same.

We can talk when we’re back in Toronto. Grandma is the priority now, but I wanted to give you a heads-up. ”

“Would you believe me if I told you I’ve been thinking along those same lines?”

He pulled me into a hug. “I would.”

“I just can’t believe you got in a fight.”

“I was so angry.” He held up his cast when I opened my mouth to speak.

“Let me finish. I felt betrayed, and angry. So when Alek offered his condolences, I dropped my gloves.” He snorted.

“Some fight. I hit him and broke my hand. I knocked him off-balance and he hit the ice, but he wasn’t hurt. He’s okay, Jess.”

I squeezed Justin’s good hand, knowing talking like this, opening up, was difficult for him.

“Everyone was in shock. Because I don’t do that. I don’t get mad, I don’t shout, I don’t do anything. And why did I suddenly crack? Because I thought I’d lost you.”

My mouth dropped open. “No, Justin, never.”

“How selfish is that? I was angry that my sister might actually have a life of her own. I’m not any better than Mom and Dad, and that isn’t fair. I want the best for you, Jess. I want you to be happy. And for that to happen I have to be happy too, right?”

Tears were filling my eyes. I nodded. I couldn’t be happy when he was suffering.

He looked down at our hands. “And your happiness will help mine. I’ve been selfish. I’ve hurt the team’s chances for the playoffs and I’ve hurt you. I’m ready to do something about it.”

I had to swallow the lump in my throat. “I’ve been worried.”

He tried to smile, but this was emotional for both of us. “It’s time to worry about yourself. I need to apologize to Alek and the team, but you came first. Grandma would have been very disappointed in me.”

Now I was crying again, for Grandma, my twin, for Alek—I wasn’t sure what all was in there. Justin moved to pull me into a hug and I sobbed into his shoulder. When I finally stopped and pulled back, his eyes were red and damp too.

“She’d be happy to see us together like this.” His voice was thick.

“She’d tell us to stop crying over her and get on with our lives.”

He choked on a laugh. “Yeah, she would. Is everything taken care of? What can I do?”

I drew in a shaky breath. “Grandma planned everything before she got too bad. The church, the hall, the food, what she wanted for the service. I met with the funeral home yesterday, and I just have to drop a few things off. Then we show up tomorrow. I brought your clothes.”

He nodded. “Thank you. After the service, you’ve got all the work of handling her will.”

I shrugged. “She asked me to.”

“We need to go through this place, right? Figure out what to keep and what should go? But we’re keeping it. The house, and all the family stuff.”

“As long as we can.”

He looked around the kitchen. It was dated, compared to the one in our condo, but it felt like a home.

The dishes she’d gotten from her own mother, cookbooks stashed everywhere, the photos of family.

Sure, the fridge was a little small and the dishwasher didn’t clean very well, but it was a place that had been loved and lived in.

“I could see living here again,” he said.

My eyes widened. “Really?” Justin could afford something much bigger and more convenient when he was finally done with hockey. And Mia and her family—were they still in the area? Would Justin want to live where he might run into her?

He nodded. “Yeah. You?”

“I don’t know.” I hadn’t thought that far into the future.

“Think Alek would like it?”

I winced. “I don’t know.”

“Maybe you should ask him.”

Time to fess up. “I don’t think he wants anything to do with me now.”

Justin narrowed his eyes. “What happened after I stormed out? What did Alek say?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“I left before he could say anything. It wasn’t like that, Justin. We weren’t dating, we were just hooking up. And now…” I shrugged. I couldn’t even try to figure it out till Grandma’s service was over.

“Was that all you wanted with him?” There was tension in my twin’s body now.

“That’s what we said.” I gave him a very annotated summary of our time together.

“You’ve been seeing him for two months.” He stared at me in shock.

I closed my eyes. “It was never supposed to happen after that first time.”

He studied me, too perceptive when he wanted to be. “And it was ‘just sex.’”

“Well, it wasn’t like we could go out without everyone finding out. We stayed in private and hooked up.”

“You didn’t talk?” He raised his brows. “Cuddle?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, we talked. That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Nice try, sister. I know you. You’ve been happier these past couple of months. I thought it was because you’d made friends, with Katie and Callie and Jayna. But it’s more.”

More? No, it couldn’t be more. Alek didn’t want more. Not with me, one of the victims of his family’s crimes. Not his teammate’s sister.

“It can’t be,” I whispered.

Justin laid his good hand on mine. “Maybe it can. You’ve put your life on hold for long enough.” I started to object, but he knew me too well. “You never tried that hard, Jess. If I was choosing, Alek’s not the guy I’d pick for you. But if he makes you happy? Maybe he is the right one.”

I jolted. I’d been using that argument as a reason Alek was bad for me. “A teammate? A Denbrowski?”

“That’s up to you, not anyone else.”

My eyes snapped open. “You’re a lot chattier than I’m used to.”

One corner of his mouth quirked up. “I’ve been saving up.”

I studied my twin. I’d wanted him to be himself again and had gradually given up on it happening. This…this was more like the old Justin. “So, punching Alek woke you up?”

He shook his head. “Not just that. When I realized you’d put your life on hold for me. Knowing you had to hide that you liked someone. I felt smug…and then like an asshole.”

Was he right? Was this thing with Alek more than just sex? Maybe for me. Flashing back over talking, sassing him, cuddling with him, and yes, making love to him… Justin was right. But would Alek want anything more? I’d left him, like so many others.

“I’m glad you’re ready to make changes, Jus. Really glad.”

“And you’re going to as well. We’ll honor Grandma while we’re here.

Acknowledge all she was for us. Then, you talk to Alek when we get to Toronto again.

I’m out for the season, so I can come back here and work on the house.

I’ll check with you before I take big steps, but I might as well be useful while I can’t play. ”

Justin had avoided PoCo since breaking up with Mia. Coming here, standing up to my parents? I was thrilled that he was changing.

But me and Alek? If there had been something there, it was too late now.