Page 7

CHAPTER 7

JACE

LATER THAT NIGHT

N ot even the oblivion of a shitload of beer and vodka shots could erase Axel Lund or today from my head. And, of course, he had to show up to the goddamn party. I thought for sure he’d slink back to the dorm and stay there, but nope, he was here, sitting in the corner with Colin and Ethan, surrounded by several beautiful girls all vying for his attention.

Not that I was doing badly myself. I’d already made out with Hailey, one of my classmates. She wanted to go back to my room and fuck, but I wasn’t feeling it. We’d had sex a few times and it was fun, but she was always hinting at more. No way did I want to give her the impression that I was looking for a relationship. Then her friend Tyson flirted with me and suggested all three of us go back to his room, together. He was a sexy guy with pouty lips and a confident air, but I wasn’t interested in a threesome either.

I know, what the fuck?

Normally I’d be so pumped after a game that I could fuck all night. I guess I drank too much, because my dick wasn’t cooperating and there was no way I was going to hook up tonight.

“You look like you need this.”

I turned to find Finn standing beside me with several beer bottles in hand.

“Thanks,” I replied and gratefully took the offered drink.

Might as well get totally shit-faced if I wasn’t going to get laid.

“No worries,” Finn took a gulp of his beer and looked around the room like he did when he was on the ice, scanning for opportunities. “I saw you kissing Hailey earlier. She’s hot.”

“Yeah.”

“So, what the hell are you doing standing here by yourself?” he asked.

I shrugged and took another gulp. “She’s great, but I’m done with repeats.”

Finn nodded.

“Is she looking for a boyfriend?”

“Seems like,” I smirked and nudged his arm. “Talk about a boner-killer, am I right?”

Finn bit his lower lip.

“I don’t know about that,” he replied quietly. “Back in Nebraska, I had a girlfriend, Simone. But when I got accepted here for college, she broke up with me. She didn’t want to do long distance.”

His voice, tinged with sadness, made me pause and look at him. Finn was scrappy as hell and he was always joking around, always lighthearted. But he was serious right now. Was it the booze in my system or was he confiding in me? We’d talked a lot, but always about hockey and school, with plenty of razzing thrown in. I had no idea he’d ever been in a relationship, never mind that he was obviously upset over it ending.

“I’m sorry,” I finally replied. “You miss her?”

“A lot,” Finn admitted with a sigh. “But I think it’s more that I miss having a partner. I was hoping I’d meet someone here at Sutton, but so far, no dice.”

“I’ve seen plenty of girls come on to you—” I started.

Finn shook his head. “Yeah, that’s not it. I’m not into the casual thing.”

I stared at him, shocked.

“The way you talk in the locker room, I thought you scored plenty.”

Finn rolled his eyes.

“Come on Jace, you know how it is. Everyone mouths off and plays a big game. You think I’m going to admit to the rest of the guys that I’m not interested in random hookups?”

He had a point.

“So, you’re demi?” I stated and he nodded in return. “Cool, but why tell me? I mean, I’m glad you did, but why now?”

Finn paused, then nervously peeled the label off his beer bottle.

“You came out, and Dane, plus Kayden and Maddox, and it got me thinking. I’ve always felt different, but I couldn’t really talk about it with my friends back home, you know?”

Did I ever. I didn’t want to tell anyone I was bi back in high school.

“My head’s been wrapped up in this for months. Man, I’m so relieved to finally tell someone. Maybe now I can focus more on the ice,” he admitted. “I can just be myself and it’s okay. Shit, that seems way too deep for a buzzed hockey player.”

I laughed out loud at his comment.

“This is what college is all about.” I tapped his beer bottle with mine and then raised it. “To discovering the best version of ourselves.”

Finn let out a wide smile.

“Speaking of best—” Finn motioned to the corner of the room where Axel was sitting. “He had some phenomenal assists today.”

“Ugh, don’t even go there. I’m trying to relax, not get worked up again.”

At the very moment that I let out those words, Axel turned and scowled at me.

Finn let out a low whistle. “You’d never know you two are on the same team. But Coach is right; save your aggression for the next game.”

I didn’t know that I could make it that long.

Axel

I should’ve been paying attention to the conversation around me, to my teammates, and more importantly, to the beautiful girls that were sitting beside me, but I was too caught up in my head.

Ever since that meeting with Coach, and the reality that I’d be spending more time with Jace, I’d been in full-blown panic. A feeling that was all too familiar lately. I thought being far away from my family would ease the pressure inside of me, but instead, I was always on edge. Like I was waiting for them to appear and drag me back. No way could I go back.

Suddenly, the room was both stiflingly hot and freezing cold. I was sweating like I did on the ice, but with none of the exhilaration that followed. My heart pounded louder than the music around me and my chest seized up so tight that I could barely take a breath. When my vision blurred and my ears rang, I stood up on shaky legs.

I had to get out of here. Right fucking now.

I don’t know what, if anything, I said to the guys sitting next to me, and I didn’t care. Plowing through the crowd, I made it outside in record time and when the frigid winter air hit my lungs, I shuddered in relief.

No one was hanging around outside, thank fuck. I could have my meltdown alone.

Deep breath in for four, hold for four, and out for four… Again.

Fuck that holistic shit. I was still spiraling, with anxieties whirling through my mind like a tornado as worst-case scenarios bombarded me. What if I didn’t improve? Would I fuck up my chance at a hockey career? What then? And when was I finally going to confront Jace about what he did to Preston? Question after question pinged around in my brain until I wanted to scream. At this point, I was counting down the hours, not days, until I’d have access to my trust fund. Would I be free then? I would. I’d never have to go back to that house. And those people. Even if I didn’t have hockey, I wouldn’t go back.

Focus on that. It’s not much longer. Just play hard, keep your head down, and do the work.

Finally, I was able to suck in some air, but the sweet relief was short-lived. I reached into my coat pocket for my cigarette pack, but there was nothing there and then I remembered that I quit a month ago. Still, this was an emergency, and fuck knows I needed something to calm me down. There were pills I had for immediate relief, but I didn’t like relying on them. The antidepressant my doctor had prescribed was fine for my low mood but it was obviously doing jack shit for my increasing anxiety.

“You look like you need this.”

I jolted at the sudden deep voice that echoed in the still air.

Turning around, I spotted Maddox standing in the shadows of the porch, a cigarette perched between his lips. He held one hand out, offering me a smoke.

How the hell had I missed him standing there? I really was losing it.

“Even though I seem to recall you telling me it was a filthy habit,” he added.

“It is. Was.” I shook my head. “I’ve quit, but thanks.”

He shrugged, shoved the pack into the pocket of his jeans, and reached into his jacket. When he pulled out a baggie of gummy bears, I stared at him, confused at first.

“Have a couple of these. They’ll help you relax better than a cig ever could.”

Ah yes, I’d heard about Mad’s fondness for edibles.

“Trust me, two of these and you’ll be smiling wider than Kay,” he added.

I chuckled, relieved to feel, well, relief. Without pause, I took two gummies and popped them in my mouth. They were way too sour for my liking, but the shocking taste distracted me.

“Thanks,” I muttered as I quickly chewed. “And no one will ever smile as big as your boyfriend.”

Maddox snorted. “True.”

He didn’t say anything else, and I was grateful. I didn’t need twenty questions right now, just quiet. Maddox leaned back against the wall of the house and closed his eyes, taking another long drag of his cig.

Huh. That was a little quieter than I expected.

“Had enough of the party?” I asked, breaking the silence.

Maddox blinked slowly, like a slumberous cat, and nodded.

“Not my thing. I can do ten, maybe fifteen minutes of peopling and then I need a break. Too much noise and shit. But since it’s game day, I promised Kay I’d be here.”

I leaned against the railing.

“You played great today,” I responded awkwardly.

Duh, Axel.

“Could’ve been better,” Maddox offered with a shrug, running one hand through his dark, messy hair. “I’ve been replaying those goals all night.”

“Ruminating?”

He pushed off the wall and walked towards me, shaking his head.

“Nope. I learn from it and then move the fuck on. That’s what makes us the players we are. And if you want to get to the next level, you can’t let the losses screw with you, right?”

I bit my lower lip and nodded. It sounded right, if only my brain would get on board.

“You did good too,” Maddox continued, inhaling sharply then exhaling a long plume of smoke. “There’s some weird sixth sense shit you have going on when it comes to the puck.”

I rolled my eyes. Yeah, right.

“I mean it,” he stated and pointed at me. “Your record for assists speaks for itself. And after being on the ice with you these past few months, I finally get the nickname. You’ve got a knack for making plays happen.”

“I want more,” I admitted.

“Don’t we all?” Maddox snarked.

“Coach does too. He’s given me extra practice. With Jace,” I scoffed and then leaned against the porch with a sigh. “And Silas and Finn.”

Maddox pursed his lips. “Yeah, Silas told me. It’s probably a good thing. Especially you and Jace. We can’t have our best forwards at each other’s throats all the time.”

Before I could reply to his comment, the door opened and Kayden stepped out, his six-foot-five frame looming, a beer bottle in one hand.

“Where’s my beautiful Bee?” Kayden called out in a teasing voice laced with humor and alcohol, and when he spotted Maddox, he gave a low whistle and motioned with his free hand. “Get your sexy ass over here, Mad.”

Maddox’s usual scowl deepened as he turned to his boyfriend.

“A bit louder, Kay,” he replied with a shake of his head. “I don’t think everyone in the entire state heard you.”

Kayden’s head fell back as he let out a deep laugh, and he pulled Maddox into his side. The goalie’s scowl softened to a grin. I didn’t fully understand these two as a couple but the look that passed between them was scorching hot, igniting the icy winter air around us. I was curious, and a bit envious, about their intense attraction.

“Oh, hey,” Kayden suddenly acknowledged me with a cool smile and a nod.

He’d forgiven me for my shitty behavior, but he obviously hadn’t forgotten. Not that I blamed him. I shuffled in place, jittery, hating the feeling.

Just how long were these edibles going to take to kick in?

“You guys have fun,” I replied quickly and turned away. “I’m gonna head out.”

I was halfway down the stairs when Maddox called out.

“Good luck in those extra sessions,” he commented. “And don’t have too much fun getting sweaty with Jace.”

I stumbled, but thankfully, I didn’t fall.

“Asshole,” I grumbled.

The echo of Maddox’s unexpected laughter followed me all the way home.