Page 11

CHAPTER 11

AXEL

MONDAY EVENING

B oots N’ Burgers was the busiest place in Sutton, and renowned for their pub food.

Unfortunately, I had no appetite. I was grumpy as fuck knowing that Jace was about to walk through those doors any minute now. The thought of seeing him after our last practice had my stomach clenching painfully.

I’d gone to the gym last night, but even after a long workout, sleep wouldn’t come. Instead of lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, I’d opened my laptop and worked on my economics paper. Sure enough, an hour after I started typing, I fell asleep. That should’ve been a clue right there that I had to change my major ASAP.

“Evening. What can I get you?”

I looked up and gave Phoenix, the owner of the pub, a polite smile. I’d never really talked to him, but I’d witnessed my teammates chatting him up. He seemed like a nice guy, hardworking, and good to his staff, who were also friendly. He must’ve lived and breathed this place because he was always here.

Phoenix placed a glass of ice water on the table and then tapped on his tablet.

“Just a large Coke with extra ice,” I muttered. “Thanks.”

Phoenix stared at me with narrowed eyes. “I’ve seen you in here before with Ethan. You play with the Cougars, right?”

I nodded. “That’s right. I’m Axel.”

“Phoenix, nice to formally meet you. But you’ll need more than a Coke,” he quipped. “Come on, we’ve got the best burgers in Vermont. And you guys have a game coming up soon. You need fuel.”

The thought of a juicy burger and a pile of crispy French fries suddenly had my stomach growling. Loudly.

“See?” Phoenix laughed.

I shrugged and conceded. “Alright. A double cheeseburger, the works, but no onion. And fries, extra crispy.”

“I’ll have the same,” a familiar voice added. “Plus, a large Coke.”

Jace stepped around Phoenix and smiled at him. My teammate looked casual in worn jeans, a navy cable-knit sweater, and his winter jacket. Only, he didn’t have his usual baseball cap on. Instead, he pulled off a black beanie and swiped a hand through his dark curls.

I’d managed to snag a booth, and Jace slid in opposite me, but he didn’t meet my gaze. Instead, he kept his eyes on Phoenix, and they began to chat about the upcoming season. I reached for my laptop and tried to distract myself from the complete awkwardness of this scenario.

A few minutes later, Phoenix headed off to the kitchen, and Jace took off his jacket and settled in. He ran his hands through his hair again and gave me a strange look.

“So,” Jace finally said, breaking the tension.

I stared right back at him and tried to swallow the lump that was lodged in my throat. My right knee bounced up and down so hard that I hit the wood table with a loud bang. The pain had me swearing and Jace chuckling.

“What?” I snapped. “You’re as eager to be here as I am, right?”

Jace licked his lips and nodded. “That about sums it up.”

“Okay, so let’s get this over with.” I showed him my laptop screen. “I put together a spreadsheet with a list of all the tasks for the silent auction follow-up, but we need to divide?—”

Jace held a hand up and I paused.

“Can we wait until after we’ve eaten? I haven’t had anything since lunch and if I don’t get calories in me soon, I won’t concentrate, and if I can’t concentrate, I can’t?—”

“I get it,” I snarked and shut my laptop with a snap. “But it’s probably going to take at least ten minutes for our food to get here. Are we really going to just sit and stare at each other in the meantime?”

Jace leaned in, giving me a shit-eating grin.

“I know I’m real pretty to look at, but don’t stare too long. You’ll give me the wrong idea.”

Then he winked at me. Fucker.

I gave him the universal sign for ‘screw you’ and reached for my glass of water, taking a much-needed sip to cool down.

“Don’t tempt me with my favorite finger.”

I started to choke, but thankfully, I managed not to spew water all over the table.

“You just don’t quit, do you?” I finally croaked out.

“No fucking way,” Jace replied confidently, leaning back and resting one arm over the leather booth.

His hazel eyes were bright under the dim lighting, and for some reason, I struggled to look away.

“Personally, I don’t feel like arguing. I mean, if you want to that’s fine, but it’s Monday. Isn’t that bad enough?” I replied with a resigned sigh.

“Long day?” Jace asked, opting for a safer topic of discussion.

I nodded. “Aren’t they all?”

“Truth,” Jace replied. “I haven’t seen you hanging around the lounge in the dorm, and only once or twice at Ethan’s parties. What do you do outside of class and hockey?”

“There’s life outside of hockey?”

“Funny. Come on, spill.”

I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t been joking.

“At least tell me what you’re studying,” Jace continued.

“I’m an economics major. It’s boring as fuck, but hey, I’m sure the degree will be useful. For what, I don’t know. Unfortunately, school isn’t my thing, much to the disappointment of my parents. I’m all about hockey. And I don’t really hang out with people here other than the parties.”

“Why not?”

I shrugged.

“It’s been kind of strange transferring after my freshman year at Langston,” I admitted. “Everyone here except me went through first year together, and because of that, they’re already friends and I?—”

What was I doing? Why was I telling Jace all this? I sounded like a sad loner. Which I was, but Jace didn’t need to know that.

“I can’t believe I told you that,” I hissed and looked away, embarrassed.

“Speaking of friends, we need to talk about Preston,” Jace suddenly announced.

Just like that, my hackles went up, and my embarrassment turned to anger.

“Don’t even start,” I snarled. “I know how you treated him, and I don’t need to hear your excuses. I won’t hesitate to walk out of here.”

“And risk your place on the team if Coach finds out you reneged on this fundraiser?”

I bit my lower lip. Shit. There was no way I could just get up and walk away.

Jace knew it and I knew it.

Phoenix stalked back up to our booth with a cautious smile and set down two plates, along with our drinks. The burgers and fries looked, and smelled, amazing. Too bad I wasn’t hungry anymore.

When Phoenix left us alone again, Jace leaned forward, his gaze holding mine. I recognized the look of intense determination on his face, just like he was about to lean into his slapshot.

“I have an eating disorder,” he whispered.

What? I wasn’t hearing correctly.

“Excuse me?”

He swallowed hard and I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down.

“I said, I have an eating disorder. Bulimia.” He glanced down at his plate and back up at me. “It started during high school when I was seeing Preston.”

“Look, I don’t know what kind of weird head game you’re playing with me right now, but?—”

“Not a game. Not this. Never this. It’s the truth.”

He locked eyes with me and my heart kicked up a wild rhythm.

“My last year of high school was a lot,” Jace admitted quietly. “I was busting my ass to get the best grades possible because I needed a scholarship to go to college. Then there was hockey of course, and I wanted to make an impression so Sutton would offer me a place on the team. Plus, I wasn’t out yet and neither was Preston. We kept our relationship hidden and it was becoming more and more frustrating. I hated lying to my friends and it became a lot. A lot of lies and a lot of pressure. See, my aunt Josie is my only family. My dad left town before I was born and my mom passed when I was three, in an accident at a local factory. It's just been me and Josie since I was a little kid. I told her that I was bi when I was sixteen, but she was the only one who knew.”

Jace paused and reached for his drink. It was only then that I noticed his fingers were trembling, the ice in the glass rattling. If Jace was telling me a bullshit story, then he was a damn good actor. Better than Preston.

After taking a long sip, Jace wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Things started to get weird in the months leading up to graduation,” he continued, clearing his throat. “Preston was getting angry with me all the time and freaked out when I so much as mentioned that I wanted to stop hiding who I was. He started telling me I was trash and that I was never going to make anything of my life. That I was only good for fucking and that was it. If we’d been a casual, one-night thing, I could have ignored the comment and walked away. But, by that time, we’d been together for months. I had real feelings for him. I thought I loved him, and I thought he loved me. I kept telling myself he's just scared. He's scared and frustrated and taking it out on me.”

Jace paused and took another sip of water.

“Two months before graduation, he'd been at my place, and he’d left his phone behind. He started getting all these notifications and I recognized the app. A hookup app. I didn’t need to look to know what was going on. I returned his phone and confronted him. Preston denied cheating on me, but my gut told me I was right. My gut and everything else, because I started feeling sick. But it wasn’t until I went to my doctor for a physical a few weeks later that I found out the truth. I had an STD. Preston insisted we didn’t need condoms and since I thought we were monogamous?—”

I sat there in shock, too numb to say or do anything. Even my knee stopped jumping under the table.

“Anyway, Preston denied everything. He gaslighted me, making me second-guess my doctor and everything I thought I knew about our relationship. Between that and the pressure at school and hockey, I felt so out of control. The only thing that comforted me was binge eating. Then I’d feel so guilty, I’d force myself to vomit. At first, I didn’t think it was a big deal. I sometimes puked before a big game given my nerves. A lot of guys are the same. But then, I was doing it before every practice, every game, every day. I lost almost twenty pounds. It made me fast as fuck on the ice, but I was getting more anxious, sick, and tired. When I fainted during a practice, my coach intervened.”

This couldn't be real, right? Preston lied to me for the past two years? I didn't know what to think or believe. But the longer Jace talked, the more details he gave, the more it made me consider. Had I been played by my best friend? I thought I was good at spotting liars. And if he was a liar, shit, wasn't there one person in my life that I could trust? My stomach cramped and for a moment, I thought I was going to throw up. That was irony right there.

“I got into therapy and things got better,” Jace added, swiping an agitated hand through messy hair. “At the end of high school, I finally had the courage to break up with Preston. To call him out on his bullshit.”

What was I supposed to say to that? Preston was my closest friend. Suddenly, I was just supposed to forget everything and believe Jace? Based on what?

“Preston told me that you’d screamed at him, and that he was scared of you,” I bit out. “I picked him up that last morning and he was crying. Shaken up. I almost went into your place to confront you, but he insisted we go home.”

Jace shook his head and let out a deep sigh.

“I’m sorry, but the truth is that he was the one with the temper. He refused to leave my apartment after I told him it was over. He was so mad about my decision to end things that he punched a hole in the wall of my bedroom.”

“Preston told me it was the other way around.”

“He lied.”

I didn't know what to say to that. To any of it.

So, I did what I normally did when confronted with shit that I couldn't handle.

“I don't want to talk about Preston or anything to do with him. I can't,” I bit out. “Let's just get on with what we came here to do and get it over with.”

“We’ll play it your way for now. You don’t want to hear the truth? You want to go on being an arrogant jerk defending your asshole of a friend? That's fine,” Jace snapped and pointed to my laptop. “Let’s deal with this fundraising event. At least something good can come out of this shit show we’re in.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You dropped a freaking bombshell on me, and what? You think I’m going to change my mind about you?” I snapped my fingers. “Just like that? For real?”

Jace’s responding scowl was fierce.

“I said what I needed to say,” he hissed. “I really don't care one way or the other if you believe me or not. It's not my problem. And you don’t deserve any more explanation.”

“Look, Preston and I?—”

“I don’t give a fuck,” Jace snapped. “Just forget everything I said tonight. All of it.”

His face was so distraught that it made me sick.

There was no way I could forget. Any of it.