Page 27

CHAPTER 27

AXEL

THREE WEEKS LATER

T he bus ride from Sutton to Albany took three and a half hours and I slept through all of it.

Which wasn’t my norm, but then again, nothing about my life lately was the usual.

The past several weeks were frenetic and I’m not talking about classes and hockey practice. Jace and I stole away together every spare moment we could. Frotting was my new favorite activity. His room, my room, it didn’t matter. Our coming together was always heady and desperate, like if we didn’t get our hands on each other, we’d both spontaneously combust. And we did. Every. Fucking. Time.

And when we weren’t together, I was thinking about him.

Replaying every kiss, and every conversation.

Except for yesterday and today. We needed to rest up for the game and that meant no sex. Not even jerking off. To avoid temptation, we agreed that there would be no texting, no talking, no seeing each other, period.

But, by the time Friday rolled around, I was out of my mind, so excited to see Jace that I was like an eager kid meeting his hockey idol for the first time.

Okay, I caved and texted him.

Axel: Can’t wait until after our game tonight. Your cock is mine.

Then I realized I’d sent the text, by accident, to my brother Jonas. So much for being careful. I quickly changed Jace’s contact name to Honey so I wouldn’t make that mistake again.

Jonas: Didn’t know you were into fucking guys. Send me two grand or I talk.

Axel: You’ll talk? What is this, a bad movie? Fuck off.

Even if Jonas told my parents, I wasn’t worried. They lived in denial about everything. And what could they do? Threaten me? With what? I guess I’d find out tonight since they were supposed to be attending this game. I still wasn’t convinced they’d show up.

I pushed thoughts of my family out of my mind, where they belonged.

And I also ignored my urge to text Jace, shoving my phone back into my pocket.

Jace and I didn’t put a formal name to what we were doing, but we weren’t doing it with anyone else. I hadn’t just spoken in the heat of the moment; I wasn’t sharing him. And he felt the same. But we were keeping our boyfriend status quiet for now. Boyfriend. The word made me shiver, in the very best way. Lover made me roll my eyes, and hookup or fuck buddy wasn’t enough. When the urge for endearments struck—and when they did, hell, I didn’t even recognize myself—I settled for Honey . It suited him, and the guys on the team wouldn’t question me if I blurted it out. The bigger part of me worried that if I told Jace that I wanted to be boyfriend official in front of the rest of the team, I’d scare him off. And probably myself as well. Both of us were tentative in this, uncertain like we never were on the ice.

And thinking about coming out to our teammates had me sweating up a storm. When it was just the two of us, it was easy to envision, it was all good. But when I stepped out of his room, the ‘what- if’s bombarded me. I didn’t like the feeling. Then I reminded myself that there was time for me to figure stuff out. And, until we both felt secure in where this relationship was headed, it was better to let things go unsaid. There was a lot of pressure on both of us, in hockey and in school, and distractions had consequences. Secrets had a way of rising to the surface too, if we weren’t careful.

With that in mind, I boarded the bus, determined to be cool and not let my emotions get the better of me.

Head in the game.

Jace was already on board, sitting at the back of the bus, next to Dane. He was wearing his baseball cap, backwards of course, his dark curls peeking out from under the band, and I noticed that his beard was growing in thick. I loved the way that scruff felt as he rubbed it over my skin. Fuck, he was gorgeous, and I let myself steal a glance. My feet wanted to carry me straight to him, but I resisted. It felt like months, never mind days, had separated us. I gripped my bag so tight I was in danger of hurting my hand. Not smart.

Instead of doing something stupid, like reaching for him, I headed down the aisle until I spotted an empty seat in the middle. It was the one beside Ethan, the one no one wanted. Ethan had his headphones on and was singing out loud. Badly. I hoped hockey worked out for him, because he sure as fuck couldn’t make a career out of singing.

I nodded to my teammates, passing Silas and Finn, and then Kayden and Maddox.

“Why’re you smiling so hard?” Silas asked me. “Or at all.”

I gave him my favorite finger in response.

“You finally got laid,” Finn blurted out.

“Who got laid?!” Ethan yelled and looked around.

He was really, really loud. And how the fuck had Ethan heard that comment with his headphones on? I could feel the eyes of everyone on the bus staring at me.

“Axel,” Silas announced and smirked at me. “Don’t bother to deny it. You’ve lost that resting asshole face.”

“You mean the one I borrowed from you?”

This time, it was Silas’s turn to give me the middle finger.

“Deets! Deets!” Ethan urged as he pulled off his headphones.

I shook my head. “Fuck off.”

“Was it Hailey?” Ethan asked.

“Nope,” I replied and shoved my bag into the overhead bin. “Now shut it, I need to rest.”

Once my ass hit the seat, my nerves crashed, and I passed out. But even in sleep, Jace wasn’t far from my mind. I dreamed about him, about the two of us, and that was as startling as the feelings he’d sparked. And from someone who used to take or leave sex, and who also avoided relationships, I was now officially obsessed.

It wasn’t just sex, though, and that’s what had me hung up. We talked about our hockey dreams and living in a big city one day, and all the places we’d travel to. We talked late into the night, and then I’d sneak out of his room—or him from mine. And when I thought about the way we kissed, and how I couldn’t ever get close enough to him, it almost didn’t seem real.

For the first time in forever, I was close to someone. Someone who didn’t care that I was a Lund. It appeared that Jace wanted me for me. Why? What did he see in me? Or was this just sex for him? Sex and maybe friendship too. I didn’t know, and though it was tough to admit, I was too scared to ask. Our relationship—if it was a relationship—was exhilarating and unnerving in equal measure.

“Axel! Wake up! Come on, we have a game to play.”

What? Didn’t we just leave Sutton?

I blinked and there was our captain, standing beside my seat, staring down at me with concern. Glancing around, I realized the bus was empty and we were the only two on board. I swiped a hand over my face.

“Already?” I murmured.

“Already? Dude, we had to listen to you snore for over three hours.”

“Haha,” I replied and stood up, stretching.

“I’m not joking. Thank God I don’t have to room with you,” Dane quipped and patted my shoulder. “You ready for tonight?”

“Fuck, yes,” I insisted. “I’m so ready to do this.”

Dane chuckled. “That’s what I want to hear.”

“Why isn’t Jace…I mean—” I coughed and cleared my throat. “Jace didn’t wait for you?”

“He was too fired up. He was halfway to the door before the bus even came to a stop, so I let him go. We’ll catch up in the locker room.”

I nodded and reached for my bag, following Dane off the bus. Snow was coming down fast and heavy, and the temperature in Albany was even chillier than Vermont. Or maybe that was just me. I had the cold sweats thinking about my parents showing up to the game tonight.

“I’m happy to see Jace like that. He’s always got the drive, the fire, but lately I’ve been worried. And I’ve barely talked to him the past few weeks. He’s been quieter than usual. Any issues that I should know about?” Dane asked me with a pointed look.

“Nope,” I replied, not meeting his gaze. Would he see the truth there? I didn’t want to take that chance. “Did you see any problems at practice?”

“No, I didn’t,” he replied. “Just the opposite. Which is great but also, surprising. I guess you two finally figured your shit out and made up?”

I slipped on an icy patch of sidewalk, but thankfully, managed to stay upright and uninjured.

“In a manner of speaking,” I muttered, shaking off my clumsiness, and keeping my head down.

I could feel Dane’s gaze on me, but I ignored it. Our captain was a smart guy. Smart and perceptive. He knew his friend. But Jace obviously hadn’t told him anything about us. Which should’ve been a relief. No one knew, so there was no problem. So, why did I suddenly feel like crap?

“Awesome,” Dane continued. “Because I think that you two, as partners, are unstoppable.”

Partners? My gaze flew to Dane.

“What?”

“You know what I mean. Playing off each other, instead of against one another. Your body language. The unspoken connection between you. The power, the passion. It’s all there.”

It certainly was.

Jace

I sat on one of the wooden benches in the visitor locker room, staring at the skates in my hands like I didn’t know what they were or how to put them on. It was game-day nerves times a thousand. But now wasn’t the time for a crisis.

Still, that bus trip from Sutton felt like the longest ride of my life. I was hyped for the game but more than that, hyped to see Axel. Even though we’d agreed to no contact until the game, it was hard to stay away.

Was he feeling the same? Or was I the only one with my dick hanging out and my heart not far behind? Not that my dick was actually hanging out, it was safely hidden by my cup.

But my heart? That poor sucker had no protection.

So, when Axel boarded the bus, I didn’t get up or go near him. But then he ignored me, sat down, and passed out cold, and I thought what the fuck? Wasn’t he affected by what had happened between us? Or was he done? No, not if his recent texts were any indication. But was I the only one here who was far gone? I was fixated and frustrated with myself. It was one guy. It was sex. Really hot, intense, incredible sex. And laughter. Teasing. Talking. Bickering too, of course. Shit. I’d never been so wound up over anyone, not even Preston.

Looking back, I realized that my relationship in high school was all about infatuation. I wanted to feel like I mattered, and not just as a friend. And if someone as charismatic as Preston wanted me, it was about my ego too. It certainly wasn’t love.

But Axel? He was different. Or, I was different with him.

For some crazy reason, I needed him, and I didn’t need anyone. Not outside of my aunt and my friends, that is. And the strange thing was, it seemed like he needed me too. There were a lot of layers to Axel Lund and more than met the eye. He was just as obsessed with hockey and winning as I was. He was confident, for the most part, but also, quietly self-conscious. Like when he talked about his grades or his family, I could hear his self-doubt. Physically, Axel was strong and ready to take his playing to the next level, but mentally, he struggled. All players do, but as to how much it affects their game, well, I was reasonably certain that that was the reason why Coach picked me for center line.

Axel was also stubborn, quick to return my sass, and surprisingly sweet.

Sweet and insatiable. Hot n’ Honey all the way.

Still, being in a situationship with my teammate reminded me of that moment just before a bench-clearing brawl, when the tension ignites, and the players lose their cool. Chaos was about to erupt, and I had a feeling that my heart would be the first one hit. Not that I ever let fear stop me. Not when it came to hockey or anything else. I’d rather feel everything, even if it meant pain, than nothing.

And this week, I wasn’t so much in my head as I was in those feels. And when Axel and I synced up on the ice? Now that he wasn’t glaring daggers at me, or me at him, things clicked. The intensity was still there, and our fierce desire to win, but instead of working against us, we made it work in our favor. It was intoxicating. Just like in bed. Every time we discovered something new about each other, it just got better.

“Penny for them.”

The comment snapped me out of my daze.

“Huh?” I looked up to find Kayden smiling down at me.

“Your thoughts. You look like you’re about to have a deep conversation with someone. Like, talking about feelings and shit.”

I waved him off. “Just got a lot on my mind. Don’t worry.”

“We’re ready for this game.”

“We are,” I paused and shook my head. “Anyway, it’s not about hockey.”

I couldn’t say anything. I hadn’t even told Dane about what had happened between me and Axel.

“Oh sure. You’re in love.”

I dropped the skates I was holding and thank God the guards were still on. They clattered to the floor between my feet and my teammates turned to look at me.

“Have you been popping Maddox’s edibles?” I hissed.

“Not before a game,” Kayden laughed and sat down beside me. “And it wasn’t a huge jump in logic. You have that dopey look on your face. It’s like looking in a mirror.”

“I’m not—” It was way too soon for the L word. I’d just gotten used to calling him my boyfriend and that was a shock in itself. “I’m just sort of…hung up on someone.”

“Anyone I know?”

“Can’t say.”

“Ooh, why not?”

“Kay—”

“Alright. I won’t push,” he replied and nudged me with his elbow. “Guy or girl?”

“What does it matter?”

“It doesn’t. I’m just nosy as fuck. You know that.”

“He’s not—” I swiped a hand over my face. “Shit, he’s not out, okay?”

“Got it. Say no more.”

“Thanks.”

Kayden leaned in. “He must be special if you’re worked up over him.”

“He is,” I confessed. “But I don’t know if he feels the same. I think he does. Or maybe he’s just experimenting.”

Stating my anxiety out loud left me colder than this drafty locker room.