Page 17

CHAPTER 17

AXEL

T wo days later, game day

I kissed Jace and I liked it.

Two days after that kiss and I was still walking around in a daze; horny, frustrated, and just plain confused. No matter what I was doing—working out in the gym, taking notes in class, studying in the library—my attention inevitably strayed back to that night at Ethan's. I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss. I couldn't forget how Jace tasted, how he smelled, the sounds he made when he came.

All because of a stupid game. A prank gone wrong.

The joke was completely on me. The way Jace wrecked my mouth, and my control? It was, without a doubt, bar none, the hottest sex I’d ever had. Fuck, I’d been drinking but apparently not enough, because every second of that night was clear in my mind, replaying over and over until it became an obsession. I’d jacked off to the memory of it so many times over the past forty-eight hours that I had new calluses on my hands and sheets that required twice daily washing. It even distracted me from the reality that I was going to face off against Langston, my former team.

I needed another taste of Jace, and feverishly wondered if he felt the same. Or was he out with someone else? Hailey? The thought of him kissing her, even worse, fucking her, had my blood boiling. I’d never been one to let my cock make decisions, but he was all I could think about, and I didn’t want to share.

What the hell is wrong with you?

A lot. A lot was wrong with me. Fucking around with my teammate for one. I remembered my initial reaction to seeing Kayden and Maddox together.

I’m such a hypocrite.

And what would Preston say if he found out? Then again, did I care what Preston thought? He and Jace weren’t together, and they hadn’t been for two years. And if Preston lied to me, like Jace said he did, what did his opinion matter?

I was so confused that I didn't know what to believe anymore. I texted Preston but I didn’t get any more clarity.

Axel: You need to tell me the truth about you and Jace.

It took Preston hours to respond and the longer I waited, the more my stomach churned.

Preston: You know the truth.

Axel: Do I?

Preston: Of course. He treated me like shit. What more do you want?

Axel: Apparently you left some things out. You cheated on him? Gave him an STD?

Preston: Is that what he said? And why the fuck do you believe him?

Axel: I didn’t say that I did, because I can’t imagine that you’d lie to me. But I don’t think you’re telling me the whole truth, either.

Preston: This is so fucked up.

Axel: Jace gave me a lot of details about your relationship. I’m not sure that anyone’s that good a liar.

Preston: And you’re the best judge of character?

Axel: I have enough experience, remember?

Preston: Bestie, come on. Think about it. Are you seriously questioning reality? You sound as paranoid as Jace. Jesus, you know me.

I thought I did. And reality? The only thing that was real to me was that kiss with Jace.

Axel: I’ve got a game to get to. Call me later so we can talk.

I reread the texts and my doubts about Preston intensified.

I put my phone away and my mind wandered back to Jace. I didn't care if kissing him was wrong or the worst decision I’ve ever made. I wanted to do it again. I wanted it more than anything else. Which was strange because the only thing in my life that I was obsessed with was hockey. Everything else came second. And to be honest, everything else wasn’t much. I didn’t have healthy relationships with my family, I was suspicious of other people’s motives because I figured they wanted to use me to get to my family, and I didn’t have close friends outside of Preston.

I didn’t have much of anything in my life except hockey.

But things were shifting, something was changing.

I was getting to know my teammates here at Sutton. And I liked them. Real friendships were within reach. And I was starting to see Jace in a way I never imagined and my sexuality too. I didn’t know how to deal with it, or him, but there it was.

Transferring colleges wasn’t just changing schools. It was changing me.

Jesus, maybe I should switch from economics to philosophy.

I should’ve been focused on preparing for today. But after that weird exchange with Preston, I didn’t know how to get my head back to where it needed to be. Even my usual pregame routine of carbs, hydration, and replaying my opponents’ weak spots only helped so much. It didn’t bring the calm it usually did.

I hadn’t seen or spoken to Jace since that night, but with every passing minute, my restlessness grew. Instead of getting my head in the zone, where it should be, I was thinking about sex.

Not a great way to prepare for a game that had so much riding on it.

My nerves cranked higher the moment I stepped out of the dorm and reached the stratosphere when I entered the rink.

The locker room was already packed by the time I arrived. Some guys, like Maddox and Silas, kept to themselves, headphones on, getting themselves psyched up. Others, like Dane and Ethan, talked and joked around to lighten the mood.

I hadn’t spotted Jace yet, but explosive anticipation flared in my veins.

I nodded at Dane, trying my best to stay cool, but failing miserably, jumpy as a rookie in a tight jock on the first day of practice. Standing in front of my stall, I threw down my backpack and reached for my gear. Once I was padded up, I sat down and tied on my skates. That was my fixation. All hockey players had them. For me, I had to have red laces. The first hockey team I ever joined had red and white jerseys and for home games, all the players wore red laces. Ever since, it was my thing. No deviation. If I didn’t have them, I’d hunt down every equipment store in the country to find them. Was it rational? No, but this was hockey. There was nothing normal about speeding around a confined icy surface on razor- sharp blades.

I heard a door open and then Jace’s laughter before he stalked across my line of vision like the predatory animal we were named after. A shiver ran through me as I did my level best to make casual eye contact, but not for too long. My gaze traveled over his body, taking in the simple outfit of Doc Marten, tight jeans, and a black t-shirt. He looked damn good, and worse, I knew that he tasted even better.

Jace nodded and reached for the baseball cap on his head, and I stifled an unexpected grin. I had red laces; Jace had his ballcap. Backwards, of course.

He gave me a knowing smile. I fought hard, but lost, when I fucking blushed. Right there in the locker room, surrounded by my teammates. Then again, the crimson cheeks could be explained away. Every player in the room was wound up tighter than a wrapped dick.

“Please tell me you’re not about to start arguing with Jace again.”

I glanced to my right to find Kayden giving me a concerned look. The gentle giant was worried.

“We’re fine,” I assured him.

“You don’t look fine. More like you’re about to explode.”

It was already too late. I came in the shower this morning, shouting Jace’s name.

“It’s hot as hell in here,” I explained, looking away, hoping Kayden wouldn’t notice the heat in my face and neck. “I mean, the heat’s cranked up. I’m sweating through my pads.”

I reached for my jersey, but it took me three tries to get it on. Good God, I was acting ridiculous. I needed something, anything, to distract me from Jace. Gloves, where were my gloves?

“Are you kidding? It’s like a meat locker,” Kayden rubbed his hands together. “This entire building has next to no heating, never mind the rink. Every time I take a shower, I nearly freeze my balls off.”

“I guess I just run hot.”

Kayden stared at me, and I shook my head.

“What?”

“You seem different today,” he mused.

“I don’t know what you’re?—”

“What’s different?” Dane called out as walked up to us.

“Axel.” Kayden pointed at me. “Something’s up but he won’t share. And he’s about to break a hole in the floor with his skates.”

I didn’t realize I’d been popping my knees. Dane sat down on the bench opposite me and tapped one.

“You alright?” he asked as he leaned in.

I nodded. “It’s nerve wracking facing my former teammates. But I’m fine.”

It wasn’t a lie. I was nervous, but also excited. Because I knew exactly how they played and how to play them.

“Everything good with you and Jace?” Dane added.

“Yep,” I replied quickly, reaching for my water bottle, and glanced over at Jace.

Bad timing. Jace was getting undressed. In the past, I made it a point to never look at him when that happened. But I couldn’t look away now. It was like watching a strip show, and I was helpless. Helpless and hyperaware of every ridge, muscle, and curve of his lean body. He slid his jeans down and revealed that pert ass, his tight cheeks framed by a black jock. I nearly swallowed my tongue along with my water.

“Maybe he’s been punking Ethan’s frat again,” Kayden offered.

His comment was the distraction I needed, but fuck, I was never living that down. I turned to Dane and Kayden and shook my head.

Dane gave me a wild grin. “You and Jace woke up the entire house. You’re legends.”

I groaned and held my head in my hands.

“I can’t believe I let Jace goad me into doing that,” I admitted.

Was I talking about the prank or the kiss? I wasn’t sure I could tell one from the other.

“He’s a very persuasive guy,” Dane quipped. “And I’m glad to see you’re not automatically arguing.”

I nodded.

“It’s always better to kiss and make up, right?” he added.

I lowered my eyes. Don’t think of kissing or making out or sex. But it was too late. My dick was half hard from the moment I spotted Jace, and this was not good. Sitting with an erection while wearing a sports cup was damn painful.

“I just want to get out there and win this game,” I croaked.

“That’s what I want to hear.”

Dane playfully smacked my leg and stood up. He started to walk away but paused and looked over his shoulder.

“If you ever need to talk, about anything, hit me up.”

I shouldn’t have been surprised, since Dane was friendly with everyone, but I was.

“Thanks.”

He quietly padded off in the direction of his stall and I finished getting ready.

I wasn’t as shaky as I was earlier, or as distracted. I double- checked my skates and my stick, ensuring everything was just how I liked it. Reminding myself that I had a job to do, and a position to fight for, I focused on my breathing and let everything else fade away.

By the time I headed out of the locker room, I was feeling pumped, ready to take on anything. Including Langston. I lined up in the hallway ready for our big entrance, as one by one, my teammates joined in. The rumbling echo of the crowd calmed me. Home games were a huge thing here at Sutton. Not as big as our football team, but still, the Cougars always packed the rink.

Today was no different. But it felt like it. Like I finally belonged.

Coach exited his office and walked by us, inspecting each player, and then letting out a sharp whistle to calm our chatter.

“I’ll keep it short and sweet,” Banning started as he crossed his arms, hugging his tablet to his chest. “Be intentional with every play. I want to see your best and nothing less.”

“Yes, Coach!” we replied in unison.

Banning motioned for us to get our asses moving. I was at the front of the queue and when I looked around, I spotted Jace at the back, talking to Finn and Kayden. Part of me wanted to walk back and say something but the bigger part told me to face forward and keep walking. I didn’t know what, if anything, I should say to him. Nothing, unless it involved the game. This was not the time or place to let personal feelings get involved.

Oh God, the fact that I even used the word ‘feelings’ had me shaking my head. I hadn’t even started playing and already I needed a time-out.

One by one, we filed onto the ice to start our warm-up. Surrounded by the buzz of the hometown crowd, I finally settled into my game- day zone. My head, my body, my heart; everything synced. I was ready to get this done. To play the best fucking hockey I could.

I had something to prove, not just to the Cougars, but to myself.

Langston’s roster filed out, and I skated over to say hello to the guys that I used to play with. It wasn’t as awkward as the first time we’d faced off, but the tension was there. Now there was more at stake, a semi-final place on the line, and our future as professionals too. Coach said it right; we had to give our best and nothing less.

After the warm-up, Banning rounded up our team. When he announced the first line, I bit back my frustration. Jace was center line, and I was off to the box until my turn. But I refused to let it get to me. Jace offered me a questioning look as he made for the ice. For once, I didn’t glare at him. Instead, I offered a hint of a smile. I was trying to be encouraging. Team spirit and all that crap.

Or, so I thought. Jace tripped and nearly fell head over skates.

Teammates looked at him with concern, but he waved them off, skating away and taking up his position.

“Did you see that? The best skater on our team nearly tumbles just before the game,” Ethan said to me, his tone shocked. “Fuck, please tell me that’s a fluke.”

When the ref blew the whistle, Jace exploded into action, as smooth and confident as always.

The only thing better than watching him play is sharing the ice.

No, scratch that. Kissing Jace was better.

That surprising realization hit me harder than any boarding ever could.