Page 43 of Perfectly Us

After sweeping the lobby, I print out the theater sales numbers so I know how many people should be in each movie, then I go to them, one by one, and count. Shiloh walks with me, saying nothing. His mind is at work though. I see it in his eyes. It’s after eight o’clock by the time I finish.

“Wanna go back to the projection room?” I ask. “We can pick a movie and watch some of it from up there.”

“I should probably head home,” Shiloh says. “I have to be at work early tomorrow to open.”

“Oh. That sucks.” I’m awful at hiding disappointment. I’ve always worn my emotions on my sleeve. “I’ll stop by in the morning for breakfast. And to see you, of course.”

That makes him smile.

“Looking forward to it. Have a good night, Alex.”

As I watch Shiloh leave, Ruben comes to stand beside me and rests his elbow on my shoulder.

“So…” He nudges me. “What happened?”

I smirk at him. “I never kiss and tell.”

“Since when?” Ruben laughs. Then, his eyes get big. “Holy shit, dude. Did y’all really kiss? I thought he was straight.”

“Me too.”

Instead of blabbing to Ruben like I always do after I kiss or hook up with a hot guy I’m super into, I keep it to myself.

What happened between me and Shiloh feels too special.

***

There’s a pond behind my house Clay and I used to go to all the time. We sat on the bank and tossed rocks into the water. He was always better at skipping them than I was.

“It’s how you’re holding it,” Clay would tell me, then show me the correct way. “You just flick your wrist. Like this. Let physics do the rest.”

Physics.

Momentum, velocity, and gravity.

Clay loved science. Any kind, it didn’t matter. He loved learning about the earth and what makes up everything we touch, eat, and do. He was also big into mathematics, space, and other things I used to tease him about and say he was a nerd. He said once that he wanted to go into a nuclear physics field and help further lifesaving research. To make his print on the world so he’d be remembered long after he was gone.

I think about this as I sit by the pond, my socks and shoes beside me as I stick my feet in the water.

The Wednesday afternoon is hot and humid without a cloud in the sky. The sun warms my bare shoulders, sending tingles down my arms and legs. It’s the kind of day Clay would love. He’d probably push me in the water and laugh as I flailed around.

Gravity comes to mind, how when you toss something in the air, it comes back down. Does the same go for other things? If you cry, you’ll eventually laugh again. If you’re sad, happiness will bring a smile back to your face. Someday.

Or maybe you just evolve. Learn to fake it.

My phone buzzes with a text.

Shiloh:I just got off work if you want to hang out.

Another text comes right after.

Shiloh:It’s okay if you don’t want to.

I smile.

“I get in these mindsets where I need constant reassurance.”

I’m beginning to understand what he meant. It doesn’t bother me. Shiloh doesn’t see how amazing he is. His anxiety and depression lie to him. It’s okay if he needs reminders.