Page 58

Vivienne

The urge to throw up as I wait at Buns & Roses for Xavier is real. I'm nervous and out of sorts. Although, after last night I would be more worried if I wasn't. The whole night was a roller coaster.

Tenley and I went over everything again this morning and I can't shake the feeling that she had a right to be scared, and that this isn't over.

And then, when I think about the end of the night, and Xavier saying my name like it was his reason for existing . . . God, I want to hear those words, just not under duress. Now, my belly swoops for an entirely different reason.

Which is why I picked an outside table. Being trapped inside, with the sweet smell of baked goods fresh in the air seemed like a recipe for disaster. The only thing that's going to make me feel better is seeing Xavier and hearing about his conversation with Collin.

I smooth my hands down the front of the floral fabric of my dress--the one I hoped would give me some confidence to stay strong today. I threw a sweater over it for work this morning, but I left it in the car when I got here. After the last eighteen hours, Xavier deserves a little distraction.

I spot him parking and belly flips for him just like it did last night. He steps out of his SUV and I stand like I might meet him halfway because I'm nothing more than a hot mess today.

It should be an actual crime to look as good as he does dressed so casually in a pair of basketball shorts and a cutoff shirt. His biceps flex, giving me and the rest of downtown Denver a show as he lifts Holland's car seat.

For a second, I feel silly for dressing up, self-consciously adjusting the strap on my shoulder. Xavier's movements are unhurried. He shuts the car door, his eyes sweeping over me, slow and deliberate, tracing a molten path over every inch of me. He doesn't look away as he carefully adjusts the car seat in his grip. His lips quirk in a half-smile and it's a good thing I'm sitting with how my knees go weak.

Holland's sleeping soundly when he sets her car seat on the table and bends across it to kiss me. "Fuck, sweetheart, you look pretty in that dress."

After all these months he still makes me blush with the hoarse way he compliments me. Like I literally make his mouth go dry. I hope it's always like this: him looking at me like he's seeing me for the first time, and my body reacting like the man hasn't been inside me dozens of times.

"Did everything go okay with Wilson?" I ask.

He takes the seat across from me, covering my hand and pulling it toward him an inch. "Fine. I think he was more concerned that I didn't communicate with him last night, but after our call this morning, he understood."

"What did Collin say?" The need to know Holland is safe is overwhelming.

"He's having the private investigator look into a few things." He pats his pockets and swears softly under his breath. "I'm actually waiting for a call back from him but I left my phone in the car."

"Go grab it. I'll watch Holland."

His broad shoulders sag with relief. "Thanks. I can't miss his call. And sorry in advance if I have to step away." His eyes drop, taking in my dress again. "I promise it's not because I don't want to be here . . . I really do." Just like last night the feelings he's holding back are written on his face.

It's so intense that I have to shift my focus to the baby girl who's captured my heart right alongside her dad. Reaching into the car seat I take her tiny hand in mine. "Get your phone. I'm not going to be able to relax until we have some answers."

He nods, his chair scraping against the sidewalk as he pushes it back. The noise startles Holland awake and he pauses.

"I've got her."

"I know."

Unbuckling her straps, I take her in my arms pressing my nose to her head. That baby smell is fading and I never miss a chance to soak up what's left of it.

I watch Xavier lean into the car from the passenger side. Does it make me a creep if I check him out while holding his daughter in my arms? Probably. But the way the fabric molds to his rounded ass as he digs around for his phone has me utterly transfixed, and no amount of self-scolding can tear my gaze away.

Holland gurgles, tugging at a loose strand of my hair, bringing me back to reality. I glance down at her, a blush creeping up my neck as I silently vow to focus on literally anything else.

When Xavier straightens up, phone in hand, he shakes his head, looking frustrated. He looks back at us, a silent apology on his face, his thumb pointing towards the car.

I wave my hand trying to convey that we're fine here while he has a moment of privacy to do what he needs to.

"It's me and you, girlfriend," I say when he closes the door, closing himself inside.

She grins up at me, showing off a new white dot on her gum. She's changing so fast. With Xavier being gone, has he noticed? He didn't say anything and the idea that he might have missed her first tooth breaking through sits bittersweet in my chest. With the Bandits still in the postseason it means more time away and I know that's a heavy burden on him.

Lost cataloging every inch of Holland and taking stock of what else might be changing, I look up, glancing around. I expected to find Xavier leaning against his car watching with a coy smile, but he's not there. The goosebumps come in a rush, as if my body knows something I don't.

I tuck Holland in closer. Nothing seems out of place, yet everything feels very wrong. Heeding the alarms my body is throwing off, I stand, reaching for the car seat with a shaky hand to move inside.

I'm feet from the door when it opens and a stunning blonde walks out. She's tall, willowy, and heading right for us. I freeze, looking at the car, silently pleading for Xavier to open the door.

Whoever he's talking to can wait because his ex, the mother of his child, is walking towards me and I'm freaking the hell out.

Shifting Holland to the opposite side of my body, putting myself between her and Kristy I step out in front of the chair. The last thing I want is to get tangled up if I need to move quickly.

"Don't look so panicked." Her laugh is callous. "Do you think I'm going to try to take her?"

"I don't know what you're capable of, but we're sure as hell not going to stick around to find out."

"Cute. He already found someone else to play mommy." She tilts her to the side studying me like an art exhibit instead of a person. "Better you than me. This was never the life I wanted."

I round the table and she moves, blocking my path and cutting me off from Xavier and the entrance to Buns & Roses.

"If you don't want this life, why are you back?"

"Consider it a moment of weakness." Her hand digs through her purse and I'm a millisecond from taking off in the other direction when she pulls out a thick envelope. "I carried her for nine months. Annoying as it is, I couldn't shake the need to see her to make sure I was doing the right thing."

"Hey!" Xavier yells in the distance. I don't spare him a glance over my shoulder, not willing to take my eyes off Kristy.

Rapid footfalls sound behind me as he gets closer, but it doesn't stop me from telling his ex exactly what I think. "The right thing would be not scaring the shit out of her nanny yesterday. That was you, wasn't it, lurking around, watching?" I straighten my back, anger taking the lead. "Or not waiting until I was alone here to approach us?" Each ranting thought has my voice raising. "Or, I don't know, answering one fucking text from Xavier over the last six months and not putting him through literal hell wondering if you were coming back or not."

"Woah there, mama bear, simmer." She laughs. It's cold and I know she's Holland's mother, but I don't want her anywhere near us.

I almost laugh out loud at the absurdity of the situation, but my heart is still beating far too fast for me to do so. "Simmer!" I hiss, borderline deranged and giving no fucks who sees or hears it. "I absolutely will fucking not. You're selfish. You don't want to be a mother, fine, but why put them through months of wondering and court hearings you're not going to show up for? Walk away, but do it with some damn dignity."

"Like this?" she asks, sliding the envelope across the table. Still completely unaffected by the chaos she's causing, she crosses her arms over her chest.

I don't move to reach for it. I don't care what's in there. The only thing I want is for her to leave.

"Goody, you're here." She rolls her eyes as Xavier steps in front of me, easing me behind him.

He presses the keys in my hand. "Take Holland to the car."

"With pleasure." My entire body vibrates with rage as I leave them to figure it out.

"What are you doing here, Kristy?" I hear him ask as I walk down the block to where he's parked.