Page 53

Vivienne

After that middle of the night phone call I slept hard enough that Harlowe had to wake me to say goodbye.

When we get downstairs, Levi is already making coffee. All my brothers have their own places on the property, but they still meet my dad here every morning before work.

Harlowe pours herself a coffee for the road and I follow her out to Phantom, my feet dragging the whole way, not ready to say goodbye. I'd much rather she stay until I'm done facing my brothers.

"You can do this, babe."

"I know. And even if I can't . . . I think I have to."

She loads her suitcase up, slams the door shut, and turns to face me where I'm leaning against her truck. "You do."

"Okay. I got this."

"Call me later and let me know how it goes."

"I will. Text me when you make it back." The drive back to Timberline Peak is almost thirteen hours and I always worry about her when she makes the drive alone. But if anyone can handle it, it's Harlowe.

I hug her tight and when I let her go she pulls herself up into the driver's seat with ease.

"Show-off."

"Next year I'll bring you a step stool."

I flip her off and turn back towards the house in time to see my dad and three brothers heading out to the vines. The twins are probably both still hungover and will join them later.

I cut them off on their way to my dad's work truck.

"Morning, sweetie," Dad says, stopping to drop a kiss on my forehead.

"Hey, Dad."

I turn towards my brother, stopping him before he can get into the truck. If I don't do this now, while Harlowe's encouragement is still fresh, I'm afraid I'll chicken out.

"Leo, can we talk? It's important." His brow knits together.

"Everything okay with Tenley?" He pulls his phone out to check it, like he expects to see a call or text from her.

"It's not Tenley."

"Can it wait? We're about to head out."

Before I can open my mouth to tell him no, my dad steps in. "The vines will wait. Talk to your sister." I flash him a thankful smile and he returns it with a sympathetic squeeze to my shoulder. "Love you."

"Love you too, Dad."

Leo shuts the door to the truck and waits as my dad, Levi, and Luca pull away.

"What's going on, Vi?"

Erica was the first person to call me Vi, and it's the only way my brother refers to me to this day. Hearing him say it now is like the first blow in a long fight.

Standing in the driveway doesn't seem like the place to have this conversation. I glance around, my gaze snagging on the tire swing. It's not the same tire or rope Leo hung for Erica when they were in high school, but it still hangs in the same old tree. Her favorite spot to spend evenings with my brother and with me.

"Maybe we could . . ."

His gaze follows mine. When he looks back at me, there's fresh pain in his brown irises.

"I want to feel close to her for what I'm about to say."

Silently, he leads me to the swing, holding it by the ropes for me. I can almost hear the sounds of mine and Erica's laughs. He'd take turns pushing so high that my mom would come out to scold him. The two of us would be in fits of uncontrollable giggles while he took the heat.

I step in front of it, looking over my shoulder at him. "Is this thing going to fall apart on me?"

There's a tick at the corner of his lip, like maybe he's lost in the same memory as me. "Nah. Levi and I changed it out after Gus and Russo broke the rope at the beginning of summer."

Of course the twins would have been the ones to break it. "Think they will ever stop being such menaces?"

"Not if they can help it."

My hands grip the thick ropes and the swing sways back and forth. Leo gives me small pushes, keeping it slow enough not to interrupt the flow of conversation.

"Tenley really seems to enjoy working for that baseball player . . . What's his name again?"

"Stop acting like you don't know. Xavier's one of the best catchers in the league. Football might be your sport, but you know who he is."

"So, Tenley was right, you do like this guy."

"A trap? Maybe you're the family menace. God, no wonder your daughter is the way she is," I tease. It's been a long time since Leo and I have talked like this. Maybe it's the swing. Or maybe it's him.

"I don't know. She had some positive influences too, didn't she?"

"Erica was the best." I sigh.

"I wasn't talking about her mother." His whole tone changes, going from playful to the serious brother I've come to know. "I was talking about you."

"I did the best I could, but I was just a kid."

"Yeah." The swing stops and he rounds it, coming to stand in front of me. "You gave her more at twelve than I could give her, and I don't know if I've ever said thank you for that."

"You don't have to thank me. Tenley needed me and I was there."

"She did, but she also deserved her father, and I failed both of you." Hands on his hips, he looks up to the sky, dragging in a shaky breath. "I failed Erica too. She made me promise to take care of the kids, not to shut down. She knew she was dying, and she begged me not to die alongside her."

I watch my oldest brother fall apart and it's nothing like the way he crumbled twenty years ago. The emotions he held back then are flowing out of him like a river and I don't know what to do, where to look. I think he needs me to sit and listen. So I stay on the swing, my feet planted in the dirt.

"She would hate the way I handled losing her. I think she could see it in those last moments--I wasn't going to be able to move on. And fuck, was she right?"

"She always was."

Leo snorts out a wet laugh. "Yeah, just ask her and she'd tell you, too."

"I miss her so much." A tear dots the dirt at my feet. "Losing her changed everything. I tried to give everyone what they needed because there was so much pain. Helping with Tenley gave me an outlet I didn't realize I needed--until it didn't. Everything else piled on top of it and I got lost in helping everyone with everything."

"Then Luca had Gio, and Gabe came along a year later. The twins were always around, too, and Cade was still a toddler. Everyone looked to you to help. We'd leave to work the vines for twelve hours a day and Mom would be in the tasting room six nights a week. You went to school and raised kids while you were still one yourself."

"Yeah. So I ran as fast and far as I could when I got the chance. All the way to Maryland."

He shakes his head. "We chased you away. None of this would have been possible without you, and not one of us ever stopped to acknowledge that or check on you, did we?"

"No, not really." I kick the dirt, smearing the divot where my tears are drying. "I needed to see who I was when I was on my own."

"And did you like what you found?" Leo asks.

"For a decade I thought I did, but now I'm not so sure." I look up to find him studying me, like that doesn't add up to him. "Until I met Xavier, I didn't realize what I was missing. But before him, Harlow and Tenley were my only real friends. I've kept people at arm's length my entire adult life, all in the name of independence and finding myself. It might have gotten me a career I love, but I want more than that."

I look up the rope at the big branch above. I remember like it was yesterday, Erica screaming at Leo not to fall or she was going to kill him as he hung this swing for her.

"I want a life that Erica would be proud of," I finally say.

My brother steps to the back of the swing, pulling it back as far as he can, leaving me suspended. "Then live that life."

"Like you're doing?"

"This conversation is about you, not me." And he lets me go. When I swing back to him, he gives me another push. "Where are you going to start? With the baseball player?"

I tilt my head back, enjoying the ride. "You're a secret gossip, aren't you?"

"If I tell you, it won't be a secret anymore."

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Maybe."

"Try to do the same. Erica would hate this for you. Try to find some happiness."

"Tenley and Cade are my happiness."

"And what happens when Cade goes to Twin Falls for school next year?" My nephew has a full ride to play football in Idaho and Leo will be all alone, like I've been for the past decade. He gives me another push but doesn't answer my question. "Your happiness doesn't have to be another person. Just do something for you that has nothing to do with this vineyard."

The swing slows to a stop, and I stand turning to face him. His lips are pressed into a line. He takes off his baseball hat, running his fingers through his salt and pepper hair.

"I'll try." He holds out his arm, and I step into his embrace. "But you need to do the same. Keep showing my daughter what it looks like to go after the life you want."

"I will."

As soon as I get back to Denver.