Page 37

Vivienne

After winding through the park--pausing for a feeding, a diaper change, and a moment to let Holland stretch out on the grass--we make our way down the trail, following it a few blocks down the river to the planetarium. I've passed the gleaming metal dome before, but this is the first time I've ever been inside.

"This is a satellite location for the U of Denver Observatory. The university owns both, but this is more accessible to the public. They also host a lot of events and field trips where the observatory is more focused on academic research," Xavier explains, one hand holding the door open, the other finding the bare skin at the base of my spine as I push the stroller into the planetarium.

It's dumb luck that I make it through the double doors without bouncing Holland off anything because, with her dad's rough palm warm against my skin, I can barely think, let alone steer his fancy stroller. Every time he's near me lately my brain short circuits.

The lobby is mostly empty when we get inside. Other than a few employees, it seems like we are the only people here. "Are you sure they're open?"

Pure delight lights up his face as he leads the three of us toward the front desk. Behind it, an older man looks up, his gray mustache twitching as a matching smile spreads across his face.

Xavier gives me a slight lift of his shoulders that's too coy for the man who towers over me. "For us they are."

"Xavier Kingsley." I laugh. "What did you do?"

He steps in closer, his lips lowering to brush my ear, and whispers, "Showing you that a man should treat you just as good out of the bedroom as in the bedroom."

Tiny vibrations start in my stomach. The light, fluttering sensation is almost unfamiliar because I haven't felt it in a long time. I lick my lips and whisper, "You realize you've never had me in your bedroom."

The man behind the counter stands and rounds it.

"Semantics," Xavier says, reaching out to take the older man's hand and shake it. "Edward, my man. How have you been?"

"A little depressed, if I'm being honest. You don't visit, you don't call, and then this morning I check the calendar and see that you've got the whole place rented out, but you haven't been bothered to stop by and introduce the little lady to her godfather."

Xavier barks out a laugh, so genuine that those vibrations turn into a rumbling earthquake. "Her godfather . . ." With a shake of his head, he flips his hat backwards and reaches into the stroller. Two gentle hands remove Holland with a fluid precision that is criminally sexy for a reason I don't fully understand.

He brings Holland to his chest so her bottom is resting in the crook of his arm as his other hand supports her upper half, giving Edward a better look at her and me a better look at his biceps.

He handles her with an ease you don't always see in new dads. My body flushes hot . . . this is like really doing it for me.

"Edward, this is Holland."

The old man lights up at the mention of the baby nestled against Xavier's chest. It's clear these two are close, and I wonder how much time Xavier has spent here in the last seven months.

His friend reaches out, lifting Holland's tiny arm and stroking a thumb down it.

"Do you want to hold her?" Xavier asks, his voice softer than I've ever heard it.

"Yeah, but let me sit. I'm an old man and she's too precious." Edward's eyes are misty with admiration as the two men cross the space to a couch in the lobby.

Once Edward lowers himself into the corner of the leather couch, Xavier carefully passes his daughter off to him, and I stand to the side and watch as the men exchange an emotional glance.

"You did good there, kid," Edward says.

Xavier's throat works around a swallow. "There have been moments where it all feels impossible and others where it feels like a dream come true."

"You're doing just fine." Edward lets Holland wrap his stubby finger up in her tiny fist. "Isn't he, my angel?"

I'm about to wander away, giving them space so I'm not intruding on a special moment when Xavier clears his throat, glancing over his shoulder and finding me. "There's someone else I'd like you to meet."

"Is this the girl that's got that smile back on your face?" Edward lifts his chin, pulling his attention from Holland and focusing the warmth on me. Only this isn't merely him being nosey--he's genuinely delighted to see me happy.

Xavier closes the gap between us, taking my hand. Dumbfounded, I follow as he leads me to where Edward sits with Holland.

"This is Vivienne Cardoza," Xavier says.

"It's nice to meet you, Vivienne Cardoza," Edward says, before looking back at his friend. "You must've sweet-talked her when the lights were low, huh?"

I snort, caught off guard by the way he flipped from grandfatherly love to teasing so naturally.

"Let's call it luck." Xavier pulls me into his side.

I shift under the weight of his arm, glancing up so the full intensity of his stare is on mine and say, "Luck? Sure, let's call it that. Because who doesn't hit the jackpot on their third spin, right?"

Edward coughs out a laugh. "Oh, I like her a lot."

There's a subtle rasp to Xavier's voice, warmth wrapping around each word as he presses his lips to the crown of my head and says, "Yeah, me too."

The reverence in his tone has emotion flooding my chest, rushing up into my throat and making it tighten. Part of me is screaming not to lose myself to him--to this feeling. The other part is begging me to forget all our rules, even if only for a short while.

I whisper over the war waging in my heart. "Guess you've got good taste then."

"Speaking of good taste, your date awaits and someone did a bang-up job of coordinating it, if I do say so myself." Edwards runs his thumb over Holland's cheek.

"Date?" I tilt my head in Xavier's direction. I guess I'm not the only one bucking the rules today.

"His words, but yeah." His fingers reach up, brushing back his tousled red hair, lingering on the back of his neck as if unsure of what to say next. "I guess it is a date . . . if that's okay with you."

Well, that was cute as hell and there's no way I'm saying no to a bashful Xavier.

"Is Little Miss going with you?" Edward asks, sounding a little wistful at the idea of losing his new friend.

"She is." Xavier's smile is so tender, it melts my heart. "But I promise, we'll be back soon and you can come hang with us any day in the off-season."

Xavier steps away from my side, lifting Holland out of Edward's arms and passes her to me. Instead of placing her back in the stroller, I snuggle her close, letting her sweetness distract me from the unexpected turn this day has taken.

Xavier extends a hand to help Edward up, the two of them exchanging a brief but familiar glance. One that tells me the older man hates accepting help like this, but knows better than to refuse it.

Edward leads us to a door that opens up into the planetarium theater. It's dark under the domed roof, but I follow the colored lights illuminating the floor to the center of the room. There's a flutter in my chest as I take in each carefully thought-out detail of the setup. I cling to Holland, letting her ground me.

Xavier stops behind me with the stroller and I cock my brow, gesturing to the blanket, pillows, and snack board laid out in the open space. "This would've been awfully uncomfortable if I hadn't agreed it was a date since that's technically against the rules."

With the confidence that can only come from being an irresistibly handsome, six-foot-four, professional athlete, he smirks. "Screw the rules."

There's a flash of that same cockiness from the first time we met. Only now, knowing his heart, it turns me on, instead of annoying me. He takes care of the people in his life--treats them like gold. That I'm letting him do it for me is what's got him grinning like a fool. Not that he thinks he's entitled to my attention.

He doesn't give me a chance to protest before he launches into the world's hottest lecture. "I told you before, this list isn't just about giving you all the orgasms your body can handle anymore. I'm going to show you how you deserve to be treated in and out of the bedroom until you tell me to stop."

"Until I tell you to stop," I repeat a little breathlessly. Aside from the date, it's still within the spirit of what we agreed to, but it feels like . . . more.

"Yeah. I can find endless ways to make you scream my name, so until you tell me you've had enough, you get all the benefits of being with me."

He parks the stroller, stepping up and stroking his hand over his daughter's hair, but his attention is all mine. It's painfully intimate to have him looking at me this way, almost to the point where I need to look away. My stomach flips and I tell him the only thing I know with any conviction. "There's no chance I'll get sick of this"--I motion between us--"anytime soon. And thank you for today. It's beyond thoughtful."

He bends to reach my lips, giving me a too-quick kiss before he lifts Holland out of my arms. With his back turned, I press my fingertips to my lips. I close my eyes and try to suck in a calming breath but it doesn't ease the heavy want that sits in my chest any time he's around lately.

Not sure what to do with my emotions, I slip off my shoes, taking a seat on the plush blanket where Holland is getting cozy next to her dad.

Everything is laid out to perfection, setting a cozy and romantic mood. I don't know who gets credit for the setup but this date could make even the most jaded girl swoon.

Xavier leans back on his forearms, crossing his ankles. "I hope you don't mind the third wheel. I thought Tenley earned her time off."

"For putting up with you, definitely," I joke. "But for the record, I never mind my sweet Estrela joining us. Not having to share her with Tenley is nice."

Xavier's tongue darts out, making a hypnotizing sweep over his lips--enough to have me leaning closer, only to stop when, without warning, soft music filters in, surrounding us. I pull back, watching as the lights on the floor go out and the stars above us flicker to life. Holland coos like this show is all for her.

I lean back on my elbows, taking it in. "I can see why you like it here. It's peaceful."

"The guys give me a hard time about how much time I spend looking at fake stars, but the first time I came here it helped me dull the noise." He turns his head to face me, and I think it's the calmest I've ever seen those bright eyes. "When I'm here, I can sort things out in my head better."

"Is there a show, or just . . ." I gesture to the ceiling.

"No narration today. Just us and the stars."

"Is this a silent show, or are we allowed to talk?"

"We're allowed to do anything you want."

"Oh, the possibilities." I laugh.

"Well, almost anything. We should probably keep it PG with our little chaperone here." He nods to his daughter, who's happily kicking her feet between us.

"She's so good. Cade was a nightmare when he was a baby." The memory of my nephew's constant cries are still vivid all these years later. "He hated being set down."

"On top of everything else . . ." He blows out a breath, his expression softening. "I can't imagine how difficult it was on everyone."

I shift to one elbow, facing Xavier. "He was only a baby and his mom was gone. Everyone did the best they could."

"Did they really?" he asks, gently, not accusing, as he brushes a strand of hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. "I'm not blaming anyone, but . . . it sounds like they could have done a better job of seeing your pain."

"My pain wasn't important." For years I've reflexively used the same explanation to defend my family, but right now, with Xavier listening, it feels cheap.

His brows knit together and he leans closer. "I'm not saying your pain should've been the focus in the aftermath of losing Erica. But at some point, someone should have stopped to make sure you were okay, instead of moving on and forgetting that you were a little girl who lost someone you loved too."

Overwhelming grief chokes me, my throat thick. No one, besides Harlowe, has ever seen the burden I've carried for so long, so clearly. But this man, who's not supposed to mean as much as he does to me, understands it completely.

"It was unfair to put the weight of that loss on you."

"It was," I admit.

"Pain like that is a little like the birth of a star," he says, pointing to the twinkling stars above us.

"This sounds very philosophical." I hum thoughtfully.

"It is. Stars don't appear out of nowhere. Their birth is a long, chaotic process. First, there's a collapse--gas and dust imploding under its own gravity. Then, to become a real star, the core has to burn at ten million degrees. It takes millions of years to find its equilibrium."

"That does sound traumatic," I comment.

He nods seriously. "And even after that, the star isn't fully formed. It has to blow away the dust and debris from its birth. Only then can it shine freely. I think people are the same way. After we go through something devastating, we collapse inward, and it takes time and effort to clear away what broke us. But when we do, that's when we find our light again."

"Never change, Xavier," I say, leaning forward, cautious of waking Holland who's now sleeping between us, and kissing him.

"Because you like me?" he asks, his lips moving against mine.

"Mhmmm . . . I like the way you always surprise me."

"Good. I like keeping you on your toes." He reaches for a mini calzone and holds the bite-sized snack between us. The savory scent surrounds me and I know without asking--it's from Nonna's.

"You also seem to have an obsession with feeding me." I open my mouth, and when the savory sauce hits my taste buds I groan. It's so damn delicious.

"Can you blame me? The noises you make . . . you make it damn hard to keep things PG."

"Tell me more about the stars," I say.

He does, and for the next hour we talk about the universe. He asks questions about working for Double Play, growing up on a vineyard, and tells me more about Edward. It's the most comfortable I've ever been on a date and I'm nowhere near ready for this day to end.