Page 36

Xavier

You know those slow motion montages that happen in chick flicks where the crowd parts and the guy gets a good look at the girl he's into? That's what it's like when I catch sight of Vivienne as she dodges a group of runners on Cherry Creek Trail.

The dark locks that she normally wears loose are braided to the side. Immediately, I know that I'm going to take liberties with the exposed skin she's giving me access to.

Maybe it's the unspoken promise of what's next on her list and the ease with which she agreed to staying overnight with me, or maybe I'm using that as an excuse because losing my mind over neck skin is humbling enough.

It's hot out and she's in a cute little tennis skirt and a cropped tank top that stretches over her curves. The zipper at her neck opens to give me a peak of cleavage, pushing me toward dangerously turned on.

Not the best timing for that considering we're in a park surrounded by other families, but fuck, this woman does it for me.

Get it together, Xavier. Just because this situationship is the healthiest, most mature relationship you've ever had, doesn't mean you should lose all sense.

This is still temporary--a ray of sunshine in my busy life.

My pep talk doesn't stop me from taking the coffees from her, stowing them in the stroller's cup holders and pulling her against me when she reaches us. I bend to meet her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Have I told you how much I appreciate that you're always wearing skirts?"

"Is there a reason for this appreciation?" Her lashes flirt with the tops of her cheekbones when she pulls back to look up at me. She's in tennis shoes, instead of her normal heels, making our height difference more pronounced than normal.

Despite our boundaries and being in public, I have to stop myself from dragging her back against me. "Can't I just like the way they look?"

"You can . . . but in case there's more to the story, you should know this one has built-in shorts." She lifts the edge of her skirt giving me a glimpse of tight spandex encasing her thigh.

"Such a shame."

"Did you want me flashing the rest of the park while I played with your daughter today?"

Warmth spreads through me at how she casually admits she's not only here for me, but also for my daughter. I'm walking a risky line, teetering between knowing how we started and living in a delusional alternate reality where we can be more.

I'm almost certain that's what I want now--more of her.

She stretches, reaching out and rubbing her thumb over my forehead. "Such a serious face for a day at the park. Is something wrong?"

"It's nothing to spoil our day over," I tell her, forcing a smile that's not all fake, even if it's a little dimmer than it was a minute ago. A lot has changed between Vivienne and I since the hallway. She might have agreed to spend the day with us but she's still a step behind me.

"See, we're not going to do that. The rules clearly state that we're friends." She rolls her teeth over her plump bottom lip, which I notice is bare. No makeup and she still takes my fucking breath away.

"Friends, hmmm." I step in close again, because I can't help myself. "You show up in all your friend's showers and get down on your knees for them, sweetheart?"

"I can confidently say that was a first."

"Fuck, you're going to get me arrested for indecent behavior in the park and I'm a single dad, so that would be very, very bad."

"It would be very hard to explain that bat in your pants to the police so you should probably tell me what's on your mind."

And that makes my cock soften immediately. Because the mention of the police makes me think about the upcoming hearing. So I tell her half the truth and give her the other thing that's on my mind.

"The custody hearing is coming up. I'm still not sure Kristy is going to show which will drag this whole thing out."

Vivi bends, letting my daughter grab her finger. "Who'd walk away from this little girl?" She looks up at me and I want her to say more--to add me to that statement. She doesn't verbalize it, but I swear it's there in her eyes as they sweep over me.

"Not everyone wants to be a parent, and not everyone should," I say, shrugging. It's a concept I'm all too familiar with. "I'm sad for Holland, but Kristy has to choose this life. It's the uncertainty that kills me."

She nods, like that makes sense. "I guess I can understand that. It's been years and I still have lingering resentment towards my parents and brothers for forcing me to become a parental figure before I was ready. "

I take my hat off, running my hand over my hair. "My dad never wanted to be a parent, let alone a single dad, and when my mom died, he shut down. I basically raised myself. I don't want my daughter to experience the kind of childhood I had."

"And she won't." This time she's the one stepping into me, wrapping her arms around my waist. "Because she's got you."

I'm weak as hell for this girl, so I stand there, letting her comfort me for a minute before I break the hold and grab the coffees she got for us from the cup holder.

The iced coffee is labeled "The Boss" and the other, a cold brew, is labeled "Ginger Daddy" in Lilah's handwriting.

I groan. "Your niece is a menace."

She tilts her head side to side, slowly considering it. "Ahh, but she saved your ass."

"She did," I admit, nodding my head along with her. "And I have you to thank for that . . . and for this coffee," I say, bringing the cup to my lip for that first sip.

"So . . . you've got me here, and I brought the caffeine, now what?"

I push the stroller forward nodding for her to follow. "Now we take this girl on a walk. Then I thought we could head over to the planetarium and check out their newest show."

She falls into step next to me and when I look down she's glancing up at me, her forehead crinkled.

"Not what you expected?"

"Not exactly."

"I had to go to this charity event there to raise money for STEM programs in Denver schools. It was right after Kristy and I had broken up--I wasn't feeling like rubbing elbows, so I wandered off to one of the less crowded displays and walked around, lost in the story of the stars."

Vivienne lays a hand on my arm. "Were you two serious?"

I shake my head. "No. We were always on and off. There was a while where we were exclusive, but it was never healthy. I wasn't sad exactly, at least, not over losing my relationship with Kristy. Down might be a better description. I felt like a failure. Mostly because I spent so much time in a relationship that I knew was toxic. It was self-destructive, and it reminded me of my father."

She stops walking, turning, so she's facing me. "Is what we're doing self-destructive?"

Worry marks her pretty face, as if hurting me is so painful that she can't bear it and it almost breaks me. "Not for me and I hope it's not for you either. Having you in my life has lifted a weight off me that I didn't realize I was carrying. When Kristy walked away, I was hell-bent on doing this on my own."

"I hate to break it to you, but you were kind of a mess. You know, even though you have help now, no one can replace what you do for her."

I like to think that's true and hearing it from her makes me believe it. "I could have fumbled through all the diaper changes and baths, but it was the mental toll of not having anyone to talk to--I was drowning in my own head. Knowing I can call you when I'm feeling isolated or overwhelmed is like a breath of air when you've stayed underwater too long."

She blinks up at me and I'm afraid I've said too much. Then, slowly, her lips curve up into a genuine smile and she starts walking again.

"You know, you're not the only one that's benefitted from this situationship. I don't have many friends, I never have. When I was younger, it was because I was always taking care of one of the kids. After I moved away to college, I was so focused on getting my degree and building a life away from home that friendships fell to the wayside. It's been that way ever since. Other than Tenley and my best friend Harlowe, most of the people in my life are more like acquaintances than friends."

Her hand brushes mine and I have to fight the urge to take it.

"Now that I wake up to good morning texts every day, I'm not sure I could go back to the way I was living before. There's life and there's life worth living. I want more for myself. "

My heart skips a beat. And then she continues. "Like fostering strong friendships with the girls--Lilah, Indie, Poppy, and Mia. I want to do things instead of going home to my apartment every night." She inches closer on the path making room for a biker. "I want to go home with you tonight and see what great feels like and then I want to wake up wrapped in your arms where I'm safe and cherished, even if it's one time."

I'm all over the place as I listen to her talk. I keep getting hung up on this still being temporary, when it's so real to me. To Vivi, I'm a friend giving her what she needs. When we started, this was about sex, but now I can see that there's so much more tangled up in this.

This thing is more than I bargained for, and while I'm not looking for the love of my life or a mother for my daughter, Vivienne's earned a permanent spot in my heart for what she's given me. Knowing that I've been able to give even a fraction of that back to her makes any pain that comes with losing her when this list is complete, worth it. So I tell her in a way that I hope doesn't scare her away.

"You came into my life like a shooting star--unexpected and brilliant. This might be a streak in the sky, but the spark you've left on my heart will last forever. You deserve the same, and if I can give you a hint of that spark, it's yours to take."

"I'm not sure I understand the science behind all that, but I'm pretty sure it was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

"I'll teach you all about the stars while this little one takes a nap later."

"Xavier Kingsley, is part of your plan to ruin dating for me? Because no one else is going to be able to compete."

I point at her seriously. "We don't talk about that. It might make me an asshole, but in my head there's no one after me."

She throws her head back, stretching her neck out in the most enticing way, and laughs. "I've already seen you at your worst, remember that time you thought I was a fan?"

I frown. "Unfortunately. Yet, you still gave me a second chance."

She hums. "I didn't give you anything, you earned a do-over. And now, I'm definitely a fan. In fact, I might be your biggest fan."

"That's funny. I always thought my number one fan would wear my jersey to a game." The words come out of my mouth carelessly, but the vision they sear on the surface of my brain is one I need to make a reality. Before she can respond, I bite my cheek adding, "Something to add to our list."

Her cheeks heat, pink crawling over them. Without the makeup she normally wears to work, it's more obvious than I've ever seen on her, and I really like that too.

She nods silently, her lip trapped between her teeth, and we continue following the path along the river.