Page 86 of Pages of My Heart
“Hey, man,” he says. “Did you find that song? The Gershwin one—‘The Man I Love’?”
“On the turntable and ready to go, brother,” replies the DJ. “But you sure they don’t want something a little groovier? Some Stevie? Captain and Tennille? The Bee Gees, man!”
Johnathan chuckles. “You can play all those later for the reception. But for walking down the aisle, it’s got to be ‘The Man I Love.’”
“Sure thing, good lookin’.” The DJ gives him a wink. “Are we about to get this party started?”
“Yeah, I’ll give you the signal when it’s time to start the music. Gimme five minutes.”
Jonathan heads toward the bridal rooms, feeling pleased with himself for organizing his dads’ special song. Over the years, he’s heard about how they met and how they had to hide their relationship, especially in the early days. He knows most people still think it’s a sin to be gay, but he grew up seeing it firsthand, and he knows, fuckingknows, that there’s nothing wrong with it.
Living in San Francisco certainly makes it easier. With its thriving gay and lesbian community, his dads get to live a little freer these days. They can hold hands in the Castro district and relax and have a drink at the Elephant Walk and just generally be themselves a lot easier than they could even just ten years ago. And things are getting better all the time.
Years ago, his dads told him that they exchanged private vows in their early twenties and have considered themselves married ever since. But he hopes today will bring them one step closer to what they’ve always wanted—a chance for them to declare their love publicly. He wants for them to be celebrated and admired. Forty years together is pretty special.
Jonathan remembers when he was little, maybe five or six, and he first saw them kissing. Not just a peck on the lips, like he would witness every day, but a passionatekiss. Their bedroomdoor had been ajar, and he’d wanted to show Dad his new book. He didn’t interrupt because even at that age he could see it was meant to be a private moment, but he watched, spellbound, as they held each other, lips locked together in a way he had never seen before. He knew it was love, and it made him blush and giggle. It never occurred to him that their love could be considered wrong.
Then at about the age of nine he’d heard someone call his dads a couple of “filthy fucking faggots” when they’d been out shopping for groceries. The word was unknown to him, but the way it had been spit out, like venom, and filled with such vicious hate told him it must be something bad. Dad had swept him away while Pops had begun cursing at the irate man. Images of that day are still etched in his mind.
When they’d arrived home, Jonathan had asked what the wordfaggotmeant, Pops’ face turning white hearing it come out of his mouth. Later that night, they’d had a family meeting. His parents took hours explaining things to him. How they were not a normal family, how Dad and Pops loved each other, but the world said they shouldn’t. They told him it had to be kept secret, and from that day on, whenever he was with friends or out in public, he called ThomasDadand CharlieUncle. He knew that if he made a mistake, his dads could be taken away from him. To prison even. For a long time, he carried that fear with him everywhere he went.
When Jonathan was twelve, a kid at school was bullying his friend, calling him a faggot and a fairy. He beat the living daylights out of that kid and was suspended for it, too. And that wasn’t the last time he got into a fight over assholes who didn’t understand. He will always defend his fathers. They are good and decent men—kind and loving, and strict when it matters. Pops always takes care of Dad when he has an episode,although they are rare nowadays. They look at each other across the dinner table like they are the only two people in the universe. Jonathan witnesses them bicker over silly things and then declare their love with such ferocity that it blows his mind. But most importantly, Pops and Dad, and him and his mom, have always been a family.
He opens the door to the first bridal suite to find his dad adjusting his bow tie in front of a full-length mirror.
“Dad, you ready? It’s time.”
Thomas turns, nervous energy dancing across his features. There’s a youthful exuberance there, too, and Jonathan smiles, eyes watering up. Thomas’s hair is turning white in places, but Jonathan thinks he looks dashing in his deep green three-piece suit.
“Is Pops ready?” Thomas asks.
Jonathan walks across the room to his father. “I’ll check on him next. Honestly, I’m surprised you two haven’t snuck in to see each other already.”
“We tried, but your mom is like the damn Gestapo. She’s in with Pops now. Hey, Jonathan”—Thomas squeezes his shoulder—“thank you for this. I mean it. Is everyone really here? All my family from Chicago?”
“All here,” he reassures. “And it’s the least I can do. Not every couple makes it to forty years and is still crazy in love.” Jonathan takes a deep breath, quite overcome. “I love you, Dad.”
“I love you too, Johnny. Now get a move on. I want to see your father.”
Jonathan rolls his eyes, but he smiles, too. “You just want to get to the kissing part.”
“You little shit,” Dad says, but he’s laughing.
“Okay, wait here a minute, then take your place at the front of the aisle. The celebrant is already in position. I’ll collect Pops and Mom and then we’ll be ready to start.”
Thomas
Once Jonathan has left, Thomas turns to study his reflection in the mirror one last time. Sometimes he wonders where all the years went. He’s already fifty-eight, and Charlie’s just turned sixty. Fortunately, they’re still in great health and looking forward to their retirement. Charlie recently handed over the car dealership to Jonathan, and Thomas will retire from Stanford in a matter of months. His years as an English professor have been incredibly rewarding, but he’s ready to take things a little slower.
Charlie started the car dealership back in 1950, and it set them up for life. His husband excelled at selling cars, and for that reason, they feel financially secure and able to retire early. When they arrived in California in August of ’45, they were unsure where to settle and bounced around for a few months. It was just a stroke of luck that Evie overheard a small group of women gossiping about how San Francisco had a burgeoning gay and lesbian community. Upon arrival, they promptly fell in love with the city and its picturesque bay.
When no garage would hire him because of his disability, Charlie took a job managing a car dealership, and Thomas took a classroom teaching position before being promoted to headmaster the following year. In 1953 they splurged on theirdream home, the one they still live in to this day. It’s a beautiful two-story Queen Anne in North Beach, overlooking the water. And it has that big wrap-around porch they always wanted.
Thomas couldn’t be happier with the way life turned out. Jonathan and Evie lived with them until Evie married a wonderful man named Simon when Jonathan was sixteen, but even then stayed close, with Jonathan often spending weekends at their place. They think of him as their son, and they know Jonathan sees them as his dads. Thomas is forever thankful to Evie for giving them the gift of fatherhood, and for the opportunity to share in the joy of raising such a beautiful boy.
Living in San Francisco gave them the gift of gay and lesbian friends, something they never had in Chicago, and with that, they also found a new level of acceptance and peace within themselves. As the years passed, the community grew and grew, and now they enjoy being able to hold hands and kiss in their neighborhood or when they’re down in the Castro district, something they never imagined possible when they were younger.
In recent years, they’ve become activists of sorts. They’ve marched in protests, and every year since 1972 they’ve taken part in the Gay Liberation Day Parade. Currently, they’re helping Harvey Milk with his electoral campaign. It’s incredible to think he might win, and that they’ll be a part of a history-making event. One day he thinks gay marriage may even be legalized, but he shouldn’t get too ahead of himself. Today’s ceremony is just for show, but it is a step in the right direction.