Page 5 of Pages of My Heart

To my dearest Red,

I’m worried you’re not coping all alone in the house.

I know it’s got to be hard being the one left behind, but please know that I miss you more and more with each passing day.

We’ve got to stay strong, cause this war is unlike anything you could ever imagine.

But I don’t want you to ever know of it.

Red, don’t even think about doing what you wanted to do without me there to convince you otherwise.

I would never forgive you, and I ain’t clowning around.

I need to know you’re safe and that you’ll be there when I get home.

Because I will, Red—I will come home to you.

We arrived two days ago, but we can’t say where we are or give any details in our letters in case they’re intercepted by spies.

We’ve settled into camp but seen no action yet.

We see all the wounded being brought back from the front though.

And the dead. We hear the bombs and the gunfire in the distance.

I won’t talk about it too much cause I know it’ll just upset you.

I’m doing fine, Red. I’ve been through enough in my life to get through this, too.

If I endured my father, then I can endure the fucking Nazis.

Have you written to me yet? I’m waiting for your letter.

Are you still going to family dinners on Friday nights?

You need to keep that up, even if you’re feeling low.

I’m worried you’re going to have one of those low times and I won’t be there to help you.

Promise me you’ll reach out to Bridget. Or even Michael.

No excuses, Red, you need your family now.

How’s work? You still miss being in the classroom teaching, don’t you?

But you’re doing great in your new position, and I’m so proud of you.

I like to think of you heading off to the school each morning.

I love how kind you are to the students and how much they respect you.

Maybe if I had a teacher like you when I was a kid, I would have wanted to stay in school longer.

I would have had a big crush on you and started trouble just to get detention.

I know you just smiled when you read that, didn’t you?

Christ, I miss you, sweetheart. I lie awake at night and think of you. When I’m sure the others are asleep, I touch myself. I imagine you kissing me and whispering sweet words to me. I feel hollow all the time. My chest hurts, and my heart calls for you.

Can you stay faithful to me, Red? I don’t want anyone else to know you the way I do. The thought of you with someone else sends me crazy with jealousy. But I trust you. I do.

If you get a chance, can you drop in at Jimmy’s and see how all the boys are doing?

Tell ’em I made it over here all right and I don’t miss their ugly mugs at all.

I also don’t miss being covered in grease every day, though I’ll probably just be covered in mud now instead.

I clean my gun a lot. I disassemble it and then put it back together just to keep my hands busy, but it’s not the same as working on the engine of a car.

Hopefully Jimmy can give me my job back once this fucking war is over.

It’s nearly lights out, so I need to stop writing. Tomorrow we’re heading toward the front line. Pray for me, Red. I’ll be thinking of you. Love you always, sweetheart. I’ll write as often as I can, I promise.

Love, Charlie xx