Page 62 of Pages of My Heart

Thomas

With Charlie busy helping his mother, Thomas takes the opportunity to check in at Bridget and Eddie’s.

His sister quickly puts him to good use fixing the back door hinge, and he happily works at it while he thinks about how much progress Charlie has made over the last few months.

Thomas couldn’t be happier seeing his husband excited about work every morning.

Charlie loves managing the garage, which doesn’t surprise Thomas at all—his husband is a great leader and has a quick mind.

The nightmares are becoming less frequent.

Charlie sometimes goes two or even three weeks without one.

There are still the visions and the attacks of anxiety, but they are happening less often too.

Charlie tells him that loud sounds at the garage sometimes frighten him and that he’ll have to retreat into the office and close the door until the panic passes.

But all things considered, Charlie is much happier and sounder, and nothing makes Thomas’s heart fuller than that.

But It’s a different story here at the O’Reilly family home, and that’s why Thomas visits more frequently these days.

Eddie returned home from the war in June.

In a wheelchair. He lost both his legs in a grenade blast, amputated just above the knees.

The man is in the depths of despair, drowning his sorrows in the bottom of a bottle.

Thomas knows what he’s seeing because he witnessed it all with Charlie.

Eddie’s father has paid for a nurse to attend daily and teach Eddie how to move from his chair to the bed and to the toilet and so on, but Eddie is resisting.

Just like Charlie did, Eddie drinks to numb the pain, to forget, to deny.

Bridget is a resilient and practical woman, but Thomas can see that even she is unraveling at an alarming pace, losing her temper and her sanity along with it. Things are particularly volatile today.

Once he’s finished with the door, he packs away the tools and wanders into the sitting room.

In his wheelchair by the front window, Eddie sits motionless, staring blankly outside.

He’s been refusing to bathe, and the stench coming off him has become intolerable, worse even than Patty at his lowest. Schooling his features, Thomas squats down beside him, then gently places his hand on Eddie’s forearm.

Eddie doesn’t react, his eyes remaining unfocused and vacant.

“Ed, how about I help you into the bathtub? Get you cleaned up. I bet you’ll feel better in some fresh clothes.”

Eddie listlessly turns his head, his eyes slowly focusing on Thomas. “There’s no fucking point,” he says, voice dull and lifeless.

Thomas is glad the kids are playing outside and don’t hear the profanity coming out of their father’s mouth. Eddie certainly never spoke this way in the house before he left for the war.

Thomas tries again. “There is a point. You have three wonderful children who just want to spend time with their father. And you have a beautiful wife who loves and needs you.” Just like I needed Charlie, he almost adds, stopping himself just in time.

“What’s the problem?” Bridget enters the room carrying a basket of laundry. It’s clear she’s already irritated.

“There’s no problem,” Thomas replies, standing back up. “I was just seeing if Ed wanted me to help him into the tub.”

Bridget shakes her head, frowning. “That’s a job for the nurse. Why would you suggest such a thing?”

“Maybe he doesn’t like the nurse doing it . . . being a stranger and all. I helped Charlie when he first came home and couldn’t use his arm.”

“Excuse me?” The corners of Bridget’s mouth turn down. “You helped Charlie in the tub? That’s a job for a nurse or a mother. Or a wife. Not a friend or roommate.”

It’s impossible to miss his sister’s accusatory tone, and Thomas feels himself getting defensive. “Yes, I helped Charlie into the bathtub. And getting dressed. His meals. All of it. I don’t see what’s wrong with that.”

Bridget puts the laundry basket down on the armchair and places her hands on her hips. “I think you know exactly what’s wrong with that. For the love of God, Tom, do you think people are blind? Or just stupid?”

Thomas glances down at Eddie and finds him staring out the window once again, seemingly unaware of the argument escalating around him. So, he lashes out. “If you’ve got something to say, Bridge, then just go ahead and say it.”

Bridget steps closer, until they are only a couple of feet apart.

The volume of her voice drops, but it has a warning edge to it.

“You’re making a huge mistake, Tom. You’re a headmaster.

Respected in this community. What do you think will happen when you get caught?

Will he be worth it when you’re rotting in prison?

When your nieces and nephews find out you’re a—” Bridget closes her eyes, as if that will somehow protect her from the truth of it.

“—a filthy sexual deviant?” She opens her eyes and stares Thomas down.

“You’ll bring shame upon this whole family. Hasn’t Eddie suffered enough?”

The anger inside Thomas builds too fast, his body trembling in a futile attempt to contain it. The words coming out of his own sister’s mouth make him feel physically ill. Has she always known? Always felt this way?

“Yes! Yes, Charlie’s damn well worth it!” he yells, defiant. “He’s worth everything! I love him.” He leans forward, looking his sister dead in the eye. His face burns hot with years of repressed feelings. “And yes, I love him body and soul.”

Bridget jerks away, mouth twisting into a disgusted grimace. All it does is fuel Thomas’s rage. He erupts into laughter, fake and sarcastic, and then stops just as quickly. He must look crazy. Unhinged.

He steps past her, as if to leave, but then pauses and whispers harshly near her ear, “Whatever filthy, deviant things you think we do, we do. Things you could never even imagine. And I’m not ashamed. The only person who should be ashamed here is you.”

Thomas continues his march to the front door, grabbing his hat off the coat stand and slamming the door on his way out. As he hurries down the front steps, hands shaking and blood rushing in his ears, he wonders if he’ll ever set foot in that house again.

Charlie

Charlie isn’t sure what exactly it is about today, but when he walks into the kitchen and looks at Thomas, he just knows it’s time to put the past behind them and do something for their future.

It’s been a year since he was shot. A year and three days to be exact.

Everyone says the war will end any time now, what with Hitler dead and Germany’s surrender in May.

And it can’t come soon enough. Only last week they got word that Benny from the garage met his end in a P-47 the Japs shot down over the Pacific.

Charlie cannot bear to hear of one more death.

“Sweetheart . . .” He steps in behind Thomas and wraps his arms around his waist. “I think I’m ready to buy that house.”

Thomas stills, a sandwich half made in front of him and butter knife suspended in the air. He slowly puts the knife down and turns, then wraps his arms around Charlie’s neck. “Truly?”

“Yes, truly. We always planned to, and you’ve been more than patient waitin’ on me to get it together.” Thomas clucks at that, but there’s also hesitation in his eyes that Charlie doesn’t understand. “What is it?” he asks.

Thomas drops his arms and leans back against the kitchen counter.

“Ever since Bridget said those things about me. About us. I’m just not sure I want to stay in Chicago anymore.

And we both went through hell here—me waiting for you to return, and then what you went through once you made it home.

I don’t know . . . I just think maybe we need a fresh start. ”

“C’mon, let’s sit down and talk.” Charlie takes Thomas’s hand and leads him into the sitting room.

“I ain’t against moving outta the city,” he explains.

“Ma would be okay with Donnie still around to look out for her, but I’m not sure I could leave Evie and Jonathan here on their own.

And I know you’re mad at Bridget right now—and rightly so!

” he’s quick to add when Thomas shoots him a look. “But what about Michael? And Maggie?”

Thomas sighs. “Michael has his own family, and even Maggie is engaged now. I love them, and my nieces and nephews too, but they’ll be okay. What if . . .” Thomas bites his lip.

“What if . . .?”

“What if Evie and Jonathan came with us? We could get a bigger house for all of us, or get two places nearby. I just—I don’t want to be around my family if they’re always going to look at me with disgust. I don’t want to pretend anymore.

Evie accepts us, just as we are, and that changed everything for me.

And if she can accept us, then I bet there are other people out there who would too. ”

This certainly isn’t what Charlie expected when he first broached the topic.

It’s a lot to take in, but he can’t deny that there’s a spark of excitement building inside him at the idea.

There’s a healthy dose of fear and apprehension there, too, but it’s thrilling to think of a new beginning far from the ghosts that haunt Chicago.

“You wouldn’t mind my sister and Jonathan livin’ with us?”

“Of course not! We could get a nice place with three bedrooms. Put a lock on our door and turn the radio on when we make love so no one hears you moan.” Thomas smirks and throws him a wink.

“Eh! You’re way louder than me. You and all your filthy talk.” They both laugh as Charlie moves across the room and straddles Thomas’s lap. “You got a city in mind?”

Thomas’s arms circle around his waist. “This might sound crazy, but what about someplace in California? No more snow and freezing our butts off every winter . . . just sun and the beach.”

Charlie tries picturing them walking along a sandy shore and it immediately appeals to him.

Still, he hedges a bit. “That’s the other side of the country.

What if we can’t get jobs once we get out there?

And I only just started up at Jimmy’s again .

. . I’d kinda be leavin’ him in the lurch after he’s helped me out so much. ”

“But you have experience as a manager now, and I’m sure Jimmy will understand you wanting to make a fresh start.

I bet he’d give you a glowing letter of recommendation after all the years you’ve worked for him.

And I don’t think I’ll have any trouble securing a teaching position.

Besides, I wouldn’t mind continuing my studies again soon.

I still have my heart set on becoming a professor one day.

And we have some savings to tide us over until we find positions. ”

It’s silent for a moment, a future in California beginning to take form in Charlie’s mind. He runs his fingers through Thomas’s red hair and smiles impishly. “I bet you’ll burn red as a tomato in that California sun.”

“Hey!” Thomas squeezes him tight and bites playfully at his chin, both of them laughing.

“But ya know,” Charlie says, thoughtful again, “I wouldn’t mind owning my own garage one day.”

“I know, and you’d excel at it too. Come on, Charlie, let’s take a chance. How about we visit Evie and see what she thinks?”

An hour later they’re sitting around the kitchen table at Evie’s, faces flushed with nerves and excitement. Charlie knows he won’t leave without her.

“What’s gotten into you two? You’re acting like a couple of giddy schoolboys.” Evie eyes them suspiciously, mouth quirked in a half-smile.

“Tommy, this was your idea. You should tell her.”

“No, darling. I think it should come from her brother.”

“Please, someone just tell me, for heaven’s sake!” Evie says, patience running thin.

Charlie lays his palms flat on the table. “Okay, okay. Tommy and I are thinkin’ about makin’ a fresh start. We wanna move. Get outta Chicago and buy a house together. Make a real home somewhere.” He takes a deep breath. “And we want you and Johnny to come with us.”

The shock on Evie’s face is plain. She looks to Thomas, then back at Charlie, then back to Thomas once more. “Tom . . . you want this too? Wouldn’t Jonathan and I be in the way?”

Thomas takes Evie’s hand. “Never. I think of you as my sister and Jonathan as my nephew. You must know that. Richard is gone, and we’re so deeply sorry about that, but we want to be there for you.

And we want to help raise Jonathan, too .

. . if—if you’re okay with that.” Thomas glances at Charlie before he continues.

“I know as Jonathan gets older you may not want men like us around. Maybe we aren’t . . . maybe we—”

“Tom, stop” Evie says, firmly. “I won’t have you speak that way about yourself or my brother.

You are both better men than Richard ever was, may he rest in peace.

Jonathan loves you both, and you love him, and that’s all a child needs.

And God knows I could use the help. So .

. . yes.” She grins widely. “My answer is yes!”

Charlie sighs in relief, and all three of them sit around grinning at each other like a bunch of fools until he realizes they didn’t tell Evie the second part of the plan.

“Don’t ya at least wanna know where we’re gonna go?”

She slaps his arm across the table. “Well, of course, dummy! Tell me! But I swear to God, Charles, if you say—”

“California,” he cuts in, squeezing Thomas’s thigh under the table.

Evie’s jaw drops and her eyes widen with excitement. “We’re going to live by the ocean?”

“That’s the plan,” Thomas says, eyes sparkling as they lock with Charlie’s.

Just then Jonathan runs into the kitchen brandishing his toy boat in his chubby hands. “Uncle Tomm-eeee! Look, look!”

Thomas picks Jonathan up and settles him on his lap. “That’s a fantastic boat you’ve got there. Can I see?”

Charlie smiles as he looks on at his husband playing with their nephew.

Thomas is so attentive and kind. He wishes he and Evie and Donnie had a father like that when they were children, but it makes him happy to know that Jonathan will grow up with two uncles who will love him unconditionally and without judgement.

“Hey, kiddo,” he says, “how would’ya like to take a trip to the ocean and see if that boat floats?”