Page 85 of Pages of My Heart

Charlie

They spend their final day in Chicago taking their time to pack the last of their things, assembling the steamer trunk and suitcases at the front door. It’s bittersweet, and they speak little, comfort coming from the physical touches and soft kisses they share. When it’s almost time for the taxicab to arrive, Thomas takes their cases out to the front curb. Evie will meet them at the train station with Jonathan, as they have too much luggage to share one cab.

Charlie remains at the kitchen window, stealing one last look out into the backyard. Last night was perfect, reminding him of their very first night together in the house. Just as renting their own place had set them free, so will leaving Chicago release them from the ghosts of the past. He’s sure of it. They’re nolonger two desperate boys running from something; they’re two grown men choosing their own future, on their own terms. They’re runningtosomething. It’s both exciting and terrifying.

His fingers brush across the kitchen counter as he turns away from the window and makes his way through the house until he comes to their bedroom. His eyes sting and start to water when he thinks of all the beautiful memories they’ve made in here—and some painful ones, too. It’s hard, standing in the empty room, leaving their past behind. It feels like a version of Charlie and Thomas is being left behind, too, a version that can only exist within these four walls. Lastly, he visits the sitting room, stopping in the exact place they took their vows. Charlie’s hand instinctively goes to his chest, to his heart and the tattoo inked over it.

“Charlie?”

He turns toward his husband’s voice, their eyes locking in silent conversation. They haven’t needed words for a long time—Thomas knows exactly what he’s feeling. His husband strides toward him and gathers him in his arms, gently swaying their bodies from side to side. A last dance without any music. Thomas’s breath is warm on his neck, familiar and calming, and his firm hands hold him close like he is priceless and rare. It’s everything he needs in this moment.

“Tommy, I love you so much.” Charlie pulls away, but then surges back in with a determined kiss. “I’m ready,” he says, smiling.

Thomas smiles back, damp eyes a mirror of his own. “I love you too. Let’s go, my darling.”

The cab horn sounds outside. Thomas takes Charlie’s hand and leads him toward the front door, not letting go until the very last minute. Charlie fleetingly wonders if there will come a day when he can hold Thomas’s hand beyond the walls of theirown home. Then he turns and closes the door behind them and follows his husband toward the cab, his thoughts already on the long trip ahead of them.

As they travel through the city to Grand Central Station, they can’t help but notice how busy the streets are for early evening, and it’s impossible not to pick up on the palpable buzz in the air. The cab driver tells them it’s rumored that Japan has surrendered and that President Truman will soon address the nation. Charlie quickly squeezes Thomas’s hand in the back seat, excited and hopeful. They’ve been so busy the last two days; they haven’t been keeping up with the papers or the reports on the radio.

At the train station, Evie and an overexcited Johnathan join them, and together they oversee their luggage being stored before heading further down the platform to find their carriage. It will take three days to travel across the country to California, and Charlie knows it will be especially taxing on Evie and little Jonathan. They are just about to board when people at the far end of the packed platform begin to cheer and shout. Then almost like a wave rushing toward them, the noise travels and swells as the news is passed from person to person.

Charlie turns to Thomas, eyes widening with anticipation. “Do you think . . .? Is it?”

Thomas grabs the elbow of a man passing by who is singing loudly. “Is it over?” he asks.

The large man wraps his big arms around Thomas, hugging him tight and spinning him around. “Yes! Yes! The war is over!”

Charlie throws his arms around both Evie and Jonathan, who is perched on Evie’s hip. Everyone on the platform is frantic with joy. People are hugging and kissing and dancing and crying. He turns to Thomas, the singing man now pulling another stranger in for an impromptu jig, and for a momentthey just stare at each other. So many thoughts pass through Charlie’s mind, but mostly, he just longs to kiss and hold his husband. It’s Thomas who eventually throws caution to the wind and swoops in, capturing Charlie in a lover’s embrace. Charlie nestles his face into the curve of Thomas’s neck and breathes heavily. Their bodies are pressed tightly together from chest to groin, and their arms and hands curl around each other, finding purchase in the intimate curves of their bodies.

The celebration continues to whirl around them, and nobody notices. Not the fingers that thread into Charlie’s hair. Nor the hand he slips under the bottom of Thomas’s jacket. Nor the kiss Thomas lovingly presses to his lips. It’s a moment like no other. A moment he will remember until the end of his days.

Chapter 40

October 1977

Jonathan

Jonathan couldn’t be happier with the venue, the weather, the decorations—everything looks perfect. Last night, after months of planning, he’d finally told his pops and his dad about their 40th anniversary surprise. A wedding in all respects, except of course that it won’t be recognized by the law. How the family had kept it a secret had been nothing short of a miracle, but the joy on his fathers’ faces had made it all worthwhile.

The reception venue overlooks the San Francisco Bay and is filled with family and friends, gay and straight alike. White chairs are set out in rows, and the center aisle is adorned with colorful flowers. Charlie double-checks that the celebrant is ready and then sets off to find his wife, Paula, to let her know it’s almost time to begin. All the O’Reilly’s are here from Chicago—Bridget, Michael, and Maggie with their spouses, kids, and grandkids. Uncle Donnie is here with his second wife, and his mom, Evie, is keeping tabs on his fathers in the adjoining bridal rooms.

Jonathan knows, of course, that neither Charlie nor Thomas are his biological fathers. They are, in fact, his uncles,and only Charlie by blood. But according to his mother, he insisted they were his dads when he was a toddler, and no amount of correcting made any difference. In the end they had just rolled with it, settling on Pops for Charlie, and Dad for Thomas. It doesn’t surprise Jonathan at all. He has many fond memories from his childhood, and all the best ones include Charlie and Thomas. They were there for him, and they loved him, and Jonathan credits them with making him the father he has become to his own three children—Katie, eight, Eileen, six, and little Charlie, who has just turned three.

“Daddy, Daddy, when is it going to start?” Eileen asks, grabbing his hand just as he spots Paula.

“Soon, baby girl. I need to tell Mommy it’s time to take your seats up front.”

Katie taps him on his other arm. “Daddy, where are Granddad and Grandpop?”

“They’re down the hall getting dressed in their special suits.” Jonathan points toward the rooms as he finally reaches Paula.

“John, is it time?” Paula asks, little Charlie perched on her hip.

“Sure is. I just need to check that the music is ready and then head down to get them into position.” He checks his watch for what must be the tenth time in as many minutes. “God, I feel nervous. I just really want this to be perfect for them.”

Paula smiles and squeezes his arm. “It will be. Everyone is here and looking forward to it. It’s a beautiful thing you’ve done for them, honey. They deserve this. It’s a love that should be celebrated.”

“Thanks, babe.” He kisses Paula and ruffles Charlie’s hair before walking over to where the DJ has set up his equipment.