Page 39 of Pages of My Heart

To my beloved Charlie,

Do you have any idea how much I want you in my arms? To protect you, and to love you. Charlie, I need you to know that I do love Evie and Jonathan, and yes, I think of them as family, but you, my darling, are my husband, my everything. The one I put above all others.

I know you are suffering right now, but I’m proud of you for making corporal.

You are such a strong man and you can’t help but inspire confidence in others.

My deepest sympathies about dear Johnson.

I am truly saddened that you have lost your friend.

I know you blame yourself, but it’s not your burden to bear.

It’s NOT. This war is at fault. Germany is at fault.

Hitler has the blood of the whole world on his hands.

I know how brave you are, and I know you would have done everything possible. Johnson will have known that too.

You are going to look so distinguished and handsome in your dress uniform with your Bronze Star, and one day, hopefully, you will see the good in what you’ve done.

For now, please know that I think of you always.

I try to send you all my strength. I hear your pain, darling, and I am so worried.

I panic when I read your words and imagine the horrors you are experiencing.

I wish I could take away the anguish. I feel so damn helpless here.

I grow angry and frustrated, and I lash out at people sometimes.

But how can they understand what I’m feeling?

As to your question about our own house—I had a meeting with the bank manager some time ago, and it all looks very promising.

I’m sorry I didn’t mention it sooner, but in any case, I haven’t started looking yet because it’s not something I want to do alone.

It will be our house, our home, and we must choose it together.

So I’m waiting for your return. But I do like to imagine what it might look like . . .

I see a white, freshly painted house with blue window shutters and matching flower boxes, and it has a long porch that extends its whole length.

We have a beautiful garden out back and a vegetable patch in one corner where I can grow tomatoes, and carrots, and potatoes.

You grumble about getting your hands dirty, but you’ll enjoy watching me bent over at work and get almost as freckled as me sitting out in the sun.

We have a fireplace in the sitting room and in our bedroom, and in winter you’ll come running (and cursing!) from the bathroom to our bedroom to warm your naked body by the fire.

I’ll never be able to resist, and we won’t make it to the bed before I devour you with my love.

And as we grow older, we’ll sit out on the front porch in the summertime and sip cold beers.

Maybe I’ll read to you, and you’ll rest your head on my shoulder.

I imagine a future where the world won’t mind so much, and I’ll be able to place a loving kiss to your temple and hold your hand in mine.

One day, Charlie. One day.

Please know that it doesn’t matter how much time passes, or how long we are separated, my love for you only grows stronger.

All my love,

Red xxx