Page 43 of Only for Me

My eyes flew open and I felt my heart racing while I tried to pull myself out of the messed up space the dream left me in. The closer I got to the day, the more the dream stayed in rotation. I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly, trying to shake the memory. A few seconds later my phone was vibrating with a call.

I groaned and threw my arm out to the side, reaching for it. When I couldn’t find it, I rolled over in my bed and almost crash landed on the floor because I wasn’t in my bed. I was on the sofa at Makari’s place. I quickly shifted and narrowed my eyes at the tiny body next to me. Her brows were pinched while she kicked her feet, trying to grab them with uncoordinated swings of her arms.

“You’re supposed to be asleep, shorty.”

I leaned down, kissed her stomach, and grabbed my phone.

“Yo.”

“Where you at, I was gonna pull up?”

I jerked a hand down my face, scooped Avi up in one arm, and dropped back on the sofa, watching her while she tried to grab my beard with one hand and my nose with the other. Seeing her helped me push past the fucked up shit my mind was just working through.

“I’m not home,” I mumbled and dropped my head back, letting my eyes close for a brief moment.

“Where you at?”

I pulled my phone from my face and checked the time. “About to head downtown. I have to meet Tony.”

“I didn’t ask where you were heading. I asked where your ass was at.”

I kissed Avi on the forehead, giving her enough access and time to lock her little fingers around my beard.

“I’m where the hell I am and we’re not fucking so don’t be clocking my moves.”

“Bruh, don’t even joke like that.” I chuckled and he added, “But I know exactly where you are. You might as well move all your shit to her crib the way you stay up at her place.”

“You got a problem with me being a father to my kid?”

“Nah, I’m glad you’re working that shit out. I guess I’m officially the godfather since I’m the one who convinced you to stop being a pussy and admit you want to be a father.”

Was I working this out or just going through the motions? I had been running that narrative through my mind for the past two weeks since I had basically been camped out at Makari’s house but I knew the answer. I had known since I held Avi. I wasn’t doing this because I felt obligated or because I was trying to prove something. She didn’t ask to be here so I wasn’t going to make her miss out because I had shit with me that I refused to work through.

“Nah, I’m gonna have to pass on that. She needs better role models in her life.”

“Hell I’m better than you.”

“Barely, which is my point. Neither of us is shit.”

He laughed and I adjusted Avi in my arms. “I’mma hit you later though. I need to go find Makari so I can head out.”

“Aight, I’ll just swing by your place tomorrow and we can go over the game footage from?—”

“Not this week. I’ll be with Kari and Avi.”

He was quiet for a minute and I already knew where Ryland’s mind went before he spoke the thought out loud. “You sure that’s a good idea?”

Being around them while I fucking spiral because it was damn sure going to happen…

“It’s better than me being alone and having a repeat of last year. Before you give me your unsolicited advice, I’m good. Being with them is probably the best thing for me.”

“Aight, I fuck with it, but if you change your mind, just hit my line.”

“Yeah…”

I ended the call knowing I wouldn’t be hitting his line or anyone else’s. I also wouldn’t be with Makari or Avi because he was right, being around them wasn’t a good look. I planned on blazing something strong and drinking until my mind was blank because that was the only fucking way I was going to survive the night. But I damn sure wasn’t about to tell Ryland or anyone else my plans.

“Let’s go see where your mother is.” I lifted with Avi in my arms and stretched my back. As comfortable as the sofa was, sharing it with my baby girl made it an awkward fit. I still had no idea how I crashed anyway. I was supposed to be chilling with Avi so Makari could handle something with a client but I guess we both tapped out and she woke up before I did.