Page 67 of On Merit Alone

Chapter Thirty-Five

Merit

It was the tenth—no, twentieth—long look across the room that finally set it in stone. There was something on his mind.

Something had already tipped me off to the fact that Ira might feel some type of way about the way we left things last night. And by “the way we left things”, I mean me sticking my hand down his pants until he exploded and grinning like I’d won some kind of prize while his eyes were still closed.

After he kissed me, then downright scolded me for “taking it spectacularly too far”, we spent a couple minutes straightening each other out before I grabbed his hand and led us back into the main club.

It was no secret to anyone we were with that we were fooling around.

I mean, we had to be gone for at least thirty minutes.

But curiously, when we arrived in front of our friends, who had all gravitated toward each other in the unity of taking bets on if we were hooking up, Ira was quiet.

“Oh! Welcome back, you filthy animals!” Ira’s teammate Troy said as we approached the table. This had the whole group cheering like crazy, like we were on some sort of display.

I didn’t really care. My people knew what I was about, I was about Ira, and I’m pretty sure his knew too.

But instead of laughing or fist bumping or whatever it is guys did when they were being praised for “getting some”, Ira just raised his hand to the back of his neck and averted his eyes, pretending not to notice.

I looked at him then. Admiring the way he could look so cool while somehow also looking shy.

I'm sure to everyone else he didn’t look shy.

To everyone else he probably looked bored, maybe a little tired of this place.

But I knew differently. I could feel the way his fingertips trailed the small of my back, tracing them along the seam of where my top met my skirt, tethering me to him.

I could see how his yellow-brown complexion looked flushed and damp.

I could hear how he had to clear his throat before every response, his mind obviously somewhere else.

It was getting so bad that when one of Ira’s buddies clapped him over his shoulder and asked if he was coming to the next bar with everyone, I had to speak up and say, “No, he’s busy” as I grabbed him by the hand and yanked him out of there.

After we said goodbye to my teammates and collected the rest of my things, I pulled Ira out by his fingers saying, “C’mon King, you’re blushing. ”

I had only been half kidding, but now in the light of day I could tell that he had actually been blushing. And judging by the red of his golden cheeks now, there was something still playing on his mind.

This morning, he had woken up before me, and in the hour or so he’d been up, he’d taken Cash out on a walk, picked up breakfast, made us coffee, and was currently making himself busy with something across the room.

Something that looked a lot like organizing and reorganizing the stacks of paper on my desk.

This fidgeting had to be about the cutest thing I’d ever witnessed, and if I was truly mean I would let it continue. But the poor guy was dying and he’d been so earnest with me the night before, I could do the same.

“Ira,” I said, setting my cup of coffee down on the bedside table. Hearing his name, his head snapped up and he looked to me hopefully. Excited. Like he’d been waiting for this the entire morning. I stifled a chuckle. “Question.”

“Shoot.”

“Do you need to talk after doing sexual things, or do you need to be alone?” I asked and when he looked at me knowingly, I gave him a soft smile.

He sighed, sounding almost relieved that he didn’t have to ask himself. Still he shrugged, like he was embarrassed. “Talk. Definitely talk.”

I smiled. I knew it. Reaching out a hand, I beckoned him over. “Come here then, will you?”

He wasted no time, coming around my side of the bed and sitting in front of me. He took my hand and rubbed a slow thumb across the soft middle of my palm. I wrapped my fingers around it and asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine.”

Ducking down, I tried to catch his eyes. “I'm sorry I fell asleep. Without talking about what happened, I mean.”

“It’s fine, Six. You were tired,” he said.

“Okay,” I said slowly. “What’s on your mind?”

“I-uh,” he started, but as he let his eyes wander over my face he trailed off. I bit my lip, sort of starting to worry. “It’s nothing, never mind. “

“No, no. Ira, sit. Talk,” I said encouragingly. When he just continued to look at me with a set jaw, I breathed out. “So, last night… Did I cross a line?”

“No.”

“Did you have fun?

He swallowed. “Clearly.”

I nodded. “But something’s on your mind.”

He cleared his throat. “I uh, I don’t do that sort of thing with everybody. ”

I couldn’t help my smirk. “I would hope not.”

“No, I—I mean with just anybody. I don’t really sleep around,” he sighed deeply and pressed his fingertips to the bridge of his nose.

I felt a small degree of panic slip in. I’d never seen him like this. I hope I didn’t truly cross a line. “Are you comfortable with sex, Ira?”

“Yeah, Six,” he sighed, smiling self-deprecatingly. “I don’t know why I’m acting like a damn teenager right now, I just—I just want this to come out right.”

I swallowed. “Okay. You’re scaring me a little to be honest, but okay. Did I hurt you or something?”

“No, Six. It’s not about that. Look. You were amazing last night. Like, a dream, amazing.” Swallow. “But you were drunk, and not to mention we were in the back of a club and I shouldn’t have let you… we shouldn’t have done it.”

“Because you didn't like it?”

“God no, I loved it. I just pictured something different for the first time I touched you. You touched me. I didn't picture you tugging me off in the back of a crowded area and then coming home and falling asleep unsatisfied,” he said frustratedly, finally sounding like himself a little.

“And you’re upset about it for my sake, or for your own?”

“I'm upset with myself—sometimes you’re hard to read and I haven’t been able to figure out if I took it too far,” he said. “I'm sorry if I did.”

Standing on the bed, I ignored the fact that I was in my underwear in front of him and walked over. “I'm going to sit with you, okay?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Can I touch you?”

“Always,” I breathed. “You don’t have to ask.”

Scooting back some, he let his hands fall to the back of my calves as I stepped into the circle of his legs and then sat in his lap.

I wasn’t imagining the sigh of relief that escaped both of us as Ira closed his arms around me, me doing the same around the back of his neck.

I pressed my nose into his hair. It still smelled good, like him, even after he’d showered here at my place.

He pressed his lips down to my bare shoulder, kissing many times, his hands rubbing up and down along my spine.

“You’re such a snuggler,” I murmured.

He laughed a soft chuff. “I just like being close to you.”

“You’re being really shy, King. It’s cute,” I said.

“I'm not normally like this. I’m sorry.”

“Can we start over?” I asked. “I'm thinking we might do a better job this way.”

“Alright.”

Moving a hand up, I started to brush my fingers through his hair. “I enjoyed last night. Did you?”

“Mhmm,” he said.

“I wasn’t hurt by anything that happened. Were you?”

“No.”

“I don’t always need soft, or sweet, or normal when it comes to that sort of thing… Do you?” I asked, posing the question in a way that sounded more casual, not wanting to hurt him. I guess this is what he meant by us learning each other. Even now, we were still working at it.

He paused, thinking about his answer before saying, “No. I just want to make sure I do right by you, Merit. You’re important to me.

I don’t want you to think you’re something I'd be willing to screw in the back of a club and leave the day after. Because I’m clearly not.

I don’t even want to let go of you right now.

I want to redo last night and give you every bit of what you deserve.

Every last ounce of what you made me feel, I wanted to make you feel it, too.

Make you feel good first . I feel like I took from you. ”

“Ohhh, I get it now,” I said, kissing the side of his neck. Lowering my voice conspiratorially, I whispered, “You’re mad because I beat you to it. Can’t always be a sore loser, King. ”

He laughed again and I realized then it was my favorite sound. I hated when it was missing. I ran my hand up and down his head again, soothing. I whispered, “No, seriously though, I get it.”

“Yeah?” he asked, pulling away enough that I could look at him.

I nodded. “Yeah. You’re just not capable of being a bad guy. Not even when I want you to be a little selfish.”

“Six—”

“Shh, shh, shh,” I said. “I’m talking.” When he swallowed and just looked at me I continued, “You take care of me all the time. And you’re bolder than me.

Yes, I was drunk last night, but I wasn’t incoherent.

I knew what I was doing. I’m usually the shy one and I'm usually the one being taken care of. But last night I got to be the opposite; I got to do something I wanted to do for a long time. Take care of you.”

He grumbled a little and I smiled. “So you know, I don’t do that sort of thing with just anybody either. I was able to do it with you because I felt comfortable. And I think I know you enough to know you’re the same way.”

He nodded. And I felt something in my chest move. My heart missing a beat, maybe? I swallowed.

“Plus, after we talked about trust, it was nice to see that you trusted me… to do that. That you trusted me with your body,” I admitted, suddenly feeling shy myself.

When he nuzzled my face to keep me from ducking my gaze, I sighed in relief.

Opening my eyes again, I smirked. “ And you’re a bit of a control freak, King.

It was nice to take it from you for a little while. ”

His grumble from earlier turned into a hesitant smile. “So, you’re really okay with it?”

“I’m more than okay with it,” I said. “I’ll do it again sober if that’s what I need to prove it to you.”

This got him laughing. And groaning. “ Six .”

“ Ira ,” I said and smiled slightly as I looked into his eyes. “You’re perfect, you know that? ”

He smirked, and I knew I was getting my cocky bastard back as he said, “Of course I know that.”

I pushed his shoulder and moved to get off of him but he held onto me. “Merit, let me take you out.”

“Out?”

“Yeah, like on a date or something. Dinner. Movie. That whole thing.”

I looked at him. Blinked. “You can’t seriously be this decent.”

“What?”

“You’ve been taking me out since you started sitting in my car, Ira. You don’t suddenly have to wine and dine me.” I laughed. “And I don’t like fancy dinners anyway. I’d much rather spend the day with you.”

“For real?”

“For real.”

He smiled that cute boyish smile. “Alright, Six. Sounds good.”

“Alright?” I asked seriously, hoping to God he was okay with this.

Because I was more than okay with it. I was doing flips on the inside.

Feeling on top of the world because for a while now I’d felt like I was his.

He’d had me since he made me potatoes in my kitchen—since he told me he was my fan.

But for the first time, I was really feeling like he was mine.

And I wanted to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

“Yeah, Six,” he said. Taking my hand, he brought it up to his mouth and pressed his lips there, bookending this conversation. I sighed in relief and he looked at me with mirth in his gaze.

“What?”

“You’re fun when you drink,” he smiled. “Wanna go out again?”

I laughed. “Oh, you’re a piece of work. Two seconds after I have to talk you off the ledge of marrying me for my honor and now you want to defile me?”

He leaned over and kissed my lips. The first time he’d done it since last night. “I’ve got to even the playing field somehow. ”

Kissing him back slowly, I hummed in happy content. “You don’t have to get me drunk to be with me. I want you all the time.”

“All the time?” he asked.

I giggled. “That’s what I said.”

“Like right now?” he asked.

I tipped my head as if I had to think about it and then I smiled into a kiss. “Like every time you’re near, and even when you’re away.”

He growled, “What are you trying to do to me?”

My mouth lifted. “I’m trying to hold onto you. Because I really, really like the feeling of you next to me.”

He sighed into me, melting almost. “So is this an invitation or…”

“Maybe later, big guy,” I laughed. “I wanted to play today if you're up for it. I’m off but I need Coach Ira’s opinion on a few things I noticed during the game.”

“Alright,” he said looking at me. “Whatever you need.”

“Thank you,” I sighed.

He looked at me for a long moment and then he dipped his face down to nuzzle me again. “I am sorry I missed it by the way. I promise we’ll talk about why next chance we get.”

“I believe you. And I forgive you,” I said, feeling light and cherished and loved .

Damn that was a hard pill to swallow. I hadn’t felt that in so long, I wasn’t sure I was categorizing it correctly.

But no matter how I looked at it, that’s how Ira made me feel.

I pushed the feeling away, not ready to analyze it yet.

“Can we play at your house today? I don’t really want to see the stadium after being there all weekend. ”

“Whatever you want,” he said easily. Meaning it. He truly would give me whatever I wanted. Laughing he added, “I’m pretty sure you own me now.”

I laughed too as I removed myself from his lap and started rising for the day. I still needed to shower away the remnants of last night and thank Emily for taking me out.

Before he left the room though, with a promise to pack up Cash and a few of my things for the day, Ira turned and looked at me. And written all over his face was the very same thing I had speculated before.

The love thing.

I felt prickly with the anticipation and the dread that he might say it, because I wasn’t sure if I was ready to say it back. But in the end he just smiled softly, saying, “I trust you with every part of me, Six.”

And he might as well have said the damn words anyway.