Page 54 of On Merit Alone

“Then I’m not apologizing for shit,” he said.

“I don’t have an exact answer on what we are yet, Six.

I don’t want to rush you. I don’t want to pressure you.

But I don’t want to give you up either. I know I like you around me and I know I like you needy for me.

The Merit you’ve allowed me to see in the last few weeks is a far cry from the one who told me to mind my damn business while she was shooting.

You’re revealing all your sides to me, little by little.

I like them all and I want to keep getting to know the rest of them.

If you want to keep figuring it out with me, that is. ”

Tug, tug .

“What about my questions from earlier?” I asked.

“Do you have to know everything that’s going to happen before it does?” he asked back.

“If I can help it, yeah.”

He laughed. “Alright, well. You can expect just about what you think to expect from a god…”

“Ira, for the love of?—”

His lips fell to my jaw, staying put as he spoke. “And casual is just about the last thing I want with you, Merit. Don’t mistake my intentions, sweetheart. Slow is not casual. Slow is just our path.”

“And?” I asked, taking advantage of him answering all my questions in detail.

He watched me, his eyes matching the seriousness in mine now. “ And you can act however you want with me. Yourself is preferred, but I’ll take you in whatever version I can get of you, Mer. Or is it not obvious by the way I’m following you around like a dog on a leash that you totally have me?”

“Have you what?”

“Hooked, sweetheart.”

Ira’s words rang in my head for much longer than the moment he said them.

They continued to bounce around in my mind after we broke apart and took in the view one last time, as we snapped a quick picture of the two of us (our first one), and as we made our way down considerably more tired than when we climbed up.

We didn’t talk on the way back. Mainly because I fell asleep, but also because what else was there to say? And the next day we were just as normal.

At least until he didn’t say he would meet me at my car like he always did. Instead, he said he would see me later, and gave me a pat on my shoulder before sauntering off .

A pat on the shoulder .

I would not think about how he hadn’t kissed me again. I would not, I would not.

I. Would. Not.

But I guess I could worry about how he seemed weird even for him as he raced away from me today. Like he had somewhere to be. Or I could worry about how we had a big game coming up soon.

All this time with Ira had been amazing. It was exactly what I needed to distract myself from the sudden swell of lonely sadness resulting from memories of my family resurfacing. More than distract me, but helping me to face some of them as well.

But time with Ira had also been distracting from the nerves I felt from our impending rivalry game with New York.

The Dynamite were down a game, and constantly chasing the possibility of a lead.

There was a good chance that we would win the game following New York, but with the Rebels themselves, it was a stretch.

If we lost we would be down two and fighting to merely stay alive. But if we won we would be on the cusp of a turning point. We would take a lead for the first time this season. For the first time since I’d gotten hurt.

And I could prove once and for all that I was back.

But now, as my feelings for Ira evolved and the things he was showing me about myself came more and more to light, I was wondering if I even wanted to be “back”. At least in the sense I had originally thought I did.

I didn’t want to be back to going home alone every day.

I didn’t want to be back to having nothing on my mind but basketball and trying not to think of the hardships of my life.

I didn’t want to be back to being alone.

Yes basketball was important to me, it was still arguably one of the most important things in my life right now.

It was my career and my family’s memory. That was never going to change.

But something else had changed. Because not long ago it had been the most important thing in my life and now… Now I was starting to see life in a different light.

Change didn’t happen immediately, though, which is precisely how I ended up sitting alone in my kitchen with my phone in my hand and my other hand in my mouth.

Biting my nails.

This scene has changed a lot from the start of the season. Instead of sitting around my kitchen impatiently waiting for court time, I was impatiently waiting for guidance on what to do with these mounting feelings that seemed so large and unknown. Unpracticed, yet uncontrollable in their nature.

Ira had been making his intentions clear. Or at least that's what I thought. But sometimes I still got a little confused.

I needed another opinion on it. But I had no idea who to ask.

I know some of the girls on the team sometimes talked about this stuff with each other, but that’s because they were friends.

I think the closest I had to a friend might be Emily, or maybe Charlie.

I could text her, and maybe invite her out to grab coffee.

And what? Tell her about your boy problems? Get a grip, Mer.

But I had to do something. Being with Ira was showing me that I didn't always want to be alone. And if he was busy today, I could meet up with someone else.

I think I’d actually enjoy that.

A knock on my door pulled me out of my anxious trance.

I jerked, startling at the sound. I didn’t remember ordering anything, and I don’t think it could be Ira because he would just call out something silly to make me roll my eyes.

Setting my phone on the counter, I moved over to the door, and just as I reached for the handle I paused. What if it was Ira. What if he was knocking because he needed to tell me something serious. Like he’d changed his mind.

Another knock on the door forced me into action. I yanked it open, ready to get it over with and …

There was nothing. No one was out there. The hallway was clear, the only thing visible was the door of the apartments on the other side of the hall and?—

A whine broke through my thoughts. Glancing down, I think I choked as I took in the basket on the ground in front of me. It wasn’t the weaving that got my attention, but the small black and brown figure sitting inside.

I definitely choked, and maybe broke out in a whine of my own as I immediately went to my knees in front of the bundle.

“Who are you?” I asked in that cooing voice you used with little things that pulled at your heart strings.

It whined again, pointy ears going up at attention, little head cocking as big brown eyes stared up at me.

Reaching forward, I scooped up the little ball of wrinkles and short fur.

He was smooth and soft and smelled like new puppy.

Holding him up in front of my face, I asked, “Where did you come from, baby?”

Unsurprisingly, he whined his response, pedaling his big paws slightly in a motion that looked like he wanted to walk toward me.

I automatically tucked him close to my chest, the light blue outfit I was wearing be damned.

I could dust off a little fur, I could not relive the snuggles this puppy was giving though.

Sitting back on my heels, I got to my feet and took a step over the basket as I watched the little Doberman puppy melt into my body.

Slipping a finger under a paw, I lifted it to test its weight.

They were so big. He was going to be a large dog.

And a sweet one, judging by the way he pushed his snout into the crook of my neck as he sniffed and snuggled, punctuating his little inspection with a lick.

“Let’s see who you’re supposed to be left for.

Oh, but would it be terrible to say I really want to keep you?—”

My voice caught, my words stopping as I took in the form leaning against the wall. Tall, casual, familiar.

Ira.

It took me a second to fully recognize the expression on his face. The look of smug triumph as he took in the sight of me holding a puppy with no alarm whatsoever. And then it clicked.

“Did you do this?” I asked. Screeched . Same difference, right?

Ira winced as he rubbed his ear. “Please, Six, use your nonalien voice.”

“But it’s a puppy—a real puppy—and he was at my door… does that mean he’s mine?” I asked, my voice becoming more hysterical. The amusement in Ira’s eyes just kept growing. So much in fact that he started laughing.

My face started to sting. Probably because I was holding the cutest dog in the world because of the best guy in the world. My emotions were no match for this.

Taking a much shakier breath, I wobbled out, “Ira, please. Tell me the truth, okay? What’s he doing here?”

He smiled as he sidled up to me, taking me by the shoulders before cupping my cheek in one hand. “Is that a tear, Six?”

“I can’t help it. Is he mine?”

“Yes, baby, but he’s here so you would stop crying. Not so you would cry more,” he said, wiping that one tear away.

“But how am I going to take care of him? I’m gone every other week, and I have practice during the day, and he’s just a baby and?—”

“Hey, hey. Easy, Six. He’s a dog not a toddler. We’re not sending him to private school or anything. You can get a dog sitter for the times when you’re away and you can drop him off with me anytime you want,” he soothed.

I shook my head. Looking down at the little dog in my arms and bursting into a tear dripping laugh. “Why a dog?”

“Oh it’s for my own benefit, believe me,” he said, slipping his hand down to hold me behind the back. Holding the three of us up in a close embrace. “You don’t have to see your poor longing face every time you see a dog out in public. ”

I sputtered a laugh at both him and the dog as he began to lick my tears. “Nuh-uh.”

“Yeah,” he went on. “You get the saddest look on your face like you might die if you don’t have the dog right that second Six, I swear. And another thing. You like giant dogs. Remember last week when you saw a Great Dane and said, ‘puppy !’”

I blubbered, unsure if I wanted to cry or laugh. I could only whisper as I gazed at my new puppy while I scratched behind his ear. “Shut up, Ira.”

He did, just watching me quietly as me and the dog got acquainted. I peeked up at him, smiling slightly. “But he’s gonna be big, huh?”

Ira smiled so big I think I saw all his teeth. “What are you gonna name him?”

“I get to?” I asked, even more excited.

“Of course.”

“Um…” I thought about it for exactly one second. “Cash. I’ve always wanted a dog named Cash.”

“Well,” letting us go, Ira jogged over to the basket and fiddled with something that was tucked underneath the cushion before returning to me. In my hand he placed a certificate of some kind. One for the dog that read:

Welcome Cash to the family!

With the two of us in his arms again, Ira murmured, “The newest addition to the Jones family.”

Cash Jones. That’s what the certificate said.

I wheezed, my heart constricting and expanding somehow at once.

This man.

He’d promised to be with me. He’d promised not to hurt me. And now he’d grown my family.

This man … He was going to take my heart if I wasn’t too careful.