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CHAPTER SEVEN

KAMRYN

“ K atie, you promised me that my waterbed could withstand rough sex.”

I hear the saleswoman on the other end of the phone let out a long breath. “Kamryn, I’ve been doing this for over twenty years. Barring the use of something sharp penetrating the bed, I’ve never once heard of one popping from the simple act of sex. Are you certain there were no knives or other sharp objects involved?”

“I’m a freak in the sack but knife play isn’t my thing. I’m telling you; he was fucking me hard and the damn thing popped.”

I hear her talking to someone, but I can’t make out exactly what she’s saying. She’s clearly covering the phone.

When she returns, she asks, “Were you wearing heels?”

“No. I was naked as the day I was born, as was he. Did you get the pictures I sent?”

“Umm, yes. They’re inconclusive.”

“I filled out the damn thirty pages of information online. I gave you everything you asked for. Now get me my new bed.”

She sighs. “Kamryn, I’m not sure the warranty will cover a new bed. ”

“Listen, bitch, I know my rights. I can fucking read my warranty policy. Chapter eighteen, subsection D, roman numeral four specifically states that if the waterbed pops during appropriate bedtime activities , it’s covered. Activities are defined in the appendix as sleeping, lying, sitting, reading, sexual intercourse, and a few other irrelevant items. I specifically asked you when I bought the waterbed about rough sex. You laughed while you said, and I quote, no one has ever had sex rough enough for a waterbed to pop . Well, welcome to the motherfucking exception. I expect my new waterbed to arrive within a week.”

Again, it sounds like she’s talking to someone else, but the phone is muffled. Eventually, she says into the phone, “Does next Tuesday early in the morning work for delivery?”

I smile in satisfaction. “It sure does. Let me know if you need a photo of my face for your waterbed-popping wall of fame. I get paid to promote products, but for you, I’ll do it for free.”

I end the call with a big, satisfied grin on my face. Bailey looks at me. “You’re mighty happy with yourself right now, aren’t you?”

“Fuck yes I am.”

She zips up her bag. “I’m heading to the Montgomerys’s. I’ll see you at practice tomorrow morning, Joan of Arc.”

Our apartment needs major repairs. While that happens, Arizona offered us her bed. She’s staying at Layton’s place. After sleeping with me for one night, Bailey asked Tanner if she could stay in his guest room ahead of our road trip this week. He was fine with it, so she’s staying there.

“Are you staying in McZaddy Tanner’s bed?”

“Of course not. The house is enormous. It has a million bedrooms. I won’t even be on the same floor as him and Harper.”

“Whatever you say. Are you coming to the Cougars’ game tonight?”

She shakes her head. “I can’t. Mr. Montgomery is working late. I have Harper. It’s supposed to storm. Be careful.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“Speaking of parents, have you spoken to Daddy lately? ”

“Not since our last FaceTime together. We texted though. Why?”

She shrugs. “Not sure. Something is off with him.”

“Something has been off with him for as long as I can remember. If you were married to that psychotic drunk witch, you’d be fucked up too.”

Her shoulders fall. “We haven’t seen her in ten years, Kam. Do you think maybe it’s time to mend fences? They won’t be around forever.”

I pinch my eyebrows together. “Are you fucking nuts? Bails, Mom is a pill-popping, raging alcoholic. She’s fucked up more times than I can count. And she won’t get help. It’s not like I cared for her when she was sober, but I would never remotely consider any type of reconciliation unless she got clean and came apologizing to us on her hands and knees. Do you realize she’s never once seen either of us play ball? How fucked up is that?”

After our father finally intervened, we quit acting for good at twelve. We went to a regular public school and were able to play sports and participate in other activities of our choosing. We got to be the “normal” kids we always wanted to be, but our mother hated it.

Bailey answers, “That’s not true. She came a few times.”

“Plastered. She came plastered. She once drove her car straight onto the field and almost killed three kids, you included. I don’t know how Daddy kept her out of jail on that one.”

She twists her lips. “That’s true. I think he told them she mixed up her meds.”

“Her cocktail of meds would kill most cattle. It’s amazing she’s upright, assuming she still is.”

Once we quit acting, I think our mother lost her sense of purpose. She started hitting the bottles, both alcohol and painkillers. I don’t remember a day from the time we were twelve through us leaving for college that she wasn’t drinking at least one bottle of vodka a day, along with popping pills like they were Tic Tacs. Our father tried to get her help, but she wouldn’t do it. And he wouldn’t report anything to child protective services for fear of losing us. He had to be both our mother and our father for years, all while working long hours at a shitty job that he was way too smart for. He would never have had to get a job like that if she hadn’t trapped him with her pregnancy. She’s a soul-sucking piece of shit.

The list of embarrassing, horrific, and crazy things she did is a long one. The highlights include her accidentally setting the house on fire when Bailey and I were asleep upstairs, crashing her car into our kitchen, killing my dog, and the final straw for Bailey, showing up to our high school graduation completely fucked up and making a hugely embarrassing scene that I don’t think Bailey and I will ever get over.

Smaller things such as weaving into school parking lots, forgetting to pick us up, leaving bags of groceries in a hot car for hours, and not getting us to doctor’s appointments were the regular course of business for us growing up.

She wouldn’t give us rides when we needed them. It was a constant struggle just to get to practices and the like. Fortunately, we were both such strong athletes that coaches ended up driving us most of the time, not wanting either of us to miss our respective sports.

And then there was the odd handful of times that I would just take her car and drive us, years before I had a license to do so. She was too blitzed to even notice. I got busted by the cops once, but they let me off with a warning. I wouldn’t let Bails do it because I didn’t want her to get into trouble.

Bailey nods. “I know. You’re right. She has to help herself before we can consider any communication with her, but I’m worried about Daddy. Something is off. More than usual. Before I leave, can we call him? He’s probably in the car on his way to work. You won’t have to see her. I just want you to gauge if something is wrong like I suspect it is.”

“Of course. Maybe we can talk him into coming up for a game or two.” I hold up my finger. “But not her. She’s not welcome.”

She nods. “Okay.”

She opens her laptop and clicks on the FaceTime app before selecting his name from her contacts. After just one ring, he answers right away. It looks like he’s in their kitchen. Fuck. She might be there.

His face lights up. “Hi, girls. How are you?”

We both return his warm smile. Bailey answers, “We’re great. How are you, Daddy?”

He sighs before whispering, “Plugging along.” He holds up his finger like we should give him a minute before he steps out onto their back patio and sits on a chair. “Sorry, I didn’t want to wake your mother.”

Wake her? He was in the kitchen. “Was she passed out on the kitchen floor?” I ask.

Bailey sighs. “We’re happy we caught you. We just wanted to catch up. I thought you’d be on your way to work.”

“I have to take your mother to an appointment this morning. I’m only working a half day.”

I look at Bailey and then back to him. “Any chance it’s AA? Assholes Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous. Both are fitting. Maybe NA, Narcissists Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous, both work.”

He simply shakes his head at me. “Don’t worry about it. I saw you two went back-to-back again the other night. You both have so much power. You’re the best two hitters in the league. I’m so proud of you. I’m more confident than ever that you’ll be on the Olympic team in four years.” Tears fill his eyes. “Won’t that be amazing?”

I nod. “You should ditch the bitch and come up for a live game.”

Bailey hits my leg. “What she means, Daddy, is that we’d love for you to come see us in person.”

His face falls. “It’s hard for me to leave, and I can’t afford it. I’ll try my best.” We hear a clanking noise, and then he looks up, beyond the camera. His shoulders fall as he says, “Listen, girls, I need to run. I love you both so much. I hope you know that.”

Bailey fights back the emotions I know are bubbling at the surface for her. “We do. Love you too.”

She ends the call, and tears immediately fill her eyes. “He’s so unhappy, Kam. Can’t you see it?”

My face falls as my heart breaks for our father. “I do. Part of me feels bad for him, but part of me doesn’t. He can leave her, Bails. I semi-understand why he didn’t when we were kids, but it’s been ten years since we left. He’s choosing this life. I know he feels a sense of obligation, but at some point, you need to choose yourself. You need to create your own happiness.”

She nods as she appears to consider my words. She knows I’m not wrong. You can’t help someone who won’t help themselves.

I wrap my arms around her. “Thank god I have you. I love you, big sis.”

She cracks a smile. She always does when I refer to her as my big sis. It’s only by nine minutes, but I’m sure at times it feels like nine years for her. She’s always taken care of me. I can only hope she knows on some level that I’ve done the same for her.

She whispers our often-repeated line from our favorite movie, Titanic . “You jump, I jump.”

Shortly after she leaves for the Montgomery house, Arizona comes home to trade out her clothes. She wiggles her eyebrows at me. “How’s my friend who took squirting to a whole new level?”

I smile at the burst-waterbed reference. “How’s my friend who finally found a man who makes her squirt?”

She giggles. “I’m more than good. What about you and Cheetah?”

“What about me and Cheetah?”

“Are you interested?”

“Interested in what?”

She sighs. “In spending time with him. ”

“Have you ever known me to dip into the same well more than once?”

“Your well is still seeping into the hallway. He’s good for you and—”

I hold up my hand at her to stop her from continuing the thought. “Pass. Moving on.”

Her shoulders fall. “Was the sex bad?”

Not even a little bit. It was on its way to being the best of my life when the damn bed exploded. It was the universe’s way of reminding me not to entertain notions of considering more with him.

He’s been blowing up my phone since, but I haven’t responded. I can’t. Now it’s going to be weird when our groups hang out together. This is why I was avoiding sleeping with him in the first place.

“It was…explosive.”

CHEETAH

All of us older guys are in the training room ahead of our game tonight, getting treatments for our various ailments, each on our own training table. Getting old sucks. My body used to recover much more quickly. I’m also potentially depressed because Kamryn won’t return my calls or texts. The sex was amazing until the bed exploded. I thought for sure she’d want to give it another go.

I feel my phone ping. Like a teenage girl, I grab it, hoping Kam is responding to my texts. Much to my disappointment, it’s simply another real-estate listing from my mother. I click on it and notice that it’s four doors down from them.

Feeling defeated, I place my phone down and look over at my best friend. Layton is sitting on the training table, smiling like a lunatic. I shake my head. “What’s wrong with you? You look like Jack Nicholson in The Shining . It’s giving me the creeps.”

Trey lets out a loud laugh. “He’s in looooove. It finally happened.”

Layton doesn’t bother to deny it; he simply sits there grinning like a fool, now purposefully trying to look like Jack.

One of the rookies, Jimmy, walks in with messy hair and Sharpie smeared all over his face. He’s wiping it with a wet towel. Trey looks at him. “What the hell happened to you?”

He scrunches his face. “I fell asleep in the locker room, and someone drew a penis on my face. I need something stronger than soap to clean it.” He looks at our trainer. “Do you have anything I can use?”

Jeffrey nods while I shake in laughter. Layton and I share bemused looks. Quincy loves to do that to young players who stay out too late and fall asleep in the clubhouse.

I ask Jimmy, “What’s worse than waking up with a guy’s hammer drawn on your face?”

Jimmy scratches his head. “What?”

I smile. “Finding out that it was traced.”

We all laugh but Trey shakes his head. “That’s definitely not long quail Quincy’s hammer. That fucker would wrap around his entire face and then down his neck. He’s got the longest babymaker I’ve ever seen.”

I nod in agreement. “That’s the truth. It must be Ezra’s, though it’s too straight to be his.”

Ezra flips me the bird.

Jimmy scrunches his face. “Oh my god. I hadn’t considered that it could be traced.” He scrubs his face even harder. “Gross. I need to find someone who saw him draw it on me. I won’t sleep tonight if that giant python was on my face.”

We all laugh hysterically as he runs out of the room in a complete panic.

Layton shakes his head. “Rookies. They’re so much fun to fuck with.”

I nod in agreement. Rookie hazing is commonplace. We’re always trying to come up with new and creative ways to torture them.

Layton asks, “Are you all good to begin the festivities at my place for the party this week?”

Layton and Arizona did a photo shoot for the Sports Illustrated couples’ body image issue. Apparently, they were half-naked the whole time. I can’t imagine how hot it’s going to be. Actually, after seeing them in action in the hotel, I can imagine it, and it’s hot as hell.

This week, a huge reveal party is taking place in New York City. We're all going up on a big party bus. Layton asked that we meet at his place as a starting point before we pick up the girls, who are getting their hair and makeup professionally done.

We all nod, and I answer, “Yes. Can’t wait to see you two naked.” I wink at him since I’ve already seen them naked.

He scowls at me before narrowing his eyes. “What happened with you and Kam the other night?”

Quincy walks in just as the words are trickling out of Layton’s mouth. “Oooh, did Cheetah dip his toes in the crazy pool? Knowing Kam, she probably did him doggie style.”

I’m not having this conversation with them. I need to redirect their attention. “Do you know why they call it doggie style?”

He twists his lips. “Because the receiver is on all fours?”

I shake my head. “Nope. It’s because I don’t want to look at your ugly face didn’t have a nice ring to it. ”

He chuckles. “I stand corrected.”Fixing his backward baseball hat over his trademark longer, curly blonde hair, he says, “Look, man, I’ve known Kam for ten years. There’s a screw loose with that chick. You might want to steer clear. I used to think every single thing in a woman’s life could be fixed by one of two things. Dick or food. But with Kamryn Hart, it’s more than that. You’re a nice guy. You should be with a nice girl.”

Trey nods. “Agreed. The momma’s boy needs someone to dote on him like his mother. Kam isn’t that person.”

Layton slaps my back. “Nah. Cheetah needs a deaf woman to drown out the things that come out of his mouth.”

Ezra chuckles. “Or one who doesn’t mind being spanked with big balls while he’s fucking her.”

They all laugh at my expense. They don’t know shit about what I need.