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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

KAMRYN

“ H oney, I’m home,” I shout as I walk into our apartment.

Bailey sprints from the kitchen and jumps into my waiting arms, wrapping herself around me like a monkey. “I missed you, little sis.”

I squeeze her tight. “Daddy Tanner wasn’t fulfilling you?”

She places her feet back on the ground and gives me an uncharacteristically spicy smile. “He more than fills me.”

“How about some details?”

“Nope.” She pops the P. “Not happening.”

So weird that she won’t tell me anything.

She randomly starts searching my body. She lifts the bottom of my sweater and inspects my bare stomach and back. She then pulls up my sleeves to continue her meticulous inspection.

“What are you looking for? I didn’t smuggle any diamonds if that’s what you’re after.”

“I thought for sure that your first time away from me, you’d get a tattoo.”

“Ha! I only say that I want one sometimes to fuck with you. In the words of the super famous attorney, Kim Kardashian, you don’t put a bumper sticker on a Bentley .”

Bailey giggles. “That’s a good one. Wait, she’s an attorney?”

I nod. “Allegedly. She takes time out of her busy spray tanning and club-promoting schedule to help a few prisoners now and then. I don’t believe she passed the bar though. No way.”

“Truth.” She rubs my back as her face softens. “I understand why you left right after the funeral. I’m really proud of you for being there. Thanks for coming.”

I do my best to act unaffected. “I just wanted to make sure she’s truly worm food. Her soul is burning for all of eternity, but her body has already begun the decomposition process. Her teeth and nails will rot as her cells begin to liquefy—”

She holds up her hands. “Enough. I get it.”

I let out a laugh as she continues, “Well, Daddy and I appreciated the effort. He’s visiting soon. He said he needs to talk to us.”

“Good. Maybe he’ll visit more often now that the witch is gone.”

“Maybe.”

I look at the mess in our kitchen. There are dirty bowls everywhere. “What in the world are you up to?”

“I’m making a cake for Harper’s laser tag birthday party this weekend. She loves my baking skills and begged me to make one for her.”

“How old is she turning, thirty?” Harper is arguably more intelligent than any adult I know.

“Eight.”

My chin drops. “Seriously? She’s only eight? That’s nuts. Can I come to the party?”

She raises an eyebrow. “You want to come to an eight-year-old birthday party? You hate kids.”

“I’m awesome at laser tag though. Those little bitches won’t see me coming.”

She giggles. “Your maturity matches theirs. Arizona will be back in town from LA tomorrow.” She was there for some promotional thing. “She’s coming too. And Tanner’s father will be there. I’m looking forward to meeting him.”

“The OG Daddy Tanner? The Mac Zaddy Daddy? Now I’m definitely coming.”

Her face falls. “You need to behave around the children.”

I smile. “No problem, big sis.”

I had a blast at Harper’s party today. I crushed all the kids at laser tag, winning every round until Bailey pulled me away and wouldn’t let me participate anymore.

Tanner’s father, who I happily called Daddy Stanley all day, is a flat-out handsy deviant. Between him and Grammy Jane, I have a new appreciation for that generation. They certainly put the boom in baby boomers. How did I not know that all old people are horny?

While Tanner and his ex-wife, Fallon, got along well, Daddy Stanley and Fallon’s parents most definitely did not. They were fighting for the whole party. I even had to protect my new bestie, Daddy Stanley, a few times. Mostly because they were making comments about Bailey and Tanner’s inappropriate relationship. No one trashes my sister and gets away with it.

Bailey was blissfully unaware, and that’s how it will stay. She was too busy playing Mary Poppins to all the kids. It’s truly amazing how good she is with them. I hope she has ten kids one day. Then I’ll fulfill my destiny of being the fun aunt. Hopefully one who’s in better shape than Aunt Maria.

In good news, Arizona shocked us all by telling us that she and Layton secretly got married a few weeks ago. They’re planning a big reception later this year, but they eloped last month. I can’t believe they’re married. They’ve only known each other for six months .

Ripley greeted Arizona at the airport to fill her in about the baby and Ripley’s moving back to California. Arizona was shocked, as were all of us. She’s been trying to get in touch with Quincy, but he’s still off the grid. No one knows where he is or what he’s doing. He has to report to Spring Training next month, so I imagine things will come to a head then, but as expected, Arizona supported Ripley wholeheartedly. They have a sisterly bond that nothing and no one will ever break.

We’re all going out to Screwballs tonight to celebrate Arizona and Layton. Even Vance and Daylen are coming. They prefer clubs to the more laid back Screwballs, but they’re making an exception for Layton and Arizona.

We eventually make our way to the bar. Everyone has arrived except for Daylen. He walks in last, and all the guys start catcalling him. His face falls. “Shit, I don’t play your stupid game. I don’t spend my nights jerking off on Google searching for random facts like you guys do.”

Layton smiles as he shakes his head. “You’re on our turf now. You’ve got to play by our rules. Give us something. There must be a few random facts floating around that giant head of yours.”

He scratches his messy blond hair as he sits down and takes up half the booth. Fucking hell, Daylen is a big man.

His face lights up like something has occurred to him. “What two things in the air get a woman pregnant?”

Like a nerd, I start thinking of specific scents and things along those lines.

After downing an entire beer in one gulp, Daylen smirks and answers, “Their legs.”

We all laugh. Typical Daylen joke. That’s not exactly a fun fact, but it’s Daylen, and no one seems to mind.

I wasn’t sure how Cheetah would act with me. We’re obviously casual, but we spent every second together for nearly two weeks. An intense two weeks.

He grinned when he saw me and immediately sat next to me before softly kissing my lips and telling me how much he missed me.

The truth is that I’ve missed him too. It’s only been a few days, but I got very used to spending all my time with him. We start our dance lessons next week, so I know we’ll be together at least twice a week for that.

At some point, he leans over and whispers, “Want to come over and eat what my mom made.”

I gasp. “Mamá sent food? What did she make?”

“Me.”

I giggle. I should have known where that question was headed. “Sure. I’ve been dieting all week. You can be my cheat meat.”

His dimples make an appearance as he threads his fingers through mine. “Perfect.”

Our attention turns back to Arizona and Layton as the drinks arrive. Cheetah asks everyone to hold up their glasses. “Let’s toast Arizona and Layton.” He looks at Layton. “Not everyone can say they have a loyal, trustworthy, talented, smart, and handsome best friend. But you, Layton Lancaster…can say that about me.”

We all laugh as he smiles and continues, “Layton, they say you should never meet your heroes,but you met me roughly ten years ago.”

After the laughter again subsides, Cheetah pulls a note from his pocket. “There’s a special person who isn’t here today.” He must mean Quincy. “I have a note though.” He unfolds it. “ Layton, thank you for the years of support and love. I’m sorry I can’t be there, but I’m thinking of you. With love, Crystal from the Viper Den. ”

The guys all burst into hysterics. I suppose stripper jokes are always funny. I imagine there’s a good story or two there.

Cheetah’s eyes move between Layton and Arizona. “In all seriousness, I knew the second Layton met Arizona that he was a done deal. He was immediately besotted with the blonde beauty. So besotted that Trey and I had to delay a few games because Layton would sport wood in the middle of an inning after looking at Arizona eating a hot dog.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Admittedly, it was hot. I may have had a little wood too.”

Arizona appears confused, but I see Layton and Trey hiding their smiles. I think that may have happened.

“Some might say your union is quick, but when you told me months ago that you bought a ring, I wasn’t surprised. She’s clearly your other half. Definitely the better half, but you two couldn’t possibly be more perfect together. I’m not a married man, but in doing extensive research on the topic,” he mumbles, “in the cab on the way here,” he winks, “I’ve found that there are two things you should be mindful of as you begin your journey. One: if at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you. Two: never stop laughing. Arizona, I know Layton makes lame jokes, but always laugh together, not apart.” He holds up his beer. “Cheers to the happy couple.”

We all clink our glasses, but I feel like someone should speak on behalf of Arizona. While I know Ripley is her best friend, she’s not here tonight, so I’ll step up. I re-raise my mug. “I’d like to say a few short words. Arizona and Layton, please look at each other in the eyes.” They do, with dreamy looks on their faces. “Know that the person you’re staring at right now is the person who is statistically most likely to be your murderer.”

They smile into each other’s lips as they meet for a sweet kiss.

“We all know that Arizona had a poster of Layton on her ceiling as a kid. Wow, how incredibly special and romantic is it to end up marrying the man who you undoubtedly surfed the slit to countless times as a horny teen?”

Arizona giggles and mumbles, “Truth.”

“Layton, you’re a lucky man. Arizona is one of a kind, and you two have a seamless love. Just remember, love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit. The good thing about you two is that nothing is forced at all. You’re as natural as Arizona’s blonde hair. Don’t worry, I’ve seen her naked countless times. I promise the curtains match the drapes. ”

Everyone laughs. Cheetah whispers, “Fuck, that’s so hot.”

I elbow him and mouth back, “Pervert.”

He nods. “Takes one to know one.”

I wink at him before continuing. “I know you two are the real deal. At a minimum, you’ll make it to your reception in a few months, but more likely, it will last forever. I love you both. Wishing you a lifetime of blinding happiness and explosive orgasms. Cheers.”

Everyone clinks their glasses, and we spend a fun night celebrating our friends.

CHEETAH

“You’re in love with her.”

I turn to Gemma at the lunch table and exhale a long breath. “I am.”

She grabs my hand as tears fill her eyes. “I’m so happy for you. No one deserves their happily ever after more than you.”

I shake my head. “I don’t think that’s what I’m getting with her. She continues to say that we’re casual. Hell, she encourages me to sleep with other women. She claims she’ll never want more with me or anyone. I feel like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Why am I doing this to myself?”

Gemma considers my words. “I think she loves you too. Maybe she doesn’t realize it, but I see it in the way she looks at you.”

“This isn’t a romance book, Gem. It’s real life. We’re not going to gaze lovingly at each other and all our shit melts away. She’s got some real issues. I gave her the name of the therapist you emailed me, but she tossed it aside and took offense that I thought something was wrong with her. She’s kind of a dichotomy. She purposefully acts crazy but fears people thinking of her as crazy.”

She nods. “It’s a self-defense mechanism.”

I sigh. “This is all new for me. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m giving her what she needs. I’m pathetically thirty and have never had a real girlfriend. Not one I truly cared about.”

“I think you handle her beautifully. We had some tension that first morning but then you made her happy all afternoon. You guys were very loved up at dinner and the following day.”

I twist my lips. “I suppose. We were in a bubble though. Now that we’re home, it’s back to keeping me at arm’s length. I have no experience and certainly no success with this. I don’t know what to do. She’s basically my first non-Twitter Bang.”

“What’s a Twitter Bang?” she asks.

“Having sex with someone before the two of you have exchanged a hundred and forty words.”

Gemma bursts out laughing and then starts typing on her phone. “Love it. I’m using that.” She places her phone back on the table and looks at me. “Does anyone have success until they find the one ? I had zero relationship success until Trey. They were all a bunch of disasters on varying levels. I was about your age when Trey and I got together.”

I run my fingers through my hair. “I’m nervous, Gem. I think I’m going to get hurt. It’s like I know what’s coming, but I can’t seem to help myself. Maybe I need to hold back a little for my own sanity.”

She rubs my back. “If you protect your heart, you can never truly give it away.”

I raise my eyebrow. “That was very romance book author of you.”

She giggles. “I suppose. You know I’m a romantic at heart.”

“I don’t think I know how to be romantic.”

Her mouth widens. “Are you crazy? I think you setting up those dance classes because she always wanted to do that as a kid is one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard in my life.”

“Really? I never thought of it that way. I just remembered her saying that once.”

“What do you think romance is, Cruz? Understanding the needs of your partner and giving it to them is the very definition.”

“I do it because it makes me happy to make her happy.”

She clutches her heart. “So fucking sweet. I’m swooning. I’m sure she is too.”

I shake my head. “I don’t think so.”

“Maybe it’s time to be an adult and have an adult conversation with her. About what you are right now. Not what you were when you started.”

She’s not wrong.

The problem is, I’m afraid of the answer.