Page 36

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

TWO WEEKS LATER

KAMRYN

L ife takes unexpected turns.

Fallon said that to me when we were in her bed that night, but little did I know how true it was about to become.

As it turns out, no one knew that Tanner had a vasectomy reversal before Bailey’s accident. He never mentioned it because he was waiting on his test results to make sure it worked and that he could give her children. As luck would have it, Tanner didn’t know that Bailey’s IUD had been removed along with her ovary.

A full gas tank of sperm and no protection equaled a pregnant Bailey. I figured this out about a week ago. Yes, me. I realized she was pregnant before anyone else. In fact, Bailey was the last to know.

I laugh at the memory of how it went down. Fallon was the second one to figure it out, and we both ran into my room to freak out before cluing in anyone else.

I saw the moment it hit Fallon’s face at the dinner table, so I grabbed her hand, and we ran into my bedroom at Tanner’s house, shutting the door behind us. Tanner was clueless. Dumb shit. Bailey was in bed, feeling sick and not knowing why.

I nervously paced as reality set in, and I started to freak out. Running my hands through my hair, I muttered, “Holy shit, my sister is fucking pregnant. Oh my god. Can she even carry a baby with her injury? Will it cause issues for her back? Will she ever play ball again? Is he going to marry her? Will he be pissed? Will he break her heart? What if she’s pregnant and he’s not in the picture? I need to help her. And what if—”

Fallon’s lips met mine at the same time she grabbed my face. Her tongue ran along my lower lip, and I moaned into her mouth. Fuck, she’s a good kisser.

She momentarily deepened the kiss, moving her lips over mine and sliding her tongue through my mouth.

Still holding my face, she eventually pulled her mouth away, and her electric turquoise eyes stared into mine. “Relax. Everything will be okay. This is a good thing.” She ran her tongue along her full lips. “Hmm, my friend Bianca was right. Women do taste different. And your lips and face are freakishly soft. I’m not used to that.”

I smiled. “It’s not all that’s soft on me. Care to taste more?”

She giggled as she pulled away. “That will be my one and only sip of cooterade. Isn’t that what you called it the other day?”

I let out a laugh. “Yep. Let me know if you change your mind.” I grabbed my phone. “I need Arizona and Ripley to get their asses over here to help me deal with Bailey.”

I texted them an update, and they both replied that they were on their way over. I then texted Cheetah, suddenly feeling a little guilty about kissing Fallon, though she kissed me.

Me: Fallon just kissed me.

Kitten: So fucking hot. Did you get a picture ?

Because of course that would be his response.

Me: No, sorry.

Kitten: Can you get one? I’m hard as a rock right now.

Me: She did it to calm me down and said it was a one-time thing.

Kitten: Damn it. I miss all the good shit. Gotta go burp the worm.

Me: Come by later. Crazy shit going down at the Montgomery mansion.

Kitten: As long as you also go down.

Me: Deal.

After Arizona and Ripley arrived, we had to sit Tanner and Bailey down to explain that she was pregnant. They were both in shock but managed to cry tears of joy and get engaged all in the course of ten minutes. Later that night, Fallon, Bailey, and Tanner all sat Harper down to tell her about Tanner and Bailey getting married.

The next morning, Harper knocked on my door. Cheetah was already gone for a team workout, so I told her to come in.

“What’s up, little prodigy?”

I could physically see the wheels in her mind in motion as she slowly entered my room. “My dad and Bails are getting married.”

I nodded. “I know. How do you feel about it?”

She plopped down on my bed. “It’s kind of weird, but my mom said that Bails is now my bonus mom, and I guess that’s kind of cool. I spend half my time with my mom and half with my dad, but now I’ll always have a mom wherever I go.”

I couldn’t help the tears that filled my eyes. “You’re a lucky little girl. Some people don’t have one good mom, but now you have two great ones.”

She gave me a toothless smile. “You’re right. I’m double as lucky as everyone else.”

“Yep.”

“Does it make you my aunt?”

Oh shit. I hadn’t considered that. “I guess it does.”

“What do I call you? Kam, Coach Kam, or Aunt Kam?”

“I would like you to call me Your Royal Highness, Queen Kam of Philly.”

She giggled. “For real, what should I call you?”

“Call me whatever you want, Harper. Whatever makes you comfortable.”

“Can I call you Aunt Kam?”

I nodded as I swallowed down the massive lump in my throat and somehow croaked out, “I’d like that.”

Just before Bailey found out she was pregnant, she told me it was time for me to move home and that she was staying with Tanner. That she loved him and was willing to give up marriage and having biological kids of her own if it meant having Tanner and Harper in her life.

About two hours after that conversation, she had a positive pregnancy test in her hand and a diamond ring on her finger. I’ve never been more shocked in my life. Tanner loves her and decided that his love for her trumped anything else he thought he did and didn’t want. The prince gave the princess what she wanted. He’s giving her the happily ever after of her dreams.

The kicker? He’s as happy as can be. Beaming. Radiating. I haven’t seen a single moment of trepidation from him. He even let me plan the wedding, which is taking place at his house in a few days.

As for my sister, she’s nearly back to herself. She has some residual hand issues. She can’t grip things hard. For a regular person, it wouldn’t be a big deal. For someone who needs to grip a bat for her career, it’s everything. She spends hours in the batting cage every day but still can’t get her grip strength back.

Her ability to play this summer wasn’t looking good, but now that she’s pregnant, it doesn’t matter. She’ll be heavily pregnant during the season and won’t be able to play, regardless of her physical abilities.

Ironically, she now seems more determined than ever to get back up to snuff in time for the Olympics in a little over two years. She’s never cared about making that team nearly as much as Ripley, Arizona, and me, but now that she’s being told she can’t, she doesn’t like it.

There’s not a doubt in my mind that she’ll be standing with us on that podium when they put those gold medals around our necks.

As for her personal life, she’s getting the full fairy tale. I have this lightness I’ve never felt before. Like the burdens I’ve carried for so long are finally being lifted.

I look at my computer screen and ask, “Dr. Pearl, do you think that maybe the Disney princesses’ definitions of happily ever after changed?”

She stares back at me. “What do you mean?”

“I mean maybe Belle initially wanted her education but simply fell in love. Why can’t she be educated and in love? Why are they mutually exclusive? Maybe Cinderella also fell in love. Maybe she wanted to get away from a shitty family situation and be with the man of her dreams. Aren’t we supposed to be able to have it all?”

Her brow furrows. I feel like I’ve stumped her. She’s rarely left without words. “It’s certainly a thought-provoking question, Kamryn.”

“I feel like that’s a bullshit shrink response for the fact that you don’t have an answer.”

A small smile finds her lips. “Perhaps you’re right.”

“Maybe making the person you love happy can also make you happy. My sister’s fiancé was dead set against marriage and having more children. He’s about to have both, and I’ve never seen him look happier.”

“What is it you’re getting at, Kamryn?”

“I’m trying to decide whether or not to move in with Cruz. He asks every day.”

Once Tanner and Bailey got engaged, Cheetah started talking to me again about moving in with him.

“I thought that he asked you to marry him every day.”

I nod. “He does that too, but that’s kind of become a joke. He’s serious about us moving in.”

“What’s giving you pause?”

“The same thing that’s given me pause since day one. I believe that, to his core, he wants marriage and children. I’ve always assumed I wanted neither.”

“Interesting choice of words. You used to be more steadfast in that.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Your subconscious may have.”

“Whatever. I don’t want to waste his time. If I move in, he won’t be searching for Mrs. Right.”

“What if you’re Mrs. Right?”

“What if I’m not?”

She sighs. “I feel like you’re looking for guarantees. No such thing exists. Has he ever said to you that he needs marriage and children to be happy?”

She knows the answer. “He hasn’t.”

“I suppose at some point you’ll have to decide whether or not to take him at his word.”

I blow out a breath as I look at the time. “Fuck. Our session is over. Fastest hour of the week.”

She places her notepad and pen on her desk and looks at me with more compassion than is normal for her. “Are you ready for today?”

I shake my head. “No, but I know this conversation needs to happen. ”

“Good luck, Kamryn. They’ll believe you. I promise. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you.”

I do my best to choke down my emotions. That means more to me than she realizes.

An hour later, I’m at Kelly Drive, standing on the shoreline of the Schuylkill River. Kelly Drive is a nearly nine-mile loop around the river where people walk, run, bike, eat, and do all other kinds of recreational activities. In nicer weather, many people spend time here. It’s a unique spot in the city, with the famous Philly Art Museum sitting at the very end, overlooking the water.

I see my father and Bailey approach. My father looks happier and healthier than he has in years. He’s sporting a nice tan. For Christmas, I bought him and Ray a two-week Mediterranean cruise. I’ve never been prouder of a gift in my entire life.

They just returned a few weeks ago. My father said it was the best two weeks of his life. He’s in town now for Bailey’s wedding.

They both smile as they notice the pile of smooth stones I’ve assembled. Our father taught us how to skip stones on the water when we were little girls. It was often our quiet time away from the insanity of our mother, and we cherished it.

My father tentatively peeks over the edge into the water. “Is it safe?”

I let out a laugh. “No gators in Philly, Dad.” Fresh water in Florida is full of them.

We spend a few minutes throwing the stones and letting them skip across the water. Bailey and I are much better at this now than he is. It was always the opposite when we were little girls.

Bailey eventually grabs my hand. “Why are we here, Kam?”

I point toward the bench. “I want to talk to you both. Let’s sit. ”

We do, and I try to swallow down all the emotions that feel inevitable.

My eyes toggle between the two of them. “For the past year, I’ve been seeing a therapist to try to overcome some of my issues.”

Tears immediately well in Bailey’s eyes. “When? Where?”

“Electronically. My sessions are via video. She’s always flexible around my schedule.”

“Is that what you do all night?” she asks.

I shake my head. “No. We’ll get to that. It’s not that hard to find an hour each week to talk to Dr. Pearl. That’s her name.”

My father pinches his lips together. “I think it’s great. I’m proud of you.”

“Wait until you hear what I have to say before you declare that.”

He gives me a small smile in acknowledgment, but says, “I’m proud no matter what.”

“She said something in one of our sessions that resonated with me. She said depression is when you’re worried about the past, anxiety is when you’re worried about the future, and happiness is when you’re living in the moment. I’ve spent most of my life toggling between the first two. Yes, I sometimes live in the moment, but I want to work toward letting go of the first two and focusing on happiness. It starts with me telling you two a few things I’ve kept hidden for a long time.”

They both nod. I ask Bailey if she remembers that night when our mother told us we were about to be in a post-Super Bowl television show that never happened. She says she has a vague recollection but mostly remembers that as the time period when I completely soured on our mother. It’s so interesting that a night impacted my entire life yet is barely a blip on her radar. I suppose that means I’ve done my job all these years of protecting her.

I tell them what I heard as they make no attempt to contain the look of shock on their faces. “I admit that I couldn’t hear the whole conversation, but I know phrases like Kamryn is too strong-willed, and Bailey will be more amenable left Mom’s mouth. I also know that the director responded with something along the lines of Beverly, you’d sell your soul to the devil to get your girls to appear in my next project . That’s very real. And then Mom pulled only me away from the room, and the director was entering the room where Bails was alone.”

My father openly sobs into his hands before apologizing over and over again that he never knew and never thought she’d take it that far. Bailey is shaking all over. I think she’s in shock. I want to keep her calm. She’s pregnant, after all.

I rub her back. “I know you’ve thought for all these years that I was selfish.”

“I never—”

I hold up my hands. “Let me finish. I made you play softball. I made you come to college with me. I made you follow me into professional ball. I made you follow me to Philly. I need you to finally understand that it wasn’t about me per se. It was about you. The anxiety I’ve felt since that night is very real. This all-encompassing need to keep you safe is real. I know you’re an adult and can handle yourself, but you’re also so pure-hearted. You only see the good in people. I couldn’t live with myself if something bad happened to you. I’m so fucking sorry if you feel like I’ve held you back from anything in your life you’ve wanted to do. I promise that I won’t do that anymore. It’s your life to live as you please. The days of me manipulating things to keep you close are over. I swear to you.”

She throws her arms around my neck as her voice cracks, “Kam, I can’t believe all this. I can’t believe you kept it bottled up inside. I’m so sorry if I’ve ever made you feel bad that I wasn’t living the life I wanted to live. That’s not true at all. I’m exceedingly happy with my life. I hope you know that. It’s because of you. I see the good in people because you’ve always protected me from the bad. You didn’t hold me back. You’re my savior.”

Tears spill from both our eyes. I wipe her tears from her face. “Fuck, I shouldn’t make you cry right before your wedding. You’ll have puffy eyes. At least you’ll probably look closer to Daddy Tanner’s age now.”

She lets out a laugh as she sniffles and tries to wipe away more of her tears. “Bullshit. I’m gonna be a hot bride.”

I nod. “That’s for sure. Just wait until you see our entrances.”

Her eyes widen. “What did you do?”

I wink. “Don’t worry about it.”

I turn to my father, who’s still inconsolable. I knew this would be the hardest on him, but I needed to get it off my chest.

He shakes his head. “I…I didn’t know. I hope you know that. It was my job to protect you. I’ve failed you as a father. It shouldn’t have fallen on you, Kamryn. I robbed you of your childhood.”

Fuck. This isn’t what I wanted. His blaming himself isn’t what’s best, but some part of me feels validated that he’s not suggesting I was wrong. He’s not defending her. It would have hurt more if he did. I think part of me holding it in for all these years was thinking he wouldn’t believe me.

I rub his back. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s all in the past.” I think of Fallon’s words to me. “You can’t ever change the past, but you can always try to do your part in helping to pave a better road for the future. Daddy, thanks for believing me. It means everything to me.”

He looks up at me with a bit of shock on his face. “Of course I believe you. You’re a lot of things, Kamryn, but a liar isn’t one of them. Your powers of perception have always far exceeded your age. I believe your version of the events, but this is just so hard to swallow as a father and as the man who married her and let her pull the strings for far too long.”

“Unburdening myself of this will help me finally move past it. I hate that I’m burdening you with it, but I needed to do this.”

He nods. “I’m glad you did. I’ll need time to truly absorb the enormity of it.”

Bailey and I do our best to make him feel better for a long while. We remind him that it may not have been the easiest road, but we’re both in a good place right now, and that’s all that matters.

I just dropped a major bomb. It’s not like we’ll have one conversation and it will be over. I know they’ll both need time to process and react, especially him. As much as I want a quick fix, that’s not how things work. Dr. Pearl taught me that.

I then let them know about the fact that I’ve been in law school for all these years. My father doesn’t seem at all surprised. In fact, it gets him to perk up a bit. Bailey is in shock and doesn’t understand why I never told her about it.

I suppose it’s the only thing in my life that I’ve ever done purely for me. Right or wrong, I felt guilty about it.

An hour later, I approach Cheetah’s building and smile at my favorite doorman. “Hi, Evan.”

He has an unusually enormous grin. “Good afternoon, Kamryn.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “Why are you so happy?”

He pinches his lips together like he’s trying to stifle his smile. “It’s a beautiful day, and a beautiful woman is talking to me. Why would I be anything other than happy? Life is good.”

I run my tongue over my top teeth. “Hmm. You and Sir Gonzales are up to no good. I can feel it.”

He chuckles as he opens the door to the building. “He’s awaiting your arrival, your majesty.”

I walk inside and take the elevator to Cheetah’s penthouse. As I exit, I see a bunch of packed bags in his foyer. He’s leaving for Spring Training right after the wedding. It sucks. I prefer the off-season when we get to spend more time together. This off-season was rough but having him with me all the time helped me get through it.

He doesn’t notice me at first while he exits his bedroom door and closes it behind him. I can’t help but stare at him. Some people are human medicine. A little time with them cures everything. That’s what he’s been for me. Even if we part, I know that I’m better because of my time with him.

As soon as he sees me, he flashes me a huge smile. “Hey, Kam bam. How did it go?”

I nod. “It went well. They believed me.”

He scoffs. “Of course they did. I told you they would.”

I motion my head toward his bags. “All packed?”

He exhales a long breath. “Yep. I wish I didn’t have to go.”

“Me too. We need to talk.”

He points toward the living room. I see a huge fort. “I thought you might say that.”

We walk over, and he begins to undress but I stop him. “Can it not be a nudist fort today?”

He twists his lips. “How about we compromise? It can be a shark week fort.” That means underwear.

I’m about to protest, but I’m learning to compromise. I simply remove my clothes until I’m in a bra and panties. Once he’s in his boxer briefs and T-shirt, we crawl inside until we both lay our cheeks on the pillows facing each other. I find myself wondering if this will be the last time I’m in a Cheetah fort looking at his handsome face. My stomach twists at the notion.

I’m about to start my planned speech when he holds up his hand. “Don’t. I know what you’re going to say. You’re always the one steering this ship. Today, it’s my turn.”

I nod. “Okay. Say what you need to say. I’m all ears.”

“No less than a thousand times during the past year and a half, you’ve expressed that I want kids and marriage. That I need both to be happy. Have you ever heard me say that?”

I shake my head. “No, but you did ask me to marry you.”

“I’ve asked you to marry me over two hundred times.”

“The first time, Cruz. That proposal was real.”

“Was it me being swept up in an emotional moment without an ounce of forethought, or was it as real as the night of the accident when you accepted my proposal thinking it was a marriage proposal?”

My eyes widen. “You knew?”

“You’re not the only one with brains. I figured it out at some point that night while we were sitting in the hospital as I replayed it over and over in my delirious head.”

“Okay, so maybe we were both swept up in moments, but haven’t you always assumed you’d get married and have kids?”

He takes my hand and rubs his thumb over the back of my palm. “I think I assumed it because I hadn’t considered differently. It’s all I knew. But it wasn’t my goal in life. I didn’t run around looking for a child-bearing wife. I’ve never even been in a real relationship until you. I’ve never truly cared for a woman until you. Honestly, Kam, I was mostly worried that I’d never find someone who matches my crazy. Someone who loves to be silly and laugh like me. Someone who gets my euphemisms. Someone who loves me as I am. I know I’m not normal and never will be. There’s only one thing in life I know for sure right now. I love you. I want to spend my life with you, whatever form that takes. There is not one ounce of doubt in my mind about that.”

“What about kids? You’ll push for that one day, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get there.”

His blue eyes bore into mine. “Have I ever asked you to do something you didn’t want to do?”

I shake my head. “Never.”

“Other than giving our relationship a chance, have I ever once asked you to change anything about yourself?”

I shake my head again. “Never.”

“Kam, I’ve never even asked you for monogamy. I made a personal decision not to be physical with other women because I don’t want anyone else, not because we agreed to it. I’m not interested. It’s not an effort. I’ve never asked you to give up women or men. You’ve done it because you want to. You don’t want anyone else, just like I don’t, but I never asked that of you.”

What the fuck? I immediately replay all our relationship conversations. It’s true. He’s never asked me for that. I did it because I only wanted him. Hell, before we even slept together, I couldn’t look at other men because of him.

“W…what are you saying?”

“Do I make you happy?”

I nod as tears fill my eyes. “Exceedingly happy.”

“I feel the same.” He smirks. “I make me happy too. I’m a fucking riot.”

I giggle as I playfully slap his arm.

His face turns serious again. “ You make me happy. How about this? We spend time together as long as we both want that. No rules. I’m asking you to move in with me, not for any other reason than I want to live with you. I want to go to sleep with you. I want to wake up with you. I want to build forts with you. I want to make dinner for you. I want to pump you with dark chocolate when it’s shark week. I want to pump you with my vanilla cream when it’s not. If you don’t want to—”

“I want the same. I want all of it. I just never want to hold you back from what you need, but I equally know that I’m not going to be forced into anything. But you’re right, you’ve never once forced my hand…except down your pants at the dinner table a few weeks ago.”

His dimples make an appearance. “Good, because I already made you a key, and that’s three dollars I can never get back.”

I smile. “What key? You don’t have a front door, kitten. The elevator opens into your condo.”

He feigns shock as he sucks in a breath. “Oh shit. You’re right. The elevator keycard is like a hundred bucks. I’m not sure I’m ready for that level of commitment. Three dollars was my budget. Forget everything I said.”

I let out a laugh.

He runs his fingers over my lips. “I love your smile, especially when I’m the cause of it.” Exhaling a long breath, he says, “As for kids, I’m not sure I should be anything other than a fun uncle. A funcle, if you will. I don’t have an overwhelming need to put more crazy into the world than I already do. Like you, I’m not closing the door, I’m simply saying it’s not a deal-breaker for me. I’ve never once said to you that I need to have children to be happy.”

I look into his eyes and whisper, “What did I do to deserve you? I didn’t think men like you really existed.”

He gives me an uncharacteristically intense look. “I exist to love you, Kamryn Hart. All you have to do is let me.”

I have no words for that.

He stares at me as I let the enormity of what he just said sink in. “Did it ever occur to you that part of my attraction to you is that you make me a better man?”

“Me? I make you better? It’s the other way around.”

He shakes his head. “You’re wrong. You’re so much stronger than me. I see how you stand up for yourself and others. It’s always been a weakness of mine, but now I’m aware of it and trying to stand up for myself and those I care about. For my whole life, I’ve let my post-baseball path be scripted into something that doesn’t excite me. It’s you who has pushed me to see that I have other options.”

He rubs his thumb over my face. “If you don’t want promises, we simply won’t make any.” He twists his lips. “Except one. I need you to make me one promise.”

Fuck. Here we go. I blow out a breath. “What?”

He sits up. “I’ll be right back.”

What is he up to? This man is always full of surprises. Hell, it’s one of the things I love most about him.

He disappears for about three minutes. I hear him approaching the fort, but when he bends down, I nearly melt into a puddle.

I honestly blink a few times to make sure I’m not hallucinating.

He’s holding the cutest golden retriever puppy I’ve ever seen in my life. I gasp. “Oh my god.”

He grins widely. “I need you to promise to take care of this guy while I’m gone. Also, I need you to name him because he doesn’t like Little Dude at all. He thinks it’s emasculating.”

I breathe, “What? He’s yours?”

“He’s ours.”

“What will happen when we’re both in season? When we travel?”

The puppy adorably wiggles in his big arms. “Evan has two dogs. He said he’d take this cutie pie home with him when we’re both on the road. I think Evan was more excited than anyone about this puppy.”

That explains his cheery demeanor earlier.

I reach for the puppy. “Can I hold him?”

He happily and carefully hands the puppy to me. I take him into my arms and bury my face in his soft fur. The puppy smell invades my senses while he nibbles on my finger. “He’s so fucking cute.”

“Are you telling the puppy that I’m cute, or are you telling me that the puppy is cute?”

“Both.”

“Fair enough. Any thoughts on names? Sixty-nine…since it’s our two jersey numbers put together? Or something baseball and softballish like Dinger? Maybe Tater.”

I scrunch my face. None of those feel right. I stare down at the sweetest little face I’ve ever seen in my life while I run through a few names in my head until the right one hits me. I look up at Cheetah. “I think I’d like to name him Chewbacca. We can call him Chewy.”

Cheetah gasps before a huge grin forms on his handsome face. “For real?”

I rub my nose in the puppy’s belly. “Do you like your name, Chewy?”

The puppy lets out a high-pitched bark, and I nod. “Yep. He loves it.”