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CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

TWO MONTHS LATER

KAMRYN

I t’s the middle of the night, and I’m sitting on a kitchen stool, finishing up watching a replay of a lecture that I missed.

I’m not paying as close attention as I should be. My mind is drifting. The future feels uncertain, and I hate being out of control.

About two weeks ago, Bailey let Tanner back into her bed. He’s in there with her every night. He sneaks out before Harper wakes, but I hear her moaning every damn night. Except around Harper, he’s no longer bothering to hide their relationship anymore. He can’t keep his hands off her. His hand was down her pants under a blanket when we all watched a movie the other night. He thought he was being discreet, but he wasn’t.

I haven’t said much about it to her because she’s finally happy, and her recovery is moving along extremely well. She’s walking and needs much less assistance from everyone. If rekindling things with him has aided in that, I’ll swallow my words as much as I’m capable.

There’s no denying that she’s madly in love with him, and much to my surprise, he’s madly in love with her. What happens when two people are in love and one wants marriage and children while the other doesn’t? How does it get resolved without one of them, obviously my sister in this case, compromising herself? Is she going to be another in a long line of princesses who gives in to the prince and doesn’t get her version of happily ever after, only his? I hate that for her, but I don’t know how to save her this time.

We can’t be more than a few weeks away from her switching to a much less intensive therapy program. That means it’s time to move out. She’s going to want to stay here with him. She hasn’t said it, but I can feel it coming. I’m going to suggest we move back to our apartment together, but she won’t. I know my sister.

That leaves me considering my own future. Our lease is up next month. I haven’t re-signed in part because I know she’ll want to stay here, and in part because I’m wondering if I should move in with Cheetah. We haven’t had any deep conversations lately. He’s just kind of been here for me, giving me what I need.

Always giving to me, never expecting anything in return. As soon as I’m out of here, I plan to rectify that. If me moving in with him will make him happy, I’ll do it. If letting him go so he can find a more traditional woman will make him happy, I’ll do that too. For the first time in our relationship, his needs are going to come first for me, whatever it costs me. I’m steadfast in this.

He leaves soon for Spring Training. A decision needs to be made on us before he goes.

As the lecture ends and I pull out my AirPods, I see Tanner appear from Bailey’s room in nothing but flannel pants and a satisfied look on his face. I run my eyes up and down his imposing form. “You have a shockingly good body for an old fucker.”

He rolls his eyes. “Do you ever sleep? ”

I shrug. “Not really.”

“Why not?”

“I like to sit here and plot ways to keep you away from my sister. Instead, I’m forced to put in my earphones to drown out the sounds of the nightly orgasms you give her.”

He cracks a smile. “How about a drink, Kamryn? We can have a chat, man to man.”

Color me intrigued. We’ve never once done this in the nearly three months we’ve been living together. “You’re on. I can scratch my balls just as well as the rest of you.”

He sighs, as he often does around me, before pouring us two glasses of whiskey. I notice that mine is double the size of his. Nodding at it, I ask, “Trying to get me drunk?”

He shakes his head. “Your sister doesn’t like it when I drink too much. I’ve cut back significantly.”

“I imagine it’s because our biological mother was an alcoholic.”

“I imagine you’re right.” He sits in the chair next to me and hands me my drink. Clinking his glass with mine, he says, “To the one and only thing we have in common. She’s nothing short of a miracle.”

I nod as I pick up my glass and take my first sip. Fuck, that burns going down. I don’t know how people drink this shit, but I do my best to act like one of the guys. I even manspread.

He smiles as he notices my reaction, but I narrow my eyes at him. “Why is this happening? I can’t imagine you want extra time with me. You must have an ulterior motive.”

He takes a slow sip of his whiskey before placing the glass down on the kitchen counter with a small clank. “Something interesting came across my desk today.”

I shake my head. “Nope. I’m not doing any modeling right now.” I’ve cancelled everything I have this off-season. “Thank god I insisted on the cancellation clauses. My shitty agent would have had me locked in.”

He lifts an eyebrow and sarcastically replies, “Yes, it would have been a true shame for you to have to leave us. We would have missed you terribly. My daughter wouldn’t have told me that the bag of Doritos I packed her for lunch today was a chiptease.”

I can’t help but smile. I taught her that a chiptease is a bag of chips that looks full but is mostly air. I hate it when that happens.

He continues, “Or that when two boys at school were fighting the other day, they got a dudevorce.”

I can’t contain my laugh this time. “Ha. Admit that it’s funny how she always uses these words in the right context. That’s the genius.”

He doesn’t emote at all. “I will admit no such thing. Back to this tidbit that found me today.”

He’s up to something. “What do you have up your gray-haired sleeve, Montgomery?” He looks down at his arms, which only have dark hair. His beard and chest hair have a little gray though, and I enjoy playing on his insecurities.

He narrows his eyes at me again before reaching for his glass and taking another sip. He lets the silence fill the air for a good ten seconds before he continues, “As I believe you know, I’m growing my women’s division. I’ve been searching for nearly a year, hoping to find the right woman to lead that division, but apparently female lawyers with deep knowledge of athletics and a steel constitution are harder to find than I imagined. I had a thought recently. Since the right lawyer doesn’t seem to currently exist, I decided to reach out to an old law school professor of mine to see if he knew of any budding superstars. You might know him. His name is Byron Burke.”

My eyes widen in realization. He was my contracts law professor.

He gives me a knowing smirk. “Why doesn’t anyone know you’re in law school, Kamryn?”

“It’s no one’s fucking business. And Cheetah knows.”

“Why not Bailey?”

I gulp my whiskey, letting the amber fluid burn a hole in my throat. Anything to avoid having to answer. I’ve considered this a lot throughout the years. “Because I needed something for me, and I’ve never been quite sure what I want to do with my degree. Playing with my sister and two best friends in the Olympics is my priority. What happens after that remains in the air.”

“Why law? You don’t do anything without purpose. What is it you want to do?”

“Something that makes a difference. I honestly don’t know what. I initially applied with an altruistic notion of representing kids with shitty parents. I can relate. But then I realized that I’d have to work with kids, and I suck at that.”

He shakes his head. “You don’t suck. You’re just…different. Kids respond to the fact that you don’t treat them like kids.”

“Harper is the only kid on the planet that I like. I suppose I can also tolerate Andie and Dylan, but Harper is like a little adult. I don’t see myself working with kids on a daily basis. I’ve also come to realize that it wouldn’t be good for my mental health to continuously come across those terrible home life situations considering what I suffered throughout my childhood.”

He looks like he wants to ask follow-up questions but holds back. “Byron tells me that you have the brightest legal mind he’s come across since he had me as a student.”

“Well, I’m pretty fucking smart. You know that. Honestly, law school has been easy for me. I have perfect grades, and I rarely need to break a sweat. What are you getting at, Tanner?”

“I think you know what I’m getting at, being so fucking smart and all.”

“You can’t possibly want to work with me. You hate me.”

The corners of his mouth raise in amusement. “I wouldn’t be working with you; you’d be working for me.” He tilts his glass until he finishes the remaining contents before his eyes meet mine again. “Kamryn, I’m fighting the battle to get women equal pay in athletics. You’re the best shortstop in the world and you make less than a hundred grand a year. The highest-paid shortstops in baseball make thirty-five million dollars per year, and none of them hit as well as you. Doesn’t that injustice piss you off? ”

“Of course it does.”

He points his finger at me. “ That’s how you can make a difference. I need a smart woman who knows sports inside and out and who happens to be a real ball-buster. Does that description sound familiar to you?”

I let his words sink in for a few moments before responding. “What about when things go to shit with you and my sister?”

“What if they don’t go to shit?”

“You can’t give her what she deserves. Why are you spending time with her when you can’t and won’t give her what she needs?”

“Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?”

I wince. “Fuck you, Tanner.”

He smiles. “You certainly like to dish it out, Kamryn, but you don’t like to take it. Can you give Cruz what he deserves? What he needs?”

I stand and place my glass in the sink. “Good night.”

As I walk away, he says, “Think about my offer.”

With my back to him, I simply hold up my middle finger as I round the corner toward my bedroom. I can hear the asshole chuckling as I do. What does my sister see in him besides the whole sexy, domineering, older man thing?

I walk into my room and see Cruz peacefully asleep. Am I a hypocrite? I want Tanner to set Bailey free so she can find someone willing to give her what she needs. Should I be doing that for Cruz?

How can things work out for two people when there’s a clear divide in needs with little to no overlap? I don’t want my sister to compromise. Why should she? I won’t ask him to do the same.

I can’t look at his innocent face right now. Walking back out into the house, I quickly make sure that Tanner went up to bed. When I see the coast is clear, I quietly tiptoe upstairs and into Fallon’s room before closing her door behind me.

Her eyes blink open. “Kam? Is everything okay?”

“Can I sleep with you?”

“Sleep, sleep or sex sleep? I don’t think I’m adventurous enough to sex sleep with a woman at this point in my life. Maybe I should have done that in college at least once, but that ship has sailed for me.”

I giggle. “I’d totally be up for sex sleep with you anytime, but I meant sleep, sleep. Maybe a little talk sleep now that you’re awake.”

She smiles as she opens her blankets, and I slip into bed. Fallon has become my friend in the past few months. She’s only nine years older than us, but she has such a maternal, calming nature to her. Given that the only maternal figure in my life has been Bailey, and I haven’t been willing to burden her the past few months, I’ve come to rely on Fallon for that. Our staying up late talking has become commonplace.

I take in her skimpy sleep shorts and tank top. Her nipples are poking through. “Fuck, you’re so hot.”

“Kamryn,” she warns.

“Are your boobs real?”

She lets out a laugh. “If I had a dollar for every time I was asked that... Yes, they’re real. Stop looking at them. They’re not on the menu for you.”

I smile as I lay my head on the pillow and stare at her. “Do you think I’m being selfish by holding on to Cruz?”

She pinches her eyebrows together. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I don’t want marriage and kids.”

“Does he?”

“He says he doesn’t care, but I think he does. It’s in his genes. His family is single-handedly doubling the population of the state of Texas.”

“He’s a grown man. He can make his own decisions. He very obviously loves you. Do you love him?”

I nod.

“Then take him at his word. Or maybe you’ll feel differently one day. Have you ever allowed for that possibility, or are you too stubborn about being stubborn? ”

“What does that mean?”

“You have strong convictions, Kamryn. Like you’re dead set on hating Tanner. So dead set that I can’t get you to admit that you’re starting to like him.”

The corners of my mouth raise slightly. “All fungus grows.”

“Not all fungus is bad. In fact, some of it’s good.”

I’m quiet before she continues. “She loves him, and he loves her. Whether you like it or not, and whether he can give her everything she thought she needed or not, they’re going to end up together. He makes her happy. Maybe it won’t be in the ways she had always imagined, and maybe it will, but she could do a lot worse than Tanner Montgomery.”

“If you love him so much, why didn’t you stay married to him?” I’ve asked her a million times about the end of her marriage, but she never gives me any answers.

She shakes her head. “I’m not in love with him, but I’ll always love him and always want the best for him. He’s the father of my child. Nothing will ever change that.”

“Do you think he was the love of your life?”

She exhales a long breath. “Fuck. I hope not, Kamryn.” She bites her lip. “If I tell you something, can you keep it between us?”

I nod.

“I’ve gone on a handful of dates with someone recently. The man I mentioned to you a while back. I said no to him at first, but he kept asking for months, and I finally decided why the fuck not. I have nothing to lose. Then Bailey’s injury happened, and I moved in here. We finally went out recently and hit it off. Bailey will transition to outpatient soon. I’m going to tell Tanner that I’m moving out next week. Once I do, I want to see where things go with this guy.”

“That’s amazing, Fallon. Do you have any pictures of him?”

She scrunches her face. “I do, but—”

“But what?”

“You might recognize him. He’s kind of famous.”

I gasp. “Is it Vance? I can totally see you with him. He’s hot.”

She giggles. “In a million years, I wouldn’t date a client of Tanner’s. That’s way too close to home. And I don’t want to date someone younger than me who would want more kids. I’ll be forty this year. I don’t know if I can still have kids.”

“Do you want more kids?”

She nods. “I do. Very much so, but each year that goes by I know what the odds are.”

“I guess if I had a Harper, I’d want more too.”

She lifts an eyebrow. “So if you were to have a Harper, you’d be interested in having kids?”

I twist my lips. “Hmm. There are no guarantees. And stop changing the topic. Let me see a picture of him.”

She reaches for her phone and swipes away until she finally hands it to me. I look at the screen, immediately recognizing the photo. “You’re dating him ?”

She gives me a small smile and nods. “I suppose I am.”

“How old is he?”

“Just a few years older than me. He has two adult kids, a daughter and a son.”

I nod. “His daughter is a basketball player, right?”

“She is.”

I’ve followed her career. She was a superstar college basketball player and played for the pro team out of New York for a few years before being traded to Philly this past season.

“Good for you, Fallon.”

“It’s new, but we clicked. We text several times a day and talk every night. We’ll see what happens.”

“I hope it works out.”

“I didn’t see it coming, but life takes unexpected turns. Sometimes you need to go with the flow.”

I absorb her words. “Is that where you were tonight? With him?” She missed dinner tonight, which is unusual.

She shakes her head. “No. I had a board meeting. I sit on the board of a local battered women’s shelter. ”

I give her an undoubtedly questioning look, and she shakes her head. “It wasn’t me but someone close to me.”

I want to ask more questions but decide it would be in bad taste. I simply say, “It’s cool that you give back.”

“You can’t ever change the past, Kamryn, but you can always try to do your part in helping to pave a better road for the future.”