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CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

KAMRYN

I hear my sister’s alarm go off, so I walk into her room and slip into bed with her. She stretches as she turns to me and sleepily croaks out, “Good morning.”

“Good morning. What are you up to today?”

She yawns as she considers my question. “Oh, I have a meeting with Reagan Daulton and then I’m spending the afternoon with Tanner.”

“Ooh. Tapping Daddy in the afternoon. How modern-day romance of you. Are you going to give the hot poultice to the Irish toothache?”

She shakes her head. “I honestly have no idea what that means.”

I let out a laugh. “Cheetah would know.”

She rubs my arm. “Are you two together?”

I shake my head. “Have you seen me together with anyone since Dakota? As I’ve told you before, we’re casual fuck buddies. The sex is incredible. I’m not in a rush for it to end.”

“Have you casually fucked anyone since he’s been gone all month? ”

It’s been a long month without him.

I’m silent, and she sighs. “It’s okay to admit that you have real feelings for him. I know he has real feelings for you.”

I roll my eyes. “Whatever.”

“When you’re ready to admit it to yourself, you can admit it to me too. There’s no shame in it, Kam.”

I don’t want to talk about this with her. “Are you going to admit how often Daddy Tanner ties you up?”

She winks at me. “All the fudging time, and I love every second of it.”

I smile. “It’s funny how adults told us growing up not to bite, lick, slap, or pull hair, and now it’s all we want to do.”

She giggles. “Truth.”

A few hours later, I’m sitting on my couch, staring at my phone in complete and total shock.

An intruding voice asks, “Kamryn, are you with me?”

I snap my head back up toward Dr. Pearl on my computer screen. “Sorry, my sister just sent me photos of her and her boyfriend skydiving. I didn’t know she was going. I’m flipping out.”

“If she’s sending photos, they’ve probably safely landed.”

“Hmm, valid point. You’re a smart woman, Dr. Pearl.”

She points toward her wall of degrees. “I didn’t order these in the mail, Kamryn. Let’s get back into things.”

I place my phone down. “Sorry.”

“I had something else planned for today, but since your sister and her safety are on your mind, let’s chat more about her.”

I shrug. “We’ve been through this. I told you I’m a selfish bitch. I’ve manipulated her life to keep her close.”

“She allows it. On some level, she must want it too.”

I shake my head. “She’s too sweet to say otherwise.” I swallow the knot in my throat. “She feels like I need her to mother me, and I’ve allowed her to think that. The reality is, I need to protect her.”

“You’ll have to let go at some point.”

I nod, knowing she’s right. “I will. When I know she’s safe from all the monsters out there. They come in different forms, but they’re there.”

“What makes her unsafe right now?”

“She’s dating a man fifteen years older than her who has told her he doesn’t want marriage or any more kids. She’s admitted to me that she’s in love with him. Her heart isn’t safe, and it’s eventually going to blow up in her face.”

“What about your heart?”

I steel my face. “It’s stone.”

“It’s anything but, Kamryn.” She taps her pen on her notepad. “We’re a few sessions in now. You always manage to steer the conversation away from the man who caused you to come talk to me. We had one brief conversation about how you coldly sent him off, but nothing else. Can we talk about him today?”

“You’re the bosswoman.”

She smirks. “Yes, I am.”

Over the past month, I’ve come to adore Dr. Pearl. We’ve developed a fun relationship. She has an unusually dry sense of humor, which is probably why we click. She’s not uptight like I expected. She pushes me in a way no one else ever has. Each time we meet, I feel like the weight I carry gets just a pound or two lighter.

She asks, “What’s your current status with him?”

“He’s in Florida at Spring Training. I haven’t seen him in a few weeks. He’ll be home by the end of the week.”

And I’m fucking nervous as hell to see him.

“We’ve talked about your more promiscuous lifestyle. Have you seen anyone else since he’s been gone?”

I reluctantly admit, “I haven’t.”

“Did you discuss exclusivity with him?”

I shake my head. “We’re absolutely not exclusive. I just…I haven’t met anyone of interest.”

“Is that normal for you? I know how much you love that word.”

“I haven’t gone this long without sex since I started having sex at fifteen.”

“What about him?” she asks.

“He knows he’s welcome to fuck whoever he wants. I would never hold him back that way.”

“Do you think he is?”

I shrug. “Not my business.”

She raises her eyebrows, and I sigh. “Look, all I know is that before he left, he said he hadn’t touched anyone since he met me. That no one stirs his mind, dick, and funny bone like me. What has he been up to in Florida? I don’t know. I don’t ask.”

“Do you speak to him?”

I slowly nod. “He calls me every day. And…he said he’d wait for me to work through my issues.” I run my fingers through my hair. “But I don’t expect anything. He should do whatever makes him happy. I’ve told him as much.”

She gives a small, knowing smile. “Tell me about him.”

I can’t help the thrill that runs through me when I think about him. “He’s funny, hot, and sweet, but that’s honestly not what attracts me to him. Maybe it was at first, but that’s not why I’ve hung around him longer than I have for anyone since I was a teen. God help him, but he likes me exactly as I am. No matter how you slice it, I’m not normal and never will be. It doesn’t bother him. In fact, the weirdo gets off on it. I’m probably closer to him than I’ve been to a bedfellow in my entire life.” I mutter, “Definitely closer to him.”

“Then why are you reluctant?”

“Because I’m toxic. He’s a genuinely good man. Maybe the best I’ve ever met. He deserves better than me, but for some reason, he wants me. For now. One day he’ll want what all the princes want, and I’m not the princess who will ever do something she doesn’t want to do for a partner, man or woman.”

She thinks for a moment. “Have you ever taken the love language test?”

I let out a laugh at the memory. “Oddly enough, yes. Last year, my friends were all taking it and I did too.”

“Often our most toxic , as you called it, trait is the exact opposite of your love language.”

“How so?”

“Those who avoid intimacy are the ones who crave physical touch.”

I think about that. Physical touch was Arizona’s love language. Before Layton, she avoided men for over a year. Maybe Dr. Pearl is on to something.

She continues, “Those who have insecurities often like words of affirmation.”

Yep. That’s Ripley.

“What do you think my love language is?” I ask.

She taps her lower lip. “Hmm. I’m not a gambler, but if I were a betting woman, knowing how you like to handle things on your own and hate asking people for help, I’d wager that you crave simple acts of kindness. You’ve spent so much of your life taking care of your sister and yourself. And while she’s also taken care of you, you missed that in your mother. I imagine you’d be most attracted to someone who fills that role. Someone who cares enough and knows enough about you to give you what you need. I believe the test calls it acts of service.”

She’s one smart bitch.

She smiles in satisfaction. “I take it by your face that I’m right?”

I nod. “Yep. I can’t believe it.”

“Is that what this man gives you? Acts of service?”

I think about Cheetah and our past few months together. Suddenly it’s the easiest answer on the planet. “In every single thing he says and does. ”

“He sounds like a keeper. It’s obvious you care about him.”

“I care enough to know that I won’t ever hold him back from anything. Ever.”

I’m studying a case on my computer when I hear the front door open. Without looking up, I say, “Are you fucking kidding me, sending me those photos and then going radio silent? Did you jump out of a fucking airplane? Are you insane?”

I smile as I lift my head, expecting a little sass from Bailey, but am shocked to see her in tears. I leap from the sofa and take her into my arms. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

She collapses into me. “He had a vasectomy. He strung me along, making me feel hopeful about a future when there is none.”

Oh my god. “Oh, Bails. I’m so fucking sorry.”

She’s practically hyperventilating in tears. “I…I thought he loved me too.”

She can barely stand. She’s so brokenhearted. I knew she couldn’t be casual with him. It goes against her grain. I rub her back. “I know you’re hurting, but didn’t he tell you from the beginning that you guys weren’t long-term? That he didn’t want marriage and more kids?”

Just like I said to Cheetah before I went and fell for him.

She nods and sobs, “Yes, but the way he acts with me didn’t match those words. Other things he’s said to me don’t line up with that. No man has ever treated me with more love, compassion, and tenderness. Everything he did told me he was falling the same way I was.”

She’s not wrong. I’ve seen them together. He was at the funeral acting like the doting boyfriend. And every time since, I watch him watch her. I was starting to think he was falling in love with her too, and I’ve only been around them together a small handful of times. She’s with him nearly every day.

Suddenly I’m realizing that I’m like Tanner in this situation. I told Cheetah we were nothing, but we became something, and I knew it. Then I tossed him away like Tanner is doing to my sister.

I nod. “You’re right. Want me to burn down his house? I’ll do it and not think twice about it.”

She manages a small laugh. “No, but thanks for offering.”

“I’d do anything for you. Anything .”

She knows I mean it. I would burn down the world for my sister. In some ways, I have.

She leans her head on my shoulder. “Right now, I need to spend a weekend crying and figuring out my life.”

“You don’t need to figure out your life this weekend, but we can eat gallons of ice cream and watch Titanic on repeat if you’d like.”

Fuck, I have a big test tonight, but she needs me. I can’t abandon my sister in her time of need. I’ll email my professor. Hopefully she’ll be understanding.

After a long weekend of crying, my strong sister wipes the theoretical dust from her shoulders and tells me that she has to go coach Harper’s softball team. I beg her to quit her job with Tanner, but because she’s the best human being I know, she refuses, saying she intends to honor her commitments.

There’s not a fucking chance of me letting her coach without me during her time of need. Even though the thought of working with twelve eight-year-old girls terrifies the living shit out of me, I tell her that I’ll be her assistant coach. Apparently, the season runs for about two more months. I can handle two months of sticky, whiny kids. Hell, I like Harper. She’s like a mini adult.

Admittedly, the girls’ eyes when we both arrive at practice are priceless. Sometimes I forget that little girls look up to us as role models. Me, a role model. What a joke.

We’re huddled up as I’m introduced, and Bailey encourages me to say a few words. “Hey, bitches.” They all giggle, and Bailey elbows me to remind me not to curse in front of them. Fat chance of that happening.

I continue. “I’m Kamryn Hart. You can call me Kam or Queen Kam, whichever you prefer.”

Bailey interrupts. “You can call her Coach Kam.”

I roll my eyes. “Or that. Unlike my sister, I’m shit at working with kids, so I’m going to treat you like adults. Hell, Harper is smarter than most fucking adults I know.”

The girls all laugh, and Harper’s face lights up. Harper Montgomery is a pretty little girl with light brown hair and unique blue eyes that stand out. She’s always happy and thinks the world revolves around my sister, which means she has excellent taste.

“I recognize a few of you from Harper’s birthday and our games.” I tap my lip as I study their faces carefully. “You, with the dark curly hair. You’re Andie, right?”

She smiles and nods. Her father is one of the team owners of the Anacondas. She’s always at our home games. I think she’s Harper’s best friend.

I narrow my eyes at her. “I see you wearing an Abbott jersey all the time. Where’s the love for me?”

Her eyes widen in fear, but my sister simply shakes her head. “She’s just kidding, Andie. Wear whoever’s jersey you want. We appreciate the support. Why don’t each of you say your name and position? My sister has a very good memory. You only need to say it once.”

The girls all give me their names and positions. The shortstop is a little girl named Sapphire. I mumble to Bailey, “Did her parents put a pole in her crib when they gave her that name?”

She simply shakes her head at me as practice begins. The girls aren’t bad. Harper is by far the best player on the team. She apparently moved from shortstop to second base to be like Bailey, but she should be the shortstop. She’s got an amazing arm, and her softball IQ is off the charts.

Sapphire, the future exotic dancer, plays shortstop. She’s not good enough. I whisper to Bailey. “We should move Andie from third to short. The stripper can’t handle it.”

She scrunches her face. “At this age, I’m trying to let them play where they want to. Andie likes third. They should move around some anyway. We’ll rotate them as the season progresses. It’s all about them learning.”

“And winning,” I add.

“That’s much less important.”

“Champions or bust, sis.”

She simply sighs at me like she’s done millions of times throughout the years.

Watching my sister work with the girls brings a lot of emotions to the surface. This is so clearly her passion. What she’s meant to do. She’s so fucking good at it. I’m the asshole who’s kept her from it because I couldn’t bear the thought of not being with her all the time.

When practice is over, I see her talking to Fallon, Tanner’s ex-wife. She’s fucking hot, even in scrubs with messy hair and no makeup. Maybe she’s a doctor. A sexy-as-sin doctor.

When we get into the car, I ask her what Fallon said. She responds, “She thought my wounds would be a little too fresh to see Tanner tonight, so she came to pick up Harper even though I was supposed to drop her at Tanner’s. It was thoughtful, but I’m going to have to see him at some point.”

“You could quit.”

She exhales a long breath. “Kam, I love Harper. I’m not losing her too. I need you to understand and respect that.”

I nod, knowing it’s true. “Okay, but don’t feel obligated. Do what feels best for you.”

Yes, I’m a hypocrite .

I try to lighten the mood. “Did you hear the word Harper busted out today?”

She shakes her head. “No. What was it?”

“When Stacey was talking in the middle of the drill, she told her to stop confabulating.”

Bailey lets out a laugh. “That was on her word-of-the-day toilet paper a few weeks ago. She’s been using it in lieu of the word chatting ever since. Isn’t it amazing how she remembers all these words and uses them appropriately? She’s such a special kid.”

I’m not sure what I’m more worried about, her love for Tanner or her love for Harper. But there’s one thing I know for sure. All roads lead to heartbreak for Bailey Hart.