Page 70 of Of Nightmares & Fire (Elusive Umbra #1)

Chapter fifty-two

Astraea

I lay awake, my eyes trained on a small crack in the ceiling above me for what feels like hours.

Kyros walked me to the room that I now share with Cole and Zinya and then left us to speak with his brother.

Cole snores lightly just inches from me, but Zinya has yet to sleep.

She sits in a chair angled so she can see from the window overlooking the town.

We stayed in the house the feast was held in.

Kyros said he would be sleeping just next door.

None of this has brought me peace of mind.

When we were busy and surrounded by others, it was easy to forget for a while what I am about to face. What I have already been facing…

“You are supposed to be sleeping.” The chair creaks as Zinya leans forward, whispering in my direction.

“So are you,” I say, pushing myself up to sit.

“I’m acting guard dog, remember?” She smiles, but it’s quick and falls just as fast as it came.

She stands then, walking to the window and dropping her brows.

I wouldn’t be able to see her at all if it weren’t for the moonlight filtering through the window.

The full moon casts the sky in silver, lighting her face and hair in an aura of pale light.

“I can’t sleep. Not with my mind running away with me.” Something about Zinya has always made me feel at ease, and now, in the dark, I feel like I can let my walls down.

“Are you afraid of the nightmare coming back?” She asks without turning to face me. I think about her question for a moment before I shuffle, sitting up fully.

“No, to be honest, he does scare me. I feel more curious than I do afraid.” I swallow hard as I try to muster up the real reason I feel so weary.

“Curious… I can understand that. Kyros would hate to hear it.” She finally looks over her shoulder at me and continues, “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.

He has plenty of his own.” Don’t I know it.

Swinging my legs from the bed, I look down at Colette sleeping peacefully in the bed we were sharing.

It’s so different from how our lives were just weeks ago.

She’s safer here, and even with all of the unknown, I’m beginning to think I am too.

“Is the energy the same for the feast as it is for the bonfire?” I ask, coming to stand at Zinya’s side.

The trees at the border of town reach into the sky like serrated teeth in the mouth of a monster—pitch black and dangerous.

Or maybe it's just my thoughts about the danger of the journey through their darkness that causes them to seem so ominous.

“No, but I'm sure it’s nothing like you are used to in the palace.” Zinya says, looking at me with a sad smile.

“I know you have no reason to believe me, but I don’t condone anything my father has done with Eathian.

I lost just as much during that war as many others did.

Even though the people see that I gained a crown, it has felt more like a noose.

” I don’t look to see how she regards me after that statement.

I keep my eyes trained on the vicious skyline.

I can’t take whatever judgement is surely in her eyes.

“I don’t think there is anything you could say to prove to me that you are anything like your father, Astraea.

I think anyone who has spent any time with you at all could tell that.

” She says, and I chance a look at her. She’s not looking at me, though.

The look on her face is unreadable as she stares through the window.

My mind immediately begins to wander to my mother and the life I lost the day my father destroyed so many.

“You really should get some sleep. Morning will be here before you know it, and after the celebrations, we will leave for Diemos.” She says dejectedly.

We both stand there silently for a long moment before I finally let out a heavy sigh.

“You’re right.” I nod before crossing the room and returning to my side of the bed.

Cole grumbles in her sleep, tossing the blankets as she flips to face the other side.

Zinya stands stoically still, looking out the window.

I’m curious about what she is thinking, but I choose not to ask.

She is likely thinking about all she has lost, too.

Instead, I let my head rest on the pillow, and I find the same crack in the ceiling and try to force my eyes to lose focus and fall asleep.

It doesn’t work. I lay there for what feels like hours.

Once Zinya sat back down in the chair, I think she must have fallen asleep because the room is eerily silent with no movement at all.

Clouds linger thick in the sky and cover the moon's glow, making the night darker than usual with a full moon. It’s probably not good that there is so much cloud cover with the journey we have ahead of us.

Clouds mean rain, and rain means more issues with travel.

I just hope that we can find shelter under the tree's canopies. There’s one thing that we can at least be thankful for, I suppose.

We are not going to be in the harsh desert for this journey. It doesn’t mean it will be easier.

The door creaks as it opens, and I hold my breath as my heart jumps into my throat.

I know who it is as soon as his silhouette is outlined by the low light from the hall.

I keep my eyes open and on him as he crosses the room.

He first walks over to Zinya, gently lifting a blanket from the end of our bed and laying it over her sleeping form.

It's such a stark difference from the way he usually is—all sharp edges and hard lines. The softness he’s showing is clearly something he doesn’t much allow to be seen.

He looks around the room for a moment, takes a deep breath, and I feel rather than see the tension leave him.

He blows the breath out in a heavy sigh before silently coming toward the bed.

Like a coward, I close my eyes to hide that I’m awake.

He gets closer, and his scent clouds around me.

Whiskey and charred oak, summer sun and the darkest night. Sin and fire.

“I know you are awake, Shula.” He whispers, and I feel his breath puff out over my cheek. I open my eyes, and he smiles just inches from my face. I roll my lips between my teeth to try to hide my returning smile and trap the laugh from coming out.

“What are you doing in here?” I whisper, trying to get my eyes to focus on his darkened face.

“Well, I came in to check on all of you, but it looks like I needed to relieve Zinya, seeing as she has uncharacteristically fallen asleep on duty.” He stands to his full height and offers his hand to me.

I look at it for a moment before I let my hand slip into his, and he pulls me to sit.

My bare legs fall from the side of the bed, and his eyes immediately drop to them.

His tongue juts out, wetting his bottom lip before his eyes meet mine again.

“What are we doing?” I ask, fighting the urge to pull the blanket to cover my skin.

“I have something for you.” He says, and my brows dip in confusion.

“So you come to get me out of my bed in the middle of the night so you can give me something?” I half laugh as I place my bare feet on the ground. Kyros watches every movement I make, slowly trailing his eyes from my toes to my eyes.

“Yes, I suppose. I didn’t plan to. I really was just coming to check on you.”

“On us?” I ask as a correction .

“On you.” He answers simply, then again offers me his hand. I don’t hesitate this time and let him pull me fully from the bed. He guides me toward the door, and I stop suddenly as he begins to pull it open.

“Kyros, I can’t go out there like this! I won’t have another embarrassing situation again, barely dressed.” I hiss quietly through my teeth.

“No one will see you. We are going one door over. Come on, Shula. I promise, I’m sure I care more about other people not seeing you like this than you do.

” He opens the door wide and pulls me into the hall before I can argue again.

I can nearly feel the smug satisfaction radiating from him as he opens the next door down the hall and pushes inside.

I look both ways down the empty hallway before I, too, step into the room.

Unlike the light grays in the room I was in, this one is swathed in darkness.

Deep umber, amber, and bronze accents coat the room in luxury, and the scent is immediately familiar.

A lantern on the dark wood desk is the only thing lighting the space, as the windows are covered with thick fabric that doesn’t allow any light to seep through.

“This is your room?” I ask, even though it's obvious.

Heat rises up my neck as I look at his bed, like I am some innocent virgin.

I grind my teeth as I turn away from the center of the room and let my eyes roam the walls instead.

Walls that are floor-to-ceiling shelves filled with endless leather-bound books.

Kyros lights a narrow candle from the lantern and walks the walls, lighting multiple sconces, and my lips part as I truly take in the beauty of the room.

My fingers automatically come up and trail across the spines of the alluring tomes.

“It is.” I jump slightly at how close he is.

He wraps his arms around me from behind, and I melt a little into his warmth.

We are still forgetting our responsibilities, I remind myself when I start to try to pull away.

We haven’t been this alone without the looming possibility of all hell breaking loose ever, and while I guess there is still a way that could happen, it brings my heart to pound in my chest.

“Kyros,” I move to turn around, but one of his hands drops and then comes back to my stomach, and he presses something hard there.

“Happy birthday, Shula.” My heart skips several beats as my hands come up to cover his and whatever he holds wrapped in a swath of fabric.

He lets me take what’s placed in my hands and steps back when he finally allows me to turn around.

I look down at what I hold, which is surprisingly heavy, and then up to him with my brows pinched.

“You—got me a gift?” I ask, blinking away my confusion.

“It’s your birthday. Is it not accustomed to give someone a gift on their birthday?

” He asks, tightening his hand into a fist, and he cracks the knuckles before he rubs at the back of his neck.

“It’s just something I saw in the market.

It reminded me of you.” He pauses. I think this is the most uncomfortable I have ever seen him.

Clearly out of his element, my brows dip further, and my lips twitch into a small smile .

“Thank you, I—it’s just unexpected.” I say as I begin pulling the fabric away.

My eyes widen when the first glimmering blade reveals itself, followed by its twin.

The body of the blade is Tsalalerian Steel, glittering black like the sands we just came from.

I run my finger across the flat edge toward the handle, where at the pommel of the hilt holds a resin circle encapsulating a dainty, yet ethereal blue flower.

They are stunning and light, and the sharp edge so undeniably deadly.

The steel itself seems to radiate power, humming under my touch.

“How do they feel?” Kyros asks as I walk over to a small table by the settee and place the fabric and holster down.

I grip the handles, one in each hand. The weight is balanced perfectly in my palm.

Mavros and Zinya have taught me some basics with knives of similar size, and I hold these just the same.

One in a hammer grip and the other reversed, ready for both offense and defense.

Kyros’ eyes brighten as he steps back again, fully assessing me, and I suddenly feel very exposed.

“They are a perfect fit.” I say, meeting his eyes. “Thank you.”

“Good. I hope you won’t need them, but I want you to be as prepared as you can be in the short amount of time we have.

” He answers. Thick silence lingers between us.

Questions that I’ve asked, and answers he’s left unsaid.

I turn away and place the knives back in the fabric on the tabletop.

“Why haven’t you slept?” He asks, and I turn to face him.

“No matter how much I tell myself I can wait to worry until after we leave here, I can’t.

There is just so much to worry about. When I decided to run away from the life I was a prisoner to, I never imagined that I would be running into anything like I have.

It’s all so unexpected—it’s all so much bigger than I imagined.

I thought I was running away, but now? Now I feel like my life before is just chasing me into the next.

What difference can one person really make?

What kind of change can one person bring?

” I chew the skin on my lip as worry eats at me.

Kyros remains silent as he lets his stare burrow into me.

He takes a slow, deliberate step toward me, and I swallow; heat fills my chest and pools lower with the same ferocity I see blazing in his eyes.

“Well…” He says, his voice gravelly as he takes another step, closing the distance between us.

“You’ve changed everything for me.” My breath halts as he slowly slides his hand over my hip and around my waist, lying it flat on the small of my back.

Right in that curve that seems to have been made for his hand.

My heart takes up a rhythm so quick, I feel as though it has grown wings and flutters every time he is around, and currently, it’s trying to escape its confines to take flight right between us.

“Surely, that can’t be true.” I say, and it tastes bitter on my tongue. I feel the changes he has brought in me; perhaps it’s time I accept that I too have changed more than I realize for him too.

“I see it. You are not what I expected. As I told you before, yet here I am again, like a moth to a flame come to burn.” He says as he rubs his fingertips in small circles on my spine.

“What do you see?” I say in a hushed tone.

“Everything, Shula. I see all of you. Your ability to stay strong through everything you have endured. Even if I know but a fraction of it, I know enough to know you are worth every challenge that lies ahead.” His hand pushes into my hair at the nape of my neck, and he tilts my head up as he leans in close.

His breath is warm as it caresses my face.

His lips hover, barely touching mine, and they tremble as he closes the small space between us. “You are everything I see now.”