Page 14 of Of Nightmares & Fire (Elusive Umbra #1)

Chapter fourteen

Astraea

My eyes are heavy and swollen from the tears I shed all night, but I can’t fathom closing them and allowing my nightmares to make one of the most horrible days of my life— worse .

Guards have been patrolling the hallway beyond my door relentlessly.

Their footsteps like a never-ending fall of the sands in an hourglass.

“The king requires your presence in the dining hall, Princess Astraea.” A guard says from behind me.

I heard the door open, but my mind and body have not caught up to the outside world.

My internal turbulent thoughts are drowning me in a torrent of emotions.

I still can’t bring myself to turn and face whoever it is that was tasked to fetch me.

My eyes are glued to the battlement, where smoke now eddies into the once again scorching mid-morning sun.

The stench from their fires blankets the kingdom and announces their deaths.

“Of course,” I say absently. Turning from one devastation to another, I follow the guard through the halls of the palace.

To keep myself calm on the outside, I focus on counting the wide corbel arches leading to the dining hall.

It’s a ritual I have performed more times than I can remember.

The many times I have made my way to the summonings that my father has called upon me.

Twenty-four.

The number that marks the entrance of the dining hall from my quarters. It’s the number that makes my adrenaline spike and my palms sweat. It’s—

“Princess Astraea Casimir of Eathian.” The court master calls out, catching me off guard.

The collective gasp as I enter has me blinking in surprise.

I suddenly feel even more overwhelmed by my surroundings.

My father sits at his usual spot at the head of the table, and on his right is Pravin, a smug look of satisfaction pulling the corner of his mouth up.

My father, on the other hand, is red with fury as he takes in my appearance.

I never changed. I didn’t wash the filth from my face or even my hands.

The evidence of my distress is written on every inch of my body.

The moment my father slams his hands down on the table, shouting as he stands, knocking his chair back with a loud crash.

I see this for what it is. The man to his left turns abruptly to see what has my father so flustered .

“Look at what they have done to you!” He comes rounding the table, and the other chairs squeal as they push out from the table as well.

His jewels and crisp, cream linen clothing are immaculate, and the gold stitching gleams in the sun-drenched room.

“My daughter, I’m so glad that you are home, safe with us.

” He pretends to shake as he reaches for me, unsure where to touch me.

One hand rests lightly on my shoulder as he wraps his arm around me, and the other hand wraps around the crook of my elbow.

Confusion and anger flood my eyes with moisture.

The sickening feeling of being helpless to this man yet again as he lies to the kingdom, an inexorable silent fight to keep my tears to myself, but there is nothing that could keep the emotion held within.

Not after everything that has happened in the recent days.

“Sweet Astraea, had I known the condition you were in, I would have postponed this meeting.” His thumb scores a line through the ever flowing stream of tears, and a choked sob escapes from me.

This only adds to his show, and I hate myself for it.

He knew of the condition I was in. He made sure of it.

A throat clears as a man comes into my periphery.

His round, golden-flecked brown eyes are kind as they take in my appearance.

A mournful recognition pulls his mouth into a frown.

He runs his hand through his long, deep brown curls before taking my hand, still covered in filth; his strong brows dip before lifting it to his full lips.

His eyes meet mine as he places a light kiss on my knuckles as he bows.

“Princess, I am so sorry our meeting has come at such a difficult time.” His eyes stay trained on me, even though I can feel my father’s gaze burrowing into our hands where they are clasped and the place where his lips made contact with my skin.

“My name is Cadoceus Natharia, Prince of Iorworth. You can call me Cadoc.” I say nothing, but I nod.

Accepting his greeting but making it clear I am not here willingly.

He stands upright, easily taller than I am, but not quite as tall as Kyros.

Another pang of sorrow crashes into me with the thought of the people from the tavern.

Mavros and Zinya may not have been what I am used to, but they were kind to me, and I could have very well caused their deaths.

Though, I’m sure that if it came down to a fight, they would probably be ok, judging by what I saw of their sparring.

“Astraea, dear, why don’t you head back to your room?

I will send help in for you to get you bathed.

I will also send in food; I’m sure you are just ravenous.

Prince Cadoc and I will start discussing terms of the trials, and you can start your first courting after a full night's rest.” My father says matter-of-factly, and the way he adds the pet name to my own makes my sadness turn hateful.

Everything catches up to me. My breathing is coming too fast, and the room begins to tilt. I think I try to say something, but I’m not sure anyone hears my hushed words. I’m not even sure that I said them aloud or if it was merely a thought, as my vision begins to wobble.

“As though a meal and a night's rest will make everything just— okay ? You wish for me to pretend that you didn’t just kill at least five people!?” My lip curls back as I round on my father.

The room goes breathless. My own breathing is erratic, though, and I know that this crazed behavior is going to come with great punishment, but I cannot get the vision of the bodies hanging from the battlements out of my mind.

I can’t think past the man’s head rolling to the ground at his feet and the ear-piercing scream that was so much like the one I hear in my nightmares.

“You parade me around like a prized goat, bartering my life to the highest bidder—” I growl through clenched teeth.

My father is beetroot red, ready to explode at any minute.

I can see it in the way his jaw ticks, in the way that his fists clench at his sides, but Cadoc has the decency to look ashamed.

His face drains of color as he takes a sidelong glance at the people who are watching my emotional outburst with unabashed curiosity.

It's Kellan who surprises me. He steps forward without being addressed. A gasp echoes through the dining hall as he cuts in with a bow. My father scoffs at the interruption and being addressed by the guard. Confusion crosses Cadoc’s face, and my own shock is amplified by whispers from the crowd.

“I'm sorry for interrupting, majesties; perhaps the princess is feeling a bit overwhelmed and needs time to unwind. My squad and I would like the honor of escorting her back to her chambers for, as you said, my king, a meal and rest.” He says quietly, his eyes staying low with his voice, so it is less likely that the rest of the dining room hears his words.

The valor and stupidity of this man, calling attention to himself like this!

I look at him with enough hostile fire; I hope it burns him.

If it's not my wrath he will receive, it will be that of my father’s and likely his death .

Lucky for him, Pravin steps to my father’s side, pressing a hand to his arm; he leans down and whispers something in my father’s ear.

Then my father looks down at Pravin’s hand and takes the missive he has there.

He unravels the scroll, and his eyes scan the parchment before he rolls it neatly back up, and his spine straightens.

“Very well, take my petulant daughter back to her room. She needs time to think about her actions, and I have a court to run.” He turns his vicious tongue on me, “It appears your next suitor has arrived early. I will greet him and make sure he has the accommodations he requires while you collect your wits.” I open my mouth to show him just how much wit I currently have, but Kellan steps between us as my father turns his back on me.

“Princess, would you please allow me to take you back to your room?” He offers me his arm, and I look at it, then up at him in displeasure.

“Please excuse me. I will see you tomorrow, Astraea.” Cadoc says with a nod, and then he, too, turns his back and follows my father from the dining hall.

They take the opposite exit that Kellan will take me though.

Looking around at all of the eyes that are still lingering on me, I let out a long sigh.

A wave of defeat taking over, I place my arm through his.

“Thank you,” I say, making sure not to address him by name in public.

If what he did doesn’t cause a stir, me knowing his name surely would.

The guards are not supposed to interact with me, outside of my father’s select few.

I’m surprised that the man who is usually my keeper is nowhere to be found.

Tarkan isn’t as bad as Pravin, but he is still one of my father’s men.

Kellan guides me from the room quickly, and before I even think about counting the arches, we are standing in front of my door.

He looks around, making eye contact with the closest of the guards, and says, “Rhett, keep an eye. If anyone is coming, tap twice.” The man, Rhett, nods once before turning away, and Kellan pushes into the room, pulling me along with him unceremoniously.

As soon as the door shuts, he closes the distance between us.

“What were you thinking!?” His breath puffs out, and I scrunch up my face. When I open my eyes, his are closed. He is taking a deep breath, filling his lungs; he lets the breath out slowly. I push him back gently out of my personal space.

“I was thinking that I wanted to get away from this place, Kellan. I was thinking, I want to live !”

“Astraea,” he pleads, reaching out for me, but I spin.

“No, Kellan. And what about you? What was that? You know you can’t approach the royals so openly like that.

He has killed for less! I don’t need another death hanging over my head.

I’ve already caused too much.” My lip wobbles as the emotions from earlier come swimming back.

I turn away so he can’t see the tears as they well in my eyes.

“You were going to hurt yourself with that display. You and I both know it.” He steps into me, his armor cold on the back of my arm.

“I don’t want to see you hurt again. I care about you.

” He whispers in my ear, and I freeze. He can’t care.

That was the rule. We mess around, but we both know that nothing can come of it in the end. I turn to face him.

“Please, don’t.” I utter, my eyebrows tenting above my nose.

My cheeks are likely blotchy and tear-stained.

“Don’t care about me, Kellan. Find someone you can build a life with.

I told you from the start. Nothing can come of us.

There can be no us .” His jaw feathers as he thinks about what to say next.

I can see all the words he wants to say flash across his warm eyes, but in the end, he knows I’m right.

“Regardless, I don’t want anything to happen to you, Astraea.” His hand cups my face, and he moves in closer, hovering over me just inches away. I place my hand over his on my cheek.

“This isn’t the end of my battle, Kellan, but the show you just put on display…

You got my father’s attention with that.

He will be watching you now. Please, if you truly care about me.

Leave me alone. Don’t step in when I say something I shouldn’t.

Don’t offer assistance or guidance. I don’t want my father looking too close at what we have.

I don’t want him to take our friendship.

” Not just our friendship, but his life.

He knows what I mean, though, without me saying the words.

He takes a step back as though my words wound him.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “Truly, I am.” He shakes his head, refusing my words.

“Don’t be. I knew that; I just… I don’t know what got into me.

I will make sure a platter of food is brought to you.

Please, princess, eat, clean yourself up, and get some rest.” He turns, pausing a moment with his hand on the lever to leave, and without turning to face me, he asks, “Did you ever feel anything over lust for me, As traea?” Silence stretches between us while I think about what he is asking.

I know that any answer I give is not going to be enough for him. For what he is looking for.

“You will always mean something to me, Kellan. I would never want to lose your friendship.” I say honestly, but I see him flinch. I knew anything I said would hurt him, but I hope that at least knowing that he is dear to me is enough.

“Goodnight, Princess Astraea.” He opens the door, and without a backward glance, he closes it between us. As I stare at the tall wooden door, I can’t help but feel like I’ve now lost two of the only friends I had.