Page 63 of Of Nightmares & Fire (Elusive Umbra #1)

“Ready?” I ask, and she nods, placing her hand in mine.

We walk in silence for a while, back down to the water's edge, but after a bit we fill the silence with plans for the coming days.

The trees protect us from the sun and the random gusts of wind that seem to always beat this mountainside.

Astraea seems excited to learn to defend herself.

We may not have much time to teach her everything, but there is time to teach her some of the basics that could mean life or death, at the very least.

It will bring me peace of mind to know she has the means to protect herself a small amount within the castle walls, too.

Once we get to Diemos, I worry about what is going to happen more than I feel concern over the forest, though.

Something about the way the Queen reacted to the knowledge of what we found in Eathian doesn’t sit right with me.

The issue of her nightmares is another concern entirely .

When we reach the tarn, I help Astraea with her tunic, and she leans against a large sun-bleached tree near the water's edge. It lies on its side, hollowed and without bark. The elements of nature have smoothed its surface with time. It’s the most at ease I have seen her.

Even when she was drinking spirits with the others, I could see the tension she carried.

This place seemed to have the same effect on me; it's why I have come here so often over the years.

The pebbles under my feet crunch as I make my way to stand behind her, and she looks up as I place my hand on her shoulder. My finger touches the delicate chain of the necklace she always wears, and my brows pull down.

“Does this necklace mean something to you?” I ask curiously, and her fingers instantly wrap around the pendant that hangs low on her chest.

“It was given to me as a child. The pendant, anyway. I have gone through several chains.” She snorts a laugh.

“I wasn’t the most well-behaved child. Much to my father’s displeasure, I tended to get myself into a bit of trouble doing things I was told a princess should not.

I found fun in adventure, even when the cost was high.

Sometimes I’d do it without thought, and other times…

I wanted the punishment. When I made him angry, I would also tend to see him less.

” Something dark flickers over her eyes then, as though she is recalling one of those instances.

“Where did it come from?” I ask, urging her to tell me about the pendant that continues to cause me to wonder.

“My mother. Well, not directly. My mother passed away when I was just a girl, in the Great War.” Emotion seems to clog her throat, and I move around her to sit at her side; she clears it.

“Colette's mother was my mother’s handmaiden. She was mine for a short time too, but when my mother died and we moved into the palace, he replaced her with another woman. Sienna.” She says, her cheeks heating.

The name she gave us when she was trying to run. I nod.

“Sienna raised me for the most part, but she was more of a friend as I got older. She never treated me like I was a job. Never treated me like I was anything less than a friend. She taught me about the Neer.” She gives me a rueful smile before continuing.

“Not until I was older and she knew I wouldn’t go running around spewing all the secrets.

” She sighs before returning her gaze out over the water.

Sadness fills her eyes as she recalls this woman who cared for her.

I can't help but think of my own mother.

“My father killed her.” She says, her lips flattening into a line.

“It's not your fault.” I find myself saying. It’s both me convincing her and confirming to myself it is the case. Nothing about what has happened over the years comes back to the girl who was told she was a princess, even if the crown was dipped in the blood of those she loved.

“Sometimes I’m not so sure.” She says, her fingers still wrapped tightly around the pendant. “She protected me. Gave me healing baths that helped with the punishments I would get.”

“The scars on your back?” I ask softly, and she nods.

“After one particularly bad punishment, she had brought a woman into the castle, and together they put salves on my back and said incantations over me for healing. After breakfast the next morning my father came to make sure my teachings had been enough…” Her words trail off as she relives the memory.

“It was a healing balm?” I ask, though I can already sense the answer.

“It was the quickest I had ever healed; only now do I realize it must have been magick. I thought there was something in the scent of the balm Mavros gave me, the same balm that Kellan got for Cole's wounds.” She swallows hard before continuing. “That breakfast was the last time I saw her alive. By lunch she was hanging in the courtyard, the very place that Cole was whipped. Just like then, I was paraded out to the conservatory, ensuring I would see what I had caused.” I reach my hand out and encase hers, pulling it into my lap. I cradle it in mine. She smiles, but it’s small and sad.

“She said that this would protect me from nightmares… It did for a while. All but one. There was no one who could protect me from my father.”

“Protect you from the nightmares? Have you had nightmares since you were young?” I ask now, even more curious as to why this necklace would protect her from the nightmare.

“They weren't much at first, just a feeling of unsettling darkness. Eyes watching through mist. I would wake up anxious, my heart racing. They started after my father took the throne.” My brows drop at her confession.

If this is who I thought it was and all of this started when her father took the throne…

“They were reoccurring. The same nearly every night by the time I turned ten. Sienna was trying everything she knew, but then she recalled the necklace that my mother had left me. She brought it to me, and finally I was able to get to sleep. For years, I would only have the nightmares maybe once a month. They were the same every time, but since I left the palace…” Her brows furrow before her eyes flit to me.

“Since I met you, they have changed. They have become more. Fevered. Alive. Urgent.”

I can feel my heart racing in my ears, the pulsing causing my vision to dim as my shadows come alive on my skin.

I knew Connard was a sorry piece of shit, but everything about the nightmare, the creature I fought off, the way it seems to hunt her.

I recall the bruising and claw marks on her neck.

It was the necklace. He was trying to remove the necklace.

“Shula, I think your father sold a soul he had no right to barter with. The nightmare—the creature who haunts your sleep? There is only one man who it could be. He is no demon in the pits of Zamiel, but I sure as hell will send him there.” I say the declaration through gritted teeth.

There is no realm where I will not reach him.

The soul he wants to keep for his own already belongs to me.