Page 1 of Of Nightmares & Fire (Elusive Umbra #1)

Chapter one

Astraea

The kingdom wasn’t meant to be under my father’s rule.

He took it by force. The payment for a kingdom was steep, but to my father, any payment would have been worth sitting on the throne.

The price was my mother’s life—not to mention all the other men and women he sacrificed to win his glorified chair.

I was six.

The memory of the night he paraded me through the devastation replays in my nightmares.

That and many other horrors. Every night I am reminded that I am the reason so many people lost the ones they loved because my father killed them, and when it's not him, the monsters in the dark seem to seek vengeance on my soul.

“I did this for you, sweet girl. My heart.” He crooned as he kissed the top of my head before taking his seat on the throne. His fingers flexed as he gripped the velvet-cushioned arms, his hands still covered in the filth of war. Instantly ruining the very chair he fought so hard to win.

His words were a lie, though; he had no heart, and his hands never washed clean of the filth he covered them with.

They only became more blackened by the blood he continued to spill.

I am a princess of ruin, the governess of destruction.

I hate him, and I hate myself for not having the courage to do anything about it, even all these years later.

The room is dark already, the sun having set nearly an hour ago, taking the day’s warmth with it.

My hearth is lit along with many candles; they illuminate the space in a golden glow and cast shadows around, but none of them are as dark as the ones in my heart as I think of what I’m about to endure.

My blue eyes show no warmth, staring back at me as I prepare myself for yet another dinner with the devil himself.

“Princess?” Colette’s soft voice brings me out of the dark recesses of my mind.

Turning to face her, I do the best I can to bring a small smile to my face.

Her eyes fall shut in a slow blink before she turns and shuts the heavy wood door behind her.

“I thought you might need a hand?” She asks with a sad smile of her own.

“Or a stiff drink.” I roll my eyes, looking back at my reflection.

“Well,” She wiggles her eyebrows as I look at her over my shoulder in the mirror; a true smile spreads wide on her face. Reaching into her skirt pocket, she pulls out a silver flask and pops the top. I spin around so fast I nearly fall .

“You didn’t!” The excitement in my whispered shout is evident.

“Oh my gods, Cole, you are quite literally the best!” She laughs and stretches her hand out to me.

Women don’t get much for strong drinks in the castle.

For the princess, especially. The king says it is not good for childbearing age and weakens the woman’s already frail body.

A frail woman cannot produce a strong male heir, and he never fails to mention how my own mother was a testament to that weakness.

I would sooner like to pluck my eyeballs from my head than bear a child that would become a pawn to the likes of him, though.

For that reason alone, I have been taking the preventative tonic since I became of age to bleed, unwitting to him.

“I will remind you of that every day for the rest of your life.” She winks before I pour the liquid fire down my throat.

The burn of the alcohol is welcomed over the dread that has been freezing my gut.

The dinner that is ahead isn’t even one that I need to be prepared for.

It will just be my father and me. He’s been entertaining suitors for me all month.

With my twenty-first birthday fast approaching, he has made it his mission to marry me off and make a strong alliance in the process.

My feelings on the matter be damned. I would never be able to tell him how I truly feel about all of it.

A woman’s voice is not to be heard unless it’s singing the praises of men.

I scoff at the thought.

“What the hell is that? It’s awful.” I gasp, wiping the back of my hand across my lips.

She coughs out a laugh after taking a drink of her own.

Father would be furious if he knew. He would likely string up Colette at the gallows for the theft alone.

Not to mention the fact that the product was given to me .

His precious gem—who allows his reach to extend farther by marriage.

“Barrett gave it to me.” She tips the flask up again and hands it back to me. I let the liquid splash over my tongue and warm me further before I respond.

“He gave it to you?” I quirk an eyebrow.

“Well, unknowingly, but he would have given it to me had I not thrived for the thrill of snatching it.” She beams before twirling her finger, telling me to turn around once again.

She pulls my black hair back and away from my shoulders, separating the strands and folding it into a series of pleats around my head.

I prefer my hair down and flowy, but my father would never have it.

“A woman should look polished. Show your neck and shoulders and how you hold them high, Astraea. No man wants a weak woman in his shadow.” He would tell me.

Because that is what I was meant to be. The shadow of the man my father chooses as a successor. Nothing more.

While I am his only heir, he could not fathom a woman leading.

He did not have a son, so he will choose one.

It’s probably preferable to him anyway. Another way to control everything around him.

Colette finishes my braids and places a white flower into one of the pleats at the back of my head before I turn to face her.

“I don’t want to see him.” I say solemnly.

“I know.” Her lips press together in a thin line as she pulls me into her.

“You will be free of him soon enough.” What she doesn’t say is that I will have a new man ruling over my life.

That’s what I’m most worried about. While my father is an evil I must live with, I know what to expect from him.

Once he chooses a suitor for me, it will be a new sort of hell I have to learn.

Soon my father will pull me into these dinners with suitors.

It will become a courting affair, and just the thought of it makes my stomach clench.

I inhale a deep, steadying breath and pull my shoulders back. Regardless of my feelings, regardless of the anger and hurt that are stirring in my heart, I will do as my father says because… what other option is there?

Colette lifts my necklace to clasp it around my neck, and I smile as she does.

The dainty silver chain that was my mother’s is the only reminder of the woman I came from.

I wish I could ask her about it. The pendant dangles at the valley between my breasts and reflects the light the setting sun allows to filter into my room.

The knotted metal design of the oval piece is still a mystery to me.

I wonder if it had meaning to her, or if that hope is just a made-up wish from a little girl who craved memories of her mother.

Nonetheless, when I wear it, it makes me feel stronger. More capable of dealing with the harsh feelings my father brings out in me. I never go a day without wearing it. Since my mother’s handmaiden, Colette’s own mother, gave it to me for my tenth birthday.

Colette and I make our way to the dining room, and each echoing click of my heels makes my chest that much tighter.

Before I know it, we are being greeted by the guards who wear the gaudy silver armor my father requires of them, with our family crest brandished on the chest. A horse's head with roses bordering it to honor my mother, or so my father claims. I think it serves as a reminder of what he is capable of. What he is willing to sacrifice to win.

“Ahh! There is my beautiful daughter. Come, sit. We have much to discuss.” He bellows from across the ostentatious dining room table suited to seat twenty and not just the two of us.

The same can be said for the spread, which is laid out upon it.

The scents mingle and engulf me; all sorts of meat, cheese, and breads fill the center.

Fruits and steamed vegetables of all varieties.

He always makes every meal seem grand and insists that we have it together.

“The only family we have is each other, Astraea.” I internally groan at the memory.

From the outside looking in, my father seems loving and compassionate with me; it’s when we are alone and he’s had a few goblets of wine that his true nature comes out.

I give him the warmest smile I can muster as Colette pulls my chair out and I join him at the table.

She places a goblet next to my plate and fills it with lemon water before backing away with a low bow.

I nod my head in thanks but say nothing more.

We’ve kept our friendship a secret our whole lives.

If my father found out that I had become friends with someone as low as a handmaiden, he would send her away like he did the last one who got too close.

“Friends are for the weak. If the people around you don’t serve to elevate your stature, they merely serve.

” He has said it time and time again. I couldn’t disagree more.

“Court will begin with sunrise tomorrow.” His words rip me from my thoughts like a slap across my face. I stare openly, gawking at him with my lips parted. Tomorrow? My birthday is yet another month away. Surely we do not need to prolong the courting for that long.

Snapping my mouth shut when he looks at me with a tilted expression. I compose myself by digging my nails into the palms of my hands under the table.

“Why is it to start so early? Is it not normally only two weeks of courting before the decision and ceremony?” I ask before wiping my sweaty palms on my dress and then picking up my fork to feign nonchalance by pushing around my food.

I see the heavy swallow and somber look on Colette’s face and make it a point not to look at her again so the tears don’t come. We both thought I had more time.

“There are many suitors who’ve petitioned an audience.

Things take more time when courting a princess.

They will court in groups. The first group is set to arrive tomorrow.

All, of course, will be staying in the castle.

We will have dinners nightly, with entertainment, and during the day there will be one-on-one—”

“I know how courting works, father.” My vexation winning the battle of wills inside me, the words burst from my lips before I can think better of it.

His goblet slams to the table, the red liquid sloshing out and staining the light table covering, and everyone in the room flinches.

Our eyes collide as malice enters his dark brown gaze, but he says nothing.

The chair loudly protests on the wood floor as he stands from his seat, and everyone in the room is frozen.

“Leave us,” he says with a terror-inducing even tone, keeping his gaze locked with mine. When no one makes a move, their feet rooted in fear, his voice echoes, bouncing off every surface, “LEAVE US!”

I see Colette behind my father pause, and I hold my breath, hoping that she just does as she’s told and leaves us to speak alone. One of the guards notices her hesitation and gives her an eager nudge in the direction of the door, and I make a mental note to thank him personally for saving her life.

When the door clunks shut and we are left alone, he turns his back on me, crossing the room to one of the arched windows along the wall. He stands there a moment, unmoving like a statue carved from solid stone, and I begin to wring my hands in my lap as I wait with trepidation.

“I’m sorry,”

“Ah-ah, Astraea. Apologizing is for weak women. You will not be weak. Have your lessons not taught you anything?” He asks, his tone patronizing and low as he turns back around to face me.

It’s then that I finally see what he was doing.

The leather band that held the curtains back is resting across his palms. He slowly tracks his eyes up from the strap to my resilient gaze.

“Perhaps it’s been too long…turn around, sweet daughter, and drop that lovely dress.

” I swallow the bile trying to rise in my throat and do as he says.

Standing, I reach back, unbuttoning the top of my dress.

At the same time, I turn away from him and let the fabric fall to my waist, where I hold it with one arm to my chest.

The first crack of the leather always stings the most, causing me to suck in a sharp breath.

The second takes my breath away. The third makes me choke on the sob that tries to escape, but I do as he wishes.

I stay silent, feigning strength, and as the silent tears fall, I promise myself this will be the last.