Page 6

Chapter Six

Asteria

Dreams held me in their grip.

Flashes of Cyrus, Calix, Emmie, Harpina, Eryx… on and on. I couldn’t escape their hold.

My breathing grew frantic as I tried to free myself, but Cyrus was always there, holding me down and keeping me captive in his arms.

Until finally, a burst of darkness rolled in, and the flashes dissipated like morning mist. Leaving me in the comforting hold of the night sky, cradling me and reassuring me that what had haunted me were mere memories, ones that fled at the first touch of shadow.

Luna’s shining scales caught my eye, and I let out a deep breath of relief as she unfurled from her curled-up position, darting over to me and nudging me with her snout in worry.

“I’m okay, Luna,” I reassured her breathlessly. “Merely bad memories, but thankfully, you’ve come to my rescue.” I tried to smile brightly at her, but by her worried rumble, it clearly didn’t fool her.

“Well, I will be okay, anyway.” I sighed, petting down her glowing silver scales, the cool and rough texture taking my attention.

At least until I felt the darkness begin to stir.

I could physically feel the presence in my midst, like a pull on my soul that spun me around toward him without my permission, encouraged by Luna’s nudging snout. A gasp slipped past my lips unconsciously.

Calix stood before me, shadows writhing from him like spilled ink. We both stood, staring at one another. Neither one of us sure if the slightest movement might break the magic of the moment and see the dream dissolve before our eyes.

At least until Luna’s snout nudged me abruptly forward once more, and I yelped as I tripped over air. Calix’s chuckle had me glaring slightly at him before I turned my glare on Luna. She looked much too smug somehow, and merely gave a flick of her tail before she flew off and curled back into a ball. The moonlight that was emanating from her fell over us, outlining Calix’s shadows even as it blended into my starlight.

“Asteria.” Calix finally spoke, his voice softer than I’d ever heard it. The agony he tried to hide in his eyes was enough to have me stepping forward, wanting desperately to reach out to him. Yet still unsure how.

I was so mixed up, emotionally, mentally, physically. And my feelings for Calix were just as much of a mess as everything else in my life was. Still, that desire for him beat ever steady within my heart.

My step forward seemed to relieve him, his shoulders slumping slightly, before he stepped toward me himself. “I know everything is… a lot , right now. And I promise you I’m not going to make you do or say anything. I’m hoping I can just… explain a few things.”

I was shocked by how uncertain he sounded. I’d never heard him sound less than certain, about anything. And I somehow found myself nodding, my voice caught in my throat.

Calix sighed, his hand raking through his long, silvery-white hair. The shadows writhed around him, pulsing like his anxiety had seeped into them. “I should start with an apology.”

I raised a brow at that, waiting to hear what exactly he planned to apologize for. My own anxiety fought against my curiosity. I was dying to hear his explanation as much as I dreaded it.

“You know I’ve spent many years waiting for my mate, for you.” Lilac eyes met mine, a shock running through me at hearing the words once more. It still didn’t feel real, somehow, while simultaneously feeling like the truest thing in my life.

I nodded slightly, Calix mimicking the small movement in turn before he continued. “I promised myself I would always be loyal to my mate. From the day my soulmark came in. But when we met, I was drawn to you immediately, and it fucking hurt trying to resist the pull to you.”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. His narrowed in turn, and he stepped closer to me, causing me to back up a step. It brought me right back to our first meeting, where he backed me into the wall of the alley in Dusk while I did my best to contain my emotions and keep him at a distance. Something quivered within my chest, and I swallowed hard, trying to brace myself.

“I know I hurt you.” His words brought my feet to a stop, and he stepped close enough I could feel the heat of his body radiating into mine. “I hate that I hurt you.” The pure despair in his tone had me balling my hands up into fists so I wouldn’t reach out for him. “I never wanted that to happen. I was torn between what I thought was loyalty to my mate, and to you.”

It was my turn to narrow my eyes. “But we both know you chose an imaginary mate over me.” He opened his mouth to argue, a mulish look on his face, but I was determined to say my piece here. The pain of every time he pulled away was too fresh to forget.

“Time and again, you ran from me. Choosing the idea of your mate over me as a person. Had your mate turned out to be someone else, you would have dropped me in a second.”

“That’s not true.” He snarled, the colors of the Aurora overtaking his eyes, but unlike the usual dancing colors, these exploded in a chaotic eruption. I blinked rapidly, having never seen that before. His hands came down on my arms, grabbing me and pulling me into him, my body crashing into his chest.

I growled, surprising myself with the sound. But the fire of my anger sparked, and I just rolled with it. Another item to add to the many already on my To Worry About Later list. “Yes, it is! You didn’t choose me. Sure, you may not mind I turned out to be your mate, but you would have chosen whoever that turned out to be! My feelings be damned.”

It was easiest to focus on my anger. It was familiar ground for me. I knew deep down that this wasn’t really the issue. The issue was me, and the chaos my life had been upended into. I’d never felt so insecure in myself as a person as I did now. This was the only thing I could latch onto in a sea of hurt. The only emotion that I understood.

“You see this place?” His question was just as snarled as before, except this time, it was a low, almost slurred one. His fangs had lengthened, growing long and sexy and getting in the way of his tongue as he spoke.

But the completely random question in response to my emotional words threw me completely. This man sent my head spinning every which way. I could never tell where up or down was as he threw me for loop after loop.

“I’ve spent years trying to reach you here. Reaching and reaching, but never able to get close. Feeling your emotions, but able to do fucking nothing about it.” He spat, but the agony in his eyes was surely mirrored in mine at the reminder. All those dreams had torn me up inside, wanting beyond anything to reach the darkness that reached back for me.

And now here he stood, here we stood, touching at last.

The desperation to connect wasn’t gone, it still rang through me like a bell. But too many things kept me from jumping into that bond that tied us together. We were somehow closer than ever before, and yet equally as distant as we’d ever been.

“After you were taken, I was a mess. And in my dreams, I found myself here. Knowing my mate was here, but you were somewhere out there in the waking world, needing me. I knew I couldn’t keep you at arm’s length anymore. Your capture tore me open inside, and I knew without a doubt I’d never be able to walk away from you, my réalta. Bond be damned.”

The passion in his voice left me breathless. A part of me was dying to hear what he had to say, and I forcibly pushed my anger aside so I wouldn’t open my big mouth and ruin it. I could feel my limbs tremble, that desperate desire for him just beneath the surface the moment I let the anger fade.

His shaking hand came up to cup my cheek, eyes boring into mine. “I walked away from the dream, didn’t even bother trying to reach out, because I needed to find you , Asteria, not anyone else. Not even the mate I thought I hadn’t met yet.”

I remembered that dream. Remembered him pulling away. The confusing mix of feelings I felt from him within it, and the resolve that suddenly sharpened before he disappeared from the dream. He didn’t return here until after he rescued me. After he knew it was me. My heart kicked almost violently in my chest.

“ I chose you . I will always choose you,” Calix declared passionately, as he nearly hypnotized me with the colors dancing in his gaze. “In this life and any other. There will never be another for me. No one with the fire, the passion, the rage. No one with the beauty, kindness, and drive. There is only you. The only star in my sky. The light in my darkness.”

A ragged gasp left me, and I felt the moisture of a tear running down my cheek. It was everything I had secretly hoped for in the months I spent around Calix, trying to convince myself unsuccessfully that I didn’t care.

The bond I’d buried, to both deal with my own emotions and prevent his from interfering, pulsed inside me. Like searing a brand on my heart, Calix’s words successfully claimed the organ for his own.

Tears slowly fell down my face, and Calix brought his other hand up, so both palms now cupped my cheeks, wiping my tears away with his thumbs. His fangs had retracted, but his eyes betrayed his anxiety about my reaction.

“I’m a mess, Calix,” I whispered, my hands reaching up to squeeze his. The mess of emotions inside me squeezing my heart and soul in their grip. “I spent my life desperately clawing for control over my fate. These past months, here with you, I finally seemed to be making progress. But now, it feels like everything has crashed down in flames around me.”

I sniffed, trying to tame my tears. “I have no idea what to do. Everything I knew about myself is a lie, Calix.”

I nearly winced at the desperation in my tone, but forced myself to continue. “Before, I would have literally jumped you and wouldn’t have stopped until we were both sweaty and sated and unable to move. But I don’t know how to be with you when I don’t even know who I am. For Nox’s sake, we’ve spent so much time trying to avoid the chemistry between us; we still have so much to learn about each other! To see if the feelings we both instinctually feel can actually be backed up in real life. We haven’t known each other long enough to just jump into a lifetime commitment. Especially an immortal lifetime!”

My words got increasingly frantic until I was near hyperventilating, grappling for any kind of understanding, any way to move forward, but I was completely adrift. Calix shushed me, bringing his forehead to mine and breathing in deeply, until I instinctively followed his example. My breathing slowly calmed, and Calix pulled back to gaze into my eyes, the Aurora within his calming to a slow mingle of colors that managed to entrance me into calming even more.

Calix breathed out, an amazed sound that had me tilting my head in confusion. “Your eyes,” he murmured. “My réalta, they’re like nothing I’ve seen before. Like the night sky full of stars, but painted against the bright sky-blue of a cloudless day. When you panicked, the stars churned like a cyclone, and when you calmed, they did, too. Now the stars are just slowly spinning.”

My breath caught in surprise, “My eyes? You mean like yours with the Aurora?”

He nodded in confirmation. “Your power and—well, that’s part of the explanation I need to go over with you. But for now, I want you to know I don’t expect anything from you, Asteria. I know you’re going through a lot right now. I can be patient. I’ve already waited over four hundred years. I can wait a little longer.”

I couldn’t help the sigh I let out, my forehead crashing into his chest. His hands gripped my biceps before one slowly made its way to my hair. He began brushing a hand through the mass of dark hair down my back, and I tried to ignore how it immediately soothed me.

“I must be the worst mate in the history of Celesterra. You’ve already waited four hundred years, and now I’m making you wait even longer. I’m sorry you got mated to such a mess.”

A disbelieving laugh left Calix’s mouth. “Asteria, not only do you owe me nothing, but I need to prove myself to you . Because we didn’t know you were Fae, I’ve done nothing to show you I’m worth your time, let alone someone you may even want to be mated to.”

I jerked my head back, eyebrows scrunched together as I opened my mouth to argue, but a large hand came up and covered my mouth. My eyebrows now flew upward as he shook his head. “Nope. Don’t argue with me. You deserve much more. I plan on proving it to you, my réalta.”

I searched his eyes, and I could see he was absolutely serious about this. He thought he had to somehow prove himself to me. It was ridiculous. I was the mess here, not him.

Like he could sense my argument, and who knew, maybe he could, he continued, “You may think you’re a mess, but you’re handling this much better than many would. And those emotions you feel so strongly? That’s part of what I want to explain to you.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, my head tilting toward him.

“I promised you an explanation of your powers. I’d like to do so while I can test some things, so I’m afraid we’ll both need to be awake for this.” He smirked as I huffed.

He leaned in close, until his lips brushed my ear, causing a shiver to run through me. I could feel his lips tilt up into a smirk, but his whisper rattled through me, “It’s time to wake up, my réalta.”