Page 17

Chapter Seventeen

Asteria

After getting caught up flirting with Calix while sparring, Titan made us start from the top so he could jump in without issue. We managed to behave ourselves this time, letting them teach me how to handle two opponents at once. But my mind stayed on the interaction that had just occurred between us.

It was getting harder and harder to keep myself separated from Calix. I just… didn’t want to.

I wanted him, desperately .

Even if I didn’t think I was ready for a mate bond and everything that came with it, my body called out for him, wanting him close and touching me at every opportunity.

Even as we headed over to the Dragon Cliffs, we snuck heated looks at one another. I tried to get a handle on myself, especially as we met Ndrita there. Being aroused in front of his sister was definitely not something I wanted to experience.

“I’m so excited to help you train! We haven’t really had a chance to get to know each other since you arrived. And I need to scope out my big brother’s mate.” Ndrita greeted me cheerfully, sending me a wink as Calix groaned her name.

“You’re right.” I nodded, laughing lightly. “I’d love to get to know you better. Calix clearly adores you, and I want us to get along.”

Calix gave me a look I couldn’t quite decipher, something warm and astounded in his eyes. But Ndrita distracted me, grabbing my hand and pulling me along, her white hair flying behind her.

The grassy cliff was open to the sky and the sea, leaving us with nothing to hit should my magic go haywire. I was thankful for the forethought. Even with access to it now, I wasn’t really in control of it.

It rankled badly. I’d always wanted control over my life, and just when I was beginning to gain some, it was all ripped away. Leaving me more out of control than ever.

The fate of the damn world was at stake, and I was failing to be of any use whatsoever.

“Okay, Asteria, I want you to focus on your magic.” Ndrita began, standing before me, blue eyes with the slightest purple tint locked on mine. “Focus on the connection you feel to it.”

I did as she said, focusing on the spot inside of me that Calix had helped me locate.

“Now, I want you to focus on different emotions. We’re going to run through them, and I want you to really feel each one. Let your magic respond naturally. The point is to see how your magic responds to each. Okay?” she asked, and I nodded back, preparing myself.

Calix watched on, supervising, but ready to step in if needed.

“Okay, let’s start with happiness.” Ndrita smiled. “Think of something that makes you truly happy, and let yourself really live in that emotion. Feel it as truly as you would when you experience it.”

Most of my life hadn’t been what I’d call happy. Even when things were calm, I was always angry. About everything. I hadn’t really experienced happiness until I came here. Night Kingdom opened my heart in ways I had never thought possible.

I thought back to the night we all went out for the first time to the Otherworld Bar. Drinking and dancing, laughing, surrounded by amazing people I was just learning to let into my heart. Experiencing for the first time what it felt like to be in Calix’s embrace. How easy it was to lose myself in him, and he in me.

My magic churned within me, before blasting out. Not a violent explosion, but a peaceful, beautiful one. Starlight expanded from me in rays of sparkling light.

“Wonderful!” Ndrita clapped, her smile wide. “Now, continue feeling that emotion, keep it with you, but focus on pulling the magic back into you. It responds to your will, all you have to do is tell it what you want.”

I looked up at her, tilting my head to the side, “But I didn’t tell it to do anything to begin with.”

“That’s because magic responds to our emotions, remember,” Calix interjected, smiling slightly at me. I realized then that he could likely feel what I was feeling. I blushed slightly, then kicked myself for letting that affect me in such a way. I wasn’t sure if he knew what I was thinking about to bring the emotion forward, but he definitely felt the effects of it.

“Yes, thank you, brother.” Ndrita rolled her eyes, turning her head to him. “I do have this, you know.”

I snickered as he raised his hands in surrender.

She turned back to me. “What we all learn to do is feel those emotions, but keep our magic leashed at the same time. It will become second nature eventually. You’ll be able to feel those emotions without it responding automatically.”

I thought of it wistfully. I hated being so exposed, everyone able to see me unable to master my emotions. My magic was a telltale sign of my inner conflicts, broadcast for the world to see.

“What we’re doing here will help,” she insisted, coming forward and placing a hand on my shoulder. “You were deprived of the basic lessons all Fae are taught as younglings. You’re playing catch-up at an accelerated rate now. You’re doing wonderfully, truly.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, nodding slightly. It was so strange. She was my mate’s younger sister, but also centuries older than me. I wasn’t sure how Fae relationships like these usually worked, but it felt like she wanted to be friends at least.

She nodded in return, stepping back. “You’ll keep practicing this, and before you know it, you’ll have it under control.”

Those were the keywords, and they fortified my resolve. I needed this under control to focus on the bigger picture. On Cyrus, the war, and the threat of chaos lingering over everything.

We went through all the emotions we could think of, and I marveled at how differently my magic responded to each one. Arousal we skipped for now, but she advised me to practice. “In private. Calix.” Eyeing her brother pointedly. I couldn’t help my laughter, watching the two siblings interact. But it quickly faded as we came to the last emotion.

Rage .

“As dragons, rage will always be the hardest one for us all to control,” Ndrita informed me mournfully. “We’re naturally inclined to it, and our magic is attuned with it in a way our other emotions just aren’t, because it ties back so strongly to our dragon forms.”

“That makes sense,” I agreed, nodding sadly. “I’ve always struggled with it, and my magic…”

I trailed off, but Ndrita nodded in understanding. “Go ahead and feel it. Let’s see what happens.”

I knew what would light the fuse on my rage quickly, and let myself go back to my time with Cyrus. Calix stiffened in my peripheral, but I ignored it for now, focusing on the memories. Of being treated like a pet, dressed up like a doll, manipulated into acts I never wanted to partake in with him, and almost forced to…

My power erupted out of me, faster and harder than I’d ever seen. It reached all the way out over the water. I couldn’t even see the end of it, but I could feel it.

The magic felt volatile. Dangerous and unpredictable. There was no way for me to control this . I wobbled slightly on my feet, but Calix was there, grasping my arms and pulling me back against him.

“It’s not the magic, it’s you,” he whispered into my ear. “You are the only one in control of yourself, my réalta. You will never be under another’s control again. Now, grasp onto that control. Force the magic to your will.”

He was right. It wasn’t the magic that was volatile, it was me. My emotions powered it, and my rage regarding Cyrus knew no bounds. But the power was mine. At the very heart of it, this magic, it was me.

I realized now that I was right all those months ago, when I told Cyrus that true power couldn’t be given. This was naturally mine. I was never truly powerless.

The power was within me all along.

I was the one in control of myself. No one else.

I focused on my magic, on bending it to my will, and slowly, the starlight started to recede, flowing back into me in a swirling, sparkling maelstrom.

“That was magnificent!” Ndrita praised, as I slumped against Calix. I was thankful for his unyielding strength in this moment, when I felt too spent to stand on my own.

“As much as your rage becomes you, seeing you take control of your power is truly just as sexy,” Calix murmured in my ear, his sister rolling her eyes in my peripheral. I couldn’t help the small smile that slipped out, tilting my head back to look up at him.

“I have to admit, having someone beside me that I know I can lean on, someone I can trust, helps more than I expected,” I admitted lowly.

It felt like my heart beat double for a moment, and I realized I was actually feeling Calix through the bond. His genuine awe at my thankfulness for his presence made me unspeakably sad. He truly deserved a better mate than me. Someone less closed off, more put together, willing to jump into the relationship destiny laid out for them.

But I’d always been difficult.

* * *

I’d only just managed to wash up after training before Delia was barreling into my room to help me get ready for our afternoon plans.

“What exactly are we doing?” I asked, confused, as she laid out a supposed outfit on the bed.

She huffed in amusement, brown eyes sparkling. “We’re going swimming!”

“And… what is that?” I raised a brow at her as she came to a standstill, seeming to shake herself.

“Right.” She paused, before clapping her hands, her smile appearing once more. “Out back, we have a pool. It’s for swimming or just lying by it. A pool party, specifically, is when a bunch of people get together by the pool. Swimsuits are the preferred attire, though women often wear cover-ups over them.”

She indicated the bed, where she laid out my outfit. I’d, of course, seen the pool out back, but I’d never really understood its purpose. I was told it was a pool, and that was about all the explanation I’d gotten. There was always some new thing around here to discover.

I rifled through the options Delia had laid out, and found myself drawn to the dark purple swimsuit.

“It’s a bikini.” Delia smiled, “Here, wear it with this!” She held up a silvery see-through dress. I changed into the bikini, admiring the way it complimented my body, before throwing the dress over it. It fell to my mid-thighs, and it clung to them for dear life. The top half fell off my shoulder on one side, and it billowed loosely around my midsection.

I smiled at my reflection in the mirror, loving that I was free to choose my own outfits. That I could dress sexy when I wanted to and cover up when I wanted to. Such a simple thing that meant so much.

Delia ran to get herself ready once I was done, and I made my way down to the pool.

“Are you ready for this?” I turned with a smile as Priscilla’s voice reached me, her arm landing around my shoulders.

“I can’t wait. I’ve never done anything like it.” I was truly excited, and knowing Calix had set this up for me, just so I could relax and have fun with my friends, made that warm feeling I refused to name rise inside me once more. Pulsating with the need to reach out and bring him to me.

And he’d likely be shirtless for this.

Nox, I was in so much trouble.

“So, how are things going with Callisto?” I elbowed her, dying to hear the latest news.

Priscilla blushed, ducking her head and bringing a grin to my lips.

“They’re really good.” She admitted, the pink blush still staining her cheeks, even as her brown eyes nearly glowed. “We’re going slowly. She knows my past is…”

She trailed off, and the grin slipped off my lips. I knew Priscilla had dealt with horrors of her own in Dusk, but she always obfuscated when it was mentioned.

“But she’s willing to go at my pace,” she murmured quietly.

“That’s great, Pris.” I enthused with a broad smile. “You, of all people, deserve happiness.”

Priscilla smiled at me, but there was something in her eyes that had me grabbing her elbow and bringing her to a stop in the hallway. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wron—” She cut off when I gave her my best I don’t believe you face. She sighed after a moment. “I don’t want her to fight.”

My head reared back in surprise. “What? What do you mean?”

Priscilla sighed deeply, shaking her head. “I know she’s a leader in the resistance here. I know her job is important. That she feels like she needs to fight.”

She paused, gathering her thoughts, as my mind spun. Callisto was absolutely integral to the resistance movement. She was in every meeting, and was always making plans and directing others, or otherwise out helping to rescue more humans.

“But I’ve lost people to fighting before. I couldn’t stand to lose someone I love like that again.” Priscilla finally said, and her shoulders sank like a weight was pressing them down.

“I didn’t know that,” I murmured, looking at her sympathetically.

“It was a long time ago.” She sighed. “My father was someone who never sat easily in chains. My mother was more like me. She preferred peace over fighting, and didn’t see why he had to keep on with it.”

She looked at me with a sad smile. “You reminded me of him right away, you know. He had that same restless spirit you possess.”

I swallowed hard, understanding better both her reticence and her struggle between wanting peace and knowing this war had to be fought.

“I’m sorry, Pris.” I hugged her, and she clung to me, shaking slightly as I petted her hair, giving her a moment to calm down.

When she pulled back, she sniffed, “I know she must fight this war, just as you do. But I’m not sure I can give my heart away until I’m sure it won’t be shattered once more.”

I bit my lip, feeling my heart contract painfully. “I understand that, trust me.”

She met my eye, and the acknowledged truth passed between us. We were both falling, but too scared to let someone else catch us. We both met love with resistance, because a heart could be shattered just as easily as peace could be.

* * *

Walking outside, I was met with the sight of Calix taking off his shirt, leaving him in shorts that clung to his form indecently. My mouth went dry immediately, and I struggled to swallow.

Calix looked up, and the moment he caught sight of me, the massive bulge barely covered by his shorts bobbed upwards.

That fire that lived inside me sparked, and I felt a hot flush take over my body. His eyes raked over me like a physical caress, and my own were drinking in the sight of him as eagerly as I’d chased my freedom.

Priscilla laughed, knocking her shoulder into mine and waking me from my near trance. She dragged us over to two lounge chairs by the pool. Lilith was already laid out next to Harpina, and I dropped down next to her, my eyes cutting to Calix as he jumped into the pool. When he popped up from his dive, I watched the water droplets running down his chest with pure jealousy.

Lilith chuckled, ducking her head to catch my eyes. Her woodsy brown hair was in wavy curls that fell down to the bottom of her breasts that were currently encased in green fabric. She, like Priscilla, who was wearing a pink one piece, was in a leafy green colored one with spots cut out around her stomach that showed off her toned structure.

“Haven’t gotten your fill of him yet?” she teased, her nose crinkling with mirth.

Harpina snorted from her other side, sitting up to eye me. She was out of her armor and in a dark orange two-piece, her feminine beauty only enhanced by the muscles that defined her body. “She hasn’t even started to get filled as far as I can tell.”

Lilith couldn’t contain her chuckle, laughing into her hand, and I rolled my eyes at them both. “Laugh all you want. I’m doing the smart thing.”

Harpina raised a brow, eyes flashing with challenge as she swung herself up to lean over Lilith.

“And what’s that, exactly? I thought you wanted Calix?” she scoffed, shaking her head. “You were practically panting after him before. Is it because he was unattainable then?”

My head reared back, completely shocked at the accusation. “What?”

“You wanted him when you thought he had another mate out there.” She shrugged, too casual. “But now you know you are his mate, and you’re keeping your distance.”

I shook my head fiercely, insistent, “Absolutely not!”

“Then why?” Lilith questioned softly. “You two had such a hard time keeping your distance from one another before. But there’s nothing to keep you apart now.”

I nearly snorted. Did they really not understand at all?

“There’s plenty,” I argued, raising my brows at them. “I’m a mess, first of all. I’m just now beginning to understand who and what I am. I can’t jump into an eternal commitment when my life is in complete chaos.”

Lilith frowned sadly. “Asteria, you aren’t a mess. You’re dealing with the complete upheaval of everything you knew, yes, but don’t you think having Calix to help and support you through it is better than trying to stay away?”

“Ah, I get it.” Harpina declared suddenly, face clearing of all confusion as she nodded decisively. “You’re afraid.”

“I’m not afraid!” I blatantly lied, scowling at her.

Harpina snorted, laughing, “Yes, you are. You finally have something good, something that’s yours , in a life that’s given you nothing of your own. You were afraid to let people in because of the potential pain it could bring, even as a human. Now you’re terrified because you know this has the potential to wreck you.”

I glared at her, crossing my arms, while Lilith patted my leg sympathetically.

“What you don’t realize, Asteria,” Harpina continued, softening from the soldier looking after her king back into the friend who held me when I broke down. “Is that a mate bond is basically a guarantee of happiness.”

“Are you sure about that?” I asked, skeptically. “I’ve heard about my birth parents. It doesn’t sound like they’re very happy. Not if my mother literally hid me from my father my entire life.”

Harpina frowned, but at that moment, Ilta dropped onto my lounge, leaning back into me dramatically and making me laugh. “You all look much too serious for a pool party! Come on!”

She took my hand, dragging me up and toward the pool.

“Thanks for the rescue,” I whispered, and she turned her head, blonde hair flying, to wink back at me.

Hand in hand, we jumped into the pool. It seemed to cause a chain reaction, and the others were soon all jumping in after us. It was different from the ponds and ocean I was used to, but I found myself enjoying the consistently warm temperature the pool maintained.

I laughed as Baach and Calix teamed up to take on Eryx, dunking him under the water, only for him to team up with Baach to do the same to Calix right after.

I swam up next to Liviana, who was floating on her back, silver hair fanning out around her like a halo. She opened her eyes, the silver within still and calm.

“You’ve been busy lately.” She observed, her brow rising.

I chuckled, shaking my head. “That’s certainly putting it mildly.”

“Don’t worry.” She smiled serenely. “You’re doing wonderfully, according to my brother and Titan.”

I blushed at the praise, hating that damn reaction and wishing I could control it. I couldn’t help the small smile that crept out, though. I’d been working hard on my training, determined to contribute equally in the battles sure to come.

I didn’t want to be weak. I didn’t want to be protected. I wanted to bring the fight to those who’d see humans in chains forever, and burn their world to the ground myself.

“It will all work out, Asteria. I believe that.” Liviana insisted, that soft smile still on her face. I smiled back, appreciating her support.

Knowing a seer believed it would work out was comforting. I was sure her belief didn’t stem from her visions, however. What the gods showed her seemed to be murky at best. But who knows, she did say she couldn’t tell us everything she’d seen after all.