Page 43 of Not Your Enemy

“It’s too late to go back, and what’s done is done, Libby.” Just the way she said my name, not princess or baby girl, just a cold version of Libby. I felt like I was dying. “I guess thanks for telling me; it was the least you could do.” She grabbed the door handle and started to get out of my car. I grabbed her arm quickly before she could jump out.

“Wait!” I begged. She looked at my hand around her forearm first before bringing her tear-soaked gaze back up to mine. She jumped out of my car and slammed the door before I could say another word.

Before I lost my nerve, I texted her.

I'll be at my parents' in Riley for a while, 556 Darvin St. If you change your mind about us, come see me.

I'd do anything for a second chance.

Chapter 29

I'd grabbed some takeout before driving to my parents' place. I knew they'd be happy to see me, but I also wasn't up for talking right now, or explaining why I looked like a truck had run me over. The string of hotels I passed by near the airport looked tempting for the night, but I decided I wanted to be where I told Jade I would be. It also seemed silly to waste money just to hide from my parents. Hiding things was what got me into this mess.

Their house key was still on my keychain, but given the sudden visit and late hour, I decided knocking was best.

"Libby?" Dad asked, opening the arched front door with high-strung eyebrows. He’d definitely grown a lot of gray hairs since the last time I’d been here.

"Hey, may I come in?" Looking down at my duffle bag, his expression changed from surprised to confused.

"What's wrong?" He asked, moving back slightly to let me walk past.

"Nothing, just wanted to see you guys." I smiled brightly, hoping it would make up for my raccoon eyes. It wasn't a lie; I wanted to see them. It just wasn't the primary reason for my sudden trip.

"Your mother's asleep since we have church in the morning. You want something to eat?" He was wearing the same plaid pajamas he wore every night when I was growing up, the fabric faded with age.

"No, I already ate. I can just head to bed and see you both after church in the morning."

Thankful he didn't request I come with them, he gave me a nod before heading down the hall to their bedroom. I slumped into his La-Z-Boy recliner and released a huff. This had been the longest day ever, and I just hoped I could find sleep easily enough tonight. My mind was already replaying Jade slamming the door to my Camry repeatedly, and the fact that my parents wouldn't have alcohol in the house was a total bummer.

My mom was happy to see me, but it was clear both she and Dad were confused about why I was here. Okay, so maybe I wasn’t the best daughter when it came to visiting them. Even on the holidays, it was hit and miss. I was usually caught up in whatever Jana was doing. She never went home for Christmas or Thanksgiving, saying she didn’t want to face Jade.

So, I stayed with her, going to fancy dinner parties or staying in. I’d started to feel bad about how completely influenced I'd been by Jana. I’d not realized how much of a hold she had on me prior to Jade. She was just so domineering, and I guess as her best friend, I felt fine with doing whatever she wanted. I don’t think she did any of it intentionally, but nonetheless, it happened.

We sat at the old, worn dining table and ate the lunch that my mom had prepared for us. It was typical Southern cooking—pot roast, mac and cheese, and green beans. She’d always been an excellent cook, but I was pretty sure most people felt that way about their moms. I asked them if they’d be alright with my staying for a while, intentionally being vague because I wasn’t sure how long I’d want to stay just yet.

“Did you get fired?” Dad asked, his lips turned down in a frown.

After assuring them that not only had I not been fired, thanks for the confidence in me, but that I’d be working while I was here, they agreed it was fine. It was actually nice catching up with them until Mom started telling me about the lady from church’s son being in town, asking if I wanted her to set up a date for the two of us. Okay, so maybe Jana wasn’t the only reason I hadn’t visited in a while.

I’d been camping out in my childhood bedroom for most of the afternoon. My twin bed was much smaller than I remembered it being, as was the rest of the cramped space. The obnoxious lime color my walls were painted in was giving me a headache. Even with the face-value relationship I had with my parents, I'd expected staying here would be comforting. But it just felt off. Like my life was on hold.

There were choices I needed to make. Jana was still my best friend, but now that I was exposed to the power dynamic in our relationship, I didn’t want to fall back into that pattern anymore. And it wasn’t just things with her either. Sure, my job paid the bills, but I didn’t love it. In fact, I had zero passion when it came to the work I did. I know that’s normal for a lot of people; paying bills typically trumps following dreams. But I didn’t want to just sit on the sidelines anymore. I could at least try to strive for something I liked better.

Maybe I could find an apartment that had more personality, or at least decorate the one I had. The more I thought about it, the harder it was to hold back the tears. Because Jade had made me realize all thesethings. She’d made me want more for myself, to not just accept the bare minimum anymore. Being with her had made me realize just how dull things had been. I’d kind of just let everything stagnate for a long time, and honestly, I was embarrassed about it. Sure, Jana had tried to break me out of my shell, and she’d successfully done so in college. But I could see now that she had tried to mold me. Encourage me to do only the things she wanted. It was my fault for going along with everything, just agreeing to please her and everyone else.

But Jade made me want to please myself. She made me want to be a bright pop of color in a black and white scene. Jade never made me feel weird for having a unique style or liking different things than her. She told me those things made me sexy, made me even more desirable to her. Jade would never have made me do something I didn’t want to; never would have made me decide between her and her sister. My happiness, what I wanted, would be the most important thing to her. Which was another reason it was easier to hide my desire to pick her for Jana’s sake.

My sweetheart, Jade. Always thinking of me when I couldn’t show her the same courtesy.

I missed her so much. It was worse now that I’d seen her so recently and she’d looked just as beautiful as ever. The Britney Spears poster on my wall looked down on me in judgement as I wiped at my blotchy cheeks. She knew as well as I did that I was a fucking idiot. Sure, the poster had seen me do some dumb teenage things and cry my eyes out over school bullies. Even watched me go through puberty and deal with acne and raging periods. But somehow none of that compared to the adult version of me sitting here in silence, just waiting for my queen to come and rescue me, like some cheesy fairytale. Putting my life on pause as I waited to see if she’d forgive me.

“Fuck you,” I whisper-shouted before turning away from Britney and tucking my chin under my zebra-print comforter.

But I needed to stand up for what I wanted, do things that made me happier, regardless of whether Jade came back into my life. I couldn't fall into the same cycle anymore of letting other people pull the strings. I had my own voice, one that would not be silent anymore just because it was easier for the people around me. It's what Jade would want for me, even if she no longer wanted to be with me.

And, more importantly, it's what I wanted for myself.

I spent the next couple of days browsing apartments in Hale between work meetings. I figured getting a start on one change I wanted to make was for the best. It was also a pleasant distraction from my thoughts of Jade and how she still hadn't come to see me, especially since I didn't think to bring my knitting supplies. My parents seemed happy to have me, seeming to accept that I was here for non-nefarious reasons. But once Thursday morning rolled around, and I was still here, it was clear that their suspicions were once again raised.