Page 26 of Not My Mate

"Charlie, is something wrong? Is the visit not going well?"

"No," I finally managed to grate out. "I'm going to see Mom and Dad instead. It didn't go well."

"I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head, pressing my lips together and nibbling at them, then remembered to say it aloud. "No."

"Okay. Is Russell staying with his pack? You're on your own?"

"No, he wanted to come along. I let him."

"O...kay," said Sahil, sounding more cautious and confused than ever. "I'm afraid I don't quite understand. If you're upset with him, why are you allowing him to visit your family with you? You don't sound very happy about it."

I shrugged again. "He really wanted to."

I didn't completely understand it myself, but I felt like, after this trip, he was going to be over me and leave me alone, one way or another. I didn't know how I was going to make that happen, but I had some ideas. They made me feel mean and evil, but I still might do some of them.

"Why did you call?" I asked, to move the conversation off me and Russ.

"I was worried about you. I couldn't sleep, and I kept wondering if something was wrong. I'm sorry if I woke you."

He really did sound sorry. Poor guy. My heart warmed at the thought of how closely we were connected, that he'd been worried about me.

So, why didn't I want to tell him what had happened with Russ? Maybe because it hurt too much to put into words yet. I was still reeling from it, from Russ daring to kiss me, and thinking we could be compatible on any level.

We couldn't. We weren't.

I sighed, pulling my feet up and wrapping my free arm around my knees. "I wish I was there with you."

"Charlie, do you want me to come get you? I will." His voice was the most serious I'd ever heard it, and I didn't understand why.

"No. I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine. Charlie, you'd tell me if...?" His voice trailed off. I didn't know why he was being delicate about it.

"No, I'm not going to kill myself. But I might quit the team." And why was I so uncertain about it now? I'd been deadly sure earlier.

"Oh." It was a hurt 'oh.' "Of course, if you need to. Is it a personality conflict, perhaps? I could rearrange the team so you and Russ don't have to work together right now, if that would help."

I blew out a breath. "It might," I allowed. "I was thinking of starting a car repair shop. My own place, you know." I released my knees and ran my fingers back through my hair, holding my breath so I could hear his response.

"Oh. Well, of course, if that's what you want. If that's what you decide, I'll support you a hundred percent."

"I'll still be nearby," I added, because he sounded so very sad.

"Will you? Oh, good." There was no missing the relief in his voice. "I know I lean on you too much sometimes. I'll try to curb myself. But I would miss you, Charlie. I would miss you dearly if I didn't get to see you at least sometimes."

"Me too," I confided into the phone, bowing my head a little. My heart ached, and my eyes stung. "I love you, Sahil. I couldn't ever really leave." Even if I should. Even if he'd never know how much I loved him or love me back that same way. "I really wouldn't."

"I love you, too. Please, stay safe. You sound so sad. I wish you were here. Then I'd know whether you're really okay or just saying you are."

I took a breath, gulping back tears. "I'm not. I'm not okay, Sahil. I haven't been for a very long time, maybe ever."

"Do you want me to try to find the pack you were adopted from? I might be able to find some leads."

"No. I said I didn't care. They didn't want me, and my parents did."

"You know it's probably not that simple. Adoptions are complex. It doesn't mean you weren't loved and wanted. It probably means your parents weren't able to take care of you properly for reasons outside their control. Adoption is a loving choice, not a rejection."