Page 39 of Never Let Go (Forbidden #1)

Chapter Thirty-Nine

LAUREN

G etting back to my dorm room, I open the door and put my keys and bag on the side. Taking a deep breath, I head to the kitchen to make a coffee. While it’s brewing, I put my stuff away, suddenly glad to be back. Sydney’s at her parents until tomorrow, so I have the day to myself.

I take my coffee and sit on the sofa, turning the TV on for background noise as I sip my liquid gold.

I left Caleb’s this morning before he woke up.

After a restless sleep, I couldn’t be there anymore.

When I turned over and saw him sleeping peacefully next to me, I knew I had to get away.

My feelings for Caleb are clawing at me, threatening to drown me.

The overstimulation of caring for him and the anger over last night warring with each other in my head.

Did I overreact? I know he was trying to help but did the lack of sleep and overstimulation turn me into a crazy person?

Turning on my phone, I see a missed call and text from Caleb:

Caleb

Where’d you go?

I don’t reply, I close my messages and throw the phone down next to me. Suddenly feeling like I’m suffocating, and the walls are closing in on me, I get up and grab my shoes and jacket.

I need to get out of here.

Taking a slow stroll through campus I end up at the Honey Pot. Seeing as it’s still early on a Sunday morning, it’s pretty dead. Opening the door, I see Raven standing behind the counter.

“Hi, Raven,” I call out. “Do you ever have a day off?”

She turns around and smiles when she sees me. “Lauren, hi. How are you? And yes, I have the odd day off… sometimes,” she chuckles before adding, “The usual?”

“Yes, please.”

“Go take a seat, I’ll bring it over for you.”

I nod and take a seat in the window. Raven comes over, sitting down with her own coffee.

“We haven’t had much time to catch up and seeing as it’s so quiet, I thought I’d come sit with you, keep you company?” She blushes.

“Of course, I feel so in my head at the moment that it’s nice to think about something else. How’s everything going for you?” I ask as I take a sip of my coffee.

Raven shrugs. “Can’t complain, only a few months left, and I’ll be done here which is a scary thought.” She pauses before giving me a knowing look. “What about you?”

Chuckling, I reply, “I’m that easy to read, huh?”

“Sweetie, your shoulders are up round your ears,” she retorts with a smile .

I guess it wouldn’t hurt to get another person’s perspective, right? I haven’t been able to talk to Sydney, quick texts or calls don’t give you time to fully get into the ins and outs of one’s life.

I sigh and tell Raven, omitting certain details—who Caleb really is. She sits and listens to me ramble on, I even tell her about the weird vibes I’ve been getting recently. Once I’ve finished purging my soul, I feel better. Like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders… guess I’m no longer tense.

“Okay, first off, the boyfriend was wrong to say that, but it sounds like it came from a good place, and I’m sure it wasn’t meant to upset you. Second, the weird guy? What’s that all about? I’m getting freaked out just by you talking about it.” Raven shudders.

I may have slightly overreacted with Caleb.

I can’t be the only person to feel like when you’re backed into a corner, sometimes the only way out is to be defensive, to attack the other person?

After spending so much time with him over Christmas, I guess my fight or flight mode kicked in?

Resulting in me throwing a tantrum instead of having an adult conversation with him.

The shop door opens, distracting me from having to reply.

I glance up to see a gorgeous man enter, he’s no Caleb but he’s got that George Clooney vibe going on—tailored suit, hair styled to perfection, and a smile so white you can see it on the other side of the world.

I’m pretty sure he tried chatting me up at Strokes a while back, but being the professional I am, I hide in my seat keeping my face from view.

Raven visibly stiffens and her face pales. “You okay,” I ask, reaching across the table to touch her arm.

“Uh, yeah, fine. Excuse me for a minute.”

She strides over to the counter where, what looks like, a heated discussion is starting to take place.

I can’t hear what they’re saying but I keep an eye on them to make sure Raven’s safe.

After a few minutes the guy walks out of the shop, slamming the door behind him.

A glance at Raven shows she’s on the verge of tears.

Standing up, I rush over to her. “Raven? You okay?”

She sniffles and wipes her eyes, looking up at me. She plasters on a fake smile and says, “Yeah, I’m good. James is a, uh, friend of my dad’s.”

“Are you sure? That looked a bit heated.” The concern is evident in my voice.

“That was nothing, I’ve known James my whole life. He always thinks he knows best, when he really doesn’t. I just don’t do well with confrontation. I get so angry I end up crying.” Raven starts laughing. “Stupid, I know.”

I’m not a hugger but I feel like Raven’s in need of one, so I lean in. I’m a bit awkward but we make it work. “Oh hun, it’s not stupid at all. Just as long as you’re okay?” I whisper in her ear.

Raven pulls back, nodding her head. “I’m good. How much did it pain you to give me that hug?”

“So much you wouldn’t believe.” I roll my eyes and chuckle. “I’m gonna grab another coffee then head over to the library to study. Text me and we’ll get together.”

Raven agrees and goes to make my drink. We say our goodbyes and I head toward the library, wondering what her story is with James.

After I finished at the library I went back to the dorm, Sydney texted me just after I’d got there to say she was on her way home so we’re planning an evening together.

Caleb’s sent the odd message throughout the day and has tried calling but I can’t deal with him right now. I need to figure out in my own head what’s going on before I can sit down and talk it out with him.

I’m sitting on the couch when Sydney comes barreling through the door. “Honey, I’m home,” she calls out as she lugs her bag behind her.

I get up and run to her, nearly knocking her over in my excitement to get to her.

“I missed you too, Lo,” she laughs as she hugs me back. “Now, we’re cracking open the good stuff while you catch me up on everything that’s been going on.”

We spend the night catching up—minus Caleb.

Even though I told Raven about him, in not so many words, I can’t bring myself to tell Sydney.

I’m already lying to her as it is, if she finds out I have a ‘boyfriend’ all of a sudden I don’t think I’ll be able to stop the flood gates from opening and telling her everything .

“How’re classes going?” I ask after my second glass, the wine really going to my head and making me fuzzy.

Sydney rolls her eyes. “Ugh, Hannah is still riding my ass. Everything I do is wrong.” She takes a sip of her drink before adding, “Like, I know I’m not the greatest?—”

“I’m gonna stop you there,” I interrupt. “We’ve had this conversation a million times… You know you're amazing. Don’t downplay your talents, Syd. I won’t allow it.” I raise my eyebrow, challenging her to fight me on it.

“Fine. I’m the best dancer she has but that witch makes me feel like banging my head against a brick wall. I don’t care how hot she is,” she exclaims.

I smirk. “Hot for teacher are we, Syd?”

Yeah, yeah, pot, kettle .

Sydney blushes and I sit up from my slouched position. “Sydney Johnson are you blushing right now?” I tease.

“Hannah is hot, yeah, but like I said, she’s a witch. Woman needs to get laid,” she huffs, blowing her freshly cut bangs out of her face.

I smile around my wine glass. “By you, yeah?”

Sydney throws a pillow at me as she says, “Shut up. I don’t know why I tell you anything.”

“Because you love me, that’s why.”

Sydney puts on a film and we huddle under the blanket, wine glasses in hand, but my mind keeps drifting. I hate lying to Sydney, she doesn’t deserve it. We’ve only ever been open and honest with each other, so keeping this from her causes an ache to settle in my chest.

To be honest, I’m not sure how she’ll react to the news. She might cuss me out, she might kiss me and say, “Atta girl”—the jury’s still out. All I know is that I can’t keep lying to her, I’m either gonna have to come clean soon or end it with Caleb.

I’m just not sure which one sends a wave of anxiety through me more.