Page 29 of Never Let Go (Forbidden #1)
Chapter Twenty-Nine
LAUREN
I wake up in a bedroom that’s not my own and it takes me a minute for my sleep-addled brain to figure out where I am.
I sit up and glance around. Caleb’s room looks like any normal guys room—grays and whites, the odd sock left out, a laundry basket overflowing with clothes.
There’s not much in the way of furniture, a bed, wardrobe, chest of drawers and two bedside tables. It suits him though.
Slipping out of bed, I look for my clothes that were thrown around earlier but I can’t find them. What I do find, though, is an old band T-shirt, so I put that on and go in search of Caleb.
I walk out of his room and come to a hallway with two doors on either side and a staircase down the middle. I go for the staircase and hope he’s downstairs. When I get to the bottom I hear his voice so I follow the sound until I get to the kitchen.
My god, it’s like a wet dream in here .
The kitchen’s done in creams and blacks, giving it that high end cottage feel.
State of the art kitchen appliances are everywhere and I have to wipe the drool away that’s formed at the corner of my mouth.
Caleb’s sitting at the breakfast bar on his phone and he looks okay too, I guess.
Who am I kidding, between him and the appliances I’m in heaven.
He’s wearing sweatpants that hang low on his hips and no T-shirt, showing off the tattoos on his arms—tattoos that I really want to get up and personal with. Caleb’s got his glasses on and my pussy flutters at the sight.
What is it about him and those glasses?
Caleb glances up, his eyes darkening with hunger as he takes me in. I blush, feeling self-conscious from the look he’s giving me. He gestures to the coffee machine with a head tilt and I give him a grateful smile.
Once I’ve made my coffee, I pad over to the breakfast bar and sit down in the seat next to him, waiting for him to finish.
I’m sipping on my coffee and gazing out of his kitchen window, which backs out onto a large backyard, when I feel a hand on my thigh.
There’s no funny business, it’s like he’s resting his hand there for comfort, like he can’t bear not to have some part of his body touching me at all times.
Caleb finishes his call just as I’m draining the dregs of my coffee. In all honesty I have no clue who he was talking to or what it was about, I’d zoned out, my mind blank for once, as Caleb rubbed his thumb back and forth on my thigh.
“That was Brad. He’s taking my classes for the rest of the day,” he says as he runs a hand through his hair. “I, uh, told him I had a… sickness bug, which meant that I needed to go home.”
“What about me? Does he know I’m missing?”
Caleb raises an eyebrow at me, and smirks. “No, I thought it would be better to not mention your name at all.”
“That makes sense.” I nod, feeling stupid. Of course he’s not going to mention me to his TA .
“Are we going to talk about this?” Caleb asks as he takes his glasses off and cleans them on a towel.
“We probably should,” I sigh. “I’m gonna need more coffee for this though.” I get up and make another drink. Leaning against the counter I gesture for Caleb to start.
“I think we should date. In secret, I mean,” he blurts out.
I nearly spit my coffee out but choke on it instead.
Come again?
“That’s not where I thought you were going with this,” I wheeze out around coughs. Caleb jumps up but I wave him off. “You just caught me off guard. Care to explain what you mean when you say ‘date’ and ‘in secret.’”
Caleb looks a bit sheepish as he replies, “Look, we obviously have something here” —he gestures between us— “and I wanna know if there’s anything here or if it’s just lust that burns out in a couple of weeks.
It’s not ideal, I get that. There’s gonna be a lot of sneaking around—” He stops and rakes a hand down his face. “Forget it, just?—”
“Caleb,” I interrupt. “I’m not too keen on the sneaking around thing but I get what you’re saying.” He comes to stand in front of me, placing both arms on either side of me, caging me in, his lips a hair's breadth away from mine.
“Okay, so we do this then? We figure out if there’s something here. If there isn’t, we go our separate ways, never to speak of it again. But… Well, we’ll deal with the rest of it as and when.” Caleb smiles at me and if I was wearing any panties, they’d be soaked.
“Okay,” I breathe out. “We need ground rules though. You can’t lose your job and I can’t lose my scholarship,” I point out. “Rule number one: No kissing, touching, or any kind of PDA in public. ”
“Got it,” he agrees as he gives me a quick kiss. “Rule number two: No dates. I don’t give a shit if it’s the King of England. No. Other. Men.”
“Agreed. But the same goes for you, as well.” I raise an eyebrow at him.
“Done. I’m not really into men anyway,” he says with a grin and another kiss.
Caleb!” I exclaim as I playfully swat his chest, before adding, “Rule number three: Calls and texts are to be kept to a minimum and contact names changed to something else.”
“Good idea. Any preference over ‘baby girl’ or ‘sweetheart?’” He grins.
I snort out a laugh and shake my head. “Caleb, be serious here.”
“What? I am,” he says with fake innocence.
“Baby girl will work just fine.” I wink and his smile grows wider.
God, I could stare at him all day when he’s like this.
Running my hands across his chest, I reach up and give him a kiss, but before it gets too heated I pull back. “Any more rules?” I ask.
“Not that I can think of right this second. I’ll let you know after round two.”
Frowning, I give him a confused look. “Round two?”
“Yup,” is all he says as he lifts me up, flings me over his shoulder, and strides to the kitchen door.
“Oh, round two,” I giggle. Caleb slaps my ass and I squeal.
I can’t remember the last time I laughed as much as I do with Caleb or felt as safe as I do when I’m with him. But one things for certain, he’s burrowing his way under my skin and I can’t say I mind it.
Round two turned into round three and four—the man has some serious stamina. We’re lying in his bed, my head on Caleb’s chest as he runs his fingers through my hair. It’s late and I’m tired but I don’t want to waste any time that I have with him.
“Do your tattoos have any meaning?” I ask as I trail a particularly colorful koi fish.
“Yeah, each one is particular to a point in my life. They each tell a story. This one here” —he points to a smiley face in the middle of his left bicep— “that one was my first tattoo. Theo dared me to get it done one night so I did. We were eighteen at the time.” He chuckles at the memory.
“And this one here was after Samantha and I broke up.” Caleb points to a swallow bird that’s intricately woven into the rest of the design.
“It means hope, renewal or rebirth.” He swallows before continuing, “We were together for so long that even though the feelings—for me—weren’t there and I don’t think they ever were, it was still the end of a long relationship.
My longest really.” Caleb smiles softly.
“I’ve never loved anyone before, I don’t even think I’m capable of it,” I whisper, putting it out into the universe, something that I’ve always been scared of—not being able to love someone and to receive that love in return.
“My mom… she was never around. Always chasing the next bottle or the next man who was ‘the one.’” I smile gently but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes.
“My best friend, Sydney, is the only one who can cope with my chaoticness, the one who, if I can love, would be her.”
Caleb reaches for my chin and tilts my head up to face him.
“You want to know what I think?” he says as he wipes a stray tear from the corner of my eye.
“I think that you can love. You’re just afraid to.
You’ve been hurt by the one person who was supposed to protect you, and it closed you off to the possibility.
But I know that with the right people, you’ll flourish. ”
He kisses my forehead before leaning in to place his own against mine.
Being in Caleb’s arms, speaking out loud something that I’ve never admitted to anyone, I’m starting to wonder if what he’s saying is true, and I’m terrified he’ll hurt me worse than anyone ever has.