Page 13 of Never Let Go (Forbidden #1)

Chapter Thirteen

CALEB

I ’m the closest to Noah, having been best friends with him since we met in kindergarten.

Another kid was trying to steal his lunch money so I stepped in, and we’ve been joined at the hip ever since, which is why I’m now sprawled out on his couch nursing a beer I’ve barely touched.

He’s the only one I’d be able to talk to about this, or I hope he will be, anyway.

Noah moved here shortly after me and has been living in the same apartment since. Not many guys would follow their best friends across the country, but he did, not that he had much to give up back home just like the rest of us.

James was the only one of us who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

Born to rich parents, he had the life we all wanted but thought we could never have.

Noah, Theo and I grew up in a trailer park.

I’m still not sure how we ended up being a foursome…

James was just there one day and that was it, still here over twenty years later .

“You gonna tell me why you’re here?” Noah says as he sits on the couch opposite me, leaning back and crossing his ankle over his knee, before taking a sip of his whiskey and giving me the eye.

Thoughts of Lauren have been on a constant loop in my head since I saw her. The shame of wanting her, warring with the need to have her. To make her mine.

I throw my head against the seat, sighing as I rake a hand down my face. “I fucked a student,” I blurt, not bothering to look him in the eye knowing what’s coming—he’s gonna yell at me. Tell me I’m a fucking idiot and to find a new job, but he’s silent. Too silent.

I lift my head up and finally look over at him, his face a mask of stoicism. Bracing my forearms on my knees, I play with the wrapping on the beer bottle— why is this so satisfying?

He takes another sip of his whiskey. “Did you know she was a student at the time?” he enquires with a tilt of his head.

“No. I met her the night we went out for Dan’s bachelor party. One thing led to another and?—”

“You ended up balls deep in her,” Noah finishes for me.

“Something like that,” I mutter. “What the fuck do I do? I can’t seem to stay away from her.”

Noah swirls his drink around before downing the lot. “You need to cut her loose, man. I’m sorry but you know this will fuck both of you over if you don’t. No pussy is worth it.”

I tense a little as the words leave his mouth, hating the way he says it. Lauren isn’t just some random piece of pussy, and it just proves how fucked up I am over this girl for it to affect me so much. That, and the way he says it makes me wonder if something’s going on with him.

“You’re right. Fuck, I know you’re right,” I admit, it’s just a lot easier said than done .

With a nod of my head I make my decision—I need to stay as far away from Lauren as possible. How I’m going to do that I don’t know, but I’m going to have to find a way, because the alternative doesn’t bear thinking about.

After I left Noah’s, I went home, showered, graded some papers, and caught the tail end of a football game. I’ve never been one for sports, but I like to keep up every now and then, just so I don’t glaze over when the guys bring it up.

Making my way upstairs, I look around, a sudden feeling of melancholy taking root and for the first time ever, I feel lonely.

The walls are bare of any family photos.

No kids toys everywhere waiting for me to stub my toe on them.

No wife waiting in bed for me. I have no fucking clue where these feelings have materialized from, but they can fuck off. I’m happy with my life. Right?

Maybe I need to start dating .

This might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever done but once I’m committed, I go all in—downloading a dating app and questioning my life choices.

I set up a profile and add a picture—one that Samantha took of me a few years ago, so I still look halfway decent, less bags under my eyes and definitely less grays—and add a bio. I’m not expecting miracles but it’s a start.

I mindlessly swipe through not really paying attention.

Just as I’m about to close it down, fed up with the same thing—‘likes long walks,’ do you really ?

‘Loves food,’ I’m pretty sure everyone does , when I come across a woman around the same age as me—blonde hair, green eyes, and I quickly swipe right.

The screen lights up with ‘match’ and I send her a message. Completely unoriginal, of course:

Caleb2612: Hey, how are you?

If I could punch myself, I would.

I don’t get a reply, so I keep scrolling for a few more minutes, the urge to delete the app growing with every passing second, my tolerance for it slowly waning.

Putting my phone on the side, I turn out my light and lie in the dark contemplating how my life got here. Where I went wrong with relationships, and why they never worked. Or more importantly, why I picked the wrong women.

I drift off into a fitful sleep dreaming of a different blonde-haired, green-eyed beauty.